113: The Rivalry Revival
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During this auspicious meeting, Team Rocket dropped a circus tent over Oak's Palatial Estate and almost succeeded in capturing what looked to be well over a thousand Pokemon until Ash's greatest rival (and older Nephew) Gary Oak foiled their plans.
Ash, desperate for both attention and respect from his hated foe, demands a re-match which the now calm and collected Gary gladly accepts.
And so it's Ash versus Gary at last, time to see who is the better Pokemon Trainer!
Which fearsome Pokemon will Gary choose first to battle Ash's ferocious French Rat, Pikachu? Will it be the powerful Nidoqueen? Maybe a Venusaur or a Blastoise?
Nope.
Eevee.
Yep, the cutest, softest cuddly toy of all the Pokemon.
Yet Brock isn't going to be fooled by a cute face again, warning Misty that looks can be deceiving. Eevee's bright eyes and shiny coat indicate it is extremely well looked after, and Tracey adds that it looks almost ready to evolve into one of the three different Pokemon Eevee can become, Vaporeon, Jolteon and Flareon.
Water, Electricity or Fire.
Brock decides it's time for the battle to commence, instructing the two combatants that it is a one on one battle (as per Gary and Ash's agreement) with no time limit between Pikachu and Eevee.
And we're off!
Pikachu uses it's Quick Attack, charging at Eevee which throws up a reflect attack, meant to divert half the energy of an attackers opponent. However, as Tracey notes, Eevee seems totally unaffected by Pikachu's attack, as if Reflect managed to absorb it all. This means that Eevee is at an extremely high level which, as we've heard before, can mean as much as a Pokemon's type.
Ash calls for Pikachu to use it's Thundershock but the attack proves useless against Eevee's double team, which creates illusions of multiple Pokemon that the energy crackles through harmlessly. Ash warns Pikachu not to waste it's strength, and as Eevee charges forward to tackle the cute lil' rodent, it uses Agility to dodge aside before preparing it's Thunder Attack.
Eevee's Skull-Bash hits Pikachu before it can release it's attack, however, and knocks the cute lil' yellow thing up in the air, it's attack releasing harmlessly into the air before it collapses, unable to get up, unable to continue the fight.
And Gary has won.
A concerned Ash charges to Pikachu's side, lifting Pikachu up and telling it did great, despite getting it's ass whupped. Misty, in the hopes of massaging her boyfriends shattered ego, mentions that they did their best while Professor Oak smugly looks on, pleased either to have such great trainers as his son and Grandson, or just the thought of him getting some Tracey-Meats a little later on.
He compliments Gary, who pretends to be humble, telling his Grandfather that he still has a long way to go, even as he spins his Poke-Ball on his finger directly in front of Ash, letting his younger Uncle know that he just whipped his ass.
"You did a great job, Ash," he mocks, then says goodbye to Oak and walks away, waving a dismissive arm as Ash angrily snaps that next time will be different.
Oh what a bastard Gary is, pretending to be humble and respectful of his opponent, knowing that it'll drive Ash mad with jealousy and anger. Doing so also makes him look good and Ash look bad in the eyes of his Grandfather, which is the most important thing to him.
Gary seeks validation for his own deep-seated inferiority complex, directing attention onto himself and away from Ash, on whom he has fixed all his anger and resentment towards the callous facade of a happy marriage that his mother and father perpetuate for the sake of the Oak name.
A sad, sad tale.
Later on Ash and Pikachu sit on a rock, watching The Tauros run by, before Ash drops onto his back and watches the clouds before a more heavenly image fills his eyesight.
"Wanna know where Gary is?" mocks Misty.
"Why should I care?" snaps Ash.
"He's on a new journey all ready!" she chuckles, and instantly the emotionally crippled little bastard is up on his feet, demanding to know where!
Inside, Professor Oak makes a show of pretending to investigate The Gratuitous Sex Ball, all ready knowing all too well what it is it can do.
Tracey and Brock watch on, one former member of Oak's Swingers Clique and one potential new member watching as their mentor pretends to be stumped by the purpose of The GS Ball. Uncaring, Ash slams up the stairs and asks his Daddy if it's true, is Gary really setting out on a journey? Professor Oak dismissively acknowledges it, his mind more preoccupied with the thoughts of what he, Mrs. Ketchum and whoever else he can get his hands on are going to do with that GS Ball. Misty enters the room, asking him if he's had any luck, but Oak lyingly tells her he's stumped, making Misty wonder out loud just who can solve this mystery if Professor Oak AND Professor Ivy were unable to.... Tracey taps her lightly on the shoulder, pointing to Brock as Misty growls angrily. The tanned, toned and squinty eyed Gym Leader in sulking in a corner, loosely tugging at a power-cord and moaning like a love-sick school girl.
Ash once again demands to know just where the hell Gary is off to and Professor Oak explains Gary is off to compete in The Johto League, which requires a Pokemon Trainer to battle various Gym Leaders out west in order to gain access to the championship.
Unlike the smaller, elite Orange League this League is vast and widely accepting of all types of Trainer's, making the outcome much more unpredictable. Any kind of Trainer could excel in The Johto League, whereas The Orange League was designed for a certain type of Trainer in mind, those willing to cross-balance their Pokemon's skills, giving them lesser strength in some attacks but a greater variety.
Ash, still stinging from his loss to Gary, determines to set out and win The Johto League, figuring that since he finished in the top 16 of The Pokemon League and won The Orange League, he should be a shoe in to win this one.
Of course, he'll have to train hard to achieve victory, and Misty reminds him with the casual, ego-deflating ease all women are capable of that since The Orange League he's gotten a little lazy in his training. Ash breaks out in a rage at this vicious untruth, until Misty sweetly reminds him that he lost to Gary and an amused Brock notes that he knew the two of them couldn't get on with each other without his calming, motherly influence.
"What are you talking about Brock?" the angry lovers demands of him.
"With me around," laughs Brock, arms folded across his muscular chest,"You'll start training right, eating right and fighting right! Just like you used to!"
"Uhhhh," mutters Ash, not really getting it as usual, "You mean....?"
"YES!" cries Brock heroically, slamming his arm around Ash's shoulder, making the little girly-boy wince in pain, "BROCK'S BACK!"
HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
He points dramatically outwards as a surprised Ash and Misty turn to follow his lead,"We're heading for new adventures, new challenges, new achievements! My friends, we're heading west!"
As he continues to bravely point west, Ash, Tracey and Pikachu following the direction of his fixed arm, Misty turns to face the other direction and notes,"That sounds fine Brock, but... West is that way."
Undaunted, Brock slams Ash and Misty together with either arm, purposely leaving Tracey out of the little group hug, "But whatever direction we take, we're headed for action!"
Impressed by this heroic claim, his own Action Hero inklings beginning to burn again, Ash joins Brock as they punch their fists forward in the air and a confused Misty and Tracey look on from either side.
Misty is likely wondering how this unforeseen turn of events could have taken place, while Tracey himself is in awe of the way Brock has easily slid back into their group without a word of protest, all too well does he remember Misty's protests when he first forced his own chubby self upon them.
Pikachu leaps down to punch ahead of it as Togepi roars with laughter as it conceives of new and vicious ways it can do away with Brock. Misty notes that she'll bring her own map, then joyously throws her fist in the air and cries out yeah!
Geez Misty, Chubbo's right there in front of you, you know.
Ready to set out again, Professor Oak drops The GS Ball into his son's hands, telling him that he's giving it to him.
What is this? Could Oak all ready be prepared to give up The Gratuitous Sex Ball?
Not at all, for this Pokeball is one of his own design, with none of the erotic magic of the original which is hidden safely away in his Mansion, for later.
No, Professor Oak knows that by giving his son the GS Ball and a mission, he'll appeal to the Action Hero in Ash and cause him to stay away for longer, giving Oaky more time to spend with the love of his life, Mrs. Ketchum, and all their sexual hangers on.
And thus he sends Ash on to Azalia Town, where a grumpy old mullety fuck named Kurt lives. It seems Kurt designed The PokeBalls which so miraculously hold Pokemon within their confines, and Oak tells Ash that, if anyone can solve the mystery of The GS Ball, it's Kurt.
All a ploy of course, this Kurt looks like his skin has suffered the ravage of a life of despotic, perverted pleasures, and thus he and Oak probably went to college together. His old Frat Buddy will keep Ash busy with some mumbo-jumbo about The GS Ball, keeping him away from Pallet and out of the way of some sweet, sweet Oak and Ketchum loving.
The Professor assures Misty that this Azalia Town is on his way to The Johto League, and to get to it he must travel to NewBark Town, where great things await him.
They got a good whore-house there, Prof?
After all, Oak tells them, it is called Town Where Winds Of New Beginnings Blow.
The Indian Spirits of our Native Land grow angry at this humourization/bastardisation of their precious language and blow open the window ironically, blowing hard in the faces of Ash, Misty, Brock and Tracey while Professor Oak laughs off their feeble attack, throwing his arms high and enjoying the cooling air.
NewBark Town, by an incredibly convenient stroke of luck, is where Trainer's sign up to join The Johto League, so Ash can go there first to join, then head to Azalia Town where Kurt will provide some distraction on another for them.
Brock promises to keep an eye on them, to which Misty (who has easily accepted Brock back into the group dynamic) replies, "You mean you'll keep an eye on us as long as their aren't any pretty girls around!"
Geez Misty, don't sell yourself short!
"Haha," laughs Brock, sweat-drop forming on the side of his head, "Well, maybe I am just a little bit more interested in girls than geography."
"Hmm, maybe just a little," laughs Misty.
Tracey watches on with a smile, hiding the building tears within as he realises he would be a third wheel if he stayed with them (or rather a fourth wheel, which would actually come in handy!).
And thus Mrs. Ketchum and Mr. Mime are eagerly and quite happily packing Ash's bag a half hour later, all ready ready to toss him out of the house.
When Ash gets home and asks what she's doing, she tells him that she was just on the phone with Professor Oak (geez, that old man is insatiable!) and now she's ready to see him off without a care in the world.
"Here," she says, handing him a bag as he looks on in confusion, sure that a mother should feel at least a little something upon seeing her son out of the house.... or maybe it's gotten easier by this, the third time.
Misty is extremely excited to be on her way on another journey with Brock and Ash, remembering the confusing/conflicting and yet somehow strangely exciting emotions she often felt when sandwiched between the two of them..... GETCHA MIND OUTTA DA GUTTA!
We're talking about walking here!
Brock interrupts her, shoving Ash aside and grasping Mrs. Ketchum's hands to tell her that he knows she'll be sorry to see him go, but she still has Mr. Mime to fill in for him.
She looks confused, then just smiles and tells them that they'll have a big Bon Voyage Banquet Celebration, her good mood even sifting through Ash's thick head.
"Well you don't have to be so happy," he mutters, before Misty admonishes him, saying that a Banquet sounds like fun. "And of course, I'll invite Professor Oak," Mrs. Ketchum adds, her real purpose finally revealed.
Does the woman never get enough!?!
She begins to ask Brock to head to the market, but he's off like a shot without needing further instruction, spotting Mr. Mime heading for the door. He leaps to intercept the fruity looking freak, shoving against him for space, telling Mime that he'll take care of it, as after tomorrow she'll be all his.
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!
Not to mention Professor Oak of course.
They charge off down the road neck and neck as Ash notes that that was pretty scary, and Mrs. Ketchum adds that they forgot her shopping list, which she then hands to Ash, telling him to hurry back!
"AHHHH!" gasps Ash.
And now it's time to be treated to some severe PUN-ishment.
Team Rocket stagger up the road in pain, using sticks to keep their balance.
"I'd sell my soul to rest my soles," moans James, before the PUN-ishment continues with Meowth adding.
"Let's take a pause so I can rest my paws." Jesse notes a sign in the distance and she and James move to see what the blurred out Japanese writing says. It shows the direction and distance towards Pallet Town, and a heroic Meowth throws out his paw before their eyes and cries, "LOOK SHARP!"
"Sure does," agrees James, looking down disinterestedly at Meowth's extending claw.
Taking a moment to realise the extent of that terrible joke, Meowth begins scratching wildly at James' face as a very slightly surprised Jesse looks on.
No, what Meowth was indicating was a slowly approaching kid, none other than Gary Oak, who cost them their closest shot at victory ever earlier that day.
They decide to stick it to stuck-up Gary Oak, figuring that if they capture him AND Pikachu, they'll have a brat and a rat.
We warned you, there would be PUNishment.
They glow red with evil, then do some incredibly fast set design, building an incredibly camp stage with pink and white paint and flashing light-bulbs. A massive video screen behind the rising Jesse and James shows their faces as they cry.
"We're up on stage so prepare for trouble."
"It's curtains for you, so make it double."
Jesse folds her arms under her chest (relax guys) as a black backdrop of hearts pierced with arrows appears.
"To protect the world from devastation."
James slides in behind her, holding what looks like it might be mistletoe.
Geez James, you can pull better than Gary, surely!
"To unite all peoples within our nation."
Gary walks on as if unaware.
"Jesse."
"James."
Hmmm, they seemed to have skipped a bit.
Gary walks on.
"Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light."
Gary walks on.
"Surrender now or prepare to fight, fight, fight!"
"THAT'S RIGHT!" cries Meowth, bouncing down on a spring contraption.
Gary walks on as the camera pans over the treetops to reveal that Team Rocket built their stage on the wrong road!
"THAT KID JUST WALKED OFF AND MADE A FOOL OF ME!!" screams Jesse.
"I feel so inadequate!" sobs James, suddenly bursting into tears.
They turn their wrath on the bobbing Meowth, who mutters that he guesses their show just closed on the road.
There can be no greater tragedy for a gay rrr-teest like James than that sad fate.
"Let's go," moans Jesse.
"Right," sobs James, and they turn and walk away, leaving Meowth behind.
"HEY GET BACK HERE AND SPRING THIS SPRING!" he roars angrily.
Sorry Meowth, if you can't take The PUNishment, don't make the puns.
Back at Mrs. Ketchum's house they all make a toast to the upcoming adventure, drinking some kind of orange juice as the wine is being saved for later that night in Mrs. Ketchum's bedroom.
They all take great delight in the delicious foods, Ash commenting that he won't have the likes of it again until he returns from The Johto League.
Mrs. Ketchum, sadly, cannot take the credit as this meal was actually prepared by Brock.
Misty is impressed, noting that he must have found an excellent cook-book while on Valencia Island with Professor Ivy. She instantly realises what she's done, grasping her hand to her face as Brock drops down to a squat and moans miserably.
Ash, even after all this time, still doesn't get and asks Brock what's wrong. When the tanned, toned and squinty eyed Gym Leader tells him he doesn't want to talk about, Ash stupidly asks what he doesn't want to talk about until an embarrassed Misty leads the emotionally crippled little bastard child back to the table.
"Well Ash m'boy," says Professor Oak.....
ASH M'BOY!
M'BOY!
MY BOY!
ASH!
ASH, MY BOY!
MY BOY ASH!
Professor Oak has admitted it, and Ash is too stupid to even realise it!
Professor Oak tells his son that he'll be seeing lots of new Pokemon out west and Tracey is sure he'll also capture some.
"Ash, I have a little something for you," says Professor Oak a little timidly, still unsure how to act like a father around this young, stupid boy. He hands Ash a new Pokedex, one which will give him plenty of information about the new Pokemon he's about to encounter, although Ash only cares about the bright, shiny cover and cool buttons on the inside.
Tracey tells them he can't wait to see all the new Pokemon that Ash sends back to The Professor and himself, startling Misty as he tells them that he's going to be Professor Oak's..... ummm, assistant.
We empahasise the ASS in ASSistant.
"That's great!" gasps Misty happily, then realises what a horrible thing that is to say and lies, telling him she wishes he was coming with them but she somehow knew he would stay.
"Oh yes," says Professor Oak, "I knew from the moment I meet Tracey that he wanted to be my..... assistant in the lab, he just needed to work up the courage to ask me."
He then laughs to himself at how cleverly he's covered up his lewd little act as Tracey tells how Ash has taught him to always go for what you want.
Well done Chubbo, you're receiving life lessons from a dim-bulb punk several years your junior.
Ash makes a hideous pun about wanting seconds and Mr. Mime and Mrs. Ketchum let off a couple of streamers.... and then they notice the two strangers standing in the kitchen filming them.
James is working the camera, Jesse (wearing a horrific Lil' Orphan Annie wig) doing the reporting. She tells them they've come to record this very special occasion, live!
"Here's our little star," coos Jesse.
"Excuse me?" asks Ash, not getting it as always.
"Let's get a close up of the food!" growls Jesse, and as James runs the camera over the mouth watering treats she can't help but help herself, nibbling at some nibbles and commenting, "Oooh, would you just look at the selection of incredible edibles!"
"Oooh!" she gasps, realising that the table is looking at her in shock, "What a young, attractive, vibrant group!" she then spots the Professor, "Mostly."
Professor Oak growls, having not expected any cameras to be involved in the evening until later that night in Mrs. Ketchum's room.
Jesse attempts to keep up the pretence, telling them all that this is a tragic human interest story of a young man's craving for love and his insatiable desire for the open road. When Mrs. Ketchum challenges them James just swings a camera on her and she can't help but pose, and they continue chatting away as both grab handfuls of food, stuffing them into their mouths as Brock slides up beside Jesse.
"You look familiar," he growls.
"Just a reminder to our viewers," says the calculating Jesse, "That we're coming to you live, that L I V E live."
At the mention of Ivy (I V E) Brock tumbles away with a moan and Jesse, in a remarkable display of jaw dislocation that may have gotten her the job in Team Rocket in the first place, shoves an entire roast chicken into her mouth.
Make of it, what you will.
Jesse continues to gobble food insatiably, then she spots Pikachu and shoves Ash off of his seat to the floor, calling for the camera-man to capture Pikachu with the camera.
He pushes the lens into it's face and presses a button, a gloved hand reaching out and pulling Pikachu inside as Misty states the obvious, those two aren't reporters!
Jesse and James slam through a window to freedom, tossing their costumes aside as they jog away, followed by Ash and a waddling Mr. Mime.
Mrs. Ketchum, seeing her greatest love in peril, cries out for Mr. Mime to protect it, which the freaky clown thing does by creating a forcefield and stopping Jesse and James from trampling her garden.
They rush away before Mr. Mime can box them in, showing an impatient Meowth Pikachu trapped in their camera. As he makes a terrible pun about it being a snap, Ash calls for Pikachu to use it's Thundershock, having not quite figured out after the last 50 or so times that Team Rocket Pika-Proof all their devices.
The young bastard child gets ready to call out another Pokemon, but before he can Super-Pimp Scyther appears beside him, instructed by Tracey to use it's Slash Attack.
Scyther does so, cutting the camera in two and freeing Pikachu, who instantly does as Ash says and uses it's Thundershock attack to blast Team Rocket before Marril hits them with Water Gun and sends them flying off.
"This concludes our live coverage!" cries Jesse.
"Tune in next time!" moans James.
"Aaaahhhh!" cries Meowth, before they all join in with the chorus of, "TEAM ROCKET'S SIGNING OFF AGAIN!"
"Wow, it's great to see them go again," chuckles Brock, and over to the side Super-Pimp Scyther pants and salivates and sweats over the happy, bouncing Marril like a perverted old man with a young school girl.
Ash thanks Tracey, who tells Ash to thank The Pokemon, which will soon be as gone from the series as our sadly missed Koffing... sniff, BRING BACK KOFFING.
They have a little back-patting, self congratulation where every Pokemon is thanked for kicking Team Rocket's ass, including Mr. Mime who protected Mrs. Ketchum's garden.
"He did a great job of... garden it!" quips Professor Oak, marking himself for PUNishment for all time, "Get it? Gar-den it!"
Oh Lord.
That night Ash lays in his bed, unable to get to sleep, Pikachu resting comfortably on his scrawny little chest.
He keeps interrupting the little French Rodent's sleep, asking it questions and talking up his chances in The Johto League, telling it how much he'll miss Tracey but how glad he is that Brock has rejoined them.
Pikachu just wants to get to sleep, and agrees with him until he calms down and finally he falls to sleep.
The next day, Ash, Misty and Brock - The Original Trio - are ready to go, but Ash first tells Tracey to visit his Mother from time to time so that she won't get lonely.
"Don't worry, I will!" replies Tracey, hiding his excitement behind an admirable Poker Face. Oh yes, he'll be getting to know Mrs. Ketchum quite intimately, we're sure.
Quite.
Professor Oak once again stresses how important it is that Ash visit Kurt, wanting to be sure Ash spends as much time away as he can to give him much more time to fool around with Mrs. Ketchum AND break in their new Boy Toy, Tracey.
After an awkward moment between mother and son, Ash heads off, promising to bring his mother back another trophy as she tells him that all she wants him to bring back is himself.
Ummm, yeah, is that why you so eagerly packed his bags and sent him off after only one day back?
But none of that matters, because things are finally right with the world again. Ash is heading out on a Pokemon journey, accompanied by Misty and, yes, Brock, heading out to catch new Pokemon and gain entry into a league to battle to be known as the best.
Seems like old times!
| BEST QUOTES |
 "Well, maybe I am just a little bit more interested in girls than geography"
 "I knew from the moment I meet Tracey that he wanted to be my ass..........istant in the lab"
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