56: Volcanic Panic!
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What next for poor widdle Pikachu, read on, O Ye Seekers Of Dodge, and find out.....
Pikachu has ducked the flame burst, but finds itself hanging over the lava pool, it's back badly scorched. Pulling itself up to the Gym Floor, it resolutely stands it ground as Magmar does a Darth Maul impersonation and Blane comments to Ash that Pikachu doesn't know when to give up.
Ash runs to Pikachu's side and tells Pikachu it's not worth it, quitting the match to Blane's satisfaction.
The bald Capitalist bastard tells Ash he quit just in time, as if he'd continued the battle he would have been disqualified as a Pokemon Trainer.
Blane puts his Hippy Wig back on, taking delight in the black humour of a money-grubbing Capitalist Sell Out taking on the appearance of a happy Hippy..... just like the good folks of Fruitopia!
Ash begs for another battle but Blane just makes an enigmatic statement about maybe fighting again one day, then leaves Ash, Misty, Brock and Pikachu alone in the Gym.
Ash determinedly (or stupidly, perhaps, the boy just don't know when he's licked.... as Misty can attest) tells Pikachu they won't leave Cinnabar Island until they've beaten Blane and Darth Magmar, then they leave the Gym,
Cuteness Alert!
Pikachu is getting it's coat washed by Ash and is loving it, sitting happily as Ash rubs shampoo into it's singed back.
Being the most girlish of The Dodge-Meister's, Tim has been known to gush happily over this scene and clutch his hands to the side of his head as Dodge-Meister Lex looks on in disgust.
But enough of this, there's Dodginicity to be discovered, so throw your wandering attention back to the episode at hand.
Misty, who is once again caught in the clutches of the vile Togepi, has become negative and bitchy (or maybe she's just on the blob) and keeps snapping at Ash that he can't beat Darth Magmar, none of them can. Brock suggests to Ash that he try one of the other many Gym's that are out there, but Ash is having none of it.
He knows that if he can just get Charizard to agree to fight (his little nap at the end of the last episode is what caused Ash to lose, at least in his own mind) he can beat Blane's Sith-Lord-Type Pokemon.
Panning over the Hot Spring, we move from the boy's side where Misty and Brock watch Ash bathing Pikachu, and cut to the girl's side (THE GIRLS SIDE) where Jesse and James are hiding under the water, using reed's to breath. James can't handle the heat, neither can Jesse but she isn't going to admit it.
This leads to a fun scene with Jesse and James (who are on THE GIRLS SIDE OF THE POOL) both trying to outlast the other as Meowth leaps about on a rock cheering them both on until they leap out of the water gasping, neither able to handle the heat.
Meowth is rather disappointed, wondering how they'll handle the heat inside THE VERY HEART OF A VOLCANO ITSELF! when they can't even handle the heat of a paltry little hot spring.
Jesse can't think of any other way of doing things, knowing they must have Magmar, since it beat Pikachu and Pikachu beat them, thus meaning Magmar must be some kind of Super-Pokemon!
Meowth, of course, has a plan, and suggests they go down to The Gym and tell Magmar it won a prize.
When it emerges, they'll hit it with their freeze-blasters (convenient that they happened to bring those with them on this trip, isn't it!) and take it back to their boss for a great big bonus and reward!
The only flaw in Meowth's plan, of course, is just where will The Scratch-Cat Type Pokemon find gloves that can fit his three fingers?
"Aha, we'll have our own Poke-Sicle!" quips Jesse.
"A Frozen Magmar-ita!" coos James.
My goodness, somebody PUN-Ish them, immediately.
Soon they're heading down the not-so-secret passageway to Magmar's lair, carrying their Freeze-Blaster's over their shoulders.
They're big bulky things, and I'm not so sure just where they were hiding them (GETCHA MIND OUTTA DA GUTTA!) but hey, it's a cartoon, we guess we can give them a little leeway.... WOAH! FORGET WE SAID THAT!
Give an inch and they take a mile, we let them have Freeze-Blaster's and what do they do next!?!
Meowth is dressed as a Stewardess! With tiny little blue skirt, matching top, a tiny amount of lipstick (only whore's cover their whole lips) and cute little cap over his charm. He's holding a microphone and announces that Magmar has won first prize in The Pokemon Sweepstakes.
Ahh well, he's not Ed McMahon but he'll do, as it certainly seems to fool Sith Lord Darth Magmar.
Of course this doesn't go down well with Theatrical, dramatically (we love to make up words down to de Pokemopolis) Jesse and James, who slam Meowth to the ground, stomping on his head and squeezing it.
"Arrh! Why do you always have to hog the spotlight, Meowth?" growls Jesse, doing an excellent impersonation of a pot calling a kettle black.
"Give us a chance!" snaps James, accidentally reciting a slogan from one of his old Gay Pride Marches.
Lava bursts up and Jesse and James hug in fear.
Get that, Rocketshippers, fear.
The sudden burst of lava and appearance of a fearsome Sith-Lord-Type-Pokemon has not instilled a desperate lust for each other in Jesse and James' bosom (mmmm, Jesse's bosom), they're hugging because they're terrified and, as in life, the only comfort these two best friends have ever gotten from each other is from.... each other.
Darth Magmar stares them down angrily, and Meowth screams for them to freeze blast it. After a couple more terrible Quips, Jesse and James fire their Freeze-Blasters right at Magmar who.... just stands still and let's himself get hit by it.
The smoke clears and a nervous Team Rocket look on to see.... Darth Magmar trapped in a massive block of ice!
"WE GOT A POKEMON ON ICE!" cry Jesse & James, dancing with joy at finally.... FINALLY capturing a Pokemon, "NOW THE BOSS WILL TREAT US NICE!"
"When we show him what we've done!" laughs Meowth, waving his Team Rocket fans about,"Our Team will be number one!"
They repeat this again, getting to when we show him what we've done before noticing that Magmar has actually melted the ice and is standing there, just staring at them.
Hardly the most proactive of Pokemon, is he.
"We interrupt this program to bring you a Magmar Melt-Down," gasps Meowth, "FREEZE BLAST HIM!"
Jesse and James, as usual, go a little over-board and blast the entire Volcano, freeze blasting both rock, Gym Floor and lava.
Ahhh J & J, do you not remember the words of The Evil Hippy Turned Capitalist.
A Volcano is the one place a firefighter can never win.... that and Reno, where the decks are always stacked with The House, the bastards.
Managing to hit everything BUT Magmar, who just stands there looking like a stupid duck-thing with an over-hanging brow.
The frozen Volcano instantly begins to crack under it's own weight, causing a deep rumbling to startle Ash, who probably thinks it's his stomach at first before clicking that it's some other kind of natural disaster.
Blane leaps out from behind a curtain, crying out that he was on his way to the lavatory when he heard the noise.
Thank you Mr. Capitalist Pig, we really needed to know you were going to take a massive dump and further pollute the beautiful sea, you evil Capitalist Bastard you! How could you turn your back on your Hippy heritage? Damn you! DAMN YOUUUUU!!!!
Ahem, yes.
"Of course in a volcano!" laughs Blane, "Every room is a LAVA-Tory!"
Ugh, someone PUN-ish that Sell-Out, immediate-amon.
Ash looks confused, Brock taken aback and Misty politely amused as she suffers a back-lash from her and vile Togepi's psychic connection.
Not only is evil Freak Egg Thingy Togepi sucking the life out of her, but it has a terrible sense of humour as well. It probably enjoys shows like Cybill and Suddenly Susan and The Nanny, the little Bastard Thing..... why can't it just die!?!
Blane charges down the hidden stairs, followed by Ash, Misty, Brock and Pikachu. They burst through the door and instantly Blane is hit by the back-lash of a Freeze-Blast.
"Ice in a volcano!" gasps Blane,"That's Freezer Burn!"
Yeah okay, that wasn't funny, and neither is Ash's next line, asking Blane to COOL it with the jokes. I mean... geez, who writes this stuff!
Brock growls angrily as he spots Jesse, James and Meowth on the other side of The Gym, blasting everything but the still stationary Magmar, who really doesn't seem to care that all this is going on around him.
"What's going to happen to this gym if it's filled with ice?" gasps Blane, and Ash instantly pops in, hand up, eyes closed and a cheezy grin on his face.
"It'll be a Snow-Cone!" he laughs.
"I wasn't joking!" growls Blane, not realising that Ash never gets it.
How dare he get all serious now, anyway, oh sure it's fine for him to make his riddles and have potential Pokemon Trainer's running around trying to find him, but the moment he has just a eeny weeny bit of trouble with his Volcano smashing open and spewing volcanic lava over a city full of tourists, then the laughter stops!
Capitalist Bastard.
Blane explains that freezing all of these hot rocks will set off a chain reaction inside THE VERY HEART OF THE VOLCANO ITSELF!
The ice cools the rock too quickly, causing it to crack and burst open, leaving massive holes which the lava escapes through, building towards a massive Volcanic Eruption. Jesse and James stop freeze blasting, realising that something is wrong, as The Gym snaps it's chains and falls into the lava.
Throughout it all Magmar just stands there, having not moved at all while all this massive damage was done to it's home, but when it gets a bit close to the lava it leaps aside and lands on the rock ledging.
We're not sure why it did this, as it can live quite comfortably in lava, but hey, the way it jumped was pretty cool, very Darth Maul-ish.
Jesse, James and Meowth realise they're between a rock and a very hot place, and seconds later they're freeze blasting off again, leaving Ash, Misty, Brock, Pikachu, Darth Magmar and Blane The Hippy Turned Capitalist facing some very bad karma indeed.
Lava begins flowing through the cracks in the rock, which means it'll only be a matter of minutes before The Volcano explodes. Blane instantly turns and snaps at Magmar to pile up rocks in the cracks, hopefully blocking off the lava flow.
Magmar, of course, just stands there doing nothing but looking quietly powerful, and an exasperated Pikachu decides to do the job itself, picking up a tiny rock and with some effort making it's way towards the ledge.
"STOP!" cried Blane at the cuddly little rodent,"Only a fire-type Pokemon can stand the heat!"
"A fire type?" ponders Ash to himself as Magmar finally starts doing something, carrying the rocks to the ledge and tossing them into the lava in an attempt to block off the flow.
Ash, rather stupidly, calls out Charizard to help, reasoning that as a Fire-Type Pokemon it can help.
Dramatically he throws his arm in the direction of Magmar and cries out for Charizard to help it, then freezes as he realises Charizard is napping peacefully behind him as Pikachu looks up at both of them with a quizzical look in it's face.
Magmar looks to be making progress, blocking off the lava for a moment before it bursts through again, ending all of his hard work.
Charizard opens an eyes slowly, watching with interest as held cells of Magmar appear before it's gaze. Magmar throwing rocks into the lava, drawn dramatically in pencils, sound blasting over the static images.
But it's to be understood, after all, Pokemon is only a billion dollar industry and they can't really afford to actually animate their scenes.
Who's that Pokemon? It's Paras!
Wow... um, who cares.
Anyway, Magmar continues to throw the rocks down, and the lava continues to burst through his shoddy work. Misty mind is over-taken by Togepi, which uses her voice to demand they flee before the Freaky Little Egg Thingy gets injured.
Blane explains there'll be nowhere TO run if the Volcano explodes, and seconds later Togepi has taken over the mind of Charizard and forced it to help Magmar.
After all, it didn't care what happened as long as it's own safety wasn't put in jeopardy, and now that it has it's time to get Charizard into action.
Brock, as if realising for the first time that he actually has Pokemon too, calls out Onyx and Geodude to lend a hand. Misty calls out Starmie and Ash calls Squirtle to cool The Rock Pokemon down as they do their work, and the four pose bravely before the camera as Psyduck waddles madly by and Misty chases it. Jigglypuff also puts in an appearance, puffing by as Ash stumbles around after it.
I guess it lost a little something in the translation, huh?
Pikachu walks casually in, doing a rather good impersonation of Alfred Hitchcock, and like the notoriously dictatorial Director, sends The Pokemon into action with but one word.
Soon Geodude, Onyx, Magmar and the mind controlled Charizard are tossing their rocks into the lava flow, helped out by cuddly widdle Pikachu.
The two Rock and one Electric type Pokemon each take turns being bathed in cold water by Starmie and Squirtle before continuing on, relentlessly throwing rocks into the seemingly never-ending flow of lava.
Togepi, drunk on power it has been absorbing from Misty, Charizard AND The Volcano staggers around with a tiny rock, roaring it's defiance to the world.
Almost falling over the side, it's psychic tendrils force Misty to save it from certain doom... dammit!
This time the lava is held back, defeated by the awesome might of (say it with me all you Electric Company addicts!) Co-Operation!
Darth Magmar and the now no-longer mind-controlled Charizard glare into each other's eyes.
Charizard has no recollection of how it was forced into this situation, but the last thing it saw before the black-out and the first thing it saw after it was Magmar, and it's pretty damn furious.
Blane is very pleased and starts to say something to Ash, who as usual doesn't get it and once more attempts to freeload, asking Blane if he's going to just give him a Volcano Badge!
"NO!" gasps the evil Capitalist, his wig almost falling off of his head,"I was going to offer you a re-match!"
Ahhh Ash, you can't get by on your Father's reputation, pure luck and pity forever, although if you played your cards right it just might get Misty in the sack.
They move to the top of The Volcano, holding the battle over the Crater. Giant pillars of rock emerge from the lava, which is strange because they weren't down there earlier, and Blane informs Ash it will be a one on one battle, with his choice Darth Magmar.
Ash is about to send Pikachu in for another ass-whupping when Charizard steps forward. The Dragon is furious with Magmar, thinking it was the one which forced it to help seal off the lava flow, not knowing the real culprit lies in Misty's arms right now, comfortably suckling on her (GETCHA MIND OUTTA DA GUTTA!) mind's energies.
Ash is extremely excited, thinking Charizard is going to listen to him, but it heads out before he even chooses it and the two face off.
Magmar and Charizard pit their Flame-Thrower attacks against each other, twin jets of flame slamming against the other and exploding into black smoke.
It's a tie! Both are equally strong in that respect at least, but Blane is confident in Magmar's skills. At last it will reveal itself to The Jedi, at last it will have it's.... oops, wrong show!
Magmar uses it's Fire-Blast, the same attack which put Pikachu out of the showing, but Charizard blocks it with it's hands, fighting against it, then using it's own momentum to toss it over-head where it dissipates into the blue sky.
"SKULL BASH!" roars the evil Capitalist, his Hippy Demeanour totally gone now.
He has invested Mucho Dinero into Magmar, and the little bitch isn't going to fuck up HIS bottom line as a major Tourist Attraction!
The attack blasts Charizard of it's pillar and into another, shattering the rock and leaving them both to fall as Magmar leaps away.
Charizard throws out it's wings and just scrapes over the lava, flying back up to face an astonished Darth Magmar. It flies up into the sun, blinding Magmar, then charges back down and smashes through both Magmar and the rock pillar, shattering it into a thousand pieces and taking Magmar down with it.
The smoke clears to show both Magmar and Charizard locked up, struggling against each other, each trying to get the upper hand, both wanting to prove their superiority.
Magmar smiles as it feels Charizard getting stronger, and with a quick move pulls back and leaps over Charizard, pulling it off balance and stumbling to the edge of the pillar.
Magmar reappears behind Charizard and grabs it in a Full Nelson as Ash cries out for Charizard to fly away, getting too close to the ledge as Pikachu desperately tries to pull him back.
With a insidious laugh, Magmar pushes both it and Charizard over the edge and down to the lava below as Ash cries out in shock. Both Pokemon disappear beneath the hot lava, obviously ending the battle, for only one thing could survive in there, a Magmar.
Or could it!?!
Like a Poker Player saving his last card to fool his opponent into thinking he's won, or a Magic The Gathering Nerd leaving the table only to leap back, whipping out his Shield Of Zontar card, throwing his nerdish opponents into paroxysms of shock and despair, Charizard has us all fooled as it roars up out of the lava, Magmar still clinging on for dear life.
Blane had been quite happy to change the rules to suit him, much like most Capitalist Bastards, but his mood of elation quickly shifts when he sees Charizard fly over the Volcano, a terrified Magmar clinging on still.
Charizard takes them higher and higher, higher and higher, higher and higher and higher still until they seem to be almost in orbit, for once listen to Ash as it executes one of it's most powerful moves, the Seismic Toss.
Spinning around and around, making the usually Earth-Bound Magmar sick to it's stomach, Charizard picks up speed, then whips Magmar over it's head, pointing it directly down as it flies at impossible speeds back towards The Volcano.
Magmar hits the interior of The Volcano with such force that lava explodes up on all sides, somehow missing Ash, Misty, Brock, Pikachu and Blane. Charizard lands safely on a rock pillar, a look of intense satisfaction on it's face that turns to grim disbelief as Magmar amazingly shoots back up to land on an opposite pillar looking none the worse for wear.
Ash, Misty and Brock gasp in shock, unable to believe that such a thing was possible, and then Magmar collapses onto it's face as Charizard gives a roar of victory and Ash and Pikachu leap into the air in celebration.
"My congratulations, Ash," grumbles Blane, inwardly furious at such a poor showing from a Pokemon he had invested so much in, "I take my wig off to you."
He proceeds to do just that as a happy Ash calls for Charizard to return, seconds before it blasts him with it's flame thrower.
That's right Ash, don't get too cocky, Charizard just wanted to teach Magmar a lesson, and it was a lesson well taught (that's one of the top five Pokemon battles ever you just read, kids, it doesn't get much better than that).
Later, Blane has taken some good cocaine to get over his depression and tells Ash a hideously bad riddle.
"What is it, which is always red and has no words? HA! The answer is... a Volcano Badge!"
Misty looks taken aback, Brock staggered, Pikachu amused and Ash has just had about enough. He doesn't get it in the best of circumstances, and it doesn't help when he's been constantly barraged by the drug addled ramblings of an ex-Hippy turned evil Capitalist Bastard.
He just accepts the badge, then they get the hell out of there, eternally optimistic Ash claiming he'll get Charizard to listen to him one day.
He wonders where he'll get his next badge and Brock points out that they could always try The Gym in Veridian City.
Ash, of course, didn't even know there was such a Gym and Misty seems a bit non-plussed that he wouldn't have known.
"How come you never told me about any Gyms when we were back in Veridian City?" Ash asks Misty after she tells him that's where Trainer's get their Earth Badges.
"Because we were arguing with each other back then," replies Misty, then wonders what she was so mad about at the time.
A shocked Ash remembers and tries to shut Brock up as the Squinty Eyed Gym Leader starts to remind her about the fried remains of her old bike.
Ash throws his arms about and cries out loudly like a child on an attention seeking Temper Tantrum, then tells Misty it's all ancient history and quickly rushes off.
Misty remembers and instantly starts angrily off after Ash as Brock struggles to keep up.
Ahhh young love, eh? Young Bloody Love.
| BEST QUOTES |
 "Now where am I gonna get
gloves wit tree fingers?"
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