26: Hypno's Naptime
|
|
Ash seems to have claustrophobia, as he fears that all the giant buildings are closing in on him.
Misty takes this opportunity to make an environmentalist speech about no longer being able to see the sky, and it comes across with about as much conviction as a Steven Segal movie.
"What is this town?" the future lovers ask Brock, whom replies hesitantly, "Hop Hop Hop Town?"
"Hop hop hop Town?" gasp Ash and Misty, hopping alongside each other before Pikachu falls on his head?
I don't know, maybe it's a French thing.
"Arnold?" cried a woman, grabbing Ash, "Arnold is that you!" The Arnold in question is either this woman's son or lover given the way she thrusts Ash into her cleavage. The Boy, of course, just doesn't get it and twists his face in her titties enough to gasp out that his name is Ash.
"And my name is Misty!" chimes in Misty from cleavage level, maybe in the hopes of getting a little cleavage action herself.
Brock, who gets enough competition from Ash as it is, gets more than a little pissed off at this and snaps that nobody asked her what her name is.
Brock, you bitch!
The Mother/Lover explains that Arnold has just disappeared, and Ash asks her if maybe he didn't head off to become a Pokemon Trainer. What young Ash doesn't realise of course is that most parents don't just let their kids wander off throughout the Countryside like Mrs. Ketchum does.
But then of course, most Mother's don't have a hot and horny Professor Oak's taking up their time and minds, do they?
"He did like Pokemon of course," mutters Arnold's Mother/Lover, meaning of course that he'd be some kind of freak if he didn't like Pokemon.
Got that children, conform damn you! Individualism be damned!
It seems Arnold isn't the only missing Toy-Boy.... ahhh, I mean child missing, a whole bunch of them have disappeared, causing an already fearful Ash to note that this must be a dangerous town.
Misty - at this time full of life and joy, not knowing that a vile Egg Bastard Thingy will soon latch onto her and ruin her life - thinks only of herself and dreams of one day having her own face on a poster, as a movie star of course.
Ash and Brock exchange a sick look, then Ash laughs,'Maybe in horror movies!'
Before Misty can lay the smack down Hollywood-Style on Ash's Action Hero Ass, the epitome of every lazy, corrupt and surly police officer ever appears.
Officer Jenny.
She's the cousin of the cousin of the Officer Jenny in Maiden's Peak, and she seems very sad about all the missing kids, then without missing a beat she wonders where she can put up the latest one.
Gee Officer Jenny, maybe if you.... In-Ves-Ti-Gated the case you'd find the missing kids?
"She's the most lovely of all!" cried a love-sick Brock in total adulation, his eyes fixed lovingly on Officer Jenny.
"They all look alike!" growls a jealous Misty, who is still confused over her strange feelings when with Ash and Brock. She doesn't think she's attracted to Brock but it CAN'T be Ash so she gets jealous whenever Brock is attracted to another woman.
Opportunitism is Brock's middle name (Brock 'Opportunitism' The Rock) and he uses the children's plight as a pick-up line, saying they can work together hand in hand, which just irritates Officer Jenny, who really doesn't want to work at all.
Ash, meanwhile, notes that Arnold's Mother/Lover is somewhat like his own mother and proceeds to have a flashback to Holiday At Aopulco which just confuses most people, who want to know what Mrs. Ketchum and Professor Oak are doing at the beach. (They're having hot, hard, illegal in 48 States Sex is what!)
Ash decides to get on the case after a little prompting from Pikachu and to prove his deductive power begins throwing fists through the air while Brock pops hearts at Officer Jenny and a still vital and un-life-energy-leeched Misty sighs.
Ash, who has obviously read too many paperback thrillers, thinks that everything is a brilliant deduction, which doesn't really help matters at all, of course.
The group of 4 pop into The Pokemon Centre to talk with the local kids who are very helpful until Brock tries to play the Hard Man, threatening the kids before using them to try and hit on Officer Jenny again, who just isn't interested.
Ash and Misty try to get help from Nurse Joy, but she has problems all of her own, all the Pokemon are acting very strange, looking tired, dejected and addicted to heroin like those kids from Barney.
Magikarp can't even splash!
And then the beginning of Misty's doom arrives, the being which lowered her defences enough to allow that Evil Egg Thingy Bastard Togepi to get it's claws into her.
Psyduck.
It's tired and dejected as well, little do they know that this is it's natural state rather than an induced one!
It seems that the Pokemon started to get worn down about 3 days ago, about the same time that the kids began to disappear.
Gee, you think their might be a connection?
Brock finally gets it and Officer Jenny cottons onto the idea, truly worthy of being handed the case to find the City's Missing Children.
Jenny's hand-held device begins to beep and Brock quips that it must be a Handsome Guy Detector, which leads her to push and shove him like an English Police Man at a Football Game.
Police Brutality, anyone?
It seems that this is a sleep-wave detector, because Officer Jenny noted 3 days ago that sleep waves in the city were increasing. She just happened to have a sleep-wave detector on her?
Is this standard Police Issue to all Officers?
Shocked into paralysis by this massive plot-hole, Pikachu conks out while Whizz-Kids Ash, Misty, Brock and Jenny slowly come to the realisation that there just MIGHT be a connection between the kids being missing for three days, the Pokemon being conked out for three days and the sleep-waves increasing three days ago.
Move over Sherlock Holmes.
Meanwhile the comedy relief arrives, as our beloved Team Rocket are also tracking the sleep-waves. Why are they doing this? Why, to find the Pokemon responsible and use him to knock out The Boss - Giovanni.
Why do they want to do this? Is it to take control of Team Rocket themselves?
No.
Is it to steal his money?
No.
Is it so they can take advantage of his unconscious, slumbering body?
............. no.
They just want to take a break.
The three burst into tears and embrace each other for comfort, and not out of sexual desire as some would have you believe! You see, even when you're no good at being bad you still need a break!
Love that Team Rocket!
Meanwhile Ash, Misty, Brock and Jenny have arrived at the source of the sleep-waves and are moving up the elevator to see what it is.
They get to the top and see a door leading to the source, a door which reads Exit over it?
The push through the door and find themselves facing a plush Mansion atop a giant skyscraper.
Ash charges in just like an action hero.... hmmm, Action Hero Ash anyone? and with quiet determination proclaims that,"I'm going in!" With that he and Brock burst through the unlocked door of the Mansion and discover a whole bunch of Hoity-Toit, Caviar Eating, Kristal Drinking, Cuban Cigar Smoking, Tuxedo Wearing, Overbred, Rich White-Bread Types!
AAAHHHH! IT'S A REPUBLICAN FUND-RAISER!!!!
The Republican's are shocked to see common people, most having only seen them in books or used them to scare their children at night.
It seems they're all Pokemon lovers (GETCHA MIND OUTTA DA GUTTA!) but living in the city and being pure, undistilled evil is preventing them from sleeping, so they're using a Hypno to help put them to sleep.
Hypno evolved three days ago, and surprisingly the foursome see the connection almost immediately.
Brock, temporarily over-coming the waves of horniness which Officer Jenny brings up in him, takes on a mentor like visage yet again and explains that the sleep-waves Hypno emits to put The Republican's under have a side-effect which make Pokemon sleepy and also have some kind of strange effect on children as well.
Misty volunteers her services to test Brock's theory and finds herself hypnotised into thinking that she is a Seel. She immediately ups and runs away, followed by Ash, Brock, Officer Jenny and The Evil Republican Overlord.
They discover Misty has fled into a large park in the centre of The City, where they encounter the other children, who think they're Pokemon.
Did Jenny not think to look in the park? Did not the Traffic Helicopter note them on it's daily route?
The answer is, no, because Officer Jenny is just too damned lazy and she probably makes up the Traffic Report herself so she can draw two salaries.
Corrupt Cow.
Taken aback by the Pokemon/Children, Ash looks to Guru Brock for an explanation and surprisingly enough gets it. Brock explains that it's Pokemon-Itis, a small sweat-drop forming on his forehead.
“Huh?” asks Ash, not getting it as usual.
Brock explains that the kids think they're Pokemon and despite Officer Jenny's vicious attempts to small a small girl/magikarp out of a pond it doesn't work.
Kids on weird mind-trips while resisting Authority.... this is what happens when Republican's run the country.
The Evil Republican Overlord figures out that if Hypno could put them in this trance, then Drowzee might be able to pull them out. How this logic works I'm not sure, but it's from the same party that brought us The Star Wars Defence Program so do you expect any sense?
They return Misty to the Palatial Roof-Top Mansion of The Republican's and Drowzee is able to snap Misty out of it, causing the emerging Action Hero in Ash scoops a slightly shocked Drowzee up and bodily carries it towards the park until along comes....
TEAM ROCKET!
On hand-gliders no less!
They swoop about dramatically and gracefully, calling out their motto, but when it comes to the landing.... BAM! Jesse and Meowth settle down fine but James crashes down onto his butt.
Ahhh, butt humour, God's gift of comedy to Walt Disney and the Stereotypically Gay alike!
Jesse had come up with a brilliant plan, and challenges Hypno to hypnotise them. It goes to do so and they whip out mirrors, causing Hypno to start hypnotising itself.
"Do something Ash!" demands Misty, thrusting all responsibility onto the slight shoulders of the little boy.
He responds in typical childish fashion by pitching a pot plant at the mirror and breaking it.
Jesse is distraught, it took her forever to come up with that plan! Angrily, she and James pull out whips (relax Rocket shippers, once again you're getting the wrong end of the stick) and capture Hypno and Drowzee.
"I don't understand!" gasps James, "Why didn't we just do this before?"
"We have to fill a half hour!" snaps Jesse in return.
Ahhh, love that cartoon humour!
Misty sends out Staryu, who breaks the whips in two, causing a straining Jesse and James to fall to their asses before Ash sends out Pidgeotto to gust them away.
"Looks like we blew it again!" cried Jesse.
"We blew it! We blew it right up!" sobs James.
"And what goes up, must come down!" finished Meowth, and then Team Rocket are blasting off again.
"Let's go!" cried Brock heroically, and they rush off to find the park once again.
Once there, Drowzee puts all the kids to sleep, as well as Pikachu, making them dream peacefully before coming to and wondering what they're doing there.
"Why am I here!" cries Bobby, poster child for Pokemon Propaganda, "I should be training to be a Pokemon Master!"
"I'm going to be a fireman!" cries another child.
"And I'm going to be a doctor!" finishes a young girl who has stolen Mickey Mouse's hairdo.
Sniff, does me proud to see kids with long term planning for the future!
Arnold and his Mother/Lover (both?) are reunited, but I'm not quite sure how she knew where he was. Ash never told her, yet the moment he's healed she comes running back?
Peculiar.
Drowzee then heals the sick Pokemon at The Pokemon Centre, even allowing Magikarp to splash again.
"I wonder what Pokemon dream about?" asks Ash.
"They probably dream about getting stronger and evolving," ponders Brock sagely.
"I sometimes dream about that too," chimes in Misty.
You what? Dream of getting stronger and evolving? Into what? A Misty-Chu? Get a grip girl, you're a human being, not a Pokemon!
What did those evil Republican's do to you?
"Another case solved by Detective Ash Ketchum!" laughs Ash happily, but the little woman soon brings him back down to Earth when she notes that he didn't actually solve anything.
Nurse Joy sighs slightly, and Brock is instantly there to comfort her.
"What's the matter? A beautiful woman shouldn't have too much to be sad about!" slithers Brock, one of his saddest pick-up lines yet.
It seems that despite Drowzee's ministrations, Psyduck is no better than before.
Brock confidentially assures Nurse Joy that helping Pokemon is his only reason for existing, thinking it'll get him some. What it does get him, however, is Psyduck, since Nurse Joy cleverly takes Brock up on his offer and gives it to Brock.
The trio head out of the city, Psyduck following along behind them, a scared Misty walking backwards and glaring at the not too bright Pokemon.
"I can't have it!" moans Brock, "It's a Water Pokemon, Misty, you take it!"
"Why would I want such a boring Pokemon!" snaps Misty, and uses Ash's Poke-dex to check up on Psyduck.
It is revealed that Psyduck constantly suffers from a headache, which shocks Misty (although Nurse Joy should have known that.... in fact, I think she did and she just wanted to get rid of Psyduck) so much that she trips over a rock and falls to her butt.
Out pops one of her Poke-Balls, rolling to a stop by Psyduck, who taps it with it's bill out of curiosity.
Congratulations Misty, you just captured a Psyduck!
"DON'T CONGRATULATE ME!" roars Misty, scaring everybody except Psyduck in his Pokeball, who just seems resigned to his fate.
The Moral Of This Episode? Simple, no good comes from voting Republican.
Ever.
| BEST QUOTES |
|
