25: Pokémon Scent-Sation
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Brock, Pikachu and Misty quickly pick up a nice scent and begin sniffing the air, but as usual Ash just doesn't get it. "Something smells heavenly!" claims Brock in a line more at home to James,"My nose tells me that this is my kind of town!"
The squinty-eyed Gym-Leader rushes to a glass building and smears his face against it, perving in at the pretty girls inside. He wants to do this all day, but asexual Ash calls it a waste of time and calls out to Misty to come with him..... hmmmm, maybe he's not that asexual at all?
But Misty is gone, and so is Pikachu (any port in a storm, eh Ash?) and it's with shock that Ash discovers his future wife is inside the store getting samples from the pretty attendants.
Bursting in like an angry husband, Ash snaps to Misty that perfume is a waste of money and it stinks. An angrily embarrassed Misty hisses through gritted teeth to Ash to Go Away!
And then, just as one of the attendants is about to snap at Ash herself, a new voice proclaims.
"I resent that remark!" With that, a framework of Glooms on LSD connected by vines appears around the image of a young, beautiful woman.
The Manager!
She asks if Ash is claiming that she overcharges for inferior perfume and Ash, as usual, doesn't get it.
"No ma'am," he offers politely, "I mean all perfumes are rip offs because they turns guys into zombies.... like this!"
Dramatically he hauls Brock into view, who leers blissfully up at The Manager - Erica.
"Hi!" gasps Brock, "What's your name?" Erica seems quite taken with Brock at first, but then snaps out of it to yell angrily at Ash :
P for Pretty
E for Elegant
R for Radiant
F for Fun
U for Urbane
M for Mysterious
E for Energy
and that spells...."
"Perfume!" cries Misty.
"Right!" yells Brock.
"Pika!" claims Pikachu, whose French Ancestry gives it a deep love for stinking, overpriced perfume.
Well done Erica, who needs a well-thought out balanced argument when you can yell and throw mindless slogans at your opponent!
In fact, a couple of you Rocket-Shippers could learn a lesson here as well!
Ash proclaims that he doesn't need any more energy, that he has more energy than he knows what to do with.
Misty bitchily asks him to use it to keep his mouth shut.
The attendants and Erica then kick Ash out because he doesn't like their product, but the emotionally crippled little boy defiantly walks away. What cares he for perfume, he's here to challenge the Gym Leader of The Celadon City Gym, and your thoughts and philosophies don't concern Gym Leaders, it's all about facing Pokemon off against one another, right?
WRONG!
Not at this horribly Elitist Gym, where they boot Ash out simply because he doesn't like perfume! As if this unconstitutional violation of rights isn't enough, they stamp an X on his face and physically manhandle him out of The Gym.
Big Business man, they just do what they want.
Meanwhile, back behind the evil front for an International Empire, Jesse and James of Team Rocket (hooray!) are putting up a ladder to sneak in while Meowth keeps watch.
They plan on stealing the world famous perfume which has made Erica rich enough to rival Giovanni at the top of the 'Top 100 Richest Morally Corrupt People' list. Their reasons for doing this are various, and are explained in a brief fantasy segment.
The fantasy segment has obviously been retranslated. It starts with Jesse luxuriating while beautiful boys in briefs surround her, fanning her and feeding her because she's as irresistible as Cleopatra. James head rises up in the foreground, obviously because he's enjoying the beautiful boys in briefs as well, but that segment is cut out and we go straight to the end of the segment with James sitting in a huge pile of money, with more coins raining down on him.
James wants to be a zillionaire so that he can buy his own country, while Meowth just wants nine lives worth of cat food.
Team Rocket look about for the perfume, James on hands and knees for no other reason than that he likes it.
But instead of perfume they come across a Gloom, which is drooling and ugly, but luckily napping until James wakes it up. In terror they send out....
KOFFING!
Excuse us for a moment while we dances... heh, ha, heh, hmm, ha, heh, yeah!
Right, sorry about that.
Koffing appears happily, grinning as always, happy just to be alive, and blasts out some poisonous gas at The Gloom, which just sucks it in, smiles, then blasts out a head fart which knocks out even the amazing Senor Koffing Del Toro!
"It smells like old sneakers, mixed with some rotten eggs and dead fish with just a hint of skunkfumes!" gasps James, and then he and Jesse crack up.... literally.
"My nose feels like it's on fire!" roars Meowth.
"Meowth," gasps Jesse, "You don't have a nose!"
This panics Meowth momentarily, thinking that the smell has melted his nose until with some relief he remembers that the cartoonists never gave him a nose!
He turns about and notices Jesse and James are unconscious with large bumps on their heads. Seconds later a mallet smashes into his own head and he has been knocked out by the Elitist Entrepreneurs.
Gym Rules : No Thieves Allowed.... except the ones who run the place.
Jesse, James and Meowth find themselves stamped with crosses on their faces, hanging up in a tree. Meowth insists that they get him out of this and an angry Jesse attempts to kick him.
"Don't you tell me what to do, you little hairball!" she growls at him, reminding us all that things have changed since Episode 2 : Pokemon Emergency and Jesse is now firmly in charge.
Ash appears and makes a terrible quip (he should be PUN-ished!) asking if they're 'hanging out again'
James is sad, Jesse mad, but it's James who talks first, forgetting his place.
"Please could you help us get out of this tree," he asks Ash, infuriating Jesse who calls him a traitor and proceeds to wrap her legs around his head! (My goodness, it seems Jesse is a Rocketshipper!) while Meowth cheers her on. She twists and turns, grunting and panting as she again unsuccessfully attempting to take out her sexual aggressions on poor homosexual James.
The camera zooms in on her face, a lightbulb appears and a small grin crosses her face. Obviously James' reluctant help has freed up her sexually obsessed mind and she's come up with an idea.
She asks Ash is he was kicked out of the gym too and angrily he snaps that it's none of her business. As James clenches his face and tries to imagine one of The Back Street Boys, Jesse and Meowth convince Ash that he'll never get into the Gym without their help. The next second we see Jesse and James in a fashion boutique and Ash steps out of a changing room dressed as.....
ASHLEY!
James compliments a rather happy looking Ash on his cross-dressing techniques and Jesse also gives him some kind words, making Ash blush.
They then teach Ash how to be more like a lady (who would know better than James!) and take him to the Gym dressed as his parents. In a strange role reversal, James and Meowth are Ashley's dad (Meowth acting as James' gut) and Jesse is rather uncharacteristally done up as a submissive, lady-like wife.
They've come to enter their daughter Ashley into Erica's Gym, but before she can be accepted she must face a gruelling, physically and emotionally draining Entrance Exam.
"Do you like perfume?" asks the girl at the front desk.
"Yes," replied Ashley.
"Well, you're sure to be accepted!"
Just like that, without any screening, tuition etc. Ashley is in. Damn Elitist Societies! Accept on merit, not on lifestyle damn you!
Why wouldn't you accept me to your Fraternity? WHY? My father was a Beta Phi Kappa damn you! I should have been.....
Lex apologises for Tim's little outburst, give me a moment here.
SLAP!
Right, we now return to our regularly scheduled Episode Guide.
Jesse calls Ashley 'our little muffin!' while James attempts to shove Meowth back into his gut. This done, he and Jesse wish Ashley luck and take off, using Ash as a distraction for their own nefarious wrong-doings.
Meowth pops out of James' shirt (they've removed their disguises) and asks Jesse what she wants him to do with it. She tells him to go plant it somewhere and James (who really doesn't have it in his heart to be TOO evil) asks her what the bomb is for.
"It's for stamping an X on the most beautiful face in the world!" sniffs Jesse.
"Talk about delusions!" mutters James.
"WHAT?" cries Jesse.
"I mean, that'll teach those slobs!" James quickly covers up, and they both laugh as they run down the corridor.
Ashley is led into the grove in the centre of the Gym where Erica herself is reading out some Elitist Corporate Propaganda Bullshit about some Omanyte using co-operation or some other such crap. Brock, of course, is crying, but I think it's because he was able to see down her top and get an eyeful of cleavage.
Ashley gasps in terror at the sight of Erica, realising that she is The Gym Leader!
Brock says a few nice things to the obviously nervous little girl. It might be stretching it a bit to say he's 'coming on' to Ashley, but you never know with ol' Brocko, do you?
Misty saves Ashley from discovery by asking why they're able to sit next to Gloom, and Erica spins another story about how Gloom saved her as a small child from a terrifying Held Animation Cell of a Grimer, scaring it off. So you see, her love for it made it it not smell.
Bullshit!
Corporate Bullshit to be exact, the Heartless Erica just had it genetically engineered so it only smells when she makes it smell!
Love my ass, it's all about the money!
Brock obviously believes they story or has seen down her top again, since he's crying again.
"I wish Ash could have heard that story," says Misty wryly. "I heard it," replies brain dead little Ashley.
"HUH!" they all cry, staring at Ash who quickly ducks his head and stammers out,"Please don't stare at me like that, I'm a very shy little girl!"
Misty thrusts her face up close to Ashley's and notes that she looks awfully familiar, "Have we met before?"
"Maybe you met my sister," offers Ashley lamely.
Pikachu wanders up and of course sees right through the disguise, crying out happily Pika-Pi and trying to hug Ashley.
"Hey, knock it off!" snaps Ashley in Ash's voice, and an angry Pikachu thundershocks him, knocking off his wig and even the blond dye out of his eyebrows!
"You're that kid!" gasps Erica, who keeps the faces of her (still living) Corporate Enemies memorised.
Ash explains that she wouldn't let him in so her had to wear the dumb disguise, but now he wants a Pokemon battle!
Meanwhile, Jesse has found the perfume in Erica's safe, she'll unlock the secret formula and the riches and scantily clad boys will come rolling in.
Erica agrees to the battle, claiming it's her duty under League Rules to do so. Yeah well, where were the League Rules when Ash first showed up, huh Erica? Huh? We asked you a question! Answer us! Answer us!
Yeah I thought so, chicken shit
SLAP!
Okay, let's get back to the battle, shall we!
Ash begins with Bulbasaur against Erica's Tangela. Well that's clever Ash, use a Grass Pokemon against a Gym Leader who specialises in Grass Pokemon.
It's no surprise that Bulbasaur receives a sound beating from Tangela, eventually being recalled by Ash after a Stun-Spore puts it out.
Erica pretends to be concerned for Bulbasaur but doesn't fool Ash at all, deciding to call out Primape until he remembers the ass-whupping it gave him last time and changes his mind, calling out Charmander instead.
Erica calls out Weepingbell and makes it use Razor Leaf (yeah, real clever move there) on Charmander, which flame throws the leafs, sending raining fire down on Weepingbell, who is too terrified to see Charmander's Skull-Bash coming.
"Ash is doing well!" cries Brock.
"He might actually win!" gasps one girl.
"He's a lot more impressive than he looks!" cries another.
And Misty allows a small smile to cross her face! Oooh Misty, proud of your man! Haha!
Erica laughs and claim that Ash has no empathy with his Pokemon which is why he'll never be a great trainer, then calls out Gloom which head-farts Charmander out of the match.
Empathy, Erica?
Bollocks you lying Corporate Whore! Empathy my ass, you've just got a smelly, genetically engineered Gloom is all! How does making a Pokemon fart on command give you empathy with it? It doesn't! You are a liar!
Ahem, yes.
Anyway, Erica laughs as Ash tries to figure out who can take Gloom's stench. Pikachu offers to fight, showing true empathy to Ash, who is overcome by the fact that it's willing to fight even though it knows it'll lose.
Pikachu gives him a little slap for that last comment, then turns to fight, sure it'll win.
The humiliation of Erica never happens though, as Jesse appears to make a disparaging comment. James stands beside her, turned so everyone can see his athletic toned ass. They make their motto, leaping down fifty feet and landing safely (!) before Meowth interrupts to blow up the bomb he planted earlier.
BOOM!
Team Rocket are flying through the air, since Meowth planted the bomb close to them so they wouldn't lose it!
"At least we still have the secret formula!" laughs Jesse and Team Rocket actually blast off happily.
The Gym is on fire and Erica sees her financial future burning up, and in desperation orders the girls to save her Pokemon. Cuteness alert : Pikachu saves a flower from death by using a little water-can.
AWWWWW!
Ash feels sorry for himself for listening to Team Rocket, but Misty snaps him out of it with an angry comment, and they use their water Pokemon to fight the flames while Brock uses Geodude to drop soil on the flames. Erica is in a panic, meanwhile, she can't find Gloom and it's the source of all her revenue. She attempts to get back inside, her lust for money over-riding her own common sense, but the deceptively strong Misty holds her back.
Step in Action Hero Ash.
He leaps through the flames and spots Gloom, crying out for help, but it's stink scares Ash back. Seeing it's danger, Ash holds his breath and charges in, but can't hold his breath any longer and has to release.... but Gloom doesn't stink.
HAHA! It seems Ash does have some empathy with Gloom after all, rather than a genetically engineered predisposition to stink on command like it does with Erica!
Strike one for the emotionally crippled little boy! Ash emerges heroically from the flames, carrying Gloom before him while Brock, Misty, Pikachu, Erica and the girls look on in wonder.
"Ash!" cries Brock.
"That was great!" cries Misty, words Ash would surely love to hear in another context at some point in the future.
And so in gratitude Erica presents Ash with a Rainbow Badge, which is nice, but shouldn't she have given him some money for saving her Financial Empire?
Big Businesses are all alike, always screwing over the little guy!
Rainbow Badge aside, Ash is still a little concerned, after all, didn't Team Rocket steal Erica's secret perfume?
"No they didn't," chuckles Erica, "The bottle they stole only had one of their perfumes secret ingredients... essence of Gloom!" Cut to Team Rocket pulling the stopper from the bottle and sniffing pure, undistilled Essence Of Gloom. To put it lightly, it's not pleasing to the nose, and the three of them leap about inside a concrete pipe (?) before collapsing to the ground.
"It stinks!" gasps Jesse.
"Just like your plan!" bitches James.
"You said it!" finishes Meowth.
Ash, Misty and Brock begin heading out of Celadon City, and as they do The Narrator adds that Ash has won the race for a Rainbow Badge by a nose (PUN-ish him, PUN-ish him!) and also learned a valuable lesson, you shouldn't judge a Pokemon by it's cover.
Yeah, that and you should never ever, ever screw with Big Business.
| BEST QUOTES |
 "Please don't stare at me like that, I'm a very shy little girl!"
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