308: Jump for Joy!
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No, instead today begins in a Pokemon Centre sitting on a hill overlooking a large forest. Inside on the second floor sits Nurse Joy, typing away on her computer as she works on whatever the hell it is Nurse Joys do with their days when they're not caring for beaten-up Pokemon or getting hit on by Brock. Wind rustles papers about on her desk and she turns to stare quizzically at an open window, which she comments she had only just recently closed. She gets up and moves to the window to close it again, and then suddenly a large shadowed figure bursts through the window, flies over a startled Nurse Joy and lands behind her. She turns to stare in horror at the massive, troll-like Pokemon which sneers through gritted teeth at her, and she screams in horror..... IT'S WEARING PLATFORM SHOES! HOW GAUCHE!
Yes, not only is it a fashion disaster, but wearing shoes like that, how could you possibly....
Jump for Joy!
We join the twerps moving through the forest, having left Slateport City behind and now making their way towards Mauville. Having been walking for some time now, they have decided to take advantage of the local Pokemon Centre they've just reached for free food and lodging. Brock stops outside and they look out over the hill and the surrounding forest, commenting that it is an awesome view. Max suggests that they bother Nurse Joy for local information on the best places to find rare Pokemon while Brock just wants to bother Nurse Joy, but when they enter the lobby (with a giant Pokeball themed rug) the nurse is nowhere to be seen. Pikachu starts sniffing around and then runs up the stairs, the surprised twerps giving chase and finding themselves in Joy's office, with the window still open, papers lying around everywhere and... a sleeping Pikachu in the corner! Ash rushes over to pick up Pikachu, then slumps down over it as he too falls asleep, making it look like he's humping Pikachu in the meantime.
Out in the forest, Team Rocket laze happily in the treetops enjoying being "one with nature" when suddenly a trollish Pokemon swoops by clutching an unconscious Nurse Joy over its shoulder, causing Team Rocket to fall out of their tree in surprise, landing on their heads. They all clutch at their skulls, though Jesse is more concerned that her hair might have been knocked out of place, and then Meowth points out the troll-like Pokemon leaping from branch to branch carrying Joy. It has large teeth gritted tight in a snarl, a pointy nose, a furious furrowed brow, leaves for hands, platform shoes for feet and a long flowing beard and white hair. Several Seedot pop up to hang off of branches as the troll lands amongst them, hisses, "Shiftry" and then bounces along its angry way.
"Uhh? Is that what I think it is?" asks Jesse.
"Could be!" proclaims James bravely, "But I don't know what you're thinking, and I don't know what that is!"
Meowth tells them it is a Shiftry, and says the fans it has for hands are giving him a great Boss idea!
"Lay it on us!" says Jesse and James eagerly, and are treated with us to another patented crazy Meowth Giovanni fantasy.
A small cartoony Giovanni lies sleeping in a bare room in a small bed, a crude childıs drawing of the sun seen through one window as Meowth sketches the scene with his voice, "Imagine da boss wakes up one morning in da middle of summer?"
The cartoony Giovanni sits up in bed wearing a night-hat (which may explain why he is so overheated) and moans, "Awww it's too hot today," dats when Shiftry appears and starts fanning him with some cool, quality air and da Boss says...."
The camera cuts to a close-up of the Boss's face, and suddenly the cartoony Giovanni becomes regular Giovanni, who says with a smirk, "Dis is such a refreshing breeze dat I tink Meowth and his friends deserve a big reward for bringing me dis Shiftry!"
Jesse and James thrust their hands between (their own) legs and throw back their heads, moaning in pleasure about expense accounts and promotions, and then Jesse declares they'll get it whatever it takes, and Wobbuffet agrees.
Back in the Pokemon Centre Brock finally wakens Ash and Pikachu, noticing some white powder on Pikachu's nose. He brushes it off and says it is Stun Spore. Ash asks how it got there and May calls their attention to Joy's computer where she has been snooping through her personal computer files (hey, she's a gyppo, there's no such thing as personal property) and found a report on the distribution of Pokemon throughout the forest.
Brock is ecstatic, eyes filling with hearts as he floats into the air, moaning that he is actually in Nurse Joy's room! As he moons inappropriately, Max spots a security camera (in her room? In case of Brocks?) and they find a security room where they review the tapes and see the Shiftry kidnapping Nurse Joy (and Brock might just slide some of the shower-room tapes into his backpack.... for later).
Ash checks out Shiftry with Dextina.
"Shiftry, the Wicked Pokemon," explains Dextina, "Shiftry is a mysterious creature that lives deep within the forest. They are said to live in the tops of trees that are over 1000 years old.
Ash doesn't think it could have taken her for some reason, maybe figuring that it jumped into her room to dance the Hoochie-Koochie and then ran away while Joy decided to pack in her conformist lifestyle and become a stand-up comedian. But this relevant and highly probably theory is shot to hell when they see the Shiftry on tape use Stun Spore on Joy, slap her over his shoulder and carry her away.
Brock is filled with horny rage, tears streaming from his eyes as dramatic shadows cover his face, he poses bravely into a low-angle camera shot while fire burns behind him, telling Nurse Joy not to fear, Brock is here! Then Max slides into camera, stating that there's something odd about this though, he didn't know that Shiftry could use Stun Spore. May and Ash agree as Brock continues posing, and they look out the window where they notice a massive tree jutting out above the other trees, far out into the forest. The figure that this must be one of the 1000 year old trees and Brock's eyes burn with fire which is poorly lined up with his eyes and he cries out he is coming for her.
Well yeah Brock, we know what you do at night but you don't tell people about it.
Meanwhile Shiftry bounces along with Joy along a small stream, and after he passes a group of Nuzleaf leaping down in its wake for no immediately apparent reason.
The twerps run through the forest towards the tree, having been fooled by the size of the tree into thinking it was closer than it is. Suddenly a group of Oddish appear out of the bushes and fire Stun Spore as a group at the twerps. Luckily May has boobs, which she thrusts into the camera before calling out Beautifly to use Gust and clear the Stun Spore away.... and the Oddish are gone too! How..... odd. They continue on.
Inside the warped interior of the massive central forest tree, Shiftry arrives with Nurse Joy and glares with a furious sneer at the wooden altar like stump in the midst of it, which it obviously intends to lay Nurse Joy down on. But why?
Rape?
The twerps continue along through the forest when they see spooky red eyes peeking out of the bushes at them, causing May to scream in fright before they reveal themselves as Seedot. The little Wigger-looking Pokemon bounce out of the bushes and blast rows of Bullet Seed at the twerps, joined by the Oddish. The twerps can't figure out why they keep getting attacked, until it dawns on them.... the Pokemon are trying to help Shiftry, in fact they probably provided the Stun Spore for Shiftry to use on Joy ..... but why?
Rape?
Back in the tree, Shiftry lays Nurse Joy down onto the stump with a leer....
RAPE?!?!?
....and leers over her bosom.
RAPE!!?!!
Back in the forest, the Seedot blast at the twerps again with Bullet Seed, and the kids show they're not entirely stupid by running and hiding behind the bushes. May clutches her head and moans in fear while Ash suggests Pikachu use Thunderbolt, but then Max suggests May's Torchic would be better since both Oddish and Seedot are weak against fire types. May forgets her fright as she realises she can kick some ass and sends out Torchic, with blasts the attacking Pokemon with Ember and blows them away before the twerps continue on towards the tree. Short seconds later, Team Rocket pop out of the bushes, Jesse furious that apparently the twerps are also after Shifty.
"Just great! Next thing you know they'll be copying our uniforms!" huffs James.
"Dey won't copy miiiine!" grins Meowth, who goes EVERYWHERE commando.
They follow after the twerps, and Wobbuffet follows them.
In the tree the Shiftry hasn't changed its position or its snarl, continuing to leer at Nurse Joy who finally wakens from the Stun Spore and sees it sneering at her. She is terrified and it looks pissed off.
Failed rape?
Meanwhile Pikachu has reached the stream and calls out to the twerps, Max saying this must be where Shiftry crossed the river, indicating that it IS heading for the big tree. Brock leaps onto a rock and thrusts his crotch forward, screaming for Nurse Joy that he is coming (he's a minute man, apparently) and his mightily thrusting crotch appears to sets off explosions in the water.
But no it turns out to be Nuzleaf, the same that leapt down apparently for no reason earlier, but were actually guarding the path that Shiftry took. The blast Bullet Seed at the twerps who don't know where to run (away?) while up in the tree Nuzleaf hears the commotion and turns a sneer on Nurse Joy. She tries to run and rushes to the opening in the tree, where for the first time she realises where she is and she looks down far beneath her, the wind blowing at her suspiciously short Nurse's skirt.
The Nuzleaf chase the twerps as Max yells to Ash they should use a flying attack. Ash takes his battle cues from a small boy and calls out Taillow which swoops up and behind the Nuzleaf, then crashes into them with Wing Attack and chases the shocked little savages off. Ash calls his ecstatic Taillow back (it got to beat up people!) and Max says he thinks the Nuzleaf were waiting to ambush them. Brock figures they're all working with the Shiftry, but amongst all this clever guesswork, May is the only one who wonders why, and gets no answer. They set off again, followed by Team Rocket who have gotten over their initial anger and are now enjoying having the twerps do all the hard work for them.
Up in the tree, Joy cringes from the approaching, leering Shiftry....
Rape?
....then fights back her fear to angrily demands what does it want? Before it can answer through a series of grunts consisting of syllables in its own name, a group of Oddish, Seedot and Nuzleaf rush in using shitty animation and surround Nurse Joy. Joy is more confused than ever and demands to know what is going on and where she is, while Shiftry glares angrily at her as a cold wind blows in.
Rape?
The smaller Pokemon part and one Seedot approaches her, Joy guessing it wants her to follow. She does, and deeper inside the tree finds a sick Nuzleaf. She looks it over, feeling its forehead and realising it is running a fever.... is this why Shiftry brought her there? Another Nuzleaf warns Shiftry of the approaching twerps and with a roar of wind it leaps out of the tree.
The twerps have finally reached the foot of the giant tree, but suddenly the wind picks up and Pikachu stops, and then lowers itself into a fighting stance as Shiftry arrives in a gust of wind. Ash figures what better way to fight the grizzled tough spirit of a forest than with the grizzled tough spirit of another forest and calls out Treecko. Treecko stares at the far taller Shiftry (which looks to be over six feet despite only supposedly growing to 4 and a half feet) without fear, and then zooms forward with a Quick Attack. However Shiftry is faster, leaping into the air with a gust of wind before firing blasts of Bullet Seed at Treecko which flips away from the blasts. It then tries to leap over Shiftry, swinging down with its tail to use Pound but again Shiftry uses the wind and darts out of the way.
Ash tells the others and Pikachu to go and find Joy, but as they move away Bullet Seeds fire down from a group of Nuzleaf, halting them in their tracks. Pikachu lets rip with a Thunderbolt and clears the little savages away, then leads Brock, May and Max onwards to the tree.
Treecko uses Quick Attack again, this time dodging swipes and punches from Shiftry which tries another Bullet Seed that Treecko manages to slide out of the way of. The two charge at each other at top speed and hit hard.... then stare each other down, neither giving an inch, the grizzled old veteran troll and the tough little Clint Eastwood Treecko... and then a female voice calls for them to stop their pretty awesome battle.
Is it Nurse Joy? No! It's Jesse!
"Prepare for trouble here in the trees!"
"Make it double, we steal with ease!"
"To protect the world from devastation."
"To unite all peoples within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of trees and love."
"To extend our reach to the leaves above."
"MEOWTH!" shouts Meowth, jumping in far too early.
"WOBBUFFET!" agrees Wobbuffet, following the Meowth cue.
"ARRRRGH!" growl Jesse and James, attacking their cue-jumping Pokemon.
"Team Rocket blasts off for an easy ride," continues Jesse, her boot firmly placed on Meowthıs head as he ends up lying flat on his stomach.
"Surrender now or prepare to hide, hide, hide!" agrees James, sitting on Wobbuffet's head as it too is knocked onto its stomach.
"Meowth...." starts Meowth and gets elbowed in the top of the head by Jesse.
"Dat's right!" she smiles.
"WOBBBBUH...." starts Wobbuffet, and gets pushed aside by James holding a rose.
"Remember us?" he asks with a grin.
"TEAM ROCKET!" yells Ash, who after over 300 episodes has at least that one fact burned into his memory.
Meowth thanks Ash for tiring out Shiftry for them, telling him they'll "take it" from here, and they mean that literally.
Meanwhile the other twerps have arrived directly beneath the massive tree and begin running up the thick, twisted roots while inside; Nurse Joy tries to bring down Nuzleaf's fever. The twerps arrive inside and ask if she is okay, and then the Seedot and Nuzleaf block them off. Brock declares he is here to rescue her, he is Brock and wherever a pretty girl is in distress, he will rescue them!
"But I'm not in distress!" she replies, leaving Brock somewhat lost for words, till he lamely recovers.
"But you're pretty, right?"
Max notices the weak Nuzleaf and Joy says it needs help fast, Brock realising that this is why Shiftry grabbed her, and that is why it was trying to stop them, to keep them from interfering. They explain to a shocked Joy that Shiftry is right now fighting with Ash, and she asks them to help her with an emergency treatment and then get her to Shiftry.
Outside, Shiftry growls menacingly at Team Rocket who perhaps for the first time realise what they're messing with.
"Uhhh!" gasps Jesse, "It's scary!"
"And hairy!" notes James.
"And looks like my cousin Larry!" adds Meowth in a bad attempt to rhyme.
Shiftry lets loose with a massive burst of Wind and send them blasting off again.
"NO FAIR!" moans Jesse as Wobbuffet holds a rose in its mouth and with pleased patience begins to slowly clap.
"We didn't do anything bad yet!" moans James.
"Dere's no Justice!" sighs Meowth, and they disappear into a glint of light.
Shiftry and Treecko prepare to face off again, Shiftry trying another large burst of wind that Treecko dodges.... but Shiftry seemed to expect as much and leaps high above the smaller Pokemon and then blasts it with Bullet Seed, blasting Treecko down hard into the ground... and keeps on lasting and blasting and blasting in total overkill, meaning to make sure the tough little Pokemon doesn't get back up after it finishes.
But then Nurse Joy arrives, calling for it to stop as Brock rushes up with her. Joy cries out to Shiftry that she'll take good care of its little friend while Brock explains what is going on to Ash. Shiftry growls and sneers at Nurse Joy, obviously not trusting her, so she rubs its ego, telling it that it is a good friend and she'll care for Nuzleaf.... but she needs more supplies from her Pokemon Centre. With dismay, Ash points out they're too far away to get back to the centre in time to help a sick Pokemon, but Brock has an idea! He suggests to Shiftry that it could carry him there.... and then he's flying through the air screaming as Shiftry zooms onwards towards the Pokemon Centre.
Inside the tree, Joy treats the sick Nuzleaf, stroking its leaf (ooooo, she's a night nurse!) and as the sun begins to set down, we find Brock and Shiftry back and watching with the others as the Nuzleaf slowly opens it eyes and smiles, better. Shiftry actually smiles for the first time and everyone cheers, Joy thanking them for all of their help, Brock saying he was happy to be of service. Joy tells Shiftry everything will be okay, and it turns and walks away, ignoring their calls asking where it is going.
The next day the twerps leave Joy and her newly adopted Pokemon friends behind, all of the Oddish, Seedot and Nuzleaf apparently having decided they'd rather live with the nice lady in the short dress they can stand underneath than the grizzled old troll in a drafty tree.
As they walk away, Brock declares that Nurse Joy will never forget her hero, and Ash says it is true, she won't forget his girlish scream when Shiftry took him flying through the air.
So they walk away, Shiftry sitting on the top of its massive, ancient tree and thinking deep, inscrutable thoughts.
Like maybe, why didn't it rape Nurse Joy when it had the chance?
| BEST QUOTES |
 "Is that what I think it is?" "Could be. But I don't know what you're
thinking, and I don't know what that is." |
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