307: The Spheal of Approval
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Oh God.
May ignores her pathetic brother and says they should just have fun, because at last the Pokemon Contest is OVER! Ash asks a grinning Pikachu if it wants to go hang out at a "COOL MUSEUM!" and poor Pikachu reads the expression on his face, senses his happy emotions and assumes he said, "RAH RAH RAH RAH ICE CREAM SANDWHICHES" so it happily agrees. Brock suggests they split up then, since he needs to do some shopping, and May says that in that case she'll tag along with him.
Oh dear, hope your Sugar Daddy wallet is full, Brock.
Brock says they'll meet them at the "cool" museum as soon as they're done (about 7 minutes?) and Ash and Max head off together.
Unfortunately for them, the "cool" museum (which looks like three tits) is closed, which Ash finds weird since it is supposed to be open every day. Max isn't letting a little thing like a locked door stop him though and decides to break in, so determined is he to be in the coolest place in town, the museum! But a voice gets his attention as he tries to climb the wall and he falls onto his ass before turning to see a small kid in sandals, shorts, a loose singlet and a shitty straw hat who demands to know what he was doing climbing the wall.
Oh dear, looks likes Max didn't get....
The Spheal of Approval
Max stammers to explain, and the kid declares it is obvious he is a thief. Max says he isn't and Ash and Pikachu shows up, the kid demanding to know if he is a thief too before calling out Spheal. Out pops a bizarre balloon with wide eyes and a wider mouth, a tailfin poking out one end and two loose fins acting as arms. It begins clapping its hands eagerly and crying, "SPHEAL! SPHEAL!"
Oh my God, it's retarded!
Max is excited to see a Spheal (remember he also thinks that museums are cool) and Ash checks it out with Dextina, learning, "Spheal, the Clap Pokemon. Spheal moves more quickly by rolling than by walking. They are sometimes known to cross oceans, atop icebergs."
What it actually is, is a waste of a new Pokemon that simply recreates a Seel (its evolution recreating a Dewgong), which along with its evolution was one of the stupidest and least loved of all the original Pokemon. Regardless, the kid orders a water gun and.... Spheal eagerly claps and stupidly shouts its own name.
Oh my god, it IS retarded
He DEMANDS that Spheal use Water Gun and finally something seems to penetrate its dim mind, and it does as asked.... blasting a load of water in the kids face before clapping happily. Furious, the kid orders it to Tackle and it tries, though Ash, Max and Pikachu easily dodge the clumsy move, so the Spheal bounces off the wall, hits the kid and falls on top of him, grinning stupidly.
Oh my God, it REALLY IS retarded!
Max suggests the kid might need a little more training and Ash says he is probably a new trainer (he looks only slightly older than Max) so the angry kid demands a Blizzard Attack. Ash doesn't like the sound of that and asks Pikachu to use Thunderbolt. Spheal for a wonder does the job right and opens its mouth to fire Blizzard.... which is blown away by Thunderbolt and knocks out Spheal. The kid is shocked, how on earth a dumb Pikachu could beat his Spheal!
Max tells him of course it could, Spheal is a Water Type and Pikachu is an electric type and thus has the advantage..... he should have learnt that in Pokemon Battling 101! Ash then suggests the kid might want to rest Spheal and the kid for a wonder listens, calling the beaten retard back. A moment later, a sharp looking gent with a carefully groomed "messy" fringe approaches with a greeting of, "Ahoy," asking the kid "Marius" if that is him. Since he apparently has vision issues, Marius tells him that it is indeed him, saying hello to Captain Stern.
Marius proclaims Ash and Max are thieves and they should report them to Officer Jenny, but Max insists they just wanted to see the museum. Marius has seen a flaw in this alibi though, asking Max if he often tries to get into museums by climbing over gates. Max realises he is caught right out, and explains that he was only trying to get a peek in because the door was closed despite the fact the museum was supposed to be being open.
Well Marius is amazed, why didn't he just say so? Well because he was attacked by a retarded Spheal, that's why!
Marius apologises and appears to be embarrassed, though his ridiculous red cheeks make it hard to tell. Captain Stern for his part is glad that the whole thing has been sorted out (it has?) and introduces himself as the curator of the museum, telling them they had to shut for the day because of.... something.... and invites them in.
Watching from completely out in the open on the edge of a cliff with no pretence at hiding (apparently Captain Stern isn't the only one with vision problems), Team Rocket are excited at the attractive prospect (Jesse declaring she's an expert on attractive) of getting into a museum and stealing not only Pikachu, but all the treasure inside the museum as well! They'll be rich!
"We're so smart, we're in the know, sell some junk and make some dough!" they cry together, Wobbuffet happily agreeing.
Inside the museum Ash and Max see a stuffed Wailord hanging from the roof as well as other apparently stuffed Pokemon sitting on display cases around the walls. Captain Stern says they use models (hmmmmmm?) for their Pokemon, and Marius points out a Goldeen which he says is his favourite and one he hopes to catch one day and evolve into a Gyrados!
Uhh.... Ash points out Goldeen evolve into Seaking and Max explains a Magikarp evolves into Gyrados, and it is becoming clear that Marius doesn't actually know much about Pokemon, in fact he appears to know less than Ash! But Marius happily declares he'll learn all that stuff when he goes out to sea, and shows the twerps the model of a submarine that Stern is currently working on, declaring that he is going to go out to sea with the non-relative adult!
Oh my!
His dream is to one day be a great Pokemon scientist like Stern (only if his last name is a type of wood!) which Ash says is a great dream and Max declares is something that can be done (though it might help to learn something about Pokemon first). Stern brings over a briefcase which contains a sample, one that showed up overnight and caused the closure of the museum. Inside the briefcase is what looks like a simple rock, but black like it was burnt somehow. Stern explains that tests have shown at one point it was superheated, and Ash wonders how there could be heat down at the bottom of the ocean?
Oh dear, has no one explained rudimentary geology to Ash in school? Oh that's right, he never went to school! He's a small boy out alone in the world with an even younger boy in his care, and the two most competent people in his world are a horny "breeder"
Max also didn't think such a thing was possible (he was home schooled, and may have been told that the world is flat and held in the mouth of a giant turtle for all we know), but the skilled and schooled Stern says it could have easily been a natural process like an underground volcanic fissure..... OR it is possible a giant, red glowing unknown Pokemon (let's call it Groudon for shits and giggles) farted on it while the Japanese flag appeared behind it in the water.
Well, we know which theory is more plausible, don't we Gentle Dodgers!
Suddenly they hear a call for Slateport snow cones from outside, and Stern tells them to go out and get themselves one though he'll pass for now, as he wants to continue analysis of the rock. But as he says that, outside a card attached to a computer is run through a locked museum door key card scanner by a gloved hand, which bypasses security settings and opens the door.
Oooooh!
Outside, Jesse, James and Meowth are dressed in Hawaiian shirts and offering Snow cones, Jesse wearing a little purple skirt and James wearing short green shorts. Ash, Max and Marius eagerly approach wondering what they should get.
"HEY OLD LADY!" cries Marius to Jesse, but before she can curb stomp him James rushes in with Meowth and offers them some snow cone sundaes. Everyone happily chows down on the snow cones and enjoy a brain freeze, but Max wonders what they're doing out there when the museum is shut and no customers would be about. Jesse quickly tells the suspicious boy that he thinks too much and James cheerfully declares there should be more eating, less thinking. Well three young boys on a hot summers day with snow cones on offer aren't going to turn that down and gobble down their sundaes, enjoying a brain freeze again as Jesse grins and tells them it is time they learned nothing comes for free. James slides in holding Pikachu (still suffering a cute brain freeze) and says the going price of four snow cones is one Pikachu!
Ash is horrified, but neither him or the other two can't move, their brains are frozen! A cage falls down around them and they cry out in alarm, still not understanding what is happening.
"Prepare for trouble as you freeze!"
"Make it double, but come again please!" says James as Meowth drags in a small cage for Pikachu.
"To protect the world from devastation!" Jesse swims through the ocean.
"To unite all peoples within our nation!" James swims into view.
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"Jesse!" She pulls off her disguise.
"James!" he pulls off his disguise
"Team Rocket fools once more at the speed of MMMPH," says Jesse, apparently swallowing a sneeze.
"Surrender now or prepare to fight, fight, fight!" adds James, rhyming the missed line anyway.
"Meowth! Dat's right!"
Wobbuffet agrees happily as the twerps try to figure out what to do.
Inside the museum, a gloved hand turns off the lights, and then inside Sterns office three team Magma members leap down from the roof and find the briefcase, their leader talking into a microphone to say that they have located a G-Sample. Stern walks in and demands to know who they are, recognising them as part of Team Magma. He demands to know what is going on and the leader tells them he wouldn't bother, since it would be over Stern's head anyway.
Plus, like the rest of us, he probably wouldn't care.
The leader (possibly Field Commander Harlan from A Three Team Scheme?) calls out Mightyena which uses Shadowball, and when the smoke clears Stern is shocked to see they are gone.
Outside, Marius is demanding to be let out of the cage, and Ash yells at Pikachu to blast itself free with Thunderbolt. But the cage it is in is electric proof, James saying they finally figured out the whole electric thing, even if - as Meowth says - it took a few thousand volts to figure out. Jesse says it is time for part two, stealing from the museum... but as they turn they notice that Team Magma is running out of the museum holding a briefcase, and figure they're stealing what Team Rocket wanted to steal and give chase.
Marius decides to help out by calling Spheal to use Body Slam on the bars, but it just claps retardedly, so he insists again and it jumps onto him, humps on his body and claps happily.
Oh lordy, what a gibbering retard.
Max says they can't rely on Marius and Ash calls out Corphish, telling it to use Crabhammer on the bars.
Team Magma run along, when suddenly a Seviper and Cacnea appear before them, and moments later the rest of Team Rocket. Meowth thanks them for doing the hard work, and James asks them to hand the briefcase over, but the Magma leader just smirks. Seviper tries Poison Tail and gets tackled by Mightyena, and when Cacnea tries Pin Missile Mightyena uses Double Team to dodge the move. Jesse tells James and Meowth not to be impressed as they coo over the Double Team, then tells Seviper to use Wrap.... and it promptly gets hit by Iron Tail from Mightyena. Team Rocket are quickly sent blasting off again and Pikachu drops out of its cage, Mightyena growling at it. The Magma Leader however doesn't share Team Rocket's obsession with Pikachu (his obsession is with a boring conspiracy theory subplot that is supposed to have us viewers on the edge of our seat) and tells Mightyena to leave it alone. The twerps run up with Spheal hopping happily along beside, and Ash is reunited with Pikachu, though they then find themselves facing off with Team Magma.
Ash demands they give back the case, then Captain Stern shows up and says he'll handle this, calling out Sealeo (the unnecessary Hoenn replacement for Dewgong) and demands an Aurora Beam from it. The blue walrus looking Pokemon opens its mouth and fires Aurora Beam, but Mightyena dodges... and gets hit by the blast back and crashes into the Magma leader, knocking the briefcase out of his hands and into Marius', who hands it over to Stern. The other Magma Grunts call their Mightyena out and the leader demands the case back.
In the market, Brock says all his shopping is done while May moans she could shop all day and she must be in heaven. Nope, just in the mall, replies Brock and suggests they get going.
Back at the museum, Stern says the sample needs to be studied and he won't let it into Magma's hands for evil purposes, and Ash yells they don't scare him, calling out Corphish. Corphish, Pikachu and Sealeo face off against the three Mightyena while Stern tells Max and Marius on his signal they must run into town for Officer Jenny..... which might be a good strategy if he wasn't saying it loudly right in front of Team Magma.
The Mightyena all se Hyperbeams, but each are knocked back by a Thunderbolt, Bubble Beam and Aurora Beam from Pikachu, Corphish and Sealeo respectively. This kicks up alot of dirt and dust, and Marius and Max rush to the edge of the cliff where Marius demands that he and Max dive the scores of metres into the ocean. Max doesn't think killing themselves is such a great idea, but Marius insists that they'll be safe thanks to the presence of his gibbering retard, Spheal. Mightyena fires Shadowball at them and Marius pulls Max in, the two boys and the Pokemon plummeting to their death as Team Magma turn their attention to the other Pokemon. In the ocean, Max and Marius have somehow survived the fall without shattering every bone in their body, and they grab onto Spheal which starts swimming hyperfast through the water. On the shore, Brock and May are walking along the seaside path (Brock maybe hoping to cash in on the credit from all the stuff he just bought for May) when they see Max and Marius.
Back at the museum, the Mightyena are growling while Stern hands the case to Ash and says he will distract them and then Ash must run (again, a plan that might work better if Team Magma weren't standing directly in front of them listening to them talk). Sealeo uses Blizzard and Ash runs, but a Shadowball from Mightyena knocks him off of his feet and the case flying out of his hand. The case falls open and the rock falls out, breaking into two pieces. The larger piece is scooped up by Mightyena as the Magma leader notices an escape craft arriving. Mightyena uses Shadowball and they make their escape in the confusion, Stern watching them leave and growling that they are a well organised bunch of criminal thugs as Officer Jenny manages to time her arrival just too late, thus removing the need to do anything. The other twerps and Marius are with Officer Jenny and her posse of now redundant police officers, and Ash apologises to Stern for losing the sample, but Stern picks up the small piece and says that he will still be able to conduct his research using it.
They all wonder what Team Magma will do and figure it is no good, and then Marius asks what Ash plans to do next. He explains he is going to Mauville and Marius asks if he plans to have another Gym Battle there. When Ash says yes, Marius declares that at some point he wants a rematch with Ash - though the last battle didn't really last long enough to be classified as a battle - and Ash agrees, though Max points out Marius will need to do some practising before then.
They walk away into the sunset, waving goodbye to a happy Captain Stern and Marius. But one must wonder.... sure Officer Jenny must need them to fill out witness forms and take statements if she wants to capture Team Magma?
Goddammit Ash!
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