305: Having a Wailord of a Time
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They have?
Yes they have! Instead of sticking us with 10 episodes featuring such exciting things as Lil' Normie loses his Mudkip they have skipped over the two weeks and the contest is right around the corner! May is hopped up and eager for the contest, having spent the last two weeks in intensive training much like Ash just finished on Dewford Island. She is particularly looking forward to a rematch with the arrogant Drew, remembering their first battle where her inexperienced Beautifly ALMOST took out Drew's haughty Roselia before Team Rocket interfered.
Eager for some last minute training, May asks Brock to look after Torchic while she and Beautifly train, and before he can reply (he's a sugar daddy, so he'd have said yes anyway) she rushes off, leaving behind a sad looking Torchic that she promises she'll be back to soon. Max looks down at the sad Pokemon, suspecting as it does that May and Beautifly are heading of for fun and frolics, and will be....
Having a Wailord of a Time.
Inside the Pokemon Centre the twerps freeload happily, chowing down on food as Max declares that it isn't fair! Yes it isn't fair that the Government has to subsidise and provide free food to a bunch of freeloading kids that should be in school! Oh.... oh it seems that what Max actually means is that it isn't fair of May to run off with Beautifly and leave Torchic behind. Hearing its own name, Torchic looks up at Max from its own food in a bowl on the ground by his chair. Ash and Brock ask Max why they think running off and leaving your Pokemon behind would be a bad thing (hell, Ash does it all the time!) and Max explains that all she does is spend time with Beautifly, which makes him wonder if she even cares about Torchic any more.
Awww, he wants to bang his sister!
But Ash and Brock ignore the projection of Max's own perverted desires onto Torchic to tell Max that May and Torchic both share a bond that can never be broken. Torchic was May's very first Pokemon and while all Pokemon are important to trainers (Ash looks at his watching Pokemon who all beam back at him) you never forget that first Pokemon. Pikachu jumps up onto his shoulder to rub it in to the others, and Ash explains that Pikachu was his first Pokemon, even if they didn't exactly get off to the best start. Max listens, as always enthralled with tails of Trainers starting out with a first Pokemon (just as he wants so desperately to do) and Brock tells of how he was given an Onix as a boy, treating us to a memory of wickle Brock waking up on his tenth birthday to see an Onix with a ribbon around its neck staring at him and his Dad standing by his bed wearing gloves.
!
But no, this is a happy memory and not a repressed memory of Flint "making a man" of his son. Brock and his Father hopped onto Onix's head and travelled out to watch the sun rise together, Flint telling him from then on Onix would always be his partner, meaning this would always be Brock's favourite birthday and his favourite memory of his Father..... shortly after, Brock's mother disappeared; Flint developed a crack habit; and Brock eventually left his Onix in the care of his little brother while gallivanting of around the world without it.
Anyways, Max would know what that is like if his Dad hadn't kicked him out into the world before he even hit ten. Max mentions that Onix was Brockšs first...
Ouch, no wonder he has such a hard time with the ladies.
.... and wonders what his first will be? A Torchic? Maybe a Treecko? Hell his Dad could give him anything, even a heavy, slothful Slakoth that would crush him to death. As they consider all this, Nurse Joy walks by and Brock rushes up to ask if she needs any help on her rounds. Having obviously dealt with him over the last two weeks, she nervously says no then notices they have a Torchic, Treecko and Mudkip and compliment them on their fine Pokemon. Brock proclaims she is beautiful and kind, and Joy nervously explains that a new Pokemon Trainer is coming along soon and she'd like to show them more experienced versions of the starters they'll be offering the trainer, which she is just about to give physical checkups. Brock offers to hold her hand during the new Pokemon checkups so they can get to know each other better, and with a nervous grin she asks if maybe all of them could help her.
Meanwhile, May is training Beautifly on the beach. She has it use Silver Wind and it does the attack successfully. May congratulates it on perfecting a move that once gave it such difficulty, then tells it they just have to practice a bit more to make it perfect. Beautifly nods and turns to try again, then stops and looks off into the distance. May follows its gaze, and to her shock notices for the first time the MASSIVE whale lying beached ashore only a short distance from her.
Up on the cliff top Pokemon Centre, Joy is checking on the condition of the Starter Pokemon in their Pokeballs while Brock stares around at her equipment (no, not THAT equipment you perverts), clearly impressed by the machinery. Nurse Joy explains that as there is no lab in town so all new Trainers get to start their journeys with a disappointment by meeting her instead of a world-renowned Professor. She decides it is time to call the Pokemon out of their Pokeballs to get some exercise, asking if the twerps older Pokemon could make them feel better by playing about with them. Max gets the thrill of lifetime by being handed the Pokeballs and given the chance to call them out, throwing out Pokeballs including Torchic, a weeping Mudkip (which Brock's Mudkip tries to make feel better) and a female Treecko that stares with obvious love at Ash's cool, Eastwood-esque Treecko.
But a call interrupts Nurse Joy from asking the new Torchic to turn its head and cough, as May appears on the videophone telling Joy that she has found the beached Wailord.
"Wailord, the Float Whale Pokemon," explains Dextina to a confused Ash, showing the massive Pokemon on the screen,"Wailord is the largest Pokemon yet discovered. When diving out of the water in pursuit of its prey, it makes quite an impressive sight."
Ahs is impressed all right, forgetting he once saw a larger Pokemon (that big-ass shadowy Dragonite in Mystery At The Lighthouse), and Joy heads off telling the twerps to look after the Pokemon while she is gone and make sure they don't get outside. Brock runs off after Nurse Joy telling her he should be with her to help, much to Ash's consternation.
"Good grief, hope I'm never like that," mutters Ash as he and Max are left alone to look after three new Pokemon that have never been out of the cotton wool world of their protectors, their Pokeballs and Nurse Joy.
Ash and Max.
Oh boy.
But Max is excited, because he's been left alone with Pokemon and now he feels like a real trainer! Little does he know that outside, Team Rocket have been listening in and Jesse excitedly asks James if he heard. He did, the twerp has been stuck with babysitting duty, big bummer! But Jesse didn't mean that, she is talking about the Wailord!
She proclaims the Boss is likely to be very impressed with a Pokemon that big, and Meowth points out that Giovanni does indeed not care what it is, as long as it is the biggest! James agrees that he is very highbrow in that respect (gee, his wife must love it when he buys her sex toys) and Team Rocket agree to go and capture that Wailord, because a big Pokemon means a big promotion for them, they'll be....EXECUTIVES!
Inside the Pokemon Centre, Ash and Max chase Joy's Torchic around. Max runs ahead of Ash exclaiming that he has to get it back as Ash calls for the others and they all begin to chase. The Torchic leaves the room followed by May's Torchic, Brock's Mudkip, Ash's Treecko, the female Treecko, and the weeping Mudkip. The Torchic turns around and pecks at May's Torchic when it tries to stop it, then tackles Mudkip away and keeps running. Pikachu leaps in front of it and threatens to shock it, finally giving the running Torchic pause as it stops and stares at Pikachu with huge, wobbly eyes. Pikachu is taken in hook, line and sinker and lowers its guard, and then the little jerk Torchic grins and blasts Pikachu with a full burst of Ember before turning and running off again. Ash's Treecko leaps in front of it, back turned as it tilts its head and looks back with the cool gaze of Clint Eastwood staring down a bandito, which gives the female Treecko even more reason to fall in loooove. Max picks up the Torchic and thanks Treecko, but the chase isn't over after all when Torchic viciously pecks his arms, wriggles free and runs away again.
Ash calls out Corphish in the hopes of stopping Torchic, but when it throws down a pincer Torchic jumps up, pecks and scratches Corphish, jumps up and down on its body then continues running away, finally getting outside of the Pokemon Centre as Corphish gets back to its claws and turns a furious glare after it.
The entire group continues to chase Torchic up a hill, the female Treecko having grabbed a flower into its mouth to emulate its crush. The weepy Mudkip trips as it runs and starts bawling again, so Brock's Mudkip tries to console it as Corphish angrily charges by them all, goes by Ash and Max and then roughly tackles Torchic. The two then stare each other down and lunge at each other, smashing their heads together as Ash and Max yell at Corphish not to hurt the Torchic.... and Corphish is knocked back!
The surprisingly strong and unreasonably angry little Torchic shakes its ass mockingly at the dazed Corphish and then rushes off.
Meanwhile on the beach, Brock and Joy have joined May at the site of the giant Wailord, Joy proclaiming that she has fixed whatever was wrong with Wailord while Brock moans it is like watching poetry in motion.
Back at the fray, Corphish has caught up with Torchic again, and as Ash and Max beg them to stop fighting Corphish fires a Crabhammer at the small bird. Torchic Embers Corphish back and actually manages to knock it out, which is unheard of for such a young and untrained Pokemon, and then the unthinkable happens!
"Don't.... tell me...." gasps Max in horror, but it is too late, the worst has happened, Torchic has begun to glow and.....
Torchic has turned into a Kung Fu chicken!
"Combusken, the young fowl Pokemon," explains Dextina as Ash and Max stare at the tough looking Pokemon, "Combusken is the evolved form of Torchic. Its quick and powerful legs are capable of dishing out ten kicks in one second."
Max is horrified and asks what they'll do now, and Ash sickeningly imagines the new trainer picking a Pokemon at Nurse Joy's request.... the babyish Mudkip? Or maybe the ladylike Treecko.... OR KUNG FU CHICKEN!
The fantasy trainer screams in terror as Ash declares he thinks they're in trouble.
But Max has an idea! They'll swap May's Torchic into a Pokeball, and he can explain it to May! He has a fantasy of he and Ash presenting May with a Combusken, telling her that her Torchic evolved, and of course fantasy May will say...... "WHO ARE YOU KIDDING? DO YOU THINK I'M SOME KIND OF IDIOT? WHAT HAVE YOU TWO DONE WITH MY TORCHIC!"
She had fangs in Max's fantasy.
Ash also points out that the new trainer might pick May's Torchic if they went through with this recklessly stupid plan anyway, and then he has an idea! All they have to do is convince the new Trainer to take Treecko or Mudkip!
Back in the Pokemon Centre May is feeding Beautifly and telling it that it deserves the meal after great practise today. Max brings her a nice cup of tea for being such a wonderful sister and offers to get her a snack. May is immediately suspicious but then figures... whatever! and drinks what was handed to her.
She is going to make some college date-rapist VERY happy one day.
Meanwhile the new Trainer is at the centre with her father making her choice of Mudkip, Treecko and a surprisingly large Torchic. She says it is hard to choose and her Dad tells her not to rush, while Ash hopes May can be stalled a little longer by Max.
A banging noise catches everyonešs attention, as in a closet nearby Combusken is trying to break free by smashing a shoulder against the door. Ash stammers and tells Nurse Joy the loud banging noise is probably just the wind, but before she can call him on this terrible, terrible lie the girl declares she may had decided, she thinks that she wants a Mudkip!
"TELL YOU WHAT, STEPHANIE!" yells Ash happily, "MUDKIP'S A GREAT CHOICE! YOU'LL NEVER FIND A POKEMON BETTER THAN A MUDKIP!
"But I like Treecko too," Stephanie says, since that is either her name or what Ash has dubbed her.
"AHH TREECKO! A FINE CHOICE!" yells Ash with false cheer, "AND HAPPENS TO BE MY FAVOURITE TOO! THAT'S RIGHT! A STRONG LOYAL GRASS TYPE!"
"I choose this one!" declares Stephanie, staring at May's Torchic.
"FORGET IT!" cries Ash, "Ahhh, you see.... what I mean is.... Torchic is probably the worst Pokemon that a Trainer would ever want to start off with... they're trouble, they're noisy, they don't learn well, they run away, they smell like something you left in the fridge too long!"
Brock stares at Ash through squinted eyes and asks him if he is all right, causing Ash to grit his teeth in fright since he thought he was pulling off cool and calm quite well.
Meanwhile, May finishes her tea and Max offers to get her another. But as he prepares to, she mutters to herself, "Where's Torchic?"
"WHAT? WHAT TORCHIC?" asks Max in a panic, "Oh I see, I thought you said something else... Torchic's outside."
Well if that's the case, May decides to go out and see it then. Max charges in front of her and stammers that they should hang out some more, a line that causes her to immediately know something is up and demands to know if something has happened to her Torchic.
Stephanie is still having trouble deciding, Ash eagerly offering to help by saying the only choices are Mudkip or Treecko, while Stephanie's Dad reckons all Pokemon look alike to him anyway. May bursts through the door to Ash's horror, spots her Torchic immediately and hugs it happily as Ash and Max's pathetic, terrible and incredibly stupid scheme goes down the drain.
May demands Ash tell her what is going on, and Brock would like to know if there is something he needs to tell them. Ash desperately says no.... and then Combusken kicks through the door and wades in angrily.
Jesus Ash, you are the worst liar in the world.
Nurse Joy tries to figure out how it got in there and Ash and Max finally come clean, apologising and telling the whole story when, by an incredible stroke of luck, a gigantic, sick whale slowly gets dragged through the air by their window.
Ain't that always the way?
The twerps stare through the window in shock, the sick Wailord hanging in a massive harness with an R on the side, dangling beneath the Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloon! Yes it's Team Rocket, who have attached an engine enhancement to give them the extra lift they need to carry Wailord.
"Dat ain't all dat'll be enhanced when da Boss sees dis!" grins Meowth.
Oh my!
Ash calls out to them as he and others run outside, and Nurse Joy demands they let down Wailord, which serves only as a cue for the motto.
"Prepare for trouble because we're hauling a ton!"
"Make it double, with our carry-all mark one!"
"To protect the world from devastation."
"To unite all peoples within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"Jesse."
"James."
"Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light,"
"Surrender now or prepare to fight, fight, fight!"
"Meowth! Dat's right!"
"WOBBUH WOBBUFFET!"
Nurse Joy begs them to let the sick Pokemon back into the water, but Jesse grins and tells her if she thinks they're going to do that, she's obviously combed her bangs a little too tight. James agrees, there is no way they're letting this catch go, they're going to get promoted and become Executives!
Ash asks Pikachu to help, but before it can Combusken runs in and uses Flamethrower to damage the engine enhancer, then leaps through the air with a High kick that cuts the Wailord free and drops it far down into the ocean. The sudden loss of weight sends Team Rocket hurtling into the stratosphere, screaming out, "WE'RE BLASTING OFF AGAIN!"
For a moment all is quiet, and then...
"MAYBE WE SPOKE TOO SOON!" cries Meowth as they drop back down, and then Pikachu uses Thunderbolt and sends them blasting off again again. Since their engine enhancer did not come with electricity protection, Team Rocket exit the episode with a safety message about insurance AND sexual habits.
IT PAYS TO HAVE PROTECTION!
Stephanie has watched all this happen and is very excited, declaring that she'd love to become a great Pokemon Trainer like Ash, who seems a little taken aback considering how much he screwed up today. Stephanie's Dad also is impressed, in fact for the first time in his life he has realised how great Pokemon are. Joy asks Stephanie if she has decided yet, warning that Combusken is a bit much for a new trainer, and Stephanie says she would like to take Mudkip. Mudkip is happy to hear this, but the female Treecko stares up with tears filling her eyes, and Stephanie's Dad (who we assume is widowed or divorced and VERY lonely) stares into the eyes of the small grass-type female with a wide open mouth, then cries out that he would like Treecko, because it's really cute!
Oh my God!
Nurse Joy sees nothing wrong with this, and Mister Stephanie's Dad says he wants to be Treecko's partner.
OH MY GOD!
Ash apologises to Combusken for causing it to evolve and ruining its chances of being picked by a trainer, but all's well that ends well apparently. Nurse Joy was so impressed by its aggression that she wants to keep it around as a Guard Pokemon. Max stares around at all the happy trainers with their Pokemon and turns to the cliff edge, shouting out that whichever Pokemon out there will end up being his first, he can't wait to meet them!
Wailord roars out its own name out in the ocean, and we can only imagine the translation.
I sure as hell hope it isn't me, kid.
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