298: A Three Team Scheme
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A Three Team Scheme!
Who is it climbing the cliff? Well if it isn't everybody's favourite ACTION Professor, Professor Birch! Climbing up the cliffside, he stops to take a peek inside of a Wingull nest just as the Wingull in question returns, squawking angrily at him and causing him to fall back off of the cliffside and down, down, down to his ACTION doom.
Luckily for the already generously padded Professor (that's a nice way of saying he's fat, Gentle Dodgers), he lands on something fairly softy and springy. Unluckily for him, it turns out to be our recurring friend Loudred, which is having a really bad week when it comes to trying to find a nice place to sleep.
It roars directly into Birch's face and sends him tumbling backwards onto the beach, then digs itself into the ground and disappears from view. Thankfully, today we are not greeted with the dubious pleasure of seeing its asshole.
The twerps rush up to him, surprising the Professor who certainly wasn't expecting to see them. He explains he has come to Dewford Island because it is famous for its varied Pokemon, but May points out that climbing cliffs like that is dangerous. Max admonishes her, yelling that Professor Birch is famous for going to the EXTREME and in general being an all out ACTION PROFESSOR FROM ACTION UNIVERSITY.
Possibly in Des Moines, action capital of the Universe.
Now it is the Professor's turn to ask them what THEY are doing there, as he expected Ash to be much further along challenging for his fourth or fifth badge. Ash has the dignity to look embarrassed (thankfully Birch didn't do anything dumb like Oak and beat a million dollars on Ash's progress) as he tries to explain why he sucks, and as they talk they are watched from a distance by Team Rocket, who note the Professor's presence and wonder if they can use it to their advantage and follow him to some rare and valuable Pokemon.
With Professor Birch caught up on Ash's progress (he got one badge then got his ass whupped by a surfer) and May's (she was planning on bumming around Hoenn on a gap year under the pretence of being a Pokemon Trainer before deciding she wanted to be a Pokemon Coordinator) and Ash proclaims that todayıs training should now be accompanying the Professor as he looks for new and different Pokemon. May and Max think this is a great idea, but Brock blows his whistle and pulls out a training schedule, declaring that they've already scheduled their training regime for the day! Ash laughs it off, saying they can work on it tomorrow; Birch agreeing that it is always good to make changes to your schedule. Well that is that then, and never mind that Brock is fighting back tears, having worked so hard on that schedule!
But in a sinister interlude, a red hovercraft zooms overhead, landing further inland. A ramp comes down and sinister techno music plays as a tall man dressed in the uniform of Team Magma steps out.
GASP!
Meanwhile Professor Birch takes the twerps into a cave, looking for wild Golbat. The cave seems different to the others the twerps have found, and almost immediately they reach what Ash calls a dead end.
Yes Ash, a dead end despite the fact there is a door in the wall.
May at least has the presence of mind to ask what a door is doing in a cave, and Max knocks before trying the doorknob and finding it unlocked. He opens it and they enter the last place you'd expect to find behind a door in a cave on a beach.
No it's not a doorway to New York in the 1980's and a heroin addict jonesing for a fix on a plane; nor is it a secret room with a doorway to Kingdom Hearts. No, inside there isn't a bald man stroking a white cat or a death laser, but a kidıs room with a Pokeball themed table and chair, a horrible colour scheme, books on Pokemon and a computer. This is a surprising find indeed for a cave, but as they look a small boy enters the room with a Spider-like Pokemon called Nincada and demands to know what they are doing in his "secret base". Caught trespassing in the room in an unmarked cave with an unlocked door that they knocked on, the twerps apologise profusely for not knowing they weren't supposed to be there, but the kid just yells at them to get out, and when they try to explain that they didn't know they were trespassing he suddenly demands Nincada use Fury Swipes! They bolt out of the room as the boy screams at them to get out, running past an oddly coloured rock along the cave-wall. The camera sticks on the wall and suddenly it drops, revealing it was fabric all along held up by Team Rocket.
A Team Rocket who are VERY interested in finding out more about this "secret base"?
Outside Birch wonders if the kid was a Pokemon Trainer, then displays the academic curiosity and love of knowledge that saw the only University he could get into being ACTION UNIVERSITY. He decides he really doesn't care and they decide to go to another cave.
But back in that first cave, the little kid is surprised by a knock on the door and rushes to open it so he can yell at the twerps some more, but there is no one there. Leaving the door open (MORON!) he turns around and a grinning Team Rocket slide into the doorframe behind him.
"Hiii!" they cry together.
"Who are you?" he demands.
"We have a surrrr-prriiiiisse!" they giggle, Jesse and James lifting Pokeballs, "You've got company!"
A short scuffle later the kid tears out of the room screaming for help.
"Well that was rude," laughs Jesse.
"I now declare this room the secret base of Team Rocket!" cries James, proud to have scared a little boy out of his room.
"Declare this too!" laughs Meowth, sitting on top of a beaten Nincada.
But in a sinister interlude, out in the ocean, a submarine breaches the surface off the island and a group of Team Aqua members don scuba gear and leap into the ocean.
GASP!
Back in Team Rocket's "secret base" we find Jesse congratulating her "Silcoon" for tying up Nincada in a Stringshot web and dancing around in circles with it. Sitting at the kidıs computer, James and Meowth share worried glances, both quite sure that Jesse's "Silcoon" is in fact a Cascoon, though they won't know for sure until it evolves. James types away on the computer, which turns the monitor on to a full screen video-call to Giovanni as James tells Meowth it looked different at least.
"WHAT'S DIFFERENT?" demands Giovanni, and James and Meowth collapse as Jesse rushes to the screen to brown-nose the boss. He demands to know what they want, do they finally have progress to report or some useful information for him? They explain they've "built" a special base, Team Rocket's first in Hoenn and then step aside to cheerfully show him the room.... which he angrily declares looks like some kidıs room!
"Oooookay, yeah," grins Jesse, sweat running down her brow. She and James promise to remodel quickly to make it not only the first Team Rocket base in Hoenn, but the best in the world! He snaps that they can call him back when the base is done and cuts off the call.
"I need a hug," moans James.
But with that flair for completely losing touch with reality they have, they quickly decide that if they DO pull this off, they'll be promoted! They'll be the big wigs!
Outside another cave we find the twerps leaving, having just seen a bunch of Golbats and talking all about how great it was to see all those Golbats, which is quite handy for the animators. May spots the kid from earlier and Ash introduces himself, apologising for earlier. The kid introduces himself sadly as Keanu (oh God, his mum was a chav, wasn't she!) and they ask what the problem is.
Inside Team Rocket's "Secret Base" Jesse has Nincada on a Stringshot leash digging into the walls, telling it that it will get no rest until this place looks like a palace. As it digs though, three Team Magma members burst into the room and declare that their goal is close at hand, completely ignoring Team Rocket.
Team Rocket stare at them in confusion, then remember them from when they first arrived in Hoenn. Jesse jumps up and declares that they are NOT welcome here, and Team Magma's leader asks just who they are.
"Prepare for trouble, you'll know soon enough!"
"And make it double, before we get tough!"
"To protect the world from...." starts Jesse, and then they cut off as a group of Mightyena are called out and begin growling. Team Rocket cheese it out of there, and without another thought for them the Magma Leader demands his henchmen proceed. A massive drilling device smashes through the wall and begins burrowing into the rock.
Meanwhile Keanu is telling the twerps about his lousy record as a Pokemon Trainer, as he has so far failed to succeed in a single battle. Ash and Max are astonished and ask him if he has really lost EVERY battle, earning them a glare from the loser who explains he loves Pokemon but not battling. Brock asks if he doesn't like battling them because he keeps losing, while an angry May watches on. Keanu agrees, then explains he built the base to train because he was letting down Nincada, and....
"THAT'S ENOUGH!" screams May, "LOOK! HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BATTLE WITHOUT AN OPPOINENT!?! ONCE YOU CATCH A POKEMON YOU MAKE FRIENDS AND BATTLE THEM! YOU BETTER SNAP YOURSELF OUT OF THIS LITTLE WORLD OF YOURS, GET IT!?!"
"You're not really in any position to lecture on battling," smirks Max, and May collapses onto her front before getting up and muttering that it is true.
Ash declares that he'll help Keanu with his battling, but first they need to get back his Nincada.
Yes, Gentle Dodgers, apparently he already told them about that but they wanted to hear about how much he sucked first!
Meanwhile Team Magma has burst through the rock into an underground cavern, and the leader silently motions for the digging machine to fire two missiles into the roof. The missiles burrow into the roof, then open large spotlights that shine onto a massive building sitting in the cavern. He declares that he has finally found the "Cave of Origin" while hiding behind some rocks elsewhere in the cave Team Rocket watch.
"Dat old building is really creeping me out," whispers Meowth.
"I'm registering a 10 on MY creep meter as well," cries James, "Let's go please!"
"Get a hold of yourself! Don't you know the scarier the thing the richer the reward?" growls Jesse.
She explains what James calls the "One Step Ahead" plan in which they stay.... well, "one step ahead" and then grab whatever it is Team Magma is after and give it to Giovanni.
The Magma Leader is brought a small box made from the same material as the old building, and spots two disc-shaped indentations. He orders his henchmen to fan out in pairs and report back to him when they "detect a response from G"
O....kay
While this is going on, Jesse has her "Silcoon" spit out a thread of silk, telling James and Meowth they'll use the thread to climb down to the bottom of the cavern. James and Meowth exchange another worried look over her refusal to accept she has a Cascoon and decide to just let her "keep yapping".
Meanwhile in Keanu's "secret base" the twerps, Birch and Keanu stare in shock at the destruction around them. Keanu looks about for Nincada when Birch uses that Doctorate from ACTION UNIVERSITY to spot something a little off..... there appears to be a giant hole in the wall! He says that should lead them to some answers.
In the cavern, Magma grunts crawl all over the monolith with scanners, reporting "negative G detection" though their sonar has now detected several moving objects coming in through the underwater tunnel that feeds into this cavern.
What the sonar hasn't detected is the two extra people and Pokemon that are also inside the "Cave of Origin", with Team Rocket reaching the base of the monolith. Jesse instructs Nincada (still on a leash) that it is going to help them. The twerps also arrive in the cavern and Ash is amazed at the size of the building, but Birch saying the monolith is more than just "a building". In the water at the base of the cavern, the Team Aqua team arrive and find the Magma leader already waiting for them. He has his Mightyena use Shadowball, but the Aqua Leader was also prepared for this and has her Carvanha blast away Shadowball with Hydro pump.
Team Rocket hear the noise and turn to look, while the twerps also register the disturbance and look down at the confrontation taking place. Neither leader seems too surprised to see the other there, and the Aqua grunts run past the Magma leader who makes no move to stop them. The Aqua Leader - a woman - obviously knows the Magma leader, referring to him as "Field Commander Harlan," to which he responds with her title, "Tactical Commander Isabel" and they inform each other with confident smirks that neither is going to get in the others way.
Oh just fuck all ready.
The twerps watch the two melodramatic hornbags, Birch saying both teams use their Pokemon to cause trouble, but why they are in these old ruins he doesn't know. They ask Keanu if one of these teams stole Nincada and he replies they didn't, that the team that did had a Meowth with them. A MEOWTH! Well then, the twerps know who that must be!
It sure is a lucky thing that he mentioned Meowth since the giant red R's on Jesse and James' white uniforms aren't a distinguishing feature or anything.
Harlan tells Isabel that they're each seeking a different power, and Team Rocket overhear and wonder if they mean the treasure, Meowth suggesting they might be talking in riddles. Harlan then asks if she brought the Rose Orb and she won't tell him, and then tells him he isn't worthy to have his hands on the Indigo Orb.
Rose orb? indigo orb? What in the world are they talking about?
"What in da world are dey talking about?" asks Meowth.
"What in the world are they talking about?" asks Brock.
In further mindfuckery, Isabel says Harlan seeks the power of land, but the power of sea controls all things. Before Harlan can reply with something just as obscure and irrelevant, Harlan gets a report that his team has found nothing, so he instructs them to prepare to pull out. Isabel smirks (though it didn't seem possible she could smirk anymore than she already was) but then gets a report that this isn't the "Cave of Origin" after all but a shrine of worship.
"Cave of what?" asks Ash.
Harlan and Isabel share a chuckle about "the ancients" that is supposed to suck us - the viewers - into their world of conspiracies and evil archaeological endeavours, then their two teams rush to their leaders and face off, perhaps to fight.
Harlan and Isabel stare each other down, both gagging for it and trying to look cool in front of each other. Then Harlan returns his Mightyena to its Pokeball and Isabel does the same with Carvanha, then the Aqua grunts strap on their scuba gear and dive into the water followed by Isabel. The Magma grunts and Harlan jump onto their digging machine (now converted to a hovercraft) and soar up into the air, into the tunnel they dug and they too leave, leaving behind a bunch of questions, no answers, a lot of confusions and what it supposed to be a compelling subplot running through the series.
Ash is completely and totally perplexed (and for once he's not the only one) but the twerps are then distracted by laughter from Team Rocket.
"Hip hip hooray!" laughs Team Rocket.
"Now that they're gone, let's get BEH-ZAY!" laughs Jesse.
"He who laughs last sticks around for the PRIIIIZE!" giggles James, as they all dance about.
But the twerps interrupt their victory celebration, crying out that they must return Nincada, and May sends out Silcoon to use Stringshot to form a flying fox down to where Team Rocket are at the base of the monolith. Ash throws a towel around the string and tells Keanu to come help him, then flies down as the others give Keanu encouragement, leaving the small boy torn.... on the one hand he wants to help Nincada, on the other hand.... he really, really sucks.
Ash demands Team Rocket hand over Nincada, to which they reply it is rude to make demands of your elders, so he should apologise and then hand over Pikachu.
Jesse - whose boobs are huge today, in case you were wondering - and James suddenly squawk as they see Keanu sliding down the Stringshot flying fox. He flies off of it and crashes into Team Rocket, sending Nincada flying free but still trapped in Stringshot from Cascoon. Ash yells a detailed explanation of what he wants Pikachu to do before Nincada can hit the floor, but luckily the old air in the cavern must be thick enough to slow Nincada's progress, as Pikachu is able to cut the string with Iron Tail and allow Nincada to fall safely to the floor.
Ash tells Keanu it is his turn now, and he has Nincada used Hidden Power which blasts Team Rocket with an impressive energy beam and sends them crashing into a wall of the cavern, through the wall itself, out of the mountainside and flying through the air.
Wow, Nincada is really tough, if Keanu keeps losing with THAT Pokemon, he must REALLY suck!
As the sun sets, the twerps and Professor Birch congratulate Keanu on his first victory (neglecting to mention it was against Team Rocket who always lose, and that they weren't actually using any Pokemon to fight back) and the power of Nincada. Ash looks up Nincada in his Pokedex, while Max says it is a shame Nincada did so much work on that underground base only for it to be ruined. Keanu shocks them by saying it doesn't matter, then explains that they'll just build another one, since it seemed to work so well for building up Nincada's power earlier.
Ash and Keanu shake hands, leading that old, grizzled veteran May to gush,"Ahh, the charming innocence of a new Trainer!"
So the episode ends with the narrator saying Ash has more training in store for him, and pointing out that we still know little about the mysterious Team Magma and Aqua. What is their plan? What do they hope to gain? What is this talk of orbs and power and the land and the sea? But the narrator does not ask the most important question of all.
Do any of us actually give a crap?
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 "I need a hug!" |
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