292: Which Wurmple's Which?
|
|
The tape of today's episode began five minutes late, and thus I had to construct the opening from screenshots, brief (and possibly inaccurate) episode guides from other sites.... and excerpts from various erotic musings I have had on the nature of the universe (it's a slut).
So any inaccuracies (for the first few minutes anyway) are completely the fault of the lame kids variety show that played Pokemon early that day, and any awesomeness is completely a construct of my fantasticalnicity. Thus....
Which Wurmple's Which?
Today's episode begins with a recap of just how much Ash sucks. He arrived (admirably quickly) for his second Hoenn Gym Battle and managed the convince the seemingly carefree surfer Gym Leader to take part in a battle. Brawly specialised in Fighting Pokemon and Ash's own arrogance over Brawly's carefree manner led him to refuse to change his strategy (which was run at things and hit them). Despite an admirable showing from Taillow and Treecko (well, Treecko at least), Ash lost his battle and Treecko got hurt so bad it had to spend the night in the Pokemon Centre. Ash at least came to realise that Brawly was a dedicated trainer, and decided to stay on Dewford and train his Pokemon before challenging Brawly again.
So today finds the four twerps sleeping in two sets of bunk beds.... or rather three of them. Brock sleeps in the top bunk on the left hand side, Max and May are using the two beds on the right side but where is Ash?
May sits up in bed and stretches (no filthy Dodgers, she doesn't sleep in the nude) then turns and notices Ash is missing. Max sits up and slides on his glasses and he too notices Ash is missing, and Brock looks over the edge of the bunk and spots the empty mattress below him as well.
Out in the hallway Ash sits on a bench with Pikachu by the room where Treecko is recovering. The other twerps approach him and ask how Treecko is doing, and he decides to go and check up on it. Through the viewing window he looks at Treecko lying on its stomach, and Nurse Joy steps out to tell him that it should be fine and good as new as soon as it wakes. Ash thanks her and soon retrieves Taillow and Treecko, both in their Pokeballs as his Taillow also required recovery - though not in such a bad way as Treecko is.
Ash lets Treecko and Taillow out and apologises for pushing them both so far, but tells him that he is proud of how well they did (they lost!). Since it's morning, it's feeding time! All of the Pokemon come out to have a meal, with May's Wurmple chowing down quickly then collapsing back to sleep. Ash jokes that her Wurmple has an appetite but doesn't appear to convert that to energy and Brock agrees, but if May is concerned that all her Wurmple does is eat and sleep, she doesn't show it.
Max walks up to the breakfast table and tells them that a trainer with connections to the Devon Corporation and the President can be found near Dewford's famed Granite Cave. Ash of course would like to meet him for advice on training (and maybe a battle) and they head out on the road.
They make their way through the picteresque Dewford Island scenery, Brock telling Ash a little bit about Granite Cave which is a dark place where some trainers spend days. Turning a bend, they spot an old man dressed in baggy clothes with a ridiculous handlebar moustache.... though his skin (despite some poorly applied wrinkles) appears smooth for such an old man, almost as if he exfoliates daily and competes with a red-headed, fiery-tempered woman for the best in clothes and make-up.
The old man tells them that he is an old fisherman who knows all the best spots to catch strong and rare Pokemon, and there is just such a spot nearby. He even freely offers them some spare rods if they'd like to go fishing but Ash declines, eager to get to Granite Cave. Unfortunately they're a foursome now, and May and Max both would like to take the opportunity to go fishing. Brock assures Ash they won't be long and he finally agrees, while in the bushes watching are Jesse and Meowth, snickering.
At the fishing spot, the twerps settle down and throw out their rods, enjoying the relaxing feel of sitting around holding your rod and waiting for something to take a nibble on it.
GETCHA MINDS OUTTA DA GUTTA!
Ash calls out Treecko and tells it to join in relaxing, and it lies back and enjoys the sun as they sit fishing.
Max handles his rod and eyes up his sister, then tells her that when she feels the first tug she mustn't pull it out.
Oh my!
Suddenly May feels a pull on her line and with a gasp begins reeling it in, hauling a small octopus looking Pokemon out of the water and onto the small cliffside. It is an Octillery, the evolved version of Remoraid (because that makes sense) but just because May has reeled it in doesn't mean she's caught it. Brock explains getting them out of the water is only the first part of the capturing process, now she'll have to battle it!
May calls out Wurmple but it seems Octillery doesn't want anything to do with this, and the slimy tentacled creature leaps up onto Max's face and wraps its tentacles around his face and head.
!
Wrong sibling, moron!
Max is ecstatic though, congratulating Octillery for using Constrict as it squeezes the life out of him, while Ash urges May to fight! She tentatively suggests Wurmple use Stringshot and it does so, but the Octillery leaps off of Max's head and Max ends up getting a blast of white, sticky fluid directly into his face.
Wrong sibling, moron!
As Max is covered in Stringshot, Octillery rams it head hard around Max's mouth....
WRONG SIBLING, MORON!
....then leaps into the river.
The twerps stare at the rippling water and then Max tells May to get back to the poles (hey, you're about 8 years too early for her to do your fantasy career choice, Max!) and this time it is Ash who reels in a Pokemon, this time a Corphish!
"A Corphish, Cool!" says Brock.
"Ahh... ahhh," mutters Ash, who hasn't got a clue what the crayfish like Pokemon with the massive head and big pincers is.
"Corphish, the Ruffian Pokemon," explains Dextina, "Corphish uses it sharp pincers to capture prey, it can happily live even in very pollited waters."
Corphish glares about angrily, then charges Max - who flees - and firmly grabs him by the ass....
WRONG SIBLING, MORON!
Corphish dodges an attack by Pikachu, then goes straight for May (FINALLY! Don't they know how he tai is supposed to work?) who throws Max into the way. Despite its earlier grab, Corphish isn't interested in young boy ass and rushes away as Pikachu tries to use a Thunder Attack, only for the Ruffian to smack him aside with a swinging Crab Hammer and then leap into the water and swim away.
Having failed again to catch anything, Brock suggests that third time might be the charm and they settle down to fish once again.
Watching from their Magikarp Submarine (and steadily peddling), Team Rocket aren't very pleased with what they're seeing. Jesse demands to know what gives, the twerps appear to be catching a lot of Pokemon and they're just sitting there!
James replies that it is pure luck, he just pointed out a random spot....
GASP! THAT OLD MAN WAS JAMES!
.... which Meowth retorts with by saying it would be nice if he'd use that luck for them sometime. Jesse however insists that everything is going according to HER plan, then declares, "They'll be in for a nice surprise the next time they feel a tug on their lines!"
Chance would be a fine thing!
She explains her plan through the power of cute, simple animation. A simple drawing of Ash (no other twerps in the fantasy) fishing catches the Magikarp submarine. She says she'll nibble at the twerp's hook (again, chance would be a fine thing) then pull him in... oooh it's cold! And Ash's Pokeballs will float to the surface where Team Rocket will grab them and she'll hugs Pikachu and get it a towel!
Back on land, May proclaims she's gotten ahold of something and it is tugging hard (remember Gentle Dodgers, it is illegal to enjoy it!) so Max insists on helping, and then Wurmple and the other Twerps try to help out as well. Beneath the water Team Rocket laugh, since it is their Magikarp Submarine that has been hooked. They pedal against the pull of the line and then.... their pedals break!
Squeaking in shock, Jesse cries out for them to abandon ship.
"Am I a sissy if I don't?" asks James.
"Dat ships already sailed!" cries Meowth.
WE KNEW IT!
The twerps haul what appears to be a giant Magikarp out of the water, May commenting that it is a BIG Magikarp.
"You're right it is, so prepare for trouble with a capital letter!"
says Jesse, jumping onto the head of the Magikarp submarine.
"You can make it a double because what I say is what's bigger is always better!" cries James, who apparently is a sissy who finds rod, reels and tackle rather alluring... the bigger the better!
"To protect the world from devastation."
"To unite all peoples within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"Jesse."
"James."
"Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light, ha!"
"Surrender now or prepare to fight, fight, fight!"
"Meowth! Dat's right!"
"TEAM ROCKET!" cry the twerps.
Jesse and James explain their plan all along was to haul them into the water, but Meowth sighs that they got reeled in instead. They jump onto the riverbank and throw a net over Pikachu, and when Pikachu tries to blast free it discovers that the net is electricty proof. It isn't badass Treecko proof though, as the little Pokemon leaps into the fray and headbutts James, setting Pikachu free. Meowth sees their plans falling apart and brings out its claws.
"Back off, Whiskers!" snaps Mays, "No one's gonna get close to my cute little Wurmple!"
Jesse seems surprised at this statement, and insists that her Wurmple is much cuter. May stares at the Wurmple Jesse brings out of its Pokeball and grunts that she can't be talking about THAT Wurmple.
"Anyone can see that my Wurmple's far better looking!" snaps Jesse.
"Well my Wurmple is a lot smarter than yours!" retorts May.
"MY Wurmple is attending night school to get its PhD!" growls Jesse.
"My wurmple is always polite, has very good manners and shares with others!" insists May as Ash, Brock and Max look on, completely perplexed.
"Ooh-ho! Is that right?" asks Jesse as James and Meowth stare in confusion at her, "My Wurmple has been raised much more carefully and is much more refined!"
"Well I read books to my sweet Wurmple each and every day!"
"And I take my Wurmple for very long walks!"
"My Wurmple is just happier!"
"And my Wurmple has never cried even once, see!"
Are they... are they talking about their vaginas?
Max demands they stop and insists they place both Wurmples down on the grass. For some reason the single-digit age boy appears to have authority over them and they do as he says. He then proceeds to examine, measure and look over the Wurmples before declaring that his study has found.... they're exactly the same!
Jesse and May both insist that this isn't so and Jesse claims they'll settle it the old fashioned way, with a Pokemon Battle. Her Wurmple fires a stringy mess of white fluid that Max and May only just dodge.
Well, both siblings is better than the wrong sibling I guess.
A furious May has her Wurmple blow a load of stringshot right in Jesse's face and over her chest (see it in slow-mo at PokemonAfterDark.com!) and James tries to get in on the action (he's always been partial to the sticky white stuff) by hauling up his net, only for it to be knocked from his hands by Treecko's twig.
Treecko uses Quick Attack to knock over James and Meowth, and Meowth crashes into both Wurmples. May and Jesse rush over and Jesse scoops up Wurmple and Meowth before running away with James, only to be sent "Shipping off again" when Pikachu hits them with a completely needless Thunderbolt that explodes the Magikarp submarine.
Goddammit, Ash.
May picks up Wurmple and asks if it is okay, but when it reacts she seems shocked. She stares at it in confusion then offers it some food, but it only daintily eats at it. She says something is wrong and notes her Wurmple is always hungry.... then proclaims that this isn't her Wurmple. Brock tells her to try using her Pokeball to test this, and the red beam has no effect... this really ISN'T her Wurmple. May vows to find her Wurmple again, which might have been easier if Ash hadn't blasted them off with a Thunderbolt when they were in the process of running away.
Team Rocket for their part sit commiserating in the forest over blowing their budget on reinforced fishing rods instead of reinforced Magikarp Submarine Pedals (GM Motors once made the EXACT same mistake in Flint, Michigan). Jesse doesn't seem upset though, sitting with her Wurmple nestled safely between her legs (so many others have tried but failed to get the same sanctuary) and declaring that the most important thing is that her Wurmple is safe.
James decides to celebrate with a cookie (a rather pathetic celebration, but really all they can afford) but Wurmple eats the whole thing before falling over and going to sleep.
"Oh my, what a... healthy appetite!" giggles Jesse, defending Wurmple from a hungry and shocked James and Meowth by saying it is going through a growing phase. James and Meowth look carefully at the Pokemon, then say what Jesse really should have figured out by now, that isn't her Wurmple!
She insists that it is and wakes it up for a hug, but it nestles against James's leg (no stranger to long, bumpy things that squirt white liquid I'm sure) instead and James suggests it might even be afraid of her.
Luckily they have an ace in the hole, Meowth can talk to Pokemon AND humans, so he asks it who its trainer is and Wurmple replies. Meowth translates what it said for James and Jesse, it said.... it's still hungry!
Meanwhile May is wondering where Team Rocket might be and Brock says those three could be ANYWHERE! (well thanks to Ash, yes) before May remembers her (short) history with Wurmple.
Meanwhile meanwhile, James and Meowth suffer from hunger while Jesse also remembers meeting Wurmple. It was a summer evening on starlit hill, Jesse was dressed in a flowing reb dress with a giant pink ribbon, standing amongst the windswept field of flowers as she locked eyes with Wurmple.... The end!
"Starlit hill, I've never heard of such a thing!" snaps James, remembering the true origin of hanging from a tree limb over a cliff arguing with each other.
Flying above them, Taillow spots Team Rocket and flies back to the twerps to let them know. But at Team Rocket's campsite, James and Meowth are gently trying to broach the subject of the insane rose-tinted fantasy land of Jesse's memory.
"Hey, ahh Jesse," starts James.
"Dat story ya told..." Meowth continues carefully, but is saved from a beating when the twerps show up and announce their presence.
Jesse thanks them for bringing Pikachu to them but May interupts Jesse's fantasy world to say she is hear to exchange Wurmple, since they were mixed up. Jesse's response is instant, proclaiming it was obvious the Wurmple she is currently holding lacks the superior breeding of her own!
James and Meowth collapse in disbelief as May approaches holding Jesse's Wurmple before her, offering to make the exchange. Max warns May to be careful and the two females meet between the two groups, making the trade on two... except Jesse grabs both Wurmple and runs away.
"Now I've got twice the Wurmple and twice the fun!" she giggles.
James and Meowth struggle to keep up (Meowth noting his legs are a lot shorter!) and jump into the Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloon, taking off into the air. As they float up into the air and Jesse clutches a Wurmple to both parts of her ample bosom (hehe, bosom), Meowth proclaims they can give one of the Wurmples to the Boss, and when James asks the question he should know better than anyone (would the Boss appreciate a Wurmple?) we get a brand new trademarked crazy Meowth Giovanni fantasy.
"One morning he might wake up and realise dat one of his pyjama buttons is loose," Meowth explains as we see a tired (and old) looking Giovanni sitting up in bed with a Wurmple sitting beside it, "And den on da spot Wurmple will provide the tread he needs to sew dat button up!"
We see Giovanni now in a white bedshirt as he sews up his pyjama top, saying in a gruff Meowth voice, "Meowth and his friends who gave me dis here Wurmple are truly essential to Team Rocket!"
Jesse believes it all (hey she's crazy too!) and believes they'll get big promotions, but James is not so sure. The point is made moot when Taillow uses Wing Attack and crashes the balloon, and May grabs her Wurmple and hugs it. Jesse sends out Seviper, still hoping for a second Wurmple, and Taillow flies in to fight it only to be enveloped in Seviper's Haze Attack.
Ash sends out Treecko and has it help Taill0w, using Pound Attack on Seviper as James sends out Cacnea which lovingly hugs James' neck with its needle sharp.... needles!
Pikachu avoids Cacnea's Pin Missile after James breaks free, and Treecko avoids Poison Tail from Seviper and hits it with a Pound, Pikachu uses Quick Attack and Seviper and Cacnea are both sent crashing back into Team Rocket, then Ash finishes things off with Thunderbolt which lets off a massive explosion and sends Team Rocket blasting off agian, though Jesse is happy to have her cute little Wurmple again, leading James to mutter, "Oh joy."
It MUST have been her vagina she was talking about!
Max exclaims that Treecko is all better as it flexes an arm happily, watching Team Rocket blasting off into the distance.
As the sun sets, May offers Wurmple some food and it quickly eats through it and falls asleep, assuring May it is her Wurmple. Ash tells her how impressed he is by how she immediately knew it was her Pokemon, and Brock says this is the sign of a bond between Trainer and Pokemon, with even Max admitting that she is looking more and more like a Trainer everyday.
But that's not the most important thing Gentle Dodgers, the most important this is this:
How many of you actually tried to go to PokemonAfterDark.com?
| BEST QUOTES |
 "Now I've got twice the Wurmple and twice the fun!" "Am I a sissy if I don't?" "Dat ships already sailed!"
"You can make it a double because what I say is what's bigger is
always better!" |
|
