290: Sharpedo Attack!
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Ash asks Briney how much longer until they get to Dewford and he tells them they should be there by tonight, and Ash excitedly says to Pikachu that by tomorrow they could be taking place in their second Gym Battle. Meanwhile May suddenly has a good idea and gets out those rounded objects that so many young men dream of getting their hands on.... Pokeballs! She calls out Torchic and Wurmple to enjoy the sun and Brock and Ash comment that it is a good idea before calling out their Pokemon as well. Ash suggests that they try to relax and just have some fun before they get to Dewford, which raises an important question. If there is going to be a "fun, relaxing" party on a boat in international waters with an old sea captain, a bunch of young males and one underage girl..... well then should May be on the lookout for a....
Sharpedo Attack!
Beneath the waters of the ocean, we find a giant Magikarp struggling its way through the water behind the S.S Wingull. It is a familiar sight to us all, because it is Team Rocket's old Giant Magikarp submarine! Yes, somehow or someway they got it to Hoenn and are now doing their best with pedal power to try and keep up with the sleek, speedy S.S Wingull. They chant as they pedal that they are the best, above all the rest! But despite the power of positive thinking they just can't keep up and have to start pedalling faster. When Wobbuffet leaps out of its Pokeball to declare its own name with patient pleasure, Jesse grabs it by the head and demands that it pedals too!
On the S.S Wingull itself, Wurmple busily eats through an entire tin of food while Treecko strikes a cool pose sitting on the side of the boat. The animators and writers can't figure out anything to with Forretress (which is a boring and uninteresting Pokemon) so they just have it sit on the deck sleeping while Lotad uses Water Gun to give Pikachu and Torchic a shower - though the latter seems less than pleased. Wingull and Taillow soar through the air above the S.S Wingull while on deck May stretches and thrusts out her chest which suddenly gives Max an idea. He suggests that he and his dear older sister go for a swim together in the cold, nipple-erecting air. Briney uses his dirty old man sense and overhears them, then suggests that he knows a nice secret place they can go to. Ash though doesn't care about getting May wet, cold and in need of a warm embrace and says he is eager to get to Dewford Island, but when he looks to Pikachu for back-up he discovers all of the Pokemon have gone sleepy-nigh-nighs. The other twerps convince Ash that it is probably for the best to let Pikachu get some rest after what was a pretty tough battle against Roxanne for his first badge and he reluctantly agrees to "one little swim", which causes the instigator of the original plan - Max - to think to himself with a smirk, "My plan worked perfectly!"
You sick little bastard!
Pikachu wakes up as the S.S Wingull comes into view of a pretty looking island with a nice natural cove for private swimming. As they sail into the cove, they are followed by a menacing looking shadow. The beach is a lovely spot, Max suggesting it to be the type of place where pirates would bury treasure. Brock asks what the name of the island is and Briney explains that it has none, nor does it appear on any map. He found it back in his sea-captain days and never told anyone about it, and now he has brought a bunch of young kids there without telling anyone.
A lot of terrible horror movies and reasonably good pornos start the same way!
May appears on deck from the interior cabin dressed in a cutesy - but obviously skin-tight - one piece pink bikini. As the camera pans lovingly over her illegal body, Max asks her where she got it and she explains while they were wasting their time in Rustboro she was doing important things like shopping! She dives into the ocean and then breaches the surface, crying out, "Come on in, guys!" Max - who appears to be in green speedos! - leaps in as well, then he and his sister both laugh in slow-motion as white fluid crashes into their faces and "something" watches from beneath the waves.
A lot of terrible horror movies and reasonably good pornos start the same way!
Torchic doesn't want to swim but everyone else does, but before they can get into the water May and Max let out a scream and hug up close together as they are surrounded by multiple shark-looking Pokemon - Sharpedo!
Briney sends Pico in to help out, May and Max grabbing it by the legs as the little Wingull struggles mightily to lift their weight out of the water. They left their legs high as the Sharpedo leap out of the water beneath them, causing Ash to send in Taillow to try and distract them and keep them away from May and Max. One of the Sharpedo - larger than the others - leaps higher out of the water and its Rough Skin attack scratches along Max's legs, ass and probably his sack.
Ouch!
Pikachu lets loose with a Thunderbolt that clears away the entire school of Sharpedo while Taillow (now flying above and lifting Wingull which in turn is lifting May and Max) and Pico get May and Max back onto the S.S Wingull's deck. May assures the others she is okay (Max on the other hand may need to borrow some tampons!) then notices tears in her swimsuit as the camera zooms in on her crotch. She jumps up and begins shouting at the Sharpedo when suddenly the large one leaps high up in front of her roars, "SHAR!" which causes her to pinwheel her arms in fright and stagger back.
Brock - perhaps more accustomed to having his sack torn than the others - approaches Max and asks him if he is okay, and when Max says that he's just feeling a little "tingly" it seems that he got off comparatively lightly. Ash of course wants to know more about the strange Pokemon, and checks his Pokedex for the information.
"Sharpedo, the brutal Pokemon. Sharpedo can, shoot out a jet of water, allowing it to swim at, 80 miles per hour. Due to their, sharp fangs, they are highly feared and known as the gangs of the sea."
Briney suggests that they clear out since the Sharpedo seem to feel this territory is theirs, but before they can get going the Sharpedo begin to slam against the sides of the boat, the larger Sharpedo apparently giving orders. Briney misses the opportunity to declare, "We're going to need a bigger boat!" as the twerps all react in alarm, May dropping to her hands and knees and rocking her body back and forth.
Many reasonably good por.... ahh forget it.
Pikachu uses Thunderbolt again and clears a path through the Sharpedo, and the S.S Wingull goes the only way it can, forward to the beach of the nameless island.
Later than night Briney and the twerps settle down around the campfire to eat a dinner prepared for them by Brock, which includes a delightful herbal tea. Ash has forgotten the danger of the Sharpedoes and is happily telling everyone he had no idea a campout on a deserted island could be such fun. Briney reminds him of the danger, pointing out into the ocean where some of the Sharpedo still watch, though far less now than earlier. The twerps speculate that the majority of the school has broken off - possibly to feed - but the others remain to act as lookouts in case they try to make a break for it.
Brock notes that Sharpedo are usually solitary and Briney agrees, suggesting that the unusual behaviour makes it seem like the Sharpedo are almost deliberately trying to trap them. But why would Pokemon with "-pedo" in their names want to trap them? Well perhaps due to the reason that May wants to get out, she wants to get a new swimsuit! Ash assures her that he can beat them in a Pokemon battle but Max notes that between the lot of them they have only eight Pokemon, against a far larger number of Sharpedo. Brock may have an out though; he noted there was a larger Sharpedo apparently giving orders which may be what is keeping the school together through dominance. If they can defeat it in a one-on-one situation, they will become the new Alpha-Male of the group and the other Sharpedo will follow their orders. Briney agrees with the theory, and says that if anything else, it is at least worth giving it a shot.
Meanwhile a little way distant from the island, Team Rocket surface in their Magikarp submarine looking absolutely exhausted. Jesse complains that motivational chanting doesn't work and Meowth complains about getting ripped off by an infomercial. But then they notice the island and immediately are awash with thoughts of beaches, food and maybe even some restaurants! But suddenly their Magikarp submarine is blindsided and they twist to find the school of Sharpedo attacking them. James stares in wide-mouthed horror at the attacking Pokemon as Jesse demands he do something instead of just sitting there.
"I tink he's scared stiff!" suggests Meowth.
Jesse takes things into her own hands by calling out Seviper, which uses Poison Tail and actually knocks back the Alpha Sharpedo. But the Sharpedo school doesn't react as Brock suggested, instead they respond as one by attacking the Submarine, crashing into it with a Group Tackle that sends Team Rocket launching out of the ocean, through the air and over the island.... where Jesse's sharp eye spots the S.S Wingull and the twerps! James and Meowth compliment her on her excellent vision, and then ask her why she didn't spot the Sharpedo as they disappear into a glint of light in the far off distance.
The next day finds a shirtless Ash and Brock standing side by side, Ash calling out to Briney who is stand on the other side of the cove wearing shorts and a loose singlet. He is standing next to May and Max, with May today dressed in a skimpy two piece yellow bikini while Max is wearing green shorts. Ash jumps into last nights cooking pot along with Pikachu, and Taillow and Wingull pull him onto the water while Brock watches on.
This is a pretty weird scene, Gentle Dodgers.
Ash is pulled in front of the Sharpedo and taunts them as he is surfed around the cove, causing them to start chasing him and leaving only the biggest Sharpedo behind. How the twerps knew the bigger Sharpedo wouldn't take the bait is unclear, but regardless once it is left alone in the cove May, Max and Briney pull on a rope and draw a large fence constructed of driftwood during the previous night (!) across the cove. Sharpedo realises it is about to be fenced in and rams against the fence, which causes the rope to pull and drag May into the water. Sharpedo launches itself at her and Brock throws in Lotad (apparently throwing it all the way across the cove thanks to the extra "training" his right arm has been getting since meeting May) to help her. It lands in front of Sharpedo with wide-eyed, retarded confusion which in turn confuses Sharpedo and gives Max time to throw May a rope and drag her back to the rocks. Ash is pulled up onto the other side of the rocks by Taillow and Wingull and asks May if she is okay while Brock prepares to fight using Lotad and Sharpedo.... promptly eats Lotad!
Lotad sits quietly, confusedly within Sharpedo's mouth as Brock screams for it to use Water Gun and finally it reacts, blasting loose of the gaping maw of Sharpedo. Brock cries for it to use the attack again and Lotad prepares to... then stops and just stares at Sharpedo as it groans and collapses, rolling over in the water and beaten! Brock takes it in close to the shore and looks the beaten Sharpedo over, saying it looks like it was poisoned (Seviper), with Max thinking it might have gotten into an underwater battle with a Tentacruel. The others ask if they can help and Brock replies that he can only do so much with no medical supplies, feeding Sharpedo some food and apologises that he isn't a proper Pokemon Doctor with good medicine. Briney tells him he is doing a good job, before Brock tells Sharpedo to just hang in there and work the poison out of his system.
That night as the other twerps settle in for dinner, May notices that Brock is STILL with Sharpedo in the water while a confused Lotad also sitting there. Brock tells Sharpedo how awesome and tough and big it is and tells it not to let the poison beat it.
As day dawns, everyone is conked out asleep. May, Max and Briney are sprawled out over their thin camping mattresses while Ash and Pikachu have fallen asleep sitting up against a palm tree. Brock has fallen asleep in the water (he must have legs like an 85 year old!) resting against Sharpedo's side while Lotad sits in the water in front of Sharpedo's face. Sharpedo wakens and sees Lotad in front of it, then realises Brock is sleeping against its side. It puts one of its fins around Brock's shoulders and Lotad wakes up, crying out its own name in retarded happiness.... and then Team Rocket arrive on the scene.
Magikarp missiles fire out of the submersible, opening up and expanding nets that capture Pikachu and Sharpedo.
"Prepare for trouble or you'll walk the plank!" calls Jesse.
"Make it double or.... your boat will sink!" adds James.
"That doesn't rhyme!" snaps Jesse, angry at James letting the side down.
"To protect the world from devastation."
"To unite all peoples within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"Jesse."
"James."
"Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light,"
"Surrender now or prepare to fight, fight, fight!"
"Meowth! Dat's right!"
"Team Rocket!" snaps Ash, "Give back Pikachu and Sharpedo!"
"I don't wanna!" replies Jesse, which is perhaps the greatest thing ever said by anyone ever.
Brock yells at Team Rocket that Sharpedo is weak and sick but if he expects sympathy he gets none, as a wide grin spreads over Jesse's face and she says that Seviper's attack did the trick. Brock yells at them for poisoning it and an angry Team Rocket shout back that they should be the ones getting the sympathy since it was the Sharpedo that initially attacked them.
Too right!
Brock suddenly notices Lotad still sitting confused in the water and shouts out for it to use Razor Leaf, which cuts down the net and frees Sharpedo and Pikachu. Pikachu runs up besides Ash who prepares to finish things off in their usual style.... then stops and grins, saying that it looks like this time they won't have to do anything!
Team Rocket wonder why they haven't blasted off again yet, then turn around and find the school of Sharpedo returned (apparently the twerps removed their shark-fence) and looking pissed.
"Is it possible that they're all smiling at us?" asks James without much hope.
"Dang the Sharpedoes!" cries Meowth inaudibly, making it sound like he's using a word not allowed on a G rated cartoon as Team Rocket are blasted off again.
Brock congratulates Sharpedo, then the school rushes in and Brock cries out in panic over about Rough Skin... then realises it isn't hurting them. Mr Briney explains that certain Pokemon Traits like Rough skin don't hurt people they like or have befriended, and all the twerps get to pet and stroke them.
Yes Gentle Dodgers, May strokes a 'pedo. As the sun sets, Mr Briney gets them to Dewford Town on Dewford Island (somewhat later than initially promised) and says his goodbyes, hoping to see them again soon. The twerps say goodbye and also wave to the Sharpedo School as it swims out to sea, and Ash tells Pikachu that tomorrow they'll have a shot at his second Hoenn Gym Badge.
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