282: A Bite to Remember
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No, May and Max haven't discovered the joys of the Horizontal Alabama Bop, rather they' hiding in the long grass watching as a Zigzagoon drinking from a nearby stream. Unfortunately like most young boys, Max blows his load too early and shouts out that he can see the Zigzagoon, and as May tells him to keep it down the bizarre Racoon-like Pokemon takes off. Off to the side, the brother and sister spot some Stantler taking their fleshy jowls out for a walk, and then a flock of Beautifly swoop overhead. The entire forest seems to be jam-packed with Pokemon, a fact that Max exclaims loudly and happily to Ash and Brock when he and May return to the site of their camp. Ash, for perhaps the first time in a long time, doesn't take things at face value however, suggesting that there is something odd about the sight of all these Pokemon so closely packed in together and visible. Little does he know that the sights before them are nothing compared to what's coming, as the twerps are about to get....
A Bite to Remember
Max excitedly looks about the forest, exclaiming over the Pokemon he sees while at the same time scaring away a group of Shroomish and a Sudowoodo. The others admonish him not to get so close to the Pokemon or he'll scare them, while Max exclaims that he can't believe the difference between the Pokemon he has read about in books and the Pokemon he is finally seeing in the flesh (or fungus, or stone, or wood for that matter). May tells him he should study (!) if he wants to know what Pokemon look like, and a shocked Max goes into "little Professor" mode, listing off statistics like that kid you went to school with who always wore anoraks, carried a notebook and loved trains.
"When you're close to them, you feel them and smell their scent," exclaims Max, explaining in one fell swoop while books will never replace the real experience as many of those same anoraked nerds will never discover, especially in relation to pornography.
Well, feeling up and sniffing on Pokemon aside, the others agree with Max's enthusiasm until suddenly they notice all of the copious Pokemon clearing out as three shadowy figures appear on a rocky outcropping, then leap down to confront the twerps. Looking like a cross between wolves and happy dogs, they're identified immediately as Mightyena.
"Mightyena, the Bite Pokemon," explains Dextina, "Mightyena is the evolved form, of Poochyena. They roam primarily as packs, working together, to catch their prey."
Well at the moment it looks like the twerps are the prey, and Ash - who moments earlier had been boasting about the joys of fighting Pokemon to young, impressionable Max - suggests they make a run for it, but Brock insists they stand and fight. Forgetting his fears - literally! The boy ain't right in the head - Ash sends out Pikachu while Brock sends out Forretress (helpful) and May sends out Torchic (hindrance).
Pikachu throws a Thunderbolt at the lead Mightyena, but it dodges and before Forretress or Torchic can do anything a small grey blur zooms into them and knocks them over before leaping back in front of the pack of Mightyena and revealing itself to be....
LITTLE GREY PUPPY! HOORAY!
Actually, it is a Poochyena, the pre-evolved version of Mightyena and it's a growly little puppy!
A girl appears from the FUCK OUT OF NOWHERE and demands to know what the hell the twerps think they're doing! This freely accessible forest full of Pokemon and absolutely no fences or signs is a Pokemon Preserve! How dare they fail to pluck this information telepathically out of the stored atmospheric memory of the universe!?!
The rather taken-aback twerps explain they're just making their way to Rustboro City and were going through the forest; they had no idea it was a Preserve (what with the lack of any boundaries or markers indicating as such) and apologise for trespassing. The girl is immediately mollified, explaining that they get a lot of poachers in the area so she has to be on the lookout (luckily poachers are incapable of lying about being poachers, so she knows the twerps are all right). She introduces herself as Katrina, and the twerps begin to introduc....
"My name's Brock, but you can call me.... sweetheart!" declares Brock happily, and is immediately menaced by the territorial Mightyena, leading him to scream out the familiar cry of many young men when they meet a new, "friendly" girl.
NO BITING!
Meanwhile, we discover our beloved Team Rocket trudging through a darker part of the forest, complaining that they haven't seen any Pokemon despite rumours that the place was packed with them. By this point, they could care less about catching Pokemon and more about getting things into their mouths, with James moaning for a chilli dog, Jesse moaning for a hot dog and Meowth missing out on the subtext entirely and gagging for some sauerkraut. A Murkrow swoops by and then they spot a Hoothoot, an Aipom (IT HAS A HAND COMING OUT OF ITS ASS!) and a Spinarak. Thoughts of shoving long pieces of meat into their mouths depart immediately at the sight of the Pokemon, then Wobbuffet proudly pops up - as Wobbuffet will - holding up a sign that is handily held facing away from the viewer, so we can't see the blurred out original Japanese text. Team Rocket read the sign (perhaps the only one in the entire Pokemon Preserve) that tells them they're entering the preserve and there is no trespassing, this means THEM!
Well, they ignore the warning and focus on the positive - plenty of Pokemon to poach! Or as James puts it, "A Pokemon Hodge-Podge!"
"A whole group tah scoop!" agrees Meowth.
Back at Katrina's cabin, she shows off the different Pokemon she is currently caring for, including a bandaged up Tauros. Brock is ecstatic, Katrina is the girl of his dreams, someone he can live with and help to care for sick Pokemon. Katrina innocently asks him what kind of a Doctor he is, and as Brock begins to lie, Poochyena tackles him in the face sending him staggering back. Katrina grabs the naughty little grey puppy under the arms (puppy puppy ^__^) and scolds him, telling him she'll give him a time out as Brock swoons that his "perfect" girl even knows how to scold properly!
Katrina sits the twerps down to eat, and even though a little pink high-chair has been set up for wickle Max to sit in with a bib and plastic fork, the little nerd instead grabs Ash's Dextina and takes a look at the now sleeping puppy Poochyena.
"Poochyena, the Bite Pokemon," says Dextina,"Poochyena, is the pre-evolved form of, Mightyena. Its biting strength is far superior to other Pokemon, and has the endurance to chase its opponents down until completely exhausted."
Max is excited, Poochyena is surely on the cusp of evolution, and he'll finally be able to see one of the great moments of Pokemon - an evolution!
But Katrina corrects him, explaining that Poochyena is the same age as the other three Mightyena which all evolved at the same time. It seems that the Poochyena doesn't want to evolve (HIM WANT TO STAY PUPPY PUPPY ^__^) but Max disagrees with the Pokemon expert who has known Poochyena its whole life, explaining that since he personally wants to see an evolution, that means Poochyena (which is just trying to sleep) must want to evolve too.
May considers for a moment the idea of her Torchic evolving, and gets in her head the bizarre image of a giant Torchic with huge pectorals and washboard abs. Obviously not entirely up to speed on how evolution works, she checks her Pokedex and finds out that Torchic evolves into Combusken, a kind of hybrid chicken/martial artist. Max takes a peek and tells May she should have Torchic evolve soon, and finally someone who knows what the fuck he is talking about throws in his own two cents.
Ladies and gentlemen, when the expert of the group is Ash Ketchum, you know your shit is in trouble.
Ash explains that evolution isn't simply a matter of "wanting" your Pokemon to evolve (though Team Rocket once managed to defy the universe with the theory of induced evolution) but a personal thing that occurs either when a Pokemon feels it is ready or when certain other circumstances like level, experience and outside influences are taken into account. Max and May consider this (Max should really know better, he must have at least read about it) then ask why Pikachu hasn't evolved into Raichu yet, with May despairing that if Pikachu is as strong as it is and STILL hasn't evolved, her Torchic is in for the long haul. Cue a science lesson from Brock, who leaps into a white coat to explain the complexities of Pokemon evolution. He points out that Pokemon like Poochyena and Pineco can evolve at particular levels, while Pokemon like Pikachu only evolve with the use of a Thunder Stone. To complicate matters, he then explains the most evolutionary path of all in Eevee, which can evolve into Vaporeon, Jolteon or Flareon through use of evolutionary stones, or into Espeon or Umbreon based on the "skill" of the trainer (though in the games it is based on day or night). Finishing with a declaration that he wants a 9,000 word essay on evolution (which he quickly assures was a joke), his speech appears to have had the desired effect in explaining that evolution isn't something that just happens because you want it to.... so Max promptly declares that Poochyena is going to evolve, because he wants it to!
It's good to see Ash is contagious.
Hauling a sleeping and disgruntled Poochyena up, Max declares it is time to get the little grey puppy evolving, and sets about battling Torchic outside. Part of the problem according to Katrina is that Poochyena only ever uses Tackle, so Max tries to convince it to use Bite instead. But this goes against Poochyena's instincts and since Torchic is tired of being a tackling dummy it finally begins to fight back, hitting Poochyena with Ember, and then following through with an Ember attack on Max as well before stomping off in a huff.
Inside the cabin, Ash is feeding Pikachu which is sitting in the high chair initially meant for wittle bickle Max. Max steps inside and asks if he can borrow Pikachu.... or Treecko or Taillow... of hell all of them! Ash begins to say yes, until May steps inside carrying Torchic and angrily denounces Max for cheating, instructing the other Pokemon to let Poochyena beat them so that it will evolve.
Ash admonishes Brock, saying it isn't fair to let a Pokemon win a fake battle (like the Paras that Ash once helped gain confidence and evolve by faking battles!). Max storms outside and sits grumpily watching Poochyena tackling the nose of one Mightyena to no effect while the other two Mightyena watch on with grins. Ash and May approach him and Ash tells Max that some Pokemon don't want to evolve and are perfectly happy in their current forms, like Pikachu.
Max doesn't want to hear it though, snapping that he isn't going to cheat and then takes off running, calling for Poochyena to follow.
"That was weird," says Ash.
"Well, he's a weird kid," notes May.
Katrina steps up to them with a grim expression on her face, holding a torn piece of netting. She shows it to Ash and May, explaining that it is part of a trap for catching Pokemon.
THERE ARE POACHERS SOMEWHERE IN THE VAGUE, ILL DEFINED AND UNMARKED CONFINES OF THE POKEMON PRESERVE!
Indeed there are, and they're Team Rocket!
Jesse and James stand beside a net filled with captured Pokemon apparently incapable of using their varied powers to break free. Perhaps they are hypnotised by Meowth's gaping maw as he stands with a GIGANTIC grin on his face?
They hear a noise and look through the bushes to see "mini-twerp" Max and Poochyena on the lookout for easily defeated Pokemon. Max's logic is that if he can't cheat to fake a victory for Poochyena, he'll just find some walkovers for the little yawning puppy Pokemon (puppy puppy ^__^) to beat on, but it MUST use bite.
As they stand in the clearing, Max happens to look directly behind him and finds himself facing a large machine that was NOT there a few seconds earlier. He stares in shock at the bizarre machine, and then does something the twerps have NEVER done in six seasons.
He turns around and begins walking away.
But Jesse and James don't let him get away that easily, jumping out in lab coats and glasses and calling for him to come back. Once he does, they explain they called him back to tell him that they can't tell him anything about the mysterious machine of mysterious mystery, with James accidentally letting slip that they are involved in the field of Pokemon Evolution Science.
"Oh dear, did that really slip out of my mouth?" asks James - perhaps not for the first time - before he and Jesse grab a "random" Meowth and put it into the machine, slam the doors shut, open them and reveal.... a Persian!
Or rather, Meowth wearing a rather obvious Persian costume.
But Max is completely suckered and taken in, though Team Rocket can't help themselves and push it a little further by shutting the machine again and this time turning the "Persian" into a "Sunflora", then a "Murkrow" (completely with eyes and mouth inside of its beak!) and then a variety of other Pokemon until they rush Meowth a bit too much and we end up with a bizarre Persian/Pikachu/Sunflora hybrid and Max FINALLY clicks that something is rotten in the state of Denmark.
He turns to leave again, but Jesse grabs Poochyena and tosses it into the machine before her and James restrain Max and the machine explodes. The smoke clears and Max finds the machine gone and behind it a Happy Buddha Face Meowth balloon, Team Rocket and a net full of captured Pokemon including Poochyena.
Luckily for Max however, the other twerps and Katrina arrive on the scene with the three Mightyena and demand to know what is going on, and instead of just getting the fuck in their balloon and leaving, Team Rocket throw their motto into the mix.
"Prepare for trouble as we blind you with science!"
"And make it double, while we show you our defiance using something more simple than a kitchen appliance!"
"Should we show you who we are?" asks Jesse.
"WHEEE!" they cry as they throw off their "costumes".
"To protect the world from devastation."
"To unite all peoples within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"Jesse."
"James."
"Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light,"
"Surrender now or prepare to fight, fight, fight!"
"Meowth! Dat's right!"
"WOBBUUHHHH-FETT!"
Yes, it's Team Rocket (as Ash kindly points out in case we didn't guess) and they only have one thing left to do. James picks up a stick with a red glove attached and extends it out to in front of Ash, then points up in the air with a finger of the glove and says, "Look."
Ash looks.
Stop for a second and think about that Gentle Dodgers, Ash and Pikachu both look up as James hits a button and the glove wraps around Pikachu and pulls it back to the balloon which takes off rapidly. The twerps, Katrina and Mightyena give chase (though it wouldn't have been a surprise if Ash remains where he was standing, still looking up). Ash calls out Taillow which flies up and, rather than popping the balloon, begins pecking Jesse, James and Meowth's head which of course causes the balloon to start to loose height.
Well, okay then.
Max meanwhile outpaces the older kids and keeps up with the Mightyena as he calls for Poochyena to bite through the net. Poochyena refuses, and Max insists, saying not to be scared to bite (he'll regret that when he's 16) and finally Poochyena does so. Ash, May, Brock and Katrina are all shocked by the unprecedented sight of a dog-type Pokemon using its teeth to bite!
All of the Pokemon fall to their death.... fall safely to the ground with no obvious ill-effect, while Pikachu slips free of its glove as James is pecked by Taillow. A quick Thunderbolt later and, you guessed it, Team Rocket are blasting off again.
Max congratulates Poochyena and tells it that he finally understands that a Pokemon doesn't need to evolve to be great. Muddling the moral message though, Poochyena then proceeds to evolve, turning into Mightyena before their eyes and giving May and Max their first ever look at an evolving Pokemon.
The other Mightyena rub happily up against their newly evolved sibling and Max hugs it as Katrina tells him that Mightyena evolved for him.
Oh yeah, it is much more important to evolve for the little speccy kid who demanded you evolved or you suck rather than the lady who cares for you and feeds you and looks after your territory.
Regardless of all that crap though, the episode ends the way every episode should, with a doggy getting hugged!
^__^
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 "Oh dear, did that really slip out of my mouth?"
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