280: Taming of the Shroomish
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They head down into the city where May happily murmurs that she wants to go shopping, then maybe have dinner at a nice restaurant and then...
hmmm.... let's see? she ponders.
Yeah May, we all know what a girl does after a guy takes her out shopping and to a nice restaurant.
Brock mentions that he wants to pick up some new medicines as Ash wishes for a hamburger. As Brock pulls out a guidebook to check out where to pick up stuff, May shoves Ash out of the way as she finally cottons on to the fact that if she wants someone to buy her pretty things, the horny virgin is a better shot than the oblivious moron. As his sister slides up against Brock, Max asks Ash if they can go looked for some City Pokemon, but Ash insists that they grab a burger first. They decide to split up, Max will go with Ash for a burger and then a look for Pokemon, while his nubile, underage sister goes off alone into the city with a horny "breeder". About the only way any of this could be a worse idea is if drugs were involved, but it is unlikely that today we will see the twerps get ahold of some magic mushrooms and go about the....
Taming Of The Shroomish.
The twerps have separated, planning to meet up again later at the Pokemon Centre. But elsewhere in town we find an old run down mansion in the midst of the city. In the spacious grounds, Machoke do the heavy lifting as construction workers stand around trees threatening to cut them down. Two workers mention that the mansion gives them the creeps, and that five workers have already up and quit this week. But some people are always looking for work, and thus we find Team Rocket dressed up in unflattering construction uniforms making a (gulp) honest living.
James stands behind Meowth with a chainsaw roaring at Meowth to open his big ears, which Meowth takes great exception to, telling James to open his big mouth. James retorts that he doesn't like opening his mouth in case anything flies in....
!
....and Meowth says he might just put his fist in there. Jesse appears from behind a tree and snaps at them both to get back to work. Until they catch Pikachu and the Boss puts them on easy street they have to work to make money.... and she's horrified it will ruin her dainty, feminine figure and turn her into a musclebound goon. As Wobbuffett screams its own name in agreement, we cut away to more of the dainty, feminine things Jesse was talking about.
Yes May has gone shopping! Hauling along Brock with her (well someone has to pay for her to have all that pretty stuff, and Brock is the nearest thing to a sugar daddy she can find) she peers eagerly at jewellry and dresses. Brock suggests that maybe they should do their other shopping AFTER picking up supplies and medicine, but May is having none of that. If they spend all the money on supplies, they'll have less for pretty dresses and jewellery!
Meanwhile Max and Ash leave a shop with a suspiciously phony looking burger slapped over the doorway (almost as if it was some kind of Japanese noodle bar that suddenly turned into a burger joint?), Ash rubbing his stomach happily. Now that he has gorged himself on delicious America happy yum burger, Max wants to know if they can go find some Pokemon now. Ash agrees and Max starts taking them around dark alley ways in the middle of the city...
Oy vey.
....until he spots what may very well be ace photographer Todd's hair.
Or rather, how clever she is. She's got herself a sugar daddy now and it is important to tell him how clever he is if you still want him to buy you the latest knock-off the big fashion in New York and Paris.
As they walk along, another couple are talking loudly enough to be overheard amongst the crowd, mentioning something about the town being cursed. May rushes up and demands to get the hot gossip on the "curse" and the girl explains that a nearby mansion known as The Green Lodge is the source of a number of rumours. Despite having been abandoned for years people claim to see movement inside at night, construction workers report finding footprints inside, smelling odd things and being overcome with confusion and nausea whenever they enter.
Oh, it's a crackhouse!
Well if anything May is excited at the prospect of a haunted house, and it seems they'll be heading that way rather than the Pokemon Centre after all.
Meanwhile, Max is cooing over Todd's scalp, which actually turns out to be a Shroomish. Ash takes out Dextina, and we get some information on the disgusting, diseased looking fungus.
"Shroomish, the mushroom Pokemon. Shroomish is mild-tempered, and inhabits, piles of rotting leaves inside the forests."
Well this particular Shroomish doesn't look particularly mild-tempered, in fact it looks downright pissed off. Max asks Ash if he can give it some Pokemon food, and Ash - after scratching his ass for a bit - agrees, though he warns Max not to try and capture it.
Max bounds down in front of the Shroomish with his fist clenched shut and roars a greeting, then offers some horrible dry looking pellets that look suspciously like old pika-poop to Shroomish. The Shroomish grits its teeth angrily and then suddenly lets loose a burst of Stun-Spore, causing Ash and Max to run in fright as the angry little Shroomish sits in the dark alley gritting its teeth and shooting a fine orange spray from its orifice.
Sounds like many a Scouser's drunken Saturday night, Gentle Dodgers.
Meanwhile May is dragging Brock towards The Green Lodge, telling him to stop acting like a scared little girl and to come check out the haunted house. But Brock hasn't quite clicked about the fun of hanging out with a pretty girl in a dark and scary house quite yet, and while he continues to be a virgin we return to the alleyway where Max and Ash continue to watch Shroomish.
Now that the fungus has apparently calmed down, Ash approaches Shroomish and offers some of Brock's Pokemon food, and after Pikachu helpfully helps its fat ass to some of the food, Shroomish chows down as well. Max sniffs angrily that HE could have succeeded earlier if he'd used Brock's food too, and then he and Ash ponder over what a forest dwelling Pokemon is doing in the city anyway? Ash figures it might have gotten seperated from a trainer and suggests they take it to the nearby Pokemon Centre, and Max offers it a gift of a snotty handkerchief that also doubles as a handy way of differentiating Shroomish from any others they might encounter.
Three guesses what large group of Pokemon the twerps bump into next, Gentle Dodgers.
Meanwhile Brock and May have reached make-out poin.... The Green Lodge. May thinks the run-down crackhouse looks great, but Brock thinks it is just plain creepy. However his male genitalia automatically remove him from the decision making process and May leads him inside. Shortly after, Ash and Max walk by the the mansion and stop to take note of the huge garden that Max proclaims to be the size of a forest. Shroomish seems to be a little upset at the sight of the mansion, and suddenly leaps out of Max's arms and heads in towards the run-down house. Ash and Max follow, and are spotted by Team Rocket as they move a large tree log. Jesse immediately proclaims that capturing Pikachu is more important that this part time job, and she and James rush off leaving behind poor Meowth to carry the weight.... literally!
Meanwhile deeper inside the grounds by the mansion itself, May continues to drop heavy hints towards Brock that the eternally virginal twerp just doesn't get.
"All sorts of strange things could happen in a place like this!" she giggles, but Brock doesn't take the bait in the slightest. Luckily for his permanent record, before May can just out and out tear his pants away, Shroomish zooms by them and leaps through a shattered window frame. Ash and Max rush up and a confused Ash asks why they are there instead of in town getting supplies and stuff. Before Brock can say something stupid and raise the suspicions of Max about his sister, a man in a green sweater vest arrives on the scene and tells them it is too dangerous to hang around here. He explains that they are cutting down all the trees and it is too dangerous to have kids around. They apologise and explain they were chasing a Shroomish, something which the man insists is impossible. They insist that it happened, that they even fed Todd's scalp Pokemon food and everything! He explains that when he was a little boy he used to sit on a swing with a Shroomish on his lap while his Grandfather wheezed happily at his side and....
!
....anyway, back when he was a sweater-vest wearing kid the town was mainly forest and there were plenty of Shroomish around. But after his Grandfather died and the town got larger, the Shroomish disappeared until the only trees left were around the old mansion. Now that the local council has decided to cut down the last of these trees and demolish the mansion, weird and strange stuff has started happening.
May squeals at the idea of strange stuff (maybe her intentions with Brock in the haunted house were indeed innocent!) but the man in the sweater vest who loved having a Shroomish on his lap while his Grandfather wheezed at his side ignores and dismisses her to pay attention to the boys instead.
!
He decides to head inside the mansion to see if he can find the Shroomish, and the kids announce they will go with him.
Inside, May is ecstatic at the creepy kookiness of what may well be a crackhouse. Ash and Max follow behind calling for Shroomish and Sweater-Vest Man moves up uncomfortably close behind Ash before Brock pushes up uncomfortably close behind HIM muttering nervously. They head upstairs and find Shroomish shivering by the fireplace, soon joined by two other Shroomish. The twerps guess that the Shroomish came into the mansion for shelter as more and more of the forest was cut down, and then they spot a "private" photo of Sweater-Vest as a boy with a Shroomish on his lap and a Gran.... well, you get the idea.
BOOM!
The floor explodes and from behind the twerps emerges a cloud of dust and a familiar voice.
"Prepare for trouble in a cloud of dust!"
"Make it double, there's no choice... you must!"
"To protect the world from devastation."
"To unite all peoples within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"Jesse."
"James."
"Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light,"
"Surrender now or prepare to fight, fight, fight!"
"Dat's right!
"WOBBBA WOBBA!"
James sends out Cacnea which hugs him painfully, while Jesse calls out Seviper. Seviper and Cacnea prepare to fight against Pikachu but before they can, the Shroomish scream out angrily and the mansion begins to shake.... and then a herd of Shroomish rush over Meowth. Freaked out by the creepy fungus, Jesse has Seviper use Poison Tail and Cacnea tries a Pin Missile, but the Shroomish dodge the latter move and hit Team Rocket with Stun Spore. The twerps escape with Max's Shroomish and Max suddenly develops empathic animal mind meld powers, declaring that the Shroomish aren't scared but in pain, they want to go back to the good old days of sitting in Sweater Vest's lap while his Grandad.... well, you get the idea.
Elsewhere outside, Team Rocket have shaken off the effects of the Stun Spore and are plotting revenge on the Shroomish and a way to capture Pikachu.
Previouswhere, Sweater Vest apologises to the Shroomish as the twerps beg him not to tear down the mansion and remove the Shroomish's last home. But the wheels of bureaucracy are in motion and nothing can stop that but, well.... more bureaucracy.
OR A BIG FUCKING TANK!
Yes, Team Rocket's big plan involves getting a giant tank with robotic gloved hands and a canvas net from the fuck out of nowhere and ramming the mansion. They smash into it in an effort to scare out the Shroomish, safe in the knowledge that the tank is airtight. Shroomish leap out of the windows and the giant robotic arms begin grabbing them, throwing them into the canvas sack (apparantly canvas negates a Shroomish's ability to jump in and out of windows six foot off the ground). Pikachu attempts a Thundershock but Team Rocket's rapid-purchase tank includes electro-shock proofing too. But Max's easily identifiable Shroomish has had enough of waiting for the twerps to use one of the many other Pokemon they have available to them and leaps them, calling some of the remaining Shroomish over to use Stun Spore. The spores surround the tank ineffectually and begin to drift towards the city, so Brock calls out Forretress and uses it to exlode a hole in the side of the ta.... oh wait, he gets it to use Rapid Spin to keep the Stun Spore away from the city.
Inside their tank, Team Rocket are filled with the joy of a plan well executed. The Stun Spore isn't getting in.... but the air is also getting a little stale. Yes it seems air-tight works both ways, and before they can die of auto-erotic asphyxiation Meowth activates the circulation system.
He rolls down the window.
Yeah, the window. To let in all that fresh outside air.... and Stun Spore.
So Team Rocket quickly find themselves stunned.... and then hit with leech seed (the vines around Jesse could be miscontrued as that naughty tentacle action the Japanese love so much... until James gets wrapped in them too.... then Meowth.... then Wobbuffet!). May does an extravagant pose and calls out Torchic, which uses Ember to burn free the canvas bag holding the Shroomish. This leaves Team Rocket open for a Thunder Attack from Pikachu, and before we know it Team Rocket are blasting off again!
And thus the "villians" are vanquished.... but the question remains, what about the Shroomish. Sweater-Vest sadly tells them that the Mansion will still have to be torn down, something that horrifies the twerps. But then Sweater Vest explains that he's going to replant a forest where the mansion was and restore the Shroomish's living environment!
Hooray! Everyone is happy and the twerps head off into the sunset as Sweater Vest and his freaky fungus lap-loving Shroomish wave their goodbyes. Good on Sweater Vest man as he relives his happy childhood of pleasuring a fungus for the lecherous desire of his sick minded old Grandfather! Why we can see the scene now as tomorrow he marches down to City Hall and informs the council that yes that mansion is coming down, but it won't be replaced with an office building or a new parking lot to help in the city's expansion, but rather will be a reserve for a bunch of creepy fungi!
Yes we can see it now.... we can also see the Alderman calling in a favour from his local Waste Management Technician, and we can see Sweater- Vest man getting STRONGLY invited to a fun surprise trip in the boot of the car to a port. We can see him being blindfolded for the sake of the surprise and lead onto a boat and sailed out three or four miles from shore. We can't see what happens then, but we can see the Waste Management Technician coming back a few hours later with a new pair of clothes and no Sweater-Vest Man.
Oh such things we see Gentle Dodges, such things we see.
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