279: A Tail With A Twist
|
|
No Gentle Dodgers, the twerps aren't fecalaphiliacs, Brock is making a soup for them for lunch. He sips at the concoction and proclaims it is ready, so May calls out Torchic while Ash sends out Taillow and Treecko, and Brock lets loose Forrettress.
Well this is interesting, the other three Pokemon stare oddly at Treecko who, to put things bluntly, is odd locking. A humanoid looking lizard with a red underbelly and chin that gives him an almost unshaven look, and lidded yellow eyes with a giant leaf-like green tail.... Treecko be a freak!
The twerps urge their Pokemon to treat Treecko nicely, but when they introduce themselves Treecko scampers up a tree and rests on a limb. Ash tells it to come back down or it'll miss out on soup, but Treecko simply pulls a twig free from a tree and bites down on one end, giving it that Clint Eastwood loner look as it sits on the treelimb looking out over the forest.
Woah, Treecko is emo as fuck!
Well it seems that Treecko is going to be the loner of this group.... or is it? You see Gentle Dodgers, as always this is....
A Tail With A Twist.
May happily gobbles on Brock's special treat for her (GETCHA MINDS OUTTA DA GUTTA!) and proclaims that he should get his own cooking show. Brock thanks her as everyone else chows down, and Torchic runs gleefully about with a beak full of grapes and bearing an apple on its tiny back. Brock notes that Torchic is... well.... enthusiastic, and May says that she is concerned Torchic is eating too much. Max notes that most Pokemon take their cues from their trainers, apparently suggesting that May is fat when everybody knows the only fat on her body is in her chest.
Treecko remains dramatically up in his tree, ignoring Ash who tells him that if he does want to eat, his share of the food is waiting. Treecko just stares out over the forest.... and notes an odd rustling in the bushes. From the shrubbery emerges.... SATAN!
Well, kind of. The head of what appears to be a massive snake with giant crimson fangs pokes out through the bushes and its eyes zoom in immediately on Torchic. Hissing sinisterly, the snake disappears into the bushes and moves ahead of Torchic, tripping it over with a bladed style tail. Torchic stumbles and its apple rolls into the bushes, but when it follows it finds the devilish looking Snake-Pokemon looming over it. It swallows the apple whole and Torchic snaps angrily at it, then quickly realises the error of its ways as the snake glares down at the snack-sized Torchic hungrily. It lunges for Torchic when suddenly Tuxedo Mask stumbles out of a Sailor Moon episode and saves the day!
Well, not quite. Rather a twig embeds into the ground between the snake and Torchic, and Treecko flips down to protect the small bird. The snake appears less than intimidated by the much smaller Treecko though, and lunges again. Treecko moves to engage, eager to fight, but the snake slips by it and grabs Torchic, mockingly bouncing the small bird on its dangerous looking tail.
Torchic screams in fright and the twerps come running in time to see the scene, and Ash pulls out Dextina to fill them (and by extension, us) in on what the satanic looking snake is.
"Seviper, the fake snake Pokemon. Seviper is known for its angry disposition, immobilizing its opponents by wrapping its body around them."
Ignoring all rules of fairplay and honour, Ash sends both Taillow and Pikachu after Seviper and Brock throws in Forrettress as well. But Seviper is ready for them, and from its mouth billows a thick smoke that Brock identifies as a Haze Attack, a description that Max finds particularly apt. But while the other Pokemon are stuck in the haze trying to see what is going on, Treecko looks up at the nearby tree where the Haze doesn't reach and quickly climbs up the trunk. It spots Seviper sliding away still clutching Torchic and leaps after, using its tail to smash into the back of Sevipers neck, causing it drop Torchic. Treecko grabs the small bird and rushes back to the twerps, reuniting May and Torchic. But Seviper isn't done and comes back for more, using Poison Tail to smack Treecko with its swinging, glowing, bladed tail. Treecko smashes into the tree and grunts in pain as Seviper charges once again at it, but is hit by a Wing Attack from Taillow, then a Spike Attack from Forrettress and finally a Thunderbolt that sends Seviper stumbling back into the forest, dissuaded for now.
But Treecko has been injured, it clutches its shoulder while wincing in pain, and Brock suggests that they head towards a Pokemon Centre which he saw ahead of them (he saw it ahead of them but they stopped to make lunch?).
But as the twerps head off to the local Pokemon Centre, another group have seen this all going down. Who? Why who else but our beloved Team Rocket! As James and Meowth get sidetracked discussing tacos and jacuzzis (your minds may very well belong in dat gutta, Gentle Dodgers) Jesse proclaims that the sneaky Seviper is perfect for Team Rocket. It makes sense, they've only recently said goodbye to Arbok and it is time for a replacement, and Seviper IS perfect. As the twerps race into the Pokemon Centre, Seviper approaches a group of Pokemon happily eating fruit and scares them off before gobbling up all the apples for itself. As it does, Team Rocket watch from the bushes as they wait for the snake to fall into their trap. They've dug a pitfall and placed a delightful fruitbasket in front of it. Seviper can't resist of course and makes straight for the basket, then paused and eyes up the disturbed dirt and suspiciously layered grass before the basket.
"I told you the pineapple was a bad idea!" snaps James at Meowth, perhaps not for the first time?
Seviper turns around, slides its tail through the basket handle and carries the basket away as an aghast Team Rocket look on. They leap out on top of the pitfall trap and shout after Seviper for daring not to fall for the trap that they're currently stand...ing.... on.
Looney Tunes physics comes into affect as they realise they're standing on a hole, and they immediately fall in.
But they're not daunted and Jesse comes up with an even better plan. She'll yell something "clever" at Seviper and then Meowth and James will throw a net over it! Her "clever" yell is that it is lunch time (!?!) and then Seviper finds itself caught in a net. James and Meowth pull on the net and Seviper pulls back, and Jesse roars at her two friends for being creampuffs and adds her own muscle to helping pull on the net.... and Seviper bites its way free and sends them all flying back into a tree. Humming a pleased "brrring" tune to itself, Seviper turns and disappears into the forest again, leaving behind a furious Team Rocket.
At the Pokemon Centre, Ash watches nervously as Treecko lies bandaged and unconscious on an operating table hooked up to wires while Nurse Joy checks some impressive looking machines (why she doesn't just put it in its Pokeball, put it in one of those flashing machines and say, "YOUR POKEMON IS GOOD AS NEW!" is unclear).
Meanwhile Team Rocket sit on a blanket by the river eating rice-balls (which lo and behold are actually called rice-balls!). As they chow down they discuss ways to try and catch Seviper, they reach the last Rice-Ball and all grab it as one.
"IT'S A RICE-BALL FREE-FOR-ALL!" they cry. Jesse pulls the rice-ball away and leaps up, James grabs it off her and Meowth attacks James. They all start fighting over the tasty treat, but the rice-ball is knocked free and drops into the river. James and Meowth become stricken with blue horror and wail and moan over the loss of the rice-ball, little Meowth even making a grim epitaph with a little porm. But Jesse is oddly ambivalent, perhaps due to the fact that it was just a rice-ball, like the one she is currently holding!
Yes, she stashed it away "just in case" and now it is all hers to eat as James and Meowth look on. Jesse prepares to bite down and.... Seviper's tail grabs the rice-ball and pulls it away, gobbling it up as a horrified Jesse watches.
She screams in fury at the "brrr'ing" Pokemon, but James and Meowth suggest that since it is there she take this opportunity to capture it. Realising this is their best chance, Jesse calls out Wobbuffet to engage in a Pokemon battle.
Wobbuffet poses bravely, and glares at Seviper.
Seviper glares back at Wobbuffet, coiled up and ready to strike.
Wobbuffet glares at Seviper.
Seviper glares at Wobbuffet.
Wobbuffet glares at Seviper.
Seviper glares at Wobbuffet.
Wobbuffet glares at Seviper.
Seviper glares at Wobbuffet.
Wobbuffet glares at Seviper.
Seviper glares at Wobbuffet.
Wobbuffet glares at Seviper.
Seviper glares at Wobbuffet.
Wobbuffet glares at Seviper.
Seviper glares at Wobbuffet.
Wobbuffet glares at Seviper.
Seviper glares at Wobbuffet.
Wobbuffet glares at Seviper.
Seviper glares at Wobbuffet.
Wobbuffet glares at Seviper.
Seviper glares at Wobbuffet.
Wobbuffet glares at Seviper.
Seviper glares at Wobbuffet.
Wobbuffet glares at Seviper.
Seviper glares at Wobbuffet.
James inches out from behind Jesse and quietly reminds her that Wobbuffet isn't capable of any attacks, it can only counter moves thrown at it.
Jesse hisses angrily at Wobbuffet for being "useless" and returns it to its Pokeball, then turns around and grabs a shocked Meowth by the face, hauls him up and throws him at Seviper!
She screams at him to try some kind of attack he has never done before, and then Meowth is being sent flying back by a derisive slap from Seviper's tail. He crashes into Jesse and James and knocks them over, and Jesse's last "last" rice-ball spills out. She leaps up and chases after it, but the rice-ball falls into Seviper's gaping maw and Jesse crashes down into the ground in front of it. Her long hair falls into Seviper's mouth as it bites down, and her hair is chomped off!
She leaps up in horror... her beautiful hair! Eaten!
And Seviper is chuckling and.. .and.... and..... JESSE STARTS BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF SEVIPER!
Yes Gentle Dodgers, human on animal violence right here, right now! Jesse scratches up Sevipers face as Meowth and James hug and provide terrified commentary. As Seviper stumbles back in horror, Jesse leaps high and CURB-STOMPS SEVIPER RIGHT IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD!
She then hauls it up and pulls back a fist, preparing to finish Seviper up with a solid closed fist punch to knock out its crimson fangs. But James and Meowth scream at her to be careful with the merchandise and CAPTURE THE POKEMON! NOT KILL IT!
Coming back to her senses, Jesse drops Seviper and throws a Pokeball at it.... the ball shakes and teeters and... bling, Jesse caught a Seviper!
She also apparently has already grown back her hair!
Back at the Pokemon Centre Nurse Joy assures Ash that once Treecko has rested a little it will be fine, and May asks her if she is the younger sister of the Nurse Joy from Oldale. Brock corrects her, and in a creepy display of stalkernicity, correctly identified the exact relationship of this Nurse Joy to another - involving a great number of of first and second cousins.
As Max tries to follow the family tree that Brock seems to have down pat, Chansey rushes up and does a panicked impression of Treecko (including changing the colour of its eyes) which Nurse Joy takes to mean that Treecko has managed to get out of its bed and sneak out of the Pokemon Centre.
The twerps rush outside and stand in a semi-circle by the door calling out for Treecko, who has left its bandages lying in a heap on the ground.
Where has Treecko gone? Wherever bad-ass mysteriou loners go when they've reached a personal crisis and must go and train to defeat the bad guy who killed their father and raped their bible.
He's hanging out on top of a waterfall!
Treecko stands atop the waterfall and stares down at the water crashing against a large rock far below, then LEAPS OFF THE WATERFALL TO HIS DEATH!
Holy fuck, Pokemon tackles the difficult and sensitive issue of suicide!
The twerps are still looking about for Treecko, and Max appears to hear a noise and leads them all to the waterfall that was apparently only SIX FEET AWAY FROM WHERE THEY WERE STANDING! They see Treecko leaping off the waterfall, falling and falling and then twisting and smacking the rock with its tail before bouncing off into the water. It seems that Treecko hasn't decided to end it all, but rather continues to climb the waterfall again and again to jump off and attack the rock. The twerps watch, and finally as Treecko falls it begins to twist its body, and this time when it hits the rock with the tail, that rock blow the fuck up!
Yes, Treecko has increased his power three times according to Brock (apparently Treecko is a Super-Saijin now) because he was embarassed by his defeat at the hands.... uhh, feet..... uhh.... the tail of Seviper. Ash and Pikachu run out to congratulate Treecko, and a giant red hand grabs Pikachu and hauls it away.
"Prepare for trouble with Pikachu!"
"And make it double times two!"
"To protect the world from devastation."
"To unite all peoples within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"Jesse."
"James."
"We blast off so beautifully at the speed of light,"
"So love us and surrender or prepare to fight!"
"Meowth! Dat's right!"
Yes its Team Rocket, and they've got Pikachu locked up in one of their patented anti-electricity auto-erotic aphyxiation football. Ash calls out Taillow to rescue Pikachu and James calls out Cacnea, which promptly hugs him with prickly love, then turns and fires Pin Missile at Taillow who dodges. As the battle commences, Jesse thinks the time is perfect to bring out the newest member of their team... SEVIPER!
The twerps are shocked, though at least nobody makes an assholish comment that Team Rocket must have "stolen" the Pokemon. Treecko steps up to the plate to fight, but Ash stops it momentarily to make sure that Treecko knows... it isn't alone, they're there for it. Treecko smirks and then turns to fight, dodging a Poison Tail attack and using Pound to full on punch Seviper right in the face. While it doesn't quite have the oomph factor Jesse used earlier, it still sends Seviper reeling. It tries again, lunging at Treecko who is warned by Ash to make use of the move it worked so hard to learn. Treecko leaps high as Seviper crashes into the ground, then spins around and smashes Treecko hard upside the head with a massive smack from its tail. Seviper flies backwards and crashes into Team Rocket, who drop Pikachu's cage which lets Pikachu free.
Still smirking, Treecko walks away from the battle and picks up its twig, biting down on one end and lightly muttering its name, giving Team Rocket a message that Meowth interprets. Treecko has had its revenge on Seviper and now Pikachu can clean up the mess.
"What are we, Chopped Liver?" demands Meowth, as Jesse roars at the unconscious Seviper to show some of the moxy that attracted them to it in the first place. But none of them get a chance, as Pikachu lets loose with a massive blast of thunder that sends Team Rocket blasting off again!
But hey, they got a new Pokemon!
Ash congratulates Treecko for doing a great job, and Treecko.... turns around and sticks its tail up and Ash and Pikachu grab it and start shaking it up and down as every grins and looks on and ummm what the fuck is going on and oh holy crap....
Let's just end things here, Gentle Dodgers. See you next time!
| BEST QUOTES |
|
