275: You Never Can Taillow
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Ash? Well Ash still doesn't get it, and now he's meant to serve as not just the driving force of the group but also their leader, caregiver and inspiration.
Holy crap.
So today finds Ash, May and Max wandering through Petalburg Forest on the way to Rustborough, where Ash will once again try for a Gym Badge. He still only has Pikachu to fight his battles for him and a grumpy May wants to eat. Max, for his part, is more interested in seeing Pokemon and is disappointed that so far they haven't seen any.
When Ash asks if he just expected them to flop out of the sky for his amusement, Max retorts that Petalburg is well known for its large variety of Pokemon and he is sure they must be in the wrong part of the forest.
But who cares about that! May wants to eat!
But who cares about food! Max wants to explore!
The siblings grab Ash by each arm and begin to tug and pull him in different directions, demanding alternately for food and exploration, and finally Ash explodes and screams at them to shut up.... then blushes and explains that they'll have a quick bite to eat first, then go looking for Pokemon.
Both May and Max seemed pleased with this compromise, but Ash is obviously already feeling the strain of being put in a position of responsibility. How much longer can he possibly last before he goes nuts and ditches them to die in the forest?
You Can Never Taillow.
They settle down on some handy rocks and prepare to eat, Max admitted he was feeling a little peckish. May proclaims she could eat a Tauros and the camera settles one by one on each of their beaming faces, all of them anticipating food. First Ash, then May, then Max.... then back around to Ash as he suddenly realises something wrong, then May, then Max.
Nobody brought any food!
May thought Max was going to get the lunch, Max thought May picked it up before they left Norman and Carolyn's and Ash just doesn't get it! Pikachu ruffles through Ash's bag and triumphantly pulls out a jar of Pokemon Food as the three kids slide down the rocks and moan unhappily.
May instantly turns on Ash, pointing out that as a 'professional' traveller he should have provided food for them, while Pikachu happily settles its fat ass down on a rock, pulls open the container marked with a lightning bolt.... and finds itself looking into an empty container. Shocked into a fixed grin (or cursed by lazy animators) Pikachu turns the container upside down and shakes it back and forth, then collapses with horror onto the ground besides Ash, who for the first time mutters that he wished Brock had come with him.
May and Max stare in confusion, Brock?
Ash explains that Brock was a friend who used to travel with him and knew a lot about Pokemon, but what he REALLY knew was how to cook. A Vaseline tinted memory emerges of Brock in his pink apron making some kind of delicious dish in a wok, and both Ash and Pikachu sigh with the glorious memory of Brock's food.
"Sorry I'm SOOO useless compared to him!" hisses May, pulling Ash's cap down over his face.
Watching from afar is Team Rocket, Jesse and James eating sandwiches and commenting on discontent amongst the 'new friends'. Meowth proclaims that while they're on empty stomachs is the perfect time to pinch Pikachu, and Wobbuffet agrees with a brave salute. But Jesse and James tell him to calm down, saying they're busy eating, and Wobbuffet agrees with a brave salute.
As Wobbuffet bravely salutes everything anyone says ever, Max reaches for his secret stash, a box of chocolate cookies! May and Ash are onto him like things that get onto other things really quickly, but he only has one left. Ash suggests they divide it by three and share a bite each, but then a black shape zooms by and takes the cookie, leaving them foodless! Max squawks with a mixture of surprise and pleasure, he's finally seen a Pokemon! They chase the flying bird as it zooms away, Max telling Ash that the bird is a Taillow.
"Taillow, the tiny swallow Pokemon. Taillow has a fierce personality, never backing down, even against, the most powerful opponent."
The bird in question is tiny, but it looks mean, and we're talking a Scottish Drunk mean. Ash seems impressed with the description, but May is just pissed, that thing took their chocolate!
They chase it into a thick section of trees and Taillow greedily eats all the chocolate before May's horrified eyes. Her eyes grow huge and wobbly and she collapses to the ground as a pleased Max asks Taillow if it enjoyed the food, and it flaps its wings and caws mockingly back in return. Ash tries to placate May with promises of food in the next town, but Pikachu has something a little better. It has noticed apple cores on the ground and points out to the others that the trees surrounded them are full of delicious red apples!
The trio are ecstatic and Pikachu proves its use by thunderbolting the trees, knocking down multiple apples which fall.... into the waiting mouths of a flock of happy Taillow that fly out of the trees! May goes all wobbly eyed and weepy again. But the indignity isn't over yet, the Taillow then turn on the kids, led by the Taillow that stole their chocolate (easily identifiable by the chocolate around its beak).
They're not sure why the Taillow are pissed, they didn't actually eat any apples and it was their chocolate that got stolen. But it seems that the Taillow are territorial, and while they don't mind stealing themselves, they hate getting their own stuff stolen!
They swoop in as one and Ash calls for a Thunderbolt from Pikachu. The fat, hungry rodent lets loose with the rage of the denied corpulent diner and the Taillow scream in agony, then collapse to the ground defeated. The trio sigh with relief, Max pointing out helpfully that Flying Types are vulnerable to electric attacks... and then the Taillow all rise up and glare angrily at Pikachu!
Shocked at the resurrection, Pikachu Thunderbolts them again and the Taillow screech in agony, then flap their wings and break the attack, glaring with sweaty fury at Pikachu! The kids are horrified, how the hell can this be!?! Ash remembers (!) that Dextina said they are fierce and never back down, but no one expected this!
Team Rocket have been watching all of this and are extremely pleased with what they're seeing. The Taillow are tough and never give in.... they have to make use of that!
The leader of the Taillow (who also happens to be the one that stole their chocolate) moves in for a little one on one with Pikachu. Pikachu blasts Taillow and again it screeches in agony before throwing off the pain and glaring with pinpoint pupils of drunken homicidal rage at its attacker. Things aren't looking good, and another Thunderbolt leaves smoke pouring off of Taillow's body but its rage is up now and, like the drunken Scotsman of lore, is ready for a bit of biff. It swoops at Pikachu who dodges, but then sweeps back and slams into Pikachu, sending it spiralling across the ground. All the Taillow now swoop in for the kill, and it looks like the end for Ash, May and Max..... until a shadowy figure leaps through the air and roars for Forretress to use Explosion!
A Forretress spirals in from out of nowhere and glows bright, then lets loose a huge explosion that scatters the Taillow and leaves the kids safe. The foot of the hero stands in the foreground of the camera, the kids standing in the background and Ash muttering the name of their saviour in a way that comes across as a simply statement, as opposed to what it should be, an exclamation of shock, surprise and happiness.
Because their saviour? The man now turning to give a heroic smirk that will allow the light to glint of strong, white teeth of valour?
IT'S BROCK!
Yes, tall (compared to the others), tanned and toned Brock is back! He leads them out of the forest to the river-side, saying it will be safer than travelling through the forest where the Taillow could get to them. He greets Pikachu and sprays one chubby arm with a treatment for the injury it received while battling the Taillow. As Pikachu squeals in pain and comically blows on the wound, Ash finally asks what Brock is doing there, since the last time he saw him was while he stood snivelling at the crossroads between Pallet, Cerulean and Pewter watching Brock walk away. Brock explains that he went home, took care of that 'stuff' and then just hopped onto a ferry and left the home of his birth once again to travel to a completely foreign land in the hopes of hooking up with his friend again.
Well, despite the fact that this is a little creepy, Ash is ecstatic that Brock is back (and not for any lame special guest appearance nor nothing neither!) and introduces him to May and Max. Ash explains that Brock is training to become the world's best breeder (snicker) and Max proclaims that it's great to be a breeder!
Oh God, that family is SO fucked up!
Ash further shows off by explaining that HIS friend Brock used to be the Pewter City Gym Leader, and both are suitably impressed, pointing out that their father is also a Gym Leader. Brock guesses that both want to be Gym Leaders too but May replies evasively and Max just whinges that he doesn't even have one Pokemon yet. Brock assures him that these things take time but happen before you know it (then you just have to worry about changing the sheets before anyone notices), then explains that he left most of his Pokemon back in Pewter City so his many siblings could practice to become better Trainers.
Yes Gentle Dodgers, the Ga-Roaring Onix will no longer emerge to GA-ROAR and then let everyone down with a piss poor performance.
But May is more interested in something else she'd heard about Brock. She slides up beside him and pressing her fingers together, coyly asking if it is true what Ash said... that he can cook better than almost anyone?
Well Brock is not adverse to tooting his own horn (and if he could, would probably forget about chasing all those girls) so admits that yes, he is a pretty spectacular cook. Instantly May is back in a pose familiar to every male who has been able to provide her with something. She throws her hands behind her head and thrusts her chest forward before giggling and asking Brock if he can cook up a little something for wickle little May.
Oh dear, horny Brock and jailbait May, this season is going to be like watching a train wreck in slow motion.
Brock goes into his bag and screams in horror, one eye physically lifting an inch higher than the other, because he's just that horrified. He had four sandwiches in his backpack, but now they're gone! May whimpers as Max asks if maybe he just ate them himself? But Brock explains he was preparing to eat them when he heard the Thunderbolt and rushed off to see if it was Pikachu.
They can only surmise that the rest of the Taillow ate the sandwiches themselves while he was gone, and Brock gives a small lecture about the habits of Taillow. They fly as a flock, they are incredibly territorial and other Pokemon tend to avoid them. Never one to avoid a lecture himself, Max surmises that this is the reason there were no other Pokemon around earlier. Ash wonders if maybe this is why they were attacked, since the Taillow considered the apples to be theirs. May then chimes in when her stomach makes a ferocious growling, and Brock grins and says he'll cook them up a stew in no time flat. Hearts zoom out of May's eyes (oh dear) and Ash appears to have had the weight of the world lifted off of his shoulders.
Momma Brock is back!
But others are not so pleased at the horny cooks return. The flock of Taillow hover over the crater from the earlier explosion, furious at not getting their kicks in. But then a familiar voice cries out to them, and the Taillow turn to see Team Rocket ready to pitch a deal.
"Calling all Taillow!" cries Meowth.
"We come bearing gifts!" offers Jesse, and we see Team Rocket waving riceballs (the 'sandwiches' discussed earlier by Brock, one would assume).
"Yummy sandwiches!" cries James.
"WOBBUFFET!" agrees Wobbuffet.
The Taillow fly in and Team Rocket say before they can eat they have to work out a dea.... but the Taillow are coming and coming fast, so Team Rocket drop the 'sandwiches' and the Taillow begin to greedily gobble down the food. Finishing, they twist as one and demand more from the trio, a demand that enrages James but Jesse grins and says that they'll get more... IF they do something for them.
The Taillow cock their heads as one, a disconcerting sight indeed. But for now, they're listening.
Meanwhile Brock (BROCK! BROCK'S BACK, Y'ALL!) is finishing up the stew. May and Ash sit drooling beside him, waiting for it to be ready. Suddenly Pikachu gets their attention, pointing as one lone Taillow approaches... it's the one that stole their chocolate!
It lands on a rock across from Pikachu and roars its name, Pikachu responding and Ash guessing that it has come for a rumble. May doesn't understand, but then she's never seen a drunken Scotsman denied the chance to get into a punch-up. Taillow wants to test its strength against Pikachu and prove it is the better Pokemon, and Ash is only too eager to give it the fight it wants.
Pikachu and Taillow face off in the river, Pikachu on the rocks jutting out of the water and Taillow flying above it. Pikachu kicks things off with a Quick Attack which Taillow dodges, surprising Max who thought that a Quick Attack almost never missed (apparently the television matches he watched very really featured Ash's Pokemon). May is concerned, Pikachu is reliant on the stones above the water, having to jump from rock to rock as Taillow swoops in again and again, trying to score with a Tackle. She knows that Taillow can fly and therefore has the advantage over Pikachu. But Pikachu has that great equaliser, the Thunderbolt. A massive blast smashes into Taillow, causing smoke to pour off of its body but not slowing it down at all. It swoops at Pikachu again, then comes back and this time when Pikachu dodges, Taillow manages to grab a tail and pull Pikachu into the air.
Pikachu lets loose with a Thunderbolt but Taillow refuses to let go, blazing with electricity as it flies higher into the air, then flips around releases Pikachu's tail... sending it plummeting back into the river. Pikachu emerges (apparently the river is only about 1/4 inch deep, meaning Pikachu didn't need to bounce off of the rocks after all) full of piss and vinegar and Taillow charges, making the mistake of dropping one wing into the water because it looks cool.
Pikachu blazes up with Thunder and charges, smashing headfirst into Taillow and letting off a massive Dragonball Z'esque explosion. The light and smoke clears and Pikachu and Taillow stand facing off on adjacent rocks once more, Taillow panting heavily and sweating but still with that furious look in its eyes.
It ain't over yet, laddie!
But Brock thinks it is, if Ash doesn't finish this soon then some serious and possibly permanent damage will be done to Taillow, which refuses to admit it is outclassed. So Ash does the only thing he can do, he pulls out a Pokeball and throws it at Taillow, hitting it in midair (causing it to squawk in outrage) and leaving the ball to drop to the ground, Taillow inside, blinking and rolling about as everyone waits to see if Taillow will be captured..... and it is!
Ash finally caught a Hoenn Pokemon!
He calls Taillow back out and it stands as it was when captured, sweating and panting and looking absolutely batshit insane, drunk and furious.
Things don't get much better when Brock sprays Taillow directly in the face with the treatment used on Pikachu earlier. It screams its name in fury and then appears to sober up from its adrenaline high, staring in horror at its wings and possibly asking, "When the hell did I become a bird?"
Ash asks Taillow how it feels about being part of his crew, and surprisingly Taillow seems eager to be part of the team! Ash cleans the chocolate from its mouth and it leaps up onto his shoulder before Ash poses and Pikachu jumps onto the other shoulder. Max introduces himself and May hides behind Brock, peeking out to say hello. Brock tells her there is no need to hide and May insists that she isn't, she's just introducing herself 'gradually'.
But then a note of discord breaks up their harmonious gathering, the flock of Taillow are approaching and they look pissed. Ash wonders if they ALL want to fight Pikachu and Brock considers that it is possible, but when Taillow flies up to try and calm them down, Meowth cries out that there is no way to stop them. Everyone twists around and Brock growls at the realisation that Team Rocket have come to Hoenn as well.
Team Rocket laugh, posing on a strategically placed boulder.
"Prepare for trouble from in the skies!"
"Make it double, then say goodbye!"
"To protect the world from devastation."
"To unite all peoples within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"Jesse."
"James."
"Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light,"
"Surrender now or prepare to fight, fight, fight!"
"Daaaaat's right!"
"WOBBUFFET!"
Team Rocket introduce the 'newest members of their team', the flock of Taillow! No one can believe it but Jesse and James insist it is true! The Taillow are theirs to command, and if they fight they will get plenty of sandwiches.
Brock snaps, realising exactly what happened to his sandwiches from earlier, and his angry accusation to Team Rocket seems to make them notice him for the first time.
"Well well, look who it is, da biggest twerp has made a comeback!" exclaims Meowth.
"You're right!" giggles Jesse, and waves, "Welcome back!"
"Well if you came for lunch!" snaps James, "I'm afraid you're a little late!"
"YES I ALREADY KNOW THAT!" screams Brock, splitting the screen which violates all the laws of physics and actually pushes Team Rocket backwards, "THEY WERE MY SANDWICHES!"
Team Rocket push back against the split screen, James mocking, "So what you're trying to say, is they were.... yours!"
"And a tad too saucy!" laughs Jesse.
Brock roars that he knew it was them, pushing their side of the screen back again, then Ash joins in with the fury of the hungry and reduces Team Rocket's screen space to a small circle in the top right corner of the screen, and then May shoves it down to the middle as she yells that they're starving.... then Jesse smashes all this broken fourth wallery away and roars back that if the sandwiches were theirs then they should have put their names on the lunchbags. Besides, adds Meowth, the Taillow already ate them.
And now its time for the Taillow to take care of Pikachu!
They fly towards the outnumbered rodent, and May tries to even up the odds by calling out Torchic. The happy little firebird squeezes its eyes shut and runs forward with a wide smile on its beak, ignoring May's protests that she hasn't given it an order yet. The Taillow part before Torchic's delighted path and it crashes into Team Rocket's boulder before a weeping May calls it back.
Jesse giggles that this was fun, but now it is time to finish things off. The Taillow move in for the kill once more and the tension is palpable, one wrong move could...
Stews up!
An alarm has sounded indicating that the stew is ready, and everyone but Team Rocket rush over and prepare to eat. The flock of Taillow join them and Brock offers them a meal, as Team Rocket realise that their own dirty tricks have been used against them. The Taillow have been bribed out of a rumble!
But wait! Pikachu still hasn't eaten and must be weak, while everyone is distracted they can....
It probably isn't giving away too much to say that within a few seconds, Team Rocket are blasting off again!
Everyone chows down on some stew and once they've all had their fill, the Taillow say their goodbyes to both the kids and their former leader before flying away to find more food and more weak Pokemon to pound the crap out of.
Everyone else prepares to head off for Rustborough and for the first time since Ash got to Hoenn, things seem.... right. Why, Gentle Dodgers? Well, because with Brock back we not only have someone to fill the mother role, but two of the original trio are back on the team.
What does that mean?
It means at last we can call Ash and his friends what they should be called.
The Twerps are back!
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