273: A Ruin with a View
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Well this is good news indeed; in fact Ash is so excited about almost being at Olddale that he asks Pikachu (which is resting its fat ass on his shoulder) if he wants to race the rest of the way.
Fantastic, why nothing can stop his progress now!
Oh... May.
Yes, Ash didn't just pick up a new goal yesterday but he did something we never thought likely and managed a pull a hot chick! This carries its own set of problems though, as despite having a chest size in the high double digits May herself has only just left single digits, she's ten years old! The other problem is that Ash is completely oblivious to her rather 'obvious charms' and responds to her plea to slow the fuck down with an admonishment that she doesn't walk fast enough.
May falls back on that old female standby though, guilt. She mentions casually that she USED to have a bike (destroyed by Pikachu in the previous episode) and a startled Ash quickly assures her they can slow it down a little bit.
"That's RIGHT!" grins May in satisfaction.
Oh Ash, you have no clue what you've gotten yourself into, do you! She'll ruin you if she doesn't find a sugardaddy soon, but at least the countryside is pretty! Maybe Ash could be....
A Ruin With A View!
The odd couple continue on up the road at a slower pace, Ash continuing on in a happy vacant daze. May finally breaks the silence with an attempt to make conversation, asking why Pikachu rides on Ash's shoulder instead of in a Pokeball.
Ash explains that Pikachu just flat out prefers to travel outside (does he even have Pikachu's Pokeball anymore?). May takes out her own Pokeball and looks at it uneasily, she hasn't had any complaints from Torchic... come to think of it, she doesn't know much of anything about Torchic.
Now a smart person would suggest she call out Torchic and get to know it, but since the last smart person was an ACTION PROFESSOR back in Littleroot Town... Ash suggests she look it up in her fancy new Pokedex. She takes it out and begins to read up on Torchic, when Ash stops her to point out an Azumarill standing on the road before them.
May uses the Pokedex to get a reading, and for the first time we hear the voice of the new Pokedex, whom we shall call Dextina!
"Azumarill, the Water Ball, Pokemon," says the computerised female voice, "Azumarill is able to throw, it's tail, like a lasso. Using the momentum, to move about."
"IT'S SO CUTE! I WANT IT!" giggles May.
Well, since cuteness is a good basis for capturing Pokemon, Ash suggests that she get about capturing it, so she.... she throws a Pokeball at it!
Ash cries out in horror as the ball smacks Azumarill in the head, bounces off and sucks the Pokemon inside. May squeals with delight and proclaims she has caught her first Pokemon! And then the Azumarill pops back out looking furious.
May is furious, what the hell is wrong with the Pokeball? She threw it and everything! Ash explains she needs to battle the Pokemon first, to wear it down and also prove herself a worthy trainer. May shows that wonderful female assurance that allows them to make huge mistakes and then act like they knew what they were doing all along.
She calls out Torchic, the fluffy little bird squealing its own name in delight and then chasing after Azumarill while May tries to remember what Torchic's attacks were. Azumarill bounces off of the ball at the end of its tail sidebounces a tree which Torchic charges right into, falling onto its ass and staring comically up at the tree as May mutters that things could be going better.
Oh sweet Jesus, is Ash the smartest person there?
Torchic gets up and, like the little battler it is, charges after Azumarill again which bounces away. Torchic charges headfirst into another tree and collapses again, getting picked up by May who tells it that it has to wait for her commands. Torchic's eyes go all big and wobbly and she tells it not to cry, then Ash points out that Azumarill is going to get away!
May sets Torchic down and orders it to use Peck Attack. Azumarill looks on wide-eyed as Torchic performs 'the Ash' and runs and yells towards it. Azumarill bounces out of the way and Torchic begins to relentlessly peck to death the tree Azumarill was standing in front of.
After realising Azumarill gets away, the furious Torchic chases Azumarill through the bushes and then lets fire an Ember attack (like a flamethrower but with small 'bullets' of flame instead of a jet of flame). From the bushes comes a cry of dismay and Torchic is ecstatic! It rushes through the bushes and finds itself facing a scorched Azumarill and two Merrill. All three blast Torchic with Water Gun and Ash steps in to make the save, having Pikachu viciously beat up the dirt in front of the water Pokemon with a thunderbolt, to show them they mean business. Horrified at this vicious abuse of dirt, Azumarill and the Merrill leap into the water and swim away as May picks up her dazed and confused Torchic.
Ash explains that Fire Types are weak against Water Types and May asks what she can do with the wasted Torchic (oh please God let her throw it over her shoulder and ask Ash where she can get a 'replacement') and he explains that a Pokemon Centre will replenish Torchic's energy. They set off at a good pace towards Olddale again, May now as enthused as Ash at the prospect of getting there.
As they run (May carrying the Pokeball in her hands) Ash notices some old rocks jutting up over the hill. He and May slow down as they reach them, May suggesting they look like old buildings. A man with a ponytail (never trust a man with a ponytail, Gentle Dodgers) emerges dressed in a jumpsuit he got from April O'Neill's garage sale and tells them it is the ruins of Olddale, and he is Professor Alden.
What kind of tree is an Alden?
Ash fights his natural instinct to be distracted and they ask where the Pokemon Centre is. Alden points down the hill to where the Pokemon sits on the outskirts of what is probably a newer version of Olddale (Newdale?). Leaving Alden behind (the poor fellow must be wondering what he can do with the rest of the day if he isn't going to have a couple of kids around to go on a one-shot adventure with) they head down to the Pokemon Centre as the day settles into dusk, May timidly asking Nurse Joy if anything can be done for her Torchic.
Joy runs a couple of tests on the Pokeball (yep, it's made out of plastic!) and announces that Torchic just needs a good night's rest. She then suggests that May and Ash get a good nights sleep too, but May appears to have other ideas. She coyly asks Ash if he can 'show her around' and Ash, of course, just doesn't get it.
Don't get us wrong, Gentle Dodgers, we're not trying to institute a new form of AAML, but it seems to us that while May has no personal romantic interest in Ash she IS determined to figure out just why the hell he doesn't react to any of the normal tricks she uses to get her own way. So far she's tried pushing out the boobs, talking up what a 'great guy' he is and how 'clever and big' he is, and now she's out and out asked him to 'show her around' a town he's never been in before. The only thing that has worked for her is a guilt trip, and that is something that'll work on any guy... after all, everyone has a mother.
Regardless, Ash happily agrees to 'show her around' with absolutely no concept of subtext in his head. He has to make a call first though, and before we know it he's on the line with Professor Oak back in Pallet Town. May cries out in delight in sight of the dirty old man (maybe she recognises the type, or she's just as enthusiastic as anyone other 10 year old girl to see someone who has been on television) and pushes past Ash after he finishes explaining he has registered for the Hoenn League. Bending over just enough to give Oak a good look down her top, May introduces herself and explains that her brother is a huge Pokemon nerd and idolises Professor Oak... and he's going to be insanely jealous when she tells him she has chatted with Oak. She tells him she's just a beginner herself and Ash is going to show her the ropes.
Oak assures her that with Ash by her side she'll do fine (it's the same logic that makes people take their ugly friends out with them when they're on the pull) and then signs off. Ash, May and Pikachu all call their goodbyes.
Elsewhere in the city another phonecall is being made to the Kanto Region, this time in a slightly less technological manner. In an old style phonebooth without video capabilities, Team Rocket are on the wire to their Boss, the feared and mighty Giovanni!
He is surprised to hear that they're in the Hoenn Region, and Jesse eagerly explains that they've tracked Pikachu to that point and are closer than ever to capturing it. Why Jesse does the talking is unclear, since the phone is held to Meowth's head as he sits on top of Wobbuffet.
Giovanni - who probably could give a crap about capturing a Pikachu - asks them if they actually have any good news, since they have called him on his PRIVATE line. Jesse, James and Meowth exchange worried looks and then explain that, well.... getting to Hoenn wasn't exactly cheap (they stowed away on a ship after getting stuck to the side by a magnet!) and they were sorta, kinda hoping they could get an advance.
"No!" replies Giovanni with conviction. There will be no more money for Jesse, James and Meowth..... unless.
Unless what? Well unless they successfully set up Team Rocket in the Hoenn Region. It seems that despite Team Rocket being an international organisation, it has so far failed to get a foothold in the Hoenn Region and, if they can do so, Giovanni will talk cold, hard cash.
He hangs up and Jesse, James and Meowth stare at each other, then go wobbly eyed with glee. Set up a branch office! It's a promotion! All their hard work over the years has not been for nothing, he's practically told them they will eventually replace him as leaders of Team Rocket!
Back in Kanto, Giovanni scratches Persian under the chin and grins. He's in a good mood, since he now has three completely expendable units in Hoenn that should at the very least (and from Jesse, James and Meowth he expects the VERY least) get him information about Teams Magma and Aqua!
Who? Read on, Fearful Dodgers, and find out!
Ash meanwhile, is 'showing May around'. Unfortunately its not a night on the town, but a tour of the Pokemon Centre. He shows her the bedroom....
Oooh, maybe he DOES get it!
....then takes her out to the lobby....
Nope!
....which essentially ends the tour. He explains the lobby is where all the trainers hang out and chat, which excites May immensely. Do they chat about malls and the best places to eat and clothes and reality television and how dreamy Brad Pitt is and how awesome mobile phone ringtones are!?!?! Well no, they chat about Pokemon. May is instantly deflated (her chest remains buoyant), it seems that she can't escape this Pokemon mad world no matter where she goes. Some trainers start talking much louder for some reason and mention that Petalburg now has a new Gym Leader. Ash charges over in a hurry, demanding to know who the knew Gym Leader is, but May grabs his arm and hauls him away (no pretty girl likes to have anything but all attention on them) and when he complains, she tells him she's hungry and he agrees to grab some food with her.
They settle into a booth, probably in the Pokemon Centre cafeteria. The matter of the bill may become an issue later since a girl like May will expect dinner to be bought for her, and Ash just plain freeloads, but for now things are good. May has some kind of rice meal with orange sauce and apparently is enjoying it, talking up how good the Pokemon Centre are, kind of One Stop All in Shop. Ash reminds her that the centres are designed for the use of trainers in between bouts of heavy training, but May cheerfully reminds him he is about to start heavy training and she's just beginning, so it's all good.
A pair of buttocks in April O'Neill's second hand jumpsuit appears on screen, Professor Alden (is he involved in heavy training) reintroducing himself to them in the hopes of filling in his lonely days with a one-off adventure followed by waving goodbye as the sun sets.
Outside the centre a hole can be seen in the ground, and inside the hole is Team Rocket! Wobbuffet cheerfully digs with a bucket in a section of the tunnel already completed while James and Meowth discuss the lovely smells coming from the Pokemon Centre.... James proclaiming the rice dish we saw earlier must be spaghetti and meatballs with garlic bread! But it is time to get work, once the new branch is set up, they'll be Team Rocket's Number One in Hoenn. But hang on, since they ARE Team Rocket in Hoenn, they are by default Team Rocket's Number One in Hoenn! But then Jesse is in Meowth and James' faces warning them that with thinking like that, Butch and Cassidy could slide in and usurp their top spot!
James congratulates Jesse for her ability to hit them with a morale building pep talk and they set to digging with a vengeance, singing a happy song of their upcoming promotion as Wobbuffet waves its hands in the air.
Like it just. don't. care!
Back in the Pokemon Centre, Professor Alden has taken Ash and May back to his room (holy crap, maybe he has a different kind of adventure in mind!) and shows them a picture of the ruins they were in earlier that day. He explains that he is exploring the ruins and the Pokemon Centre has been kind enough to provide him with a room. He then tells them about the ruins and a mysterious sealed chamber believed to be a connection between the modern world and the world of Ancient Pokemon. By Ancient Pokemon he doesn't mean extinct Pokemon but Pokemon that have existed for millions of years without change. Ash is eager to see these Pokemon (if they haven't changed, surely he could see them out on the street?) and Alden says he might have the chance, he's found a tablet that explains how to open the sealed chamber, and all he needs now are missing keys that will open it.
As they chat, the view suddenly changes to infrared as outside several red hood figures with horns (on the hoods, they're not horned themselves) watch the Pokemon Centre wearing infrared sunglasses. They have identified that Alden is there, so it's time to make their move.
Inside, the power suddenly cuts off (though apparently the walls create an ambient light that doesn't leave everyone in a easily animated but pitchblack scenario) and the hooded figures arrive with three Houndoom, demanding Alden take them to the ruins. He refuses, but then Nurse Joy arrives on the scene with the flashlight and they grab her, forcing Alden to come along or.... well, nothing is ever actually threatened, but Alden seems to see the implication.
Nurse Joy, Ash, Pikachu and May are shoved into a storage room, May actually shoved so hard she falls on her ass. The door is locked behind them, leaving them powerless to do anything... and speaking of power, the power is off and that means that the injured Pokemon getting healed in the centre are in danger! Including Torchic!
Luckily the hooded figures didn't inspect the storeroom too carefully, as Pikachu spots an air vent (beloved of first person shooters and action movies alike) which will allow them to escape.
Meanwhile Team Rocket have completed their tunnel! They pop out of the end triumphantly.... and find themselves a couple of feet short of the wall! A Houndoom growls at them and they twist to find themselves facing the mysterious hooded figures, who demand to know what they're doing.
Well they're doing whatever they want to do! They're the top Team Rocketeers in Hoenn! They send out Arbok and Weezing to show these weirdoes what for.... and Weezing and Arbok promptly pop back into their Pokeballs as soon as they see the three Houndoom.
Realising they're outnumbered and outclassed in terms of Pokemon, Jesse, James and Meowth leap back into the tunnel and say their farewells. The leader of the hooded team grunts to himself that everything he heard about 'them' seems to be true.
So either he's heard of Team Rocket or Jesse, James and Meowth's own exploits have become the stuff of legends!
Back inside the Pokemon Centre Ash and Pikachu climb through the air vent, followed by May who doesn't want to be left out of the adventure. Pikachu uses its ears to detect the way out (how exactly this works is unclear) and they come out in the lobby. Ash reaches over the main desk and grabs Nurse Joy's master key while May turns on the reserve power (apparently she knows how to turn things on). They go and let Nurse Joy out of the storage room, then head off to the ruins to see if they can save Professor Alden.
Up at the ruins, the hooded menaces are demanding that Alden open the secret chamber for them but he responds that trying to force the chamber will make it collapse. They retort that they've heard him say he can open the door, and he replies that he ALSO said he needs four keys/treasures to get in.
To Alden's surprise, they HAVE the four treasures, which are actually little coloured gems. They demand he place them into the door in the appropriate order but he refuses, until they threaten the lives of all of those in the Pokemon Centre. Not knowing that Ash and May have already sorted that out, Alden agrees and opens the secret chamber, the massive stone door rolling back on a groove in the floor and allowing them access to the chamber for the first time in who knows how long.
Inside is an empty room, with walls covered in drawings of people apparently being attacked by some ancient Pokemon. Alden looks around in rapt attention, but the hooded figures have not found what they were apparently looking for. They photograph the walls and then dump Alden, taking off in a helicopter as Ash and May arrive on the scene. They ask him if he is okay while, watching from in hiding, is Team Rocket!
"Prepare for a very quiet trouble!" whispers Jesse.
"Make it a very silent double," agrees James in a whisper.
"Dat's right!" agrees Meowth silently, and they all lift up the treasures they have stolen from the chamber door. But then Wobbuffet pops out to proudly (and loudly) salute, getting Ash, May and Alden's attention. They demand that Team Rocket hand over the gems but Jesse instead sends out Arbok, which Pikachu head butts back into the ground which knocks all four gems out of Team Rocket's hands (WHY!?!) before Pikachu thundershocks them.
"Team Rocket's blasting off much too soon!" they cry as they're blown away.
Alden takes the gems back inside the chamber and puts them inside the door again, and as the sun rises the light strikes the gems and fills the grooves of the chamber, pushing the door back further and revealing stairs leading down further.
A clever trick indeed, opening the outer door actually closes the inner door, and the hooded figures have left too early and missed their chance. Ash, May and Alden head downstairs and find themselves in a massive underground chamber with a giant lake. The water smells clean and pure according to May, and they wonder if it leads out into the sea... and then a giant, strange looking fish pokemon leaps out of the water and crashes back in.
Alden gasps, it is a Relicant, an ancient pokemon. The legends were true, this chamber IS a (metaphorical) link between the past and the present.
They return to the Pokemon Centre where Torchic is feeling fine once again and Ash decides they should head off to Petalburg City. Before they can go though, Alden shows back up to exclaim that all the information he has so far found indicates humans and ancient Pokemon got on peacefully (that picture of screaming humans running from an Aerodactyl may have been a picture of a wonderful game of tag), and he's so keen to work that he can barely stop, even for food and sleep!
Though apparently a couple of kids can pull him away from his work.
They congratulate him on his work and then head off, Ash admonishing himself when he realises that he never actually found out who the new Petalburg Gym Leader is (because he had such a rapport going with the old one, apparently!). May grins a trifle oddly and proclaims she has no idea who it could be and they continue on towards Petalburg. Ash, as always, appears to be totally oblivious to anything deeper than face value. We however are not, and judging from today's episode we can assume that May is trying to keep Ash from learning information about Petalburg City. Why?
Tune in next time, Gentle Dodgers, maybe we'll find out!
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