ENGLISH NAME	JAPANESE NAME	POKEMOPOLIS NAME	DODGINESS RATING	ANIMATION	STORY	TEAM ROCKET	MORAL LEARNT
608: Dressed For Jess Success!	614: Pokémon Kontesuto! Suiren Taikai!	Enter Jameselina			Dawn competes for her fifth ribbon, "Jesse" competes for her third	Missing a lot of something up top	Actually the REAL important thing is winning

Today finds the twerps in Lilypad Town, having arrived in time for Dawn's shot at her Fifth Ribbon. Dawn is getting in some training with Mamoswine, having it fight Grotle as Brock, Lyra and Khoury watch. Mamoswine and Grotle use Ice Shard and Energy Ball respectively but swallow their own attacks, Brock explaining that this is a move that Ash and Grotle discovered accidentally. Mamoswine forms thick spikes of ice on its back, impressing everyone, and the "battle" ends, having established that Mamoswine has the move perfected now.

Cyndaquil rushes in trying desperately to get Dawn's attention, and when she looks down, it blasts jets of flame out of its back in mimicry of Mamoswine's Ice Spikes, and they guess that it also wants to be involved in a Contest. Dawn gently explains that she already has her strategy set for the contest however. She plans on using Piplup's "pretty moves" for the Appeal Round (Piplup puffs up with ridiculous pride at this) and Mamoswine for the Contest Battle portion. Cyndaquil, now exhausted and lying on its stomach puffing out its cheeks, pouts grumpily and Lyra giggles, proclaiming affectionately that it is a "brat".

Piplup is again left upset when Dawn picks up Cyndaquil for a hug, furiously bouncing about trying to get her attention as Cyndaquil lets loose a little blast of flame to puff up Dawn's hair. But even this doesn't upset her, as she is absolutely convinced that today is the day she gets that Fifth Ribbon.

That is, of course, unless someone else is....



Out in a shack outside the city, a sick and miserable Jesse is struggling across the floor towards her Jesselina costume. James and Meowth physically restrain her, telling her she is sick and can't take part, but she has already registered and is too stubborn to give in.... until she suddenly turns sickly glazed eyes towards James and gets a horrifying grin on her face. She's come up with an idea.......

Oh God, oh no, she can't possibly mean....

Oh my God.

The Contest starts with fireworks as Marian welcomes everyone to the Flower Themed Contest, while backstage a bunch of fruity looking dressed up contestants are watching. The twerps step up backstage and Lyra is astounded to see how dressed up everyone is, and how pretty "Dane" looks, she's "number one of the bunch no doubt". She turns a grin on Ash and asks him if he thinks so too and he happily proclaims that he does!

Oh wow, was Lyra right? Has Ash-

"Of course she's number one!" he shouts, clutching a fist and fixing a competitive glare on Dawn,"Because Dawn's going to win!" Ahahaha, the boy will never get it, and that's what is so wonderful about him, he hasn't got a clue what the fuck Lyra is on about. "That's not what I meant by number one," sighs Lyra to Brock and Khoury,"It went over Ash's head, didn't it?"

"And Dawn's too," grins Brock, as the pretty girl in her pretty dress and the boy she spends almost every waking moment of her life with fire each other with competitive words and completely miss any of the context that Lyra the Shipper is desperately trying to apply to them.

And then Lyra notices another cute dress and comments on it, and Dawn and Ash recognise Jesselina from behind and say their hellos, as Jesselina and her Meowth are startled into alertness and we discover....



Hang on, since when has Jesse had green eyes!?!

"Oh! Hello!" she squeaks in an oddly lower tone of voice than normal. Lyra approaches and handles Jesselina's necktie, and the costume seems to.... droop over the chest, almost as if the huge, rounded breasts that usually stand so proudly beneath the fabric weren't there anymore!



This is a dark day for Pokémon, Gentle Dodgers.

Lyra asks where Jesselina got it and she squeaks out that the store name escapes her and rushes out with Meowth, moaning that she can't deal with this pressure, she's not a Coordinator!

But you..... hang on.... the voice, the eyes, the complete lack of incredible tits..... that's not Jesse! That's not Jesse at all! That's James!

James is back in drag and.... not loving it! He can't handle the pressure, he isn't a Coordinator and he plans to lose the first round and get the fuck out of there. Meowth extends his claws and warns James not to do this, however, reminding him that if they throw the Contest, Jesse will be miserable and take longer to get over her cold, and none of them want that.

Tucked away in the shack with a giant block of ice on her head, Jesse watches the Contest on television with a sick, satisfied smile on her face as Dawn is the first of the Coordinators to come out. Up in the crowd, Brock explains the Appeals Stage to Khoury, while Dawn calls out Piplup and Brock explains the mechanics of the Contest Battle to Khoury, Lyra and a brand new audience looking to buy the next Pokémon game.

Using Whirlpool first and then Bide, Piplup lets the Whirlpool fall onto it and react with the Bide to cause Piplup to glow blue. The Judges are impressed with Dawn's performance, and she is followed by a series of losers who won't go anywhere, until finally it is Jameselina's turn. He rushes out with Meowth on his back and has it rocket up off of his back and use Fury Swipes to carve up dough into noodles that drop into bowls held by Jameselina. "She" then gives them over to the Judges who eat the soup and proclaim it is a success. The crowd roars with cheers, while watching television in another city, Christopher weeps with joy to see Meowth continuing to showcase his noodle talent. James is starting to get into it, and also watching on television from her shack, Jesse is starting to get upset that he is getting louder cheers than she usually does.

Backstage, Piplup proudly absorbs Dawn's gratitude. James and Meowth talk about how much they enjoyed being cheered, and Lyra talks to "Dane" about the pressure of waiting to see who made it through to the next round.... and then it is revealed!

It's Bing Crosby, Young Housewife, Dawn, Aggressively Cool Student, Admiral Hardass, Jameselina, Angry Hipster Nerd and Bemused Homosexual for the Contest Battles!

Lyra asks why Dawn isn't using her two most experienced Pokémon - Piplup and Buneary - and Dawn explains that while this may be her fifth ribbon, she isn't going to change what worked now and run the risk of falling flat on her face - she has to treat this just like any other Contest and not let the pressure get to her.

The Battle Stage begins, Dawn vs.... Mario! Angry Hipster Nerd is a-him, Mario! He sends out Granbull against Dawn's Mamoswine, and sends it in with Fire Fang. Lyra doesn't understand why Dawn loses points before the move even hits and Brock explains it is because of the style of the attack being used. Mamoswine dodges and then.... swallows Ice Shard! The Judges are shocked, then impressed as Mamoswine forms a back of Ice Spikes.



Mamoswine takes in the cheers of the crowd, then uses Hidden Power to glow bright, Ice Armour sparkling in the Light. It then uses Takedown and Mario freaks the fuck out and fails to get Granbull to dodge in time and it is knocked out.... Dawn wins her first Contest Battle!

Even she is surprised it was so fast!

Backstage, she is letdown by her victory and Lyra can't understand why. Ash and Brock try to explain that Dawn was hoping to get to show off and try new combinations, and it was rather disappointing that the battle ended so quickly. Lyra and Khoury note that there is more to this whole Contest thing than they are getting, and Dawn is adamant that she will make sure to make her next battle even flashier.

Meanwhile, how is Jameselina getting on?



Oh!

However, despite this handicap, Jameselina eventually does make it through to the first Semi-Final..... against Dawn!

Oh no!

The battle is one and Meowth watches furiously in the crowd, Jesse watching in the shack as Carnivine once again tries to eat Jameselina's head. But it turns out the crowd/judges/Marian believe is all part of the act, and it's not being held against "her". Dawn has Mamoswine use Ice Shard again, but before it can swallow it... Carnivine uses Vine Whip to pull it away and then.... mock Mamoswine by bouncing it in one leaf-hand!

Haha! What a jerk!

Furious, Mamoswine stomps on the ground angrily and doesn't notice that Carnivine has tossed the Ice Shard back at it, smacking it in the face. Furious, it stomps in place and ignores Dawn's commands, charging and rushing at Carnivine which leaps up over it again and again. It dances and dodges at Jameselina's commands as Dawn loses more and more points for her failure to command Mamoswine. It tries Hidden Power while Carnivine dodges, getting grabbed by the tusks as it charges and hauled off of its feet. It crashes into the ground and over onto its back, smashing through the Judges' podium as the time runs out and Jameselina makes a dominant victory over Dawn!

Dawn doesn't get her fifth ribbon! Jameselina rushes towards Carnivine for a happy hug and gets his head swallowed for his troubles, while Dawn tries to make Mamoswine feel better after it realises that it just fucked up Dawn's dream.

Backstage, the twerps come to offer sympathy to Dawn, who tells an upset Cyndaquil that there is no need to worry. Lyra can't believe that Dawn is taking things in stride like this, but she says it just means there is more for her to learn and work on to really earn the ribbon, and she can't second-guess the choices she made to get as far as she has so far.

On the television screen, the Final is screening and one bemused homosexual has been beaten by another! "Jesselina" had defeated "her" open-necked shirt opponent and wins the Lilypad Town Contest and a third Contest Ribbon!

Presented with the award, Jameselina celebrates and returns to the shack where a fully cured Jesse (the ribbon cure!) hugs the ribbon with delight and tells it she loves it.... then raises up high and glares down angrily at James and Meowth, furious that they got louder cheers than she normally gets!



She growls that she wants to be adored like that too and will never get that sick again. She throws on her Jesselina costume and forgets her fury immediately as she giggles with delight over her future victories. Meowth and James breathe a sigh of relief that the furious glare of the Bitch Goddess Queen has been temporarily turned away from them to trouble its unfathomable mind with things beyond their understanding.

In town, Dawn feeds Mamoswine puffins and tells it they'll be getting back to some heavy training tomorrow, and Lyra and Khoury guess that win or lose, the really important thing at the end of the day is having your friends with you.

Sounds to me like the type of thing losers say when they lose!

BEST QUOTES

"Awwww, someone's a brat!" "I'm not pleased that you as me got more applause than I as me!"

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