ENGLISH NAME	JAPANESE NAME	POKEMOPOLIS NAME	DODGINESS RATING	ANIMATION	STORY	TEAM ROCKET	MORAL LEARNT
581: Pursuing a Lofty Goal!	586: Pokéringa! Tenku Daikessen!	Ash Ketchum: Dream Destroyer;			Ash ruins the lifelong dreams/accomplishments of a bunch of strangers. Again!	Time to get back to bondage training!	Train hard all your life if you want to, some punk kid will show up and beat you effortlessly anyway!

Today finds the twerps walking through rocky canyons to discover a town nestled in the midst of a rocky valley. As they peer over the edge of the cliff down into the town, a wind kicks up and desperately tries to flap up Dawn's skirt. As she protects the little modesty and dignity a young lady in a short skirt travelling the countryside with two puberty-aged males for company can muster, Piplup is blown clear and she has to jump to grab it, giving Brock and a clueless Ash an eyeful of mecca. Brock says the town - Squallville - is known for heavy winds, and then they hear voices and turn to see in the distance two trainers calling instructions to their flying Pokémon as they go for.... suspended rings! It's Pokéringer! Looks like Ash might once more be....



The twerps run to look over the Pokéringer match, explaining to Dawn once they get there how the competition works - to grab a suspended ring, avoid the opponent's Pokémon and place it on one of three towers - as one trainer's Yanmega has just done to defeat the other's Wingull. The two meet and the victor - tall with blue hair - tells the other rather snarkily to work on teaching his Pokémon to read wind currents. The young loser complains that he'll beat him in the contest and runs away, while James (of course it's James! Who else would it be!?!) gloats to himself that he can't possibly lose the contest as long as he has access to Jesse's Yanmega.... and that's when the last person to (unfairly!) beat him in a Pokéringer contest comes grinning like a moron right up in his face.

Jesse and Meowth are watching from behind a rock and wonder what the twerps are doing there, while James realises that the twerps don't recognise him and begins talking about Pokéringer. It turns out the contest is today and Dawn comments that she wouldn't mind having a go at it, at which point Piplup leaps out of her arms and flaps its stubby little wings in a pathetic attempt to fly. It crashes to the ground and Dawn realises she is going to have to sit this one out, but Ash is eager to take part with Staravia, and oddly enough James seems not to mind, in fact he appears pleased. Maybe he wants revenge for his previous (unfair!) defeat?

Fireworks mark the start of the Pokéringer Contest inside a large stadium packed with thousands of fans (wow, not much happens in this part of the world I guess). The prize is being granted citizenship of Squallville and a large amount of Pokémon Food, neither of which really impress Jesse (who is blatantly and openly wearing her Team Rocket uniform!), who isn't sure why she agreed to let James use Yanmega. James intends to win this contest fair and square though, after Jesse and Meowth as well as an out of nowhere Pokémon evolution cost him his last attempt at winning a Pokéringer Contest.

The Contest is being covered by Rhonda from the "Sinnoh Now!" television program.... with predictable results, as she gets bopped on the head and ends up trying to murder the fat boom mic operator right there on the air.

She throws fatty away and announces the first single-elimination match will be Ash vs. a confident kid called Taylor. The balloon rings are released and lift to the official altitude, and Ash sends in Staravia against Taylor's Skarmory. Staravia gets there first and goes straight for the goal but gets blasted by Swift and loses the ring. Skarmory grabs the ring and goes for the goal, but Staravia zooms after it, dodging Fury Attack so the two end up flying about in circles. Skarmory gets too caught up in the looping about and drops the ring which Staravia grabs, so Skarmory zips ahead and kicks up a Sand Attack, then blasts at Staravia with Air Cutter. A sudden gust of wind saves Staravia, pulling clear and shaking its head clear as it drops back down towards the goal, using Aerial Ace to avoid Air Cutter and zap by the goal and place the ring.... GOOOOOAL!



Told you!

So Taylor is eliminated and Ash goes on to the second round thanks to complete random chance! Next up is a Road Warrior refugee - the four time champion Crovo. Competing against him will be Team Jam-PAUL!?!

PAUL!?!?!?!

Paul approaches and passes, muttering,"So what if I am?" as Ash stammers out that he didn't know he was taking part in the contest. He completely ignores Ash who moans that he could have at least said hi, then insists that he will beat Paul next time they fight... and Paul doesn't even acknowledge his continued existence. Paul lifts up in his balloon and sends out Honchkrow against Dragonite - the Mayor vs. the retarded Dragon!

Honchkrow avoids a series of attacks from Dragonite but is finally caught and loses the ring. But it gets it back ahead of Dragonite and this time beats Dragon Rush by riding the wind to get behind the retarded Dragon and hit it from behind with Sky Attack. This ONE move knocks Dragonite out and wins the battle before adding insult to injury by tossing the ring onto the goal..... the four time champion is out!

Next up is Team Steven vs. Team.... Jamus!?!

I mean..... Jesse is just wearing her Team Rocket uniform right out there in the open! Come on!

Steven (who calls himself the wind reader) is a tiny little shaven haired freak in a wifebeater. He defiantly sends out Skiploom against Yanmega, both he and "Jamus" yelling insults across at each other before they end up just staring at each other, none of them making an attack. Brock figures out that they're trying to read the winds and make one big move to win the match. But James fucks up his reading of the wind, screwing it up entirely and leading to Skiploom grabbing the ring and scoring an easy goal while Yanmega is buffeted first up, then down, by the winds, misread entirely by James. Steven scoffs and laughs at James while Jesse fumes, but James takes his utter crushing defeat in stride, saying that the winds of Sinnoh ARE hard to read but he'll take his loss in stride and come back stronger and better for it.

Ahhh man, James, you did so well last time too :(

Matches continue, with Ash and Paul both continuing on (Paul beats Steven!) until the two finalists are...... Lawrence vs. Samantha! Hahahaha, no of course it isn't. It's Ash vs. Paul! The two guys who just showed up on the day of the contest and said,"Yeah why not? This will kill some time," and promptly defeated guys who spend all their lives training for this one day.

An excited Ash calls out to Paul,"LET'S DO THIS!" and Paul just STARES at him with such utter contempt that is wonderful, so, so wonderful. They ascend for their final battle, The Mayor vs. the Bird, Paul vs. Ash, and at stakes is an utterly irrelevant victory!

Staravia and Honchkrow come out, Staravia getting the ring immediately and countering Sky Attack with Brave Bird.... but the Mayor of all Birds comes out on top, knocking Staravia backwards. Honchkrow sweeps in for an attack which is dodged by Staravia, which makes straight for the goal, but Honchkrow blasts the ring from its mouth with Dark Pulse. Staravia recovers though, grabbing the ring and going for the goal and sure victory.... but then a wind kicks up and pushes Staravia away. It fights to beat through the wind while Honchkrow lunges at it again and again with Aerial Ace, finally scoring a direct shot and grabbing the ring from Staravia.

Honchkrow immediately goes for the goal and Staravia uses Aerial Ace just like Honchkrow, but it dodges just like Staravia did earlier. Ash has Staravia flip around above it and use Quick Attack to zip straight down and snap the ring out of Honchkrow's mouth though, and the Mayor finds itself the victim of a mugging!

"Zounds!" Honchkrow says.... or would say if it could speak. Possibly "Gadzooks."

Staravia goes straight for the goal and Honchkrow bitchslaps it with Sky Attack and then tries for Night Slash, then dodges a Quick Attack and SLAMS Staravia right in the back and crashes it into the ground.

Don't fuck with the Mayor!

Ash cries out to a barely moving Staravia to show Honchkrow it isn't done, and Paul sneers that Ash is an idiot for thinking that "encouragement" is going to do anything. But as Honchkrow goes in for the kill again to take Staravia's ring from it, Staravia leaping clear and soaring high into the air where it begins to glow..... and..... EVOLVES INTO STARAPTOR!

MAYOR VS EMO-BIRD!

Paul can't believe that the little Starly he rejected so long ago has evolved into Staraptor. Meanwhile I can't believe Ash could possibly win Pokéringer TWICE with yet another sudden evolution! Staraptor and Honchkrow start throwing down, slapping each other around until the ring is knocked clear and they both go for it, Honchkrow slapping it away with Mayoral Contempt.... but Staraptor keeps on coming, and then uses Close Combat!



Another term for Close Combat being "kicking the Mayor in the fucking face!"

Staraptor bitchslaps the fuck out of Honchkrow and sends it flailing back to Paul, then goes after the ring as Paul demands Honchkrow get after it. Staraptor is their first though, getting the ring, dodging an attack and then colliding head-on with Honchkrow in midair and knocking the ring loose. It falls straight towards the goal and Honchkrow zips out ahead of Staraptor, who has taken a beating and is lagging behind. But as Paul leers creepily over his upcoming victory, Ash offers Staraptor some more of that "useless" encouragement and it pushes itself past its limits and manages to just pip ahead, slapping the ring with its wing and knocking it onto the goal.... Ash wins!



ASH BEATS PAUL!

The Mayor has been indicted!

Paul lands and angrily tells Honchkrow it didn't win because its reaction time was too slow. He recalls the sad looking Mayor and heads away without so much as a sidelong look at Ash who just watches him walk away. Ash is presented with his prize and the twerps call out their Pokémon to eat some of the food... which Mamoswine gobbles down in a moment's notice, infuriating Dawn and the rest of her Pokémon.

As the sun sets, Paul is heading on down the road when Ash catches up to talk about how cool it is that Paul's old Starly has evolved all the way through into a Staraptor. Paul just looks and then grunts that "it took you long enough" before walking away, Ash shouting his name to try and demand an explanation or some further conversation, but Paul ignores him entirely.

Ash quickly forgets all about that though, because he's got a Staraptor now, and that's just going to make going for that 7th Badge all the sweeter!

Yay for Emo-Bird!

BEST QUOTES

"Oh! I forgot the twerps wouldn't recognize me if I paid them!"

Previous Episode Next Episode Episode List