ENGLISH NAME	JAPANESE NAME	POKEMOPOLIS NAME	DODGINESS RATING	ANIMATION	STORY	TEAM ROCKET	MORAL LEARNT
576: Hold the Phione!	581: Itazura Fione!	The Love-lives Of Tiny Little Baby Animals			One baby falls in love with another baby	Made a lot of money so they could buy stuff to get them the luck to... make money.	You don't win "possession" of your love by beating up the person they're with, no matter what high school told you!

The twerps have finally arrived in Chocovine, bustling with eager tourists and trainers looking to be bilked by the seasonal markets. One vendor in particular is selling Phione merchandise, and Dawn is eager to get some despite the fact that it's all cheap nasty crap made in sweatshops that will fall apart in a couple of days once the gloss and excitement of the latest Pokémon Contest is over. Yes, Gentle Dodgers, when you go shopping in Chocovine you should feel free to buy stuff, but....



Brock explains Phione are rare and Chocovine is one of the places where they can be found - but despite this apparently the vendor is the only one who sells merchandise. He tries to convince the twerps to go Phione-Watching, saying this is the time of year they're usually seen and people from all over desperately try and see them and oh yeah trainers and coordinators who do see them usually win their contests and rainbows come out of their butts!

Come on dude, they're like 10, don't hustle them!

They all decide to go (Brock too since he has nothing else - and no one else - to do!) and Dawn brings out Buneary and Pachirisu because she's going to be using them in her contest.... which upsets Piplup which was overlooked again, so she pities it by offering it the pathetic role of cheerleader, then massages its ego by telling it that the other Pokémon look up to it.

That night, Team Rocket are selling tickets to a Phione-Watching tour on a boat (and being SCOWLED at by a fat, middle-aged local), and are alarmed to see the twerps coming along as well. They bring them onboard, then head into the submarine (which they've paid for with money from the tickets they sold!) where it finally hits home to them that they actually have to deliver on the promise of a Phione sighting. But Jesse has a plan! They can drown Meowth!

Well that's not very nice!

The twerps are enjoying the romantic view through the submarine portholes, Ash and Dawn standing together with their Pokémon, Brock and Croagunk.... being creepy and wrong. As everyone stares out the window into the dark, deep water - Croagunk ignores it all to stare happily as its own reflection. Meanwhile in the submarine cockpit, Meowth is desperate for Phione to show up so he doesn't die. Luckily for them, three Phione come out of the darkness and swim past the portholes, delighting the twerps and the other passengers who believe that the Phione will grant them all their deepest wish - whether that be marriage, victory, or - in Jesse's case, a long ass fucking scroll of DEMANDS that must be met! James jumps in on the order too while Meowth claims the only thing he wants is for the Boss's comfy lap to become inseparable from him.

Oh Meowth.

The Phione rudely pokes its tongue out at them and swims away with the other two, until it spots Buneary and becomes enraptured - that's a turnabout! But as it babbles happily away to Buneary on the other side of the glass, in the cockpit Meowth is happily indulging in a bizarrely innocent psycho-sexual fantasy about Phione being delivered to Giovanni who then becomes ecstatic over suddenly winning prizes in a bunch of sweepstake competitions.



Oh Meowth.

After the customers disembark (happily!) the Phione surfaces ignoring its two brothers/sisters/cousins what have you, not enjoying swimming and playing with them because it's aching for some Buneary action! As it sits staring at nothing in the water, Team Rocket approach in their far more budget-minded Magikarp Submarine and catch it in a net.

The next day, the twerps, Pikachu, Buneary, Pachirisu and Piplup are doing some stretches and training, while Ash fails miserably to count properly (well okay he's just counting off stretches of 4 seconds each) and Dawn forgoes training to grab Ash and Brock by the hand and take them shopping!

Team Rocket are hanging out in the park with Phione in.... a pot? They want one last quick look before they send it to the Boss, so they drop it into the fountain to swim happily around, but it refuses to be picked up. It uses Supersonic on Meowth to confuse him, then puts Jesse on ice!

James weakly slaps the ice (he has a limp wrist) and the ice actually shatters. Jesse reaches for Phione but it disappears from sight, and apparently down the drain as the fountain empties. Phione pops through the drains, frightening human and Pokémon alike by popping out of water faucets into different bodies of water. It emerges from a river and spots Dawn and Buneary, chases after them but missing them as they get on a bus and are driven away. Team Rocket arrive on the scene and try to lasso it but it freezes them and disappears into the water system again, popping out of a hose and back in again, then appearing in the middle of a public pool, amusing the swimmers.

Dawn meanwhile is enthusiastically shopping as Brock and Ash carry her bags and look pissed off and bored respectively. Finally she is done collecting new seals for her Pokéballs and they head to the beach to do some training.... and Phione appears out of the water and eagerly approaches Buneary. Piplup tries to make friends too, and Phione makes it clear that it's not interested in Piplup's constant need to be the centre of attention.

Piplup bursts out of the ice and then the Magikarp Submarine bursts out of the water after Phione again, Ash screaming out that he bets they want to steal Phione, causing Jesse to mock his grasp of the obvious before they rock on into their motto.

"Your grasp of the obvious never ceases to amaze! Do I hear a yes?"
"Go on twerp, take a guess!"
"While we're on the wind!"
"Passing the stars!"
"You wish you were as smart as Jess!" says Meowth, while is either complimenting Jesse or insulting Ash.
"Bringing chaos at a breakneck pace!"
"Dashing all hope, putting fear in its place."
"A rose by any other name's just as sweet."
"When it's worse, our work is complete."
"Jesse!"
"And James!"
"Meowth, dat's a name!"
"Putting the do-gooders in their place."
"Because we're Team Rocket!"
"In your face!" they finish together.

Ash is furious that they would attempt to capture the wild and unclaimed Phione. But it is clear that it wants no part of Team Rocket either, turning in fright till it sees that Buneary is hiding behind Pikachu! A LOVE RIVAL!

It challenges Pikachu to a battle, Meowth helpfully translating that Phione is claiming that the winner of the battle will win Buneary's heart. Brock is sympathetic, Ash (and Pikachu!) confused, Dawn and Jesse giggly, and Buneary.... pissed, if Phione wants to win her heart then it should battle HER! And if it wins, they can go on a date!

Ahh the love lives of tiny little baby animals.

As the battle starts, Brock gets oddly dramatic with Ash about how they "HAVE TO SEE THIS THROUGH!" and a confused Ash agrees. Phione runs rings around Buneary in their fight though, hiding in the water and getting Buneary high (so it's THAT kind of date) and freezing Piplup when it once again tries to get involved. Buneary's Confusion wears off and it clashes Ice-Beam against Ice-Beam, the two forming a massive column of ice that Buneary then leaps over and kicks Phione square in the face!

Buneary wins! Sing it, sister!

Phione tells Buneary goodbye sadly and begins to head back into the ocean, but Team Rocket aren't done with it yet! They still intend to capture it, losing to a tiny girl bunny that doesn't actually have proper fight training or not! They chase after it and the twerps chase them, Pikachu and Buneary blocking Team Rocket's path who angrily ask them exactly what they can do, stop them with cute?

You.... you've been chasing Pikachu for over a decade because you think it is phenomenally powerful!

Shortly after Team Rocket are - unsurprisingly - blasting off again too, and then Phione swims sadly away in the water as Brock weeps for all the loves he'll never know.

Buneary runs to the water and shouts out its own name a few times, and apparently Dawn can translate now as she tells Ash that it said to cheer up, they'll be battling again some day!

Yeah, that'll help its inevitable impotence after getting its ass kicked by a bunny rabbit with fluffy ears.

And as they all watch Phione rejoin the other two and head out to sea, we cut to night and further out at sea, as Team Rocket get some time to cool down and think about all that "good luck" that the Phione bought them.

BEST QUOTES

"Anyone inta dumb luck’s got da dumb part right!"

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