ENGLISH NAME	JAPANESE NAME	POKEMOPOLIS NAME	DODGINESS RATING	ANIMATION	STORY	TEAM ROCKET	MORAL LEARNT
570: Ancient Family Matters!	575: Ramuparudo Bui Esu Toridepusu!	Dickwaving with Dad			The twerps walk into the middle of a father/son dick-waving contest	Professional Amateur Hole Diggers	Sinnoh's Gym Leaders are a bunch of unprofessional jerks!

Today finds the twerps outside Canalave Gym, Ash ready for his battle with Byron who has reportedly returned home. The door opens and the sleepy assistant they met in an earlier episode steps out and sees them, but tells them that now isn't really a good time for a Gym Battle....

OH FOR FUCKS SAKE!

Apparently Byron's son is visiting, though Ash correctly asks exactly why that should stop THIS GODDAMN GYM TRAINER FROM DOING HIS FUCKING JOB AND GIVING OUT A FUCKING GYM BATTLE! The assistant leads them inside, explaining that the father and son have a tendency to get into arguments that get out of hand. They hear raised voices and step into the Battle Arena where they discover that Byron's son is.... Roark! Oh dear, before the battle, we may have to deal with....



Yes it's Byron and Roark, father and son, and Roark is pleased to see Ash while Byron.... looks like a shaggy haired, ragged cape wearing, shovel holding, bearded freak who proclaims angrily that he loves fossils more than his son does!



Dawn notices that Roark feels "different" from last time, while Byron laughs that Roark is soft. He orders the lights turned down and takes Roark and the twerps into his fossil room, where fossils are held on shelves all spaced around the central display of a giant Anorith fossil he is putting back together, one that would be three times the size of a normal Anorith.

Roark IS impressed, but says when it comes to restoring fossils to life, nothing beats his Rampardos. But Byron insists it is his Bastiodon, and the father and son angrily argue over who has the bigger dic.... who has the better restored Pokémon. Brock - no stranger to penis envy - steps between them and tells them to calm down, and Dawn suggests a cockfight to settle who is the best... at which point Ash notes that once that is settled then HE can finally have his goddamn Gym Battle.

They agree, and as Byron heads off to prepare, Roark explains that he came to Canalave to ask Byron to return for he and Roark's mother's anniversary. It seems that Byron used to run Roark's Gym, but then one day after Roark was put in charge of the excavation at the Oreburgh Mine, Byron suddenly just ran off. He told Byron he was asked to head up the Gym at Canalave and he agreed so he could discover all kinds of new fossils up there. What about Oreburgh Gym? Byron laughs that he is leaving Roark in charge, and then he was off without a second glance or a thought for his wife..... Brock commiserates, remembering his own father and his crack addiction.

Roark tells them that Byron was obviously mostly interested in excavating fossils on Iron Island, and even dim old Ash is smart enough to figure out that Byron's "special training" that kept him from Gym Battles was just an excuse to dig up fossils!

Sinnoh's Gym Leaders are a bunch of unprofessional jerks!

So the exhibition match begins! It's a one-on-one battle and both promise not to go easy on the other (in fact Byron promises to "whoop" Roark!). Bastiodon comes out for Byron and Rampardos comes out for Roark, and they go head to head, Brock noting that Rampardos is like a "spear" and Bastiodon like a "shield".

Rampardos uses Zen Headbutt against Iron Defence, then again, the two butting heads just like Roark and Byron did earlier. Brock tells Ash and Dawn that Byron has the upper hand with Bastiodon taking each hit and stopping it cold. When Roark tries another Zen Headbutt, Bastiodon shoves Rampardos over and blasts at it with Flamethrower. Rampardos dodges and Byron laughs that he wants Roark to hit him with everything he's got to prove that Byron can take it and then some.... and all the while, Byron's wife sits at home without a penis.

MEANWHILE! In the fossil room, Team Rocket dig their way up through the floor. Jesse doesn't understand what kind of an investment return they'll get from a "room full of rocks", so Meowth attempts to explain the value of fossils to her. James spots the Anorith fossil and they get an idea - use one of Oreburgh's restoration machines and ship the giant Anorith out to the Boss! It's not really a patented Crazy Meowth Giovanni Fantasy and over very quickly, but following that we are "treated" to some of the worst animation ever seen as Team Rocket "dance" and sing in celebration.

Back at the battle, Rampardos looks exhausted and Bastiodon appears fine. Byron tells Roark he is a "pitiful excuse" for a Gym Leader. Furious, Roark demands it jump up and use Head Smash, while Byron orders Iron Head, and the two Pokémon crash together head to head again - Brock can't tell which was the stronger move but Head Smash does deliver damage to Rampardos too. Bastiodon seems tired now, and the two Pokémon smash Flamethrower and Flash Cannon against each other, but as the moves break off the alarm suddenly sounds for the Fossil Room. Byron recalls Bastiodon and rushes away, Roark calling back Rampardos and following him, along with the twerps.

They enter the fossil room and Byron is enraged to find the place has been broken into... but he also loves the hole that Team rocket dug! The twerps crash to the ground in horror, get your priorities straight, man!



Byron explains with love in his eyes that whoever made the hole has the skill and craftsmanship of a fearsome holedigger and he must track down the artisan who did it! But then Roark points out a bigger hole behind him and he is horrified to see it was dug by a machine.... oh, and all his fossils were stolen!

Furious, Byron leaps down the hole followed by Roark, and the twerps figure they might as well follow suit. As they all rush down the tunnel, Team Rocket emerge out of the ground in the forest, following a drilling machine clutching the sack of fossils over its "shoulder".

Surprisingly the twerps, Roark and Byron aren't far behind, and they spot Team Rocket. Figuring why the hell not make the best of a bad situation, Team Rocket treat us to their motto.... with a mining theme!

"Is that the voice of twerps surfacing I hear?"
"Trespassing through our hole I fear!"
"On the wind!"
"Past the stars!"
"Diggahs wifout peer!" screams Meowth.
"Forming holes at a breakneck pace!"
"Shovelling earth, leaving air in its place."
"Our skill knows no boundaries when it comes to the pick!"
"When it comes to pit-traps, we don't miss a trick!"
"Jesse!"
"And it's James!"
"Meowth, dat's a name!"
"Putting all you groundhogging do-gooders in your place."
"You've got to dig Team Rocket!"
"Cause we're in your face!" they finish together, echoed happily by Wobbuffet and Mime Jr.

Byron roars at them to listen up and tells them.... they're very talented hole diggers! So lose the machine and only dig holes by hand from now on! Team Rocket react as they should to this type of proclamation.



Byron begins enthusiastically digging with his shovel and Roark steps up to remind him that Team Rocket are BAD! Byron insists anyone who digs holes that beautifully can't be ALLLL bad, but Roark reminds him that they stole his precious, precious fossils. They demand the fossils back and Team Rocket refuse, so in a completely unforeseen and not at all predictable turn of events, Byron and Roark fight side by side using their respective Pokémon, putting a battering on Team Rocket's machine which fights back only for the two Pokémon TO SUDDENLY WORK TOGETHER USING THEIR RESPECTIVE STRENGTHS TO COMPLEMENT EACH OTHER AND TEACH US ALL A VALUABLE LESSON!

Rampardos brings down the drill with Head Smash but takes damage itself and collapses, so Ash invites himself into the battle by having Pikachu use Thunderbolt and.... restores the machine to full strength!?!

Hahaha, you moron!

Team Rocket cheese it, the drill machine (Mecha Man they call it) grabbing the sack of fossils, but Roark isn't going to let them get away and has his Rampardos (who was UNCONSCIOUS A FEW SECONDS AGO!) work alongside Byron's Bastiodon to chase them down.

The two Pokémon smash holes into the back of Mecha Man which stops to kick dirt back in their faces, and Brock tells Ash to have Pikachu use Thunderbolt again, but this time aim at the holes in the machine's back, which causes it to.... fart!?!

Mecha Man explodes and sends Team Rocket flying, blasting off again as James says that it was a "flash in the can" (he would know!). The sack of fossils falls and crashes into the ground with a smash. Roark and Byron both rush to the fossils and check them out but they seem fine, and then Roark notices that Byron is paying attention to a small fossil in particular, one he kept in a small box - a Sunkern Leaf Fossil.

We're treated to a sudden flashback, as a Byron who looks much the same as he does now was digging in Oreburgh and a VERY young Roark rushed up to him with the very first fossil he had ever found.

It was, of course, the Sunkern Leaf Fossil he is holding now, kept in pride of place as the "most important fossil" in Byron's collection. Roark realises that he really does care about the family, and Byron explains that he knew as long as he remained in charge of Oreburgh Gym that Roark would only ever be his assistant and he couldn't allow that to happen, so he left for Canalave.

Awww, that's sweet - I'm sure that makes all those lonely nights in a cold bed worth it for Mrs. Byron.

The twerps all realise they should probably call their poor families and remind them that they love them (Ash of course speaks to his secret Father more than he ever talks to his mother!) and Byron tells Ash that now HE is next.... once Bastiodon has had a chance to recover. So the battle is finally going to be on, with Roark acting as judge, and it will be.... TOMORROW!

So see ya next week! :P

BEST QUOTES

"It's giant size only adds to its voluminous value!" "Our machines can be a flash in the can!"

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