ENGLISH NAME	JAPANESE NAME	POKEMOPOLIS NAME	DODGINESS RATING	ANIMATION	STORY	TEAM ROCKET	MORAL LEARNT
507: Malice in Wonderland!	511: Mumaji! Akumu Kara no Dasshutsu!	Straight Trippin'			The twerps and Team Rocket's greatest dreams come true.	Wobbuffet loves Jesse; Meowth loves Giovanni; James loves... small metal caps....	A fantasy come true is still only a fantasy.

Today's pre-episode teaser begins with.... RAYQUAZA!?!

Astonished twerps in an empty ruined arena find themselves facing the legendary Pokémon which suddenly turns black before Pikachu, Croagunk and Piplup become giants and prepare to fight the massive serpent.

Oooooo-kay.

We're through the looking glass here people, what is this....



The twerps walk hungry and tired through a dark forest, seemingly lost as they try to find a Pokémon Centre. Dawn thinks they're lost but Brock, like all men, is certain he knows the way thanks to his map. He tells them they just need to take a left to get to the Pokémon Centre. They turn left and discover.... a ruined old gateway building leading into an even darker part of the forest. It begins to rain and the twerps rush underneath the gate to take shelter. Looking to the other side of the gate, they realise to their surprise that it isn't raining on that side, and this cruel violation of God's natural order has the natural, expected reaction from them.... they happily walk through the gate and into the dark unknown violation of the laws of nature!

It may not be raining but it is foggy, the grass almost shoulder high. Glowing eyes appear in the darkness and Crobats come flying out, chasing the frightened twerps into even longer grass. They start to wonder if maybe they should turn back when a light flashes up, the fog clears, and they spot the Pokémon Centre.... only, there's something not quite right about it. Before them is a giant Centre that appears to have been grown rather than built, like a collection of giant plants and fungi hollowed out into a Pokémon Center.

Ash laughs that he told them they'd find it, and they step inside and find a perfectly ordinary Nurse Joy inside. Brock instantly rushes up to her and clasps her hands to declare his love, and she herself appears excited to see him too! She asks him if his name is Brock, and when he says it is, she moans that she has been waiting all of her life to meet him.... which gets the same reaction from Ash, Dawn and Pikachu as it does from everyone else in the world.

Brock blushes and she does too, then looks shyly up at him and tells him she "likes" him. Unable to contain himself, Brock blows steam from his nose in Joy.... and then Officer Jenny appears from nowhere and.... proclaims that she loves him too! He's amazed and delighted, but suddenly pulls up short, question marks appearing in the air behind him. Surely this is a dream; there is no way that this could be real? So turning he demands that Pikachu Thunderbolt him! Pikachu looks taken aback but Ash happily nods his head, seemingly excited by the notion of pumping tens of thousands of volts of lethal electricity through his best friend's body. Brock gets blasted but Jenny and Joy don't disappear, grabbing him and steadying him as he does a weak, happy little dance.

And then Professor Oak and Dawn's mother show up!

Ash and Dawn are confused to see their respective secret father and publicly acknowledged mother, what's going on here? Oak tells Ash that he (Ash) has been invited to enter the World's Greatest Pokémon Trainer Playoffs! And if he wins, he'll be the Greatest Pokémon Trainer in the world! Dawn's mother tells Dawn that she (Dawn) has been invited to take part in the World's Greatest Pokémon Coordinator playoffs, and if she wins she'll be the World's Greatest Coordinator! Grabbing them by the hands, Oak and Johanna haul Ash and Dawn away, there's not a moment to lose!

Outside, Team Rocket have also become lost in the fog. James is starving and Jesse suggests an All You Can Eat for Free restaurant might be somewhere in this foggy, overgrown grass. Meowth mutters that they're living in the real world, but then the fog seems to lift, a light shining bright. Jesse proclaims the paparazzi has found her, and then they find themselves standing in front of a restaurant, a well dressed man bidding them enter to eat... for free!?!

Meanwhile, Ash and Dawn have stepped outside, where it is apparently daylight now.... oh, just outside the Pokémon Center is a giant "Great Coliseum" they just didn't notice before! This is where Trainers and Coordinators alike will compete to see who is the greatest, it attracts the best trainers in the world! Brock - Jenny and Joy clutching him lovingly by the arms - moans happily that he's also great at attracting! Professor Oak gives a poem much to Dawn's delight, and then drags Ash inside followed by Dawn and her mother. And inside..... Rayquaza is fighting Groudon!



The Coliseum is packed with thousands of rabid fans, and Dawn spots Rayquaza's Trainer.... Cynthia, the Champion League Master! Groudon is knocked unconscious by Rayquaza's Hyberbeam, and Oak tells Ash that despite just starting in Sinnoh he is already penned in as Cynthia's Play-off Opponent! Ash is surprised but Oak insists that it is his winning record pre-Sinnoh that got him this far, and Dawn's mother tells her that the same is true for her. This puts a crack in Dawn's delight slightly, she hasn't exactly HAD a winning record pre-Sinnoh, and not much of one in Sinnoh either. But her protests are soon forgotten when her Mother shows her a pretty new dress she can wear, and they run off to try it on.

Meanwhile in the All You Can Eat Free Restaurant, Jesse, James and Meowth are chowing down on never-ending food. The waiter appears to ask Jesse if she would like to meet with a guest, but she mutters that if it’s not on a plate, it can wait. But it isn't just anyone; it's the most famous TV Producer in the world! He tells her that she's clearly the greatest actress in the world and wants her to be in his new reality show!

Oh.... is it the "Jesse gets her kit off" show?

James is pleased for Jesse, but then completely forgets her as he spots a bottlecap on the floor and leaps through the air to grab it. It's the Kanto Cola Cap, one of the rarest of all bottlecaps, and it's all his! Meowth is sardonically pleased for him too, saying,"Good for you, wacky-boy," but then forgets all about James as he hears a voice call his name and he turns to see... Giovanni! Standing before him, The Boss tells him he's through with Persian, and then tosses it unceremoniously aside, and from now on.... he wants a Meowth in his lap!

Oh my!

As Giovanni hugs a crying Meowth and tells him,"Come to your Boss,", inside the Coliseum, Dawn and her brand new Piplup-themed dress is facing off against her opponent.... Johanna.

HER MOTHER!

As Dawn gapes in surprise, Ash is confidently facing off against Cynthia. She calls out Rayquaza with Battle Dance and asks Ash to kick things off with Pikachu. Meanwhile, Dawn calls out Piplup with Spotlight against her mother's Feebas and its Spotlight..... wait, a Feebas!?!

Suddenly, Feebas evolves (at Johanna's command!) into Milotic and wipes out 60% of Dawn's points. Dawn is horrified, but sitting up in the stands watching, Brock doesn't give a shit. Why? BECAUSE HE'S IN AN ORGY, THAT'S WHY! It seems one Joy and one Jenny being all over him isn't enough, he's now surrounded by a sea of Joys and Jennys, all of them moans and begging for his attention and love. For Brock, nothing could be better in life.... and then suddenly, it all goes horribly wrong!



Oh God oh God oh God oh God oh God!

Hammered from all sides by Croa-Joys and Croa-Jennys jabbing fingers, Brock suddenly sits up with a sharp intake of breath. He's sitting in the long grass, fog surrounding him - it's still night, and something is very, very, very wrong here. He looks around and spots Croagunk quietly, creepily puffing out its cheeks, just staring at him. Looking down, Brock spots Ash, Dawn and Pikachu lying on their sides muttering happily and shaking about on their backs (you'd expect them to be about 4-5 years older before they started doing that), still caught up in whatever bizarre dream/hallucination/drug trip state they've found themselves caught in. Brock can't figure out what is going on until he spots an odd dark skinned Pokémon off in the long grass, and recognises it as a Mismagius. The light it shone must have hypnotised them, and if Croagunk hadn't jabbed him who knows who long he could have been stuck inside the dream.... the beautiful, beautiful dream.

Brock and Croagunk return to the Coliseum hallucination due to the shining light of Mismagius' Hypnosis, and Officer Jennys and Nurse Joys come stampeding towards him. Brock's eyes shine with lust but he fights it off, knowing he's in a hallucination now. He calls Croagunk back into its Pokéball and rushes into the coliseum to warn Ash and Dawn.

Meanwhile..... holy crap look at Jesse's rack!

Jesse is living within the fantasy world of her own mind, which is much like her everyday world except we can all see into it as well. Meanwhile, James is following a trail of the world's rarest bottlecaps, while Meowth sits in Giovanni's lap getting his chin stroked and moaning in delight. For once he's in a Patented Meowth Crazy Giovanni Fantasy not of his own making!

Meanwhile, Dawn has Piplup catch up Milotic in a Whirlpool and knock it out, and Dawn wins.... Dawn beat her own mother and became the world's greatest Pokémon Coordinator!

Jesus that's some Freudian shit right there.

At the same time, Ash has Pikachu Thunderbolt Rayquaza and knock it out and.... he's the greatest Pokémon Trainer in the world!

They wave happily (but not quite as happily as one might expect given what they've just done) and Oak and Joanna hand over their prizes, cases of every Coordinator Ribbon and Gym Badge there is! But as they stare at their prizes, Brock rushes up warning that they're in an illusion caused by Mismagius' Confuse Ray (as opposed to Hypnosis, it would seem) and none of this is real. A sneering man with a microphone cackles evilly despite never being seen before now (he must have been the announcer) and turns into Mismagius. Dawn checks out with Dextina, learning that it chants incantations that can cause misery or happiness.

With the jig up, the illusions fade, Oak, Johanna and the crowd disappearing, the coliseum apparently real but old and broken down, and their prizes rusting and then fading to nothing. They demands to know why Mismagius did what it did, but all it does is laugh and disappear, infuriating Ash. Dawn warns that they better get out of there, but as they run through the corridor leading out of the Coliseum... they find themselves back inside of it! Rayquaza tears up through the ground and Mismagius appears before it, "merging" with it and turning it dark before chasing the twerps through the coliseum blasting at them with Hyperbeam. Dawn wonders how they're going to escape the illusion, and Brock says Croagunk got him out before by hitting him with Poison Jab. But that was when it wasn't trapped inside the illusion itself, so how are they going to get out now?

Meanwhile, Jesse is acting in the "reality" show that apparently involves her having lots of pretty men in tuxedos hold her hand! She takes the hand of one of these paramours to declare her love, and he responds by.... saluting bravely and happily proclaiming his own name - Wobbuffet! She's horrified, he's not leading man material!

Meanwhile James has found himself trapped in a giant pile of milk-caps, and Giovanni is holding Meowth high above his head squeezing it and screaming that his lap is reserved for Persians, so EVOLVE! EVOLVE! Meowth bursts free and rushes to rejoin Jesse and James, the three of them staring around in a panic. A familiar voice gets their attention, and the turn gaping as Ash charges towards them shouting their name accusingly, as if they're somehow responsible for this. They spot the dark-skinned Rayquaza chasing them, and Meowth gasps that it has "ate too many beets".

It blasts Team Rocket with Hyperbeam and sends them blasting off again.... right into Groudon's path. It blasts them off again again and they land in front of Milotic, which water Guns them and blasts them off again again again so they land in front of a series of Persians and they're blasted off again and again and again!

"TRY SOMETHING NEW!" they cry as they're blasted off, followed by,"WE HATE YOU!"
"MY HAIRDO!" screeches Jesse as they're blasted off yet again.
"DEJA VU!" they all cry together as it keeps happening.

The twerps are still running but find themselves approaching the gate and realise that this is where all the weirdness first happened. They rush for it but are blocked off by Rayquaza, so call out Piplup and Croagunk to join Pikachu, all three of them attacking Rayquaza. But it’s too powerful, knocking away all the attacks and blasting a powerful wind at them (too many beets? Maybe it was too many beans?).

They try again but again Rayquaza blasts them backwards, and now the twerps and their Pokémon are getting mad! How mad? So mad that Croagunk, Pikachu and Piplup turn into giants!



Yep, that'll happen!

Apparently the screwed up dream world they're trapped in can be used against Mismagius as well, as the Pokémon have gained their wish - to be big enough and strong enough to fight Rayquaza. They blast massive combination attacks that simply wouldn't work in reality at Rayquaza, knocking it for a loop and putting it down. The Pokémon return to their normal sizes and they rush for the Gate again, but suddenly it starts raining Gym Badges and Coordinator Ribbons! Ash and Dawn pause momentarily, and Brock turns and spots hordes of horny Joys and Jennys just begging for him. They're not fooled though, and shout at Mismagius, demanding to know why it keeps doing this.

It floats around between them and they realise that it WANTS them to have their hearts' desires, it's actually trying to make them happy. They thank it, saying they appreciate the gesture, but they don't want it THIS way, they want to earn it.

Mismagius seems to understand and they head through the gate, appearing back in the real world. They wake up in the long grass and find a Nurse Joy approaching them, a Pokémon Centre behind her. They ask if there was a gate around here but she says she has no idea what they're talking about, but suspects they've encountered a Mismagius.

They're surprised to hear she knows about it, but she explains lots of them can be found in this area, and they enjoy screwing with the minds of trainers who have gotten lost. In fact, even as they speak, Team Rocket are some way further off, unseen, rolling asleep in the grass as they're blasted off again and again and again.

Wow, that was a great place to put a fucking Pokémon Centre.

Ash and Dawn look at their cases, with two Badges and one Ribbon inside respectively. They say they've got a long way to go but that just means they have lots to look forward to. This is, of course, correct - there is nothing to be gained in getting phony badges and ribbons in a make-believe world. Brock, on the other hand, appears to be a fucking moron in that he gave up a chance for at least one perfectly vivid, realistic, guilt free and completely safe gigantic orgy. But still, he means to start making up for this by rushing forward to grab Joy's hand.... only to take a punch right in the ass! That's what you get, Brock, for being a dumbass!

So we leave a very peculiar episode behind us, but with one nagging question left behind. Croagunk was able to get Brock out of the fantasy-world because it wasn't caught inside of it at the time. Can we presume the same about Wobbuffet, or maybe we can take from this what Wobbuffet's greatest and happiest desire might be? Marrying Jesse?

More realistic than Brock's dreams, at least!

BEST QUOTES

"Oh Brock we love you!" "We love you Brock!" "I knew that my fate and yours were destined to be as one!" "WOHHHH-BUH!" "AHHHH! ...well.... you're not leading man material!"

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