502: One Big Happiny Family!
Dodgy Synopsis
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506: Bakutan! Saikuringu Rodo!
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The twerps cycle along The Cycling Road (how ironic!) towards the Harthome Gym. Pikachu is settling happily into the basket seat of Ash's cycle; Piplup is in Dawn's and Brock's egg is in his. Ash is delighted at the idea of riding all the way to Harthome, but Brock points out that the Cycling Road ends at the town before Harthome. Dawn laughs that Ash and Pikachu could try to keep cycling, but the bikes are rentals, unlike the one that Dawn once had before Pikachu was destroyed by it. Ash chuckles nervously along with Pikachu that they did kind of total her bike, but Dawn - whose short skirt means that riding a bike with the seat poking out between her thighs once again makes it look like she is packing heat - laughs it off, reminding Ash that they were on the run from Team Rocket at the time, so she can let it slide.
Thunderclouds form overhead and then Brock's egg begins to glow (menopause?), indicating it is close to hatching, which isn't exactly the best timing. Brock says there must be a Pokémon Centre somewhere up ahead, so they should speed up and try to get to it as quickly as possible. Unfortunately once they arrive, what they find isn't exactly state of the art.
The trashed and abandoned Centre is a mess, which doesn't stop Ash stomping in hollering out for service. Surprisingly, it seems the place isn't abandoned, as a Chansey comes walking around the corner holding a mop and bucket. They tell it they have an egg near to hatching and have to get a Nurse Joy's help. Chansey sighs and looks down the corridor to outside the Centre on the other side, where a Nurse Joy stands in front of a tree with her back to them. Brock spots her, and of course his natural maternal instincts to protect and cherish his soon-to-hatch egg..... are completely overwhelmed by his testicles!
He charges up to Joy, who stands with her hands against a tree, eyes closed and head bowed. Dropping to a knee he expresses his concurrent lust/love for her, and Croagunk slides up beside him with paw ready to jab away... until Nurse Joy sighs and moans that she is responsible for the dire state of the Pokémon Centre, killing Brock's boner. Ash and Dawn slide up behind Brock and a confused Croagunk to introduce themselves, and Joy explains that it's all her fault. Ever since the Cycling Road was built the trainers just go right on by, and she has allowed the Centre to fall into disarray through disuse,"Like a child's toy long forgotten, just like the fallen brown leaves of autumn!"
Breaking into tears, she presses up against the tree and enjoys some attention-whoring-emo good (miserable) times!
Brock takes the egg from Ash and tells Nurse Joy in his deepest, most responsible (and hopefully seductive) voice that they need her; the egg needs her, a new life to be brought into the world. She turns and reaches out for the case the egg is in, and it glows, causing her to cry out that the egg is about to hatch any minute! This drives the twerps (and Nurse Joy!) into a panic, while Croagunk sits off in the distance poking some mushrooms, not overly interested in anything else but the oncoming storm.
It begins to rain and they run inside, Nurse Joy giving the animators a chance to look up her dress... which makes no sense, because they draw this show and it's not like it's something they couldn't see anytime they wanted to!
Inside, Nurse Joy hooks up the egg to some impressive looking medical cables, then begins freaking out over what will happen if she does something wrong. Chansey gives her a slap on the ass (oh like you wouldn't) and Brock says this is Chansey's way of telling her to calm down, while inwardly cursing himself for not thinking of it first. He tells Ash and Dawn they need clean towels and boiled water (why? Are they going to make a meal if the egg doesn't hatch properly?) and they set off to get them.
Elsewhere in the Centre, Team Rocket have also taken shelter from the storm. Having located boxes of food they are happily chowing down, enjoying having a roof over their heads and food in their bellies. Meowth can't believe their luck in finding an "abandoned" Pokémon Centre full of food, and they cheer in delight before hearing a noise and hiding instinctively. Dawn pops her head in the door, mutters there aren't any towels to be found and heads away, leaving Team Rocket to ponder the idea of a twerp infestation.
The egg keeps glowing, Chansey and Brock watching the medical readouts while Joy listens to the egg with a stethoscope. Dawn steps in with the towels while Ash stirs the hot water.... and then... a fat topless chick in clown pants emerges from the egg!
It smiles at the delighted twerps, then rolls comically backwards due to its rounded shape before Nurse Joy picks it up and hands it over to Brock. Dawn thinks the fat round pink thing is cute, and Ash checks it out with Dextina and discovers that it likes round things and keeps them in its oversized pants/pouch pretending it’s an egg and then gives it to people/Pokémon it likes.
Brock tells it it's time for a bath, dumps it in the water and begins stroking its side before whispering,"That's right, I'm Brooooock."
Brock thanks Nurse Joy, telling her it is thanks to her that Happiny hatched successfully. Joy tries to play that down, but Chansey promptly slaps her on the ass again, while watching from down the corridor are Team Rocket. James notes that Happiny evolves into Chansey, and Jesse is intrigued... is this the answer to her dreams? She pulls out one half of the golden egg she shared with a Chansey from back in her continuity defying pasts when she attempted to become a Pokémon-Nurse.
Flashback over, Jesse declares now she can pass over her aspirations to Happiny, and suddenly we're treated to a Patent Pending Crazy Jesse-Weird Shit Fantasy! She decides that once Happiny is evolved into Chansey and has learned all about Nursing, they'll open up Team Rocket Centres to replace Pokémon Centres (with a P with a slight extra leg to indicate an R on them) and then she can wear a slutty uniform while everyone else plays dress-up and Wobbuffet wears a Blissey outfit why not!?!
The obvious and unavoidable result of this bizarre plan? Why scores if not hundreds of Pokémon Trainers bringing their Pokémon to the Team Rocket Centre. This will leave them with plenty of money despite the fact the Pokémon Centres operate free of charge.... plus they'll get their pick of the cream of the crop of the rarest Pokémon. And then she can wear a slutty red dress while James drinks brandy and roars with laughter why not!?!
They scream out in delighted "*itch" rhyming which ALMOST ends with them calling someone a bitch, and then realise that they're kind of screaming directly behind the twerps with absolutely nothing between them to mask the noise. They quickly hide behind the doors as Ash of all people looks about, sees nothing, and apparently assumes that it was just the wind forming the voice of a man, woman and talking cat that went by the name of Team Rocket.
The twerps feed Happiny, which giggles and wriggles about before suddenly looking confused and bursting into tears, possibly because it just shit itself. But then they remember that apparently it likes having something big shoved into its hole, which is just crass really, but hey, girl power, you know.
Brock hands Happiny to Nurse Joy so he can go and find a white stone that looks like Chansey's egg, but it kicks up a fuss, so Ash and Dawn volunteer to go have a shot at it. They come back with a giant cart full of rocks, and Brock checks through them all critically. Finally he thinks he has found what he feels is the right one and settles down to grind it through a stone grinding machine he just happened to have lying around, proclaiming it has to be just the right size and nice and smooth.... words which cause Ash to declare this is what makes Brock such a great breeder.
(snicker)
Feeling it's the right size, he approaches Happiny which has been playing with Pikachu and kneels down to offer it the stone.... only for Team Rocket to grab it up with a mechanical hand from within their Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloon!
Joy and Chansey come rushing out, demanding to know who they are, and there's your excuse for a motto!
"Listen, is that the head of a pitiful Pokémon Center I hear?"
"She whines to me loud and clear!"
"Floating on the wind!"
"The stars!"
"In yer ear!"
"Bringing complete chaos at a breakneck pace."
"Dashing all hope and putting fear in its place."
"A rose by any other name's just as sweet."
"When everything's worse, our work is complete."
"Jesse!"
"And James!"
"Meowth, now dat's a name!"
"Putting all you do-gooders in your place."
"Team Rocket!"
"We're in yer face!" cries Meowth, joined by Jesse and James on the last word.
Jesse tells them that she plans to raise Happiny and train it to be a nurse, and Nurse Joy... thinks that is a great idea! But then James reveals they also intend to then use the skills Happiny learns to make a profit from the sick and injured, and Joy growls that she doesn't think THAT is a very good idea, causing Jesse to inflate her head wildly and shout that Nurse Joy should make up her mind, she's making her head explode!
Dawn yells at them to cut it out, and Ash calls for a Thunderbolt, only for Team Rocket to mask their escape with a Poison Sting from Dustox. They fly away, talking about their success as Happiny sits pouting grumpily in a cage. But to their surprise they discover that the twerps didn't decide to just shrug and go on about their business, and instead are chasing after them. James calls out Cacnea for help, only to get a hug before it lets rip with a Sandstorm, once more giving the twerps pause.
Happiny begins throwing a tantrum and pouts furiously at Meowth when he tells it to shut the fuck up. James tries to sweeten things up by promising all kinds of preferential treatment, and then Jesse slams him aside and snaps that if you spare the rod you spoil the child.... but that's for later, for now she just intends to play! She grabs the rounded Pokémon up and tosses it into the air.... but it grabs the edge of the balloon and clings on with grumpy determination. Meowth snaps at Wobbuffet to jump up and grab it, but Happiny keeps on hanging on, so Jesse leaps up to add her own weight to the deal... which promptly causes the balloon to tear!
The balloon plummets to the ground, while back in the Sandstorm, Ash calls out Staravia to clear it away, then send it to find Team Rocket. As it flies away, Nurse Joy drops to her knees moaning (how often has Brock dreamed of this day?) that this is all her fault, she was too weak to prevent Happiny being stolen, she's a complete failure... until by a stroke of plot development luck, two sickly Pokémon stagger out of the bushes, apparently hurt by the Sandstorm. Brock tells Joy that those forest Pokémon need help, and she's the one to help them.
What the fuck!?!
Happiny is unimpressed, while James comes back with Mime Jr. and a pile of stones, telling them that (much like himself perhaps) it enjoys having hard objects jammed into it. He offers the stones to Happiny, Staravia lying overhead and then heading back to the twerps to warn them. It returns just after the twerps have finished getting Joy's confidence back by complimenting the way she has used her years of training and experience to diagnose slapping a bandaid on the sick Pokémon’s' back.
Jesse, meanwhile, is attempting to offer the rocks to Happiny, but it isn't happy with any of the offered stones. It goes so far as to stick its tongue out at her, unleashing the full fury of James and Meowth's feared Bitch Goddess Queen.
They insist that physically beating a newborn Pokémon down would NOT be the actions of someone who wasn't a freaking lunatic, and then the twerps show up, demanding Happiny back. James calls out Cacnea and avoids its attempt to hug it, sending it in to fight only for it to get blown away by Chansey's Egg Bomb. Jesse sends in Seviper with Bite, but Brock has Sudowoodo use Double Edge to headbutt it, only for it to get smashed in the face by Cacnea's needle arm, knocking it back into Brock. This horrifies Happiny, which can't believe it's Mum just got a beating, and it tries to rush to his side but is blocked by Meowth, Wobbuffet and Mime Jr. Jesse tells Seviper to use Poison Tail to finish things off, and frantically Happiny bursts through the Pokémon blocking it. It grabs Seviper by the tail as it launches through the air, hauling it back, spinning it around and tossing it back into Team Rocket in sheer defiance of the laws of nature and physics.
Brock grabs up Happiny as Jesse staggers back up, pulling her skirt down with one hand to keep her ass from popping out (BOOO!) and sends in Seviper, James sending in Cacnea as well... and all of them get smashed by a Volt Tackle from Pikachu and sent blasting off again.
Brock drops to a knee and offers the white rock he ground down to Happiny, sliding it into its pouch (EWWW!) and making it smile... before it offers it to him! Ash says this means it likes him, and Brock smiles and gives it the stone back.... and it grabs him and lifts him up with one hand, tossing him about in delight before he crashes on his face into the ground!
The twerps return to the Centre and help Nurse Joy clean up, and Brock dramatically tells Joy that even if there aren't lots of trainers coming through, those that do will still need her, and so will the Pokémon of the forest. She agrees, and tells them that she has regained her will to help people... and it's all thanks to Brock. He plays it cool, REALLY COOL, throwing on his,"Seductive Brock" face and approaching Joy, who seems to be standing, waiting, is this it? Finally, will Brock get to first base? Has he finally achieved.....
Ahhh, all is right with the world.
| BEST QUOTES |
 "Buck up ya blubbering blatherball!" "My heart sings.... MY SIDE'S KILLING ME!" |
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