498: Buizel Your Way Out of This!
Dodgy Synopsis
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502: Buizeru! Saikyo e no Michi!
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Brock walks along rubbing his face against the pink Pokémon Egg he won at the Cosplay contest, seeking the love that the ladies won't give him. As the twerps walk along, they spot someone running in the other direction - a trainer with an injured Bellsprout, telling it they'll be at a Pokémon Center soon. Following soon after is a burlier trainer with an injured Zigzagoon cradled in his arms, making similar claims as he passes by.
Ash asks the second trainer what is going on and is told a Buizel attacked them while they were fishing, stealing the trainer's fishing rod and knocking out Zigzagoon. He warns Ash to stay away, and so Ash instantly declares they're going to find that Buizel!
Shortly after we find the twerps fishing away, or at least attempting to, but getting no catches. Dawn spots Ash's lure and says she has never seen one like it, and he explains its relevance.
It's Misty!
Yep, the feisty red-haired Gym Leader who accompanied Ash everywhere for years and then just suddenly left, tearing the souls out of desperate AAML'ers everywhere. Ash explains that "Misty" gave it to him a long time ago, apparently completely unaware that Dawn doesn't know who the fuck Misty is. Brock DOES understand the Theory of Mind, however, and explains Misty is a friend of theirs who now runs the Cerulean Gym. Dawn says she wants to try the lure but Ash won't let her, and as they fight over it (and Shippers slop their faces against their television screens moaning,"MISTY! MIIIISTY!"), someone else arrives on the scene - Zoe!
Yes, the delightfully androgynous Coordinator and "rival" to Dawn is here to fish as well. Dawn calls out in delight and shows off the Contest Ribbon she won in Floaroma, and then Ash runs in to show off his Gym Badge, not realizing that Zoe isn't interested in Gym Badges and she certainly isn't interested in HIM, she only has eyes for Dawn. Dawn asks if she has won any more contests, and Zoe admits rather sheepishly that she lost her last contest, so she's still only got the two.
She asks Dawn if she's going to be signed up for the next contest in Harthome City, and Dawn says she will... now that she knows it exists! Zoe is pleased, and tells them she's come here to try and catch a Water Pokémon, so Dawn tells her about the dangerous Buizel they're trying to find. Suddenly Dawn's fishing rod begins to shake, and she runs over and grabs the shaft in her hand, much to the delight of a different type of "fan" currently slobbering their face against the computer screen. She tugs and pulls (again, much to those "fans" delight) and then up out of the water emerges.....
WELL LET ME TELL YA SOMETHING, BROTHER!
Yes it's the bizarrely Hulk Hogan looking Buizel, launching out of the water, doing the same muscleman pose as Hogan and even throwing in an elbow drop! It drops to the ground and grins menacingly at the assembled twerps, ready to use that creative control clause in its contract to allow Buizelmania to run wild... ON YOU!
It tosses aside the hook as Dawn checks it out with Dextina and discovers it is a "Sea Weasel" that stores air in its "sacs"..... ewww.
Dawn calls out Piplup which makes the "Bring It On" gesture, stealing from The Rock - yet another wrestling legend! Buizel dodges Piplup's attacks, takes on Bubblebeam straight on and blasts it into Confusion with Aqua Jet before a flying diving headbutt puts Piplup out for the count.
Buizel looks over at Zoe, grins and tells her to bring it on as well! She calls out Glameow, which zooms straight up into the air and comes down with Shadow Claw. Buizel dodges and twists in the air with Sonic Boom, but Glameow is ready and slices its claws through the air with Fury Swipe, tearing through each wave of sonic energy from Buizel.
Buizel tries Water Gun, and when Glameow leaps high to escape, Buizel leaps up after it. It smashes Aqua Jet through Shadow Claw, crashing Glameow into the ground, before smacking it down one more time and sending it crashing down and out.... and Buizel calls on Ash to bring it on, brother! And Ash.... sends in Pikachu.
Pikachu tries Thunderbolt but Buizel dodges and blasts Sonic Waves at Pikachu, which dodges and tries Quick Attack. Buizel dodges as Ash expected, and he calls for Pikachu to hit Iron Tail, knocking Buizel down to the ground.... but it recovers! It comes back at Pikachu with Sonic Boom, smashing back Pikachu... which comes back even harder with Volt Tackle! Buizel zooms in with Aqua Jet to see just who has the more powerful finisher, Macho Man's Elbow Drop or Hulk Hogan's Leg Drop and...... HOGAN IS DOWN! BUIZEL HITS THE GROUND!
Pikachu stands panting roughly as Ash tosses a Pokeball which sucks in Buizel, which sits glowing and shaking as we wait to see if Buizel will do the right thing for the good of the business and stay down for the 3 count.
WELL LET ME TELL YA SOMETHING BROTHER!
Hulk Hogan lays down for no one, Brother! The Hulkster kicks out of that Pokeball using all the powers of the Hulkamaniacs to Hulk Up, Brother! SO WHAT YOU GONNA DO, PIKACHU, WHEN BUIZELMANIA RUNS WILD ON YOU!?!?!
Buizel tries Aqua Jet once more and connects with Pikachu, smashing it into the river and crashing into the water itself. Brock warns Ash that Pikachu is at the disadvantage here, with Buizel able to come out at Pikachu from anywhere. Ash yells at it to get out of the river, but Buizel emerges from the water with a blast and KICKS PIKACHU RIGHT IN THE FUCKING FACE! It's the Big Boot! That always meant the match was almost over! Pikachu is driven down deep into the water, looking pissed at it prepares to blast the whole fucking river with Electricity.... but Buizel is expecting it, and swims high before blasting Pikachu with Sonic Boom and send it smashing out of the water and into Ash's face, out for the count.
Buizel grins at the twerps and swims away with the twerps' rods, Zoe suggesting that it keeps them for much the same reason that trainers keep Gym Badges - proof of victory. But all of the twerps are determined to gain their own measure of revenge, and with Zoe they charge on up the river screaming after Buizel.
Watching all of this from a completely unhidden position, standing right out in the open barely more than a few feet from the twerps are.... Team Rocket! They also have fishing rods, but spotting Buizel and the twerps has given them other ideas on how to spend their afternoon. Jesse speaks the team's mind by declaring it's time for revenge on Zoe for the humiliation she suffered at their last Contest.... until Meowth and James point out that this wasn't what was on their mind at all. No, Meowth wants to capture that Buizel for the Boss, and when James says he doesn't understand why, Meowth happily tells him to climb onboard.
Onboard what you ask, Gentle Dodgers? Why another patented Crazy Meowth Giovanni Fantasy, that's what!
We see Giovanni sitting aboard a Team Rocket yacht in shorts and a short sleeved shirt, playing his guitar and relaxing away from the pressures of his job. But then... GASP! Mudda Nature tips his boat and it looks like curtains for Giovanni, until Buizel emerges from the choppy waters and carries him to safety. Well the media just laps up stories like this of course, so before you know it Giovanni, Buizel and Giovanni's guitar are at a Press Conference where Giovanni explains that he owes his life to Meowth and friends!
Well Jesse and James both think this is sheer genius and a likely course of events, and cheer in delight - finally they're going to have their just desserts!
At the head of the river, the twerps have discovered a waterfall, and the collected fishing rods of the trainers Buizel has defeated. Ash finds his Misty lure and retrieves it, and then they spot Buizel blasting rocks with Water Gun, and figure it is training on its own. It overhears them and twists around, surprising them with its alertness. It blasts at Ash with Water Gun.... but the blast goes overhead and hits a tree, knocking down a berry to the ground. Buizel picks up the berry and eats it up, Brock saying it is using it to recover its strength. Ash declares that they're going to have a rematch.... so Buizel Aqua Jet's right into Pikachu's face, knocking it down before leaping into the water beneath the waterfall and blasting Water Gun's all about like pyro.
Ash is infuriated, and shouts at Pikachu's asshole that they're going to do some special training too!
Following Buizel's lead, Ash tells Pikachu to use Iron Tail on the Waterfall, while he leaps up and kicks the waterfall at the same time, which is very impressive.... until the moment passes and both Pikachu and Ash realise they're now floating high in the air with no support, and go crashing down into the water below.
Dawn declares that she is a hands-on girl (more slobbering on the screen, I'm sorry to say) and tells Piplup to use Peck on the waterfall... and it too crashes down to the water below and floats away.
Buizel runs up rocks on the cliff-face and Ash and Pikachu try to follow, Ash falling backwards straight onto his head. Piplup tries to follow and also falls backwards, while Zoe grins and tells Dawn she has.... "colourful" friends.
Finally Pikachu, Ash and Piplup reach the top of the cliff and watch as Buizel leaps off of the top, blasts the water with Sonic Boom then enters the water smoothly. Pikachu tries to follow suit with an Iron Tail Dive that fails miserably, and Ash just plunges directly in while apparently doing leg stretches!
....well.... of course he does!
Zoe says they're both crazy, and then Piplup tries to follow and dives directly into the water, crashing into the river. Dawn picks Piplup up and says it gave it its all, but maybe they should stop now. But when Piplup sees Buizel turn its back in disdain, it runs back up the cliff face and does a perfect Peck Dive into the water.... and then Buizel gets grabbed up in a net! It's Team Rocket, up in their Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloon and being VERY dramatic today!
"Listen, is that a Contest Wrecker I hear?" "Her grating voice is loud and clear!"
"On the wind!"
"Past the stars!"
"In yer ear!"
"Bringing chaos at a breakneck pace."
"Dashing hope, putting fear in its place."
"A world by any other name's just as round."
"Isn't it true in space you don't make a sound?"
"Jesse!"
"And James!"
"Meowth, now dat's a name!"
"Putting the do-gooders in their place."
"We're Team Rocket!"
"In your face!" they finish together, with Wobbuffet and Mime Jr. chiming in afterwards.
They finish their motto by forming an R with their bodies, which has the end result of an ecstatic Meowth staring with a wide eyed grin right at Jesse's ass (Oh like you wouldn't be too!). Zoe, somewhat amused, asks who Team Rocket is since Team Rocket seem to have forgotten they take part in Contests under the name of Jessebella. Brock explains they're crooks who steal Pokémon, and Zoe grins that they must be the biggest pack of zeros ever. James snaps back that there are three of them, not zero! And Jesse throws back her head and grins that Zoe is just jealous of her long beautiful hair!
But Ash isn't letting them get away with stealing Buizel - they're not Ted Turner and he isn't Vince McMahon, Hogan ain't going anywhere! He calls out Turtwig which uses Razor Leaf to cut through the rope holding the net. The netted Buizel falls, Dawn leaps through the air and catching it before crashing down into the river herself. Piplup dives in and grabs her scarf, pulling her towards the shore, but Team Rocket call out Seviper and Carnivine to cut them off. Pikachu Thunderbolts them, then Piplup uses Bubblebeam as Buizel rips out of its net and joins in the Bubblebeam, sending Team Rocket blasting off again, Jesse complaining that she hates being in wet clothes.
Buizel glares at Piplup and motions for it to bring it on again, and Dawn asks if it wants another fight. She tells it that this time, she means to win AND capture it.
The two Pokémon face off, Piplup kicking things off with Bubblebeam, clashing with Buizel's Water Gun. Piplup is knocked back but comes back with Peck, Buizel dodging and firing Sonic Boom. But Piplup dodges, only to be hit with Aqua Jet, but as it falls it blasts Bubblebeam at Buizel. Buizel leaps into the air to dodge, then blasts Water Gun at Piplup which dodges, but doesn't follow up, leaving it open to another Water Gun.
Brock notes that Buizel dodges everything, but Zoe tells Dawn to stop treating this like a battle and think more like a Contest. Dawn thinks back on all of Piplup's moves from Contests, and then tells Piplup to use a Spinning Bubblebeam, which surrounds a confused Buizel with Bubbles. The twerps finally cotton on to Zoe's plan - Buizel is used to a direct one-on-one battle, it has no idea how to deal with specialised attacks based on uniqueness and performance approval. It's like putting Hulk Hogan in a match with a cruiserweight! The Hulkster don't know what's going on, brother! Piplup leaps high and comes down with Peck, smashing Buizel down before Dawn calls out her Pokeball and sucks in Buizel.... but will it stay down for the three count?
Beep.... 2
Beep.... ..... ....
WELL LET ME TELL YA SOMETHING BROTHER!
Buizel emerges from the Pokeball hulking up! It puffs and stomps about, no-selling punches then blocking one to point and shout,"YOUUUUUUUUU!" It blasts an exhausted Piplup into the water, but oddly enough Dawn doesn't seem concerned, shouting at it to stay in place. Buizel charges up and blasts an Aqua Jet at Piplup, which sits in place waiting for Dawn's command..... Whirlpool!
It sends the massive twisting pool of water at Buizel, catching it up inside, and then blasts it with Bubblebeam and smashes it down to the ground. Dawn sends in her Pokeball again and.... and..... and.......
DAWN IS DIXIE CARTER!
But then Piplup collapses to the ground, knocked out for the count as Buizel's Hoganesque Creative Control throws in another twist to the ending - Piplup had to throw everything it had at the Hulkster after the Hulkster was in four fights on the same night, brother! Nothing beats Hulkamania! BROTHER!
Zoe promises to get the rods back to their trainers, explaining she means to stick around a little longer to get the Water Pokémon she was hoping to catch. She says her goodbyes to the twerps (though the only one she REALLY has eyes for is Dawn), and they head off once more for the next Gym Battle, with a brand new Pokémon as part of their team.
| BEST QUOTES |
 "Careful Dawn, it's huge!"
 "I'm a hands-on girl!"
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