493: The Champ Twins
Dodgy Synopsis
|
497: Satoshi to Hikari! Taggu Batoru de Daijobu!?
|
The twerps move through a pretty forest towards Eterna City, only for a smiling woman in a yellow outfit April O'Neill would be proud of appears in their face, declaring herself to be Rhonda from Sinnoh Now. Apparently this is some kind of television station/program, because she's holding a microphone, has a cameraman behind her and A GIGANTIC FATASS OPERATING THE BOOM MIC!
Dawn is aware of Sinnoh Now but Ash who is from Kanto and not from Sinnoh has surprisingly never heard of the show called Sinnoh Now that airs in Sinnoh which isn't Kanto which is where he lives. Dawn explains that it is a cool television show, the most popular in Sinnoh.
Rhonda is doing a story on the Pokémon Training Camp up the road, and that's all Ash needs to hear. He may have never heard of Sinnoh Now, but he has heard of training, and if there is a camp down the road, there will be other trainers for him to fight!
Rhonda starts telling them about the camp and the two trainers there who... and then gets cut off as that same fatass boom mic operator (Jack) finds the immense weight of his own arm is too much to hold up and he bangs her on the head with it. She snaps at him, and then Jesse appears in a slutty cowgirl outfit, complete with erect nipples!
Hooray!
Cowboy Jim and Cowboy Meowth watch in horror as Jesse mugs for the camera, leaping from side to side trying to keep in shot as Rhonda tries to continue her interview with Ash. This finally ends when Jack jams his thick rod directly, clumsily into Jesse's face!
She snaps at him she'll sue, and then gets dragged away by the cameraman screaming before the twerps move on towards the camp, Ash eager to fight!
Two kids with a Lombre and a Slakoth come slumping by, complaining about how tough the trainers they just faced were, having just completed 15 victories in a row. This, of course, excites Ash even further and he leads the twerps towards the nearby rope bridge, where a Nuzleaf comes crashing down unconscious as its trainer rushes to its side. They move on and find a knocked out Dodrio, and the two trainers who are celebrating turn out to be twins!
They name themselves Ryan and Bryan - the Champ Twins - and say they'd be happy to oblige Ash in a battle.... but they only do tag battles. Ash insists that he'll take them on, and Dawn suggests that she be his partner, which confuses him (did he... did he think he could team up with Pikachu?), and she calls out Piplup and insists they're ready to go. He scratches his head and points out the Twins have just won 16 in a row, which is tantamount to him saying,"Do you really want to do this? You suck and you'll fuck things up for me...." but Dawn is too enthusiastic to realise what a jerkass thing he's just said. Brock notes that Ash and Dawn have been travelling together for awhile now, surely they've learnt to work together!
Ryan and Bryan laugh at the notion of Ash and Dawn beating them, calling for their Croconaw and Quilava to kick some ass. Ash and Dawn check them out with their Pokedexs and then the battle is set to begin. Brock offers to act as referee (they seem to have gotten through their 16 previous matches without one just fine!).... but before a battle can kick off, Rhonda comes stomping through to get her interview!
She and her crew walk into the middle of the battle and start to interview the more than willing twins (those last five words sound like the start of a porno), only for that huge fatass Jack to bop her on the head with the boom mic again. She turns in fury and roars at him that one more time it's back to the mail room, alarming the fatass who apparently enjoys the exercise and fresh air despite his giant girth.
She turns back for the interview, asking if they can get some action shots for broadcast. The twins are more than happy, but point out she'll need the twerps' permission too. Ash is fine with being on television, but Dawn freaks out, pulling off her beanie and quickly brushing her hair to look good. She fusses and brushes and is delighted with the end result as she pulls her beanie back on... and Ash comments that she looks exactly the same, causing her to screech at him that he's such a boy!
Rhonda announces to the camera (as if it was live, not taped) that they're ready for the battle, and then Cowgirl Jess leaps into shot, dragging a horrified Cowboy Jim with her and mugging for the camera until they're again shoved out of camera shot and the can finally begin!
Quilava starts with Flame wheel, Turtwig dodges and Ash tells Dawn to use Piplup to deal with Quilava. Once again Turtwig dodges Flame wheel, but smashes straight into Piplup, and Dawn demands to know what Ash is doing. He snaps back that it isn't his fault Piplup got in its way. Piplup gets back up but trips and kicks Turtwig in the back of the head, and both Ash and Dawn accuse the other of having a clumsy Pokémon, causing Dawn to order Piplup to use Bubble beam on Turtwig! Ash is shocked and infuriated, but Dawn retorts tartly that Turtwig just "got in the way".
Turtwig uses Tackle on Piplup, and Ash and Dawn begin arguing furiously amongst themselves. The Champ Twins can't believe their luck, win 17 is going to be easy! They plan their attack as Ash and Dawn's Pokémon smack the shit out of each other.
Croconaw blasts them both with Water Gun and Rhonda is delighted with the potential ratings of an utterly one sided and undramatic battle. But then Cowgirl Jess leaps into frame again and has to be dragged away, before we see zombie Piplup and Turtwig getting ready to throw down. Ash and Dawn give their Pokémon orders and the two Pokémon smacking each other around, and now Ash and Dawn are seemingly angry at their Pokémon for fighting amongst themselves. The Twins make their moves, and Piplup and Turtwig are hit by a Flamethrower and Watergun and get knocked flying. In the background, Jesse is being restrained by James and Meowth as she insists it is time that SHE got some camera-time, while Piplup and Turtwig are knocked clean out and the Champ Twins have 17 victories in a row!
Back at the camp, Ash and Dawn argue furiously at each other over who is to blame, and Brock - like all good mothers - tries to hide from problems by giving his "kids" food. They're more concerned that they're going to be seen taking an asskicking on television, while to the side Turtwig cocks its leg up at Piplup like it is pissing on it, causing Piplup to smack it in the face and kicking off another rumble.
Pikachu tries to settle things and gets knocked on its fatass for its troubles, so it zaps the fuck out of them. This calms them down (or terrifies them into line at least), and they make nice before Brock tells Ash and Dawn they should make up as well. Dawn admits she was partly to blame and Ash takes his share too, and they agree that they were both acting dumb. They sit down to eat sandwiches and Ash says he can't stand to have been beaten, so asks Dawn if she wants to have another go at them. She agrees, and they begin discussing strategy, marvelling over the fact that they have a type advantage over the two trainers and not considering that this is basic goddamn strategy AND that the Twins have exactly the same advantage over them as well, considering both teams are using a Fire/Water Combo.
Meanwhile, James demonstrates his "triple play" method by applying pressure to a wedge of chocolate to snap it into three pieces. They each take a piece, but Jesse snaps James' first and eats it before giving him her own smaller piece, then notes that the Champ Twins' Pokémon bought out the worst in the twerps, so that means they must be tough Pokémon, and that means she wants them!
A short time later, Ryan and Bryan move down a forest path talking up their own greatness when they spot a table filled with various fruits, obviously left by Team Rocket - who only moments ago were forced to share a lousy wedge of chocolate! Ryan and Bryan believe that they're being treated to a meal to acknowledge their talent, and run straight into a hole dug by.... Cowboy Jim, Cowgirl Jess and Cowcat Meowth! It's Team Rocket!
"Listen, is that twin twerp voices I hear?" "It sounds authentic enough to MY ear!"
"On the wind!"
"Past the stars!"
"In yer ear!"
"Bringing chaos at a six-gun pace."
"Dashing all hope.... fear in its place."
"A rose by any other name smells just as sweet."
"When everything's worse, our work is complete."
"Jesse!"
"And James!"
"Meowth's da name!"
"Putting the do-gooders in their place."
"We're Team Rocket!"
"And we're in your face!" they finish together, shoving their faces into the fourth wall camera and trying to get the most screentime.
Mechanical hands reach down and grab Quilava and Croconaw and they fly away, chased by Bryan and Ryan. Rhonda has spotted the drama and is following after, followed by her film crew including poor fat Jack. The Twins rush down the path, spotted from ahead by the twerps who eagerly and happily tell them they want a re-match! Now really isn't the time, the Twins explain, since their Pokémon have just been Pokenapped! Ash isn't even remotely concerned, since he's used to dealing with Team Rocket, and promptly sends out Staravia which punctures the balloon, sending it crashing down.
Ryan and Bryan demand their Pokémon back, and instead Jesse drags down her eye and stomps her foot, telling them they'll take that and like it! While we're left to ponder if she just mimed crushing their balls under her bootheel - James calls out Carnivine only to get his head chomped on, making him wonder if it's his herbal shampoo. Jesse calls out Seviper, but Ash and Dawn get out Turtwig and Piplup, and it's an impromptu tag match which.... Ash and Dawn pretty much entirely dominate, as expected. A Bubble beam Razor leaf combo ends things, sending Team Rocket blasting off again!
Ryan and Bryan are reunited with their Pokémon and thank Ash and Dawn, telling them that they'll take them up on their offer of a rematch now - feeling grateful but also confident that they're about to get win number 18. Shortly after, they're ready to battle.... only for Dawn to slow them up while she double-checks her hair, which gives the animators a chance to.... completely repeat the same block of animation from earlier.
The battle begins, Quilava using Flame wheel but Turtwig dodging. Piplup uses Bubble beam to put out the flame, and then Turtwig uses Bite on Croconaw... except it dodges. Piplup hits the dodging Pokémon with Bubble beam, and then their Pokémon dodge Flamethrower before Croconaw fires Hydro pump and then Quilava tries another Flame wheel, hitting both dodging Pokémon.
Quilava uses Swift and then Croconaw uses Watergun, then again, but this time Turtwig fights through it with Razor leaf. Croconaw tries Hydro pump on Piplup but Turtwig knocks it clear, so Quilava tries Flamethrower, which Piplup takes through Bide, blasting clear as Croconaw bites Turtwig. Ash tells it to use Synthesis to heal, and Croconaw tries Hydro pump, but Piplup jumps in the way and holds off the attack with Bubble beam as Turtwig completely heals and bites down on Corona’s belly. Piplup kicks up a Whirlpool on Quilava, and Turtwig head butts Croconaw into the Whirlpool, then hits both with Razor leaf in the midst of the water and.... Ash and Dawn win!
Goddamn, for Japanese kids, they sure are white.
Rhonda is very impressed, and the Champ Twins congratulate them on winning fair and square. If they're upset about finishing their winning streak, they don't show it at all, enthusiastically declaring that they're just going to start all over again. As they all celebrate, Rhonda tells them that they probably won't air the first battle, as the second makes for much better television. This appeals to the vanity of Ash and Dawn, though one wonders how the now departed Champ Twins will be when they eventually discover that their only television coverage will be their one loss on a day when they had 17 wins in a row!
They head on out of the camp - which was only seen briefly once and where none of the major Twin Battles appeared to actually occur - and back on their way towards Eterna.
| BEST QUOTES |
|
