482: O'er The Rampardos We Watched!
Dodgy Synopsis
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486: Kurogane Jimu Futatabi! Kessen Ramuparudo!
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Ash steps up to his side of the Battlefield, and Roark notes the spring in his step and congratulates Ash on his newfound confidence. Like last time, it is three Pokémon against three, and only Ash can substitute. But Brock's eyes aren't on the battlefield, but Dawn and the cheerleader outfit she is wearing today, holding pink pom-poms (as are Piplup and Buneary) and preparing to cheer Ash on.
First out from Roark is Onix, and Ash sends in Pikachu. Pikachu uses Quick Attack much to Roark's disdain, and he calls for a Slam, thinking that this isn't going to be the battle he was hoping for after all. But Ash wasn't looking to hit it, and instead uses Quick Attack to run up Onix's tail and grab onto its rocky-fin to avoid the Screech that beat them last time. Pikachu holds on as Onix flails, then smacks Onix right across the face with Iron Tail. Roark is impressed, but sends in Onix with Double Edge, and Ash sends Pikachu right at the glowing Pokémon and... SPINS! Yes, it's the move that Dawn used to beat up an Aerodactyl with a little penguin and a bunny-rabbit!
Roark is incredibly impressed as Pikachu zooms past Onix and then turns to use Iron Tail... and then Roark has the surprisingly fast Onix dodge Pikachu and smash it directly with Slam! Pikachu is sent crashing into a pile of rocks and is buried under them! Ash is horrified, and Roark smiles and makes a very good point - he doesn't just sit around between battles reading comic books, he's been training just as hard as Ash.
He ratchets up the pressure further by calling for Stealth Rock - the move that attacks new Pokémon whenever they come out - and the spears that blast out of Onix's body zoom towards the rocks that Pikachu is buried under.... and Pikachu lets rip, blasting itself clear!
The Stealth Rock is shattered (wait, you can do that!?!) and the Thunderbolt smashes into Onix, and Pikachu comes back with Iron tail. Onix tries to Screech, but how can you screech.... WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE A THROAT!?! Pikachu dodges what little Screech gets out, and cuts it directly across the throat with Iron Tail.... and Onix goes down!
Buneary stares with wide, wobbly eyes of love at the panting, scratched up Pikachu as Dawn and Brock cheer, delighted to have seen an Onix get its throat slashed. Croagunk, meanwhile, sits puffing out its cheeks with a self-satisfied smile on its face, its own thoughts utterly inscrutable. Roark returns Onix and congratulates Ash on his effective tactics, then sends out Geodude as Ash calls Pikachu back to his side to take a brief break. Next out is Aipom, the delighted ass-armed monkey grinning as it prepares to take on the legless Geodude.
But as they battle, Team Rocket sidle up to the Gym quietly whispering their motto, before getting overexcited and shouting out the final part before having to shush themselves.
"Listen is that a quiet voice I hear?"
"It may not be loud but it sure is clear."
"And da time for poaching Pokémon is near."
"Jesse."
"And it's James."
"Meowth my claim ta fame."
"Quietly now we take our place."
"Team Rocket!"
"IN YOUR FACE!"
James lifts Meowth up under his armpits and has him pick the lock of the Gym back door, Meowth noting that his in-built lockpick works no matter how lousy Jesse's jokes are. They sneak in through the door and look around at the "warm glow of an empty hall", chuckling that while Roark and Ash are battling, it is just the right time for them to make a stealing. And in the battlefield itself, Croagunk turns a self-satisfied look at a nearby door and moves away unseen.
Ash has Aipom use Swift and Roark quickly calls for Roll-Out, sending it spinning..... harmlessly through Aipom!?! Aipom has used Double Team and fooled it, getting behind Geodude which is now totally exposed. Aipom tries for Focus Punch but Geodude blocks its ass arm with one big rocky hand, then grabs Aipom and leaps high into the air to hit a Seismic Toss. Landing, Geodude uses Rollout again, but Aipom emulates Pikachu and spins over the top of the move, then lands a hard Focus Punch directly on Geodude and.... knocks it out!
Brock notes Ash has done a good job, but that Aipom and Pikachu are both exhausted now, and Roark still has his biggest, toughest Pokémon left to him - Rampardos.
Ash tells Aipom to keep going and has it use Swift, but Rampardos simply stands and takes it, apparently unfazed by the attack. Ash is surprised, and Roark has Rampardos use Headbutt faster than Aipom can dodge, knocking it backwards and putting it out for the count, and getting Roark up to 2-1.
Ash calls Aipom back and listens to Roark brag about Rampardos' power and speed, and Brock suggests that Roark is testing him and taking him to the edge to see if he deserves the Gym Badge. Ash asks Pikachu to step up and it eagerly jumps in.
Meanwhile, Team Rocket are hopelessly lost inside the Gym, and wander about until.... uh oh, it's Croagunk! They stop and stare helplessly at the disturbingly ugly, Peter Lorre looking Pokémon, sweatdrops forming on the sides of their heads as they feel the creepiness overwhelming them.
Nervously they giggle at the croaking Pokémon that they're happy to see it again and certainly aren't here to steal Pokémon. In reply it takes one step towards them, and they back up one step... so it steps forward again, and they step back.... matching it step for step, going back as it goes forward.
Back at the battle, Ash has Pikachu send a blast of Thunderbolt ripping through the ground of the battlefield towards Rampardos. The big Pokémon dodges and glows bright with Zen Headbutt, and Pikachu tries once more to spin out of the way, but doesn't quite pull it off, taking a burning glancing blow.
Pikachu lands and Ash cries out for it to try Quick Attack, and Rampardos charges at it with Zen Headbutt. Pikachu leaps and flips over its head, impressing the twerps and Roark as well, but once more Roark adapts, having Rampardos use its tail to flip Pikachu higher. Pikachu adapts as well though, coming back down with Iron Tail as Rampardos uses Zen Headbutt and slows Pikachu's descent, but not enough to stop it hitting an Iron Tail directly on the top of Rampardos' head.
Dawn notes the Static but Brock reminds her that it has Mould-Breaker, and it blasts loose the Static and hits a Zen Headbutt directly on Pikachu, smashing it into a rock and knocking it down.... and out!
It's 2-2!
Meanwhile, Croagunk has backed the increasingly nervous Team Rocket all the way out of the Gym, but finally Jesse has the guts to talk. She declares that it must want to rejoin their team... well that's okay! Maybe it was just too shy to ask and.... and then Croagunk slams her directly in the tit with a blast of Poison Jab!
Jesse falls back, crashing down in front of James and Meowth's astonished eyes, and... well... then.... what happens is.....
Jesus Christ that is one incredible set of tits.
Misogyny aside! James and Meowth grab Jesse up and run off in horror, leaving Croagunk behind staring vacantly after them, cheek-pouches inflating and deflating in quiet self satisfaction. And hey, who can blame it, it just got to cop a feel!
Back at the battle, Ash sends in Turtwig and immediately sends it charging at Rampardos. Roark goes back to old reliable and has his Pokémon use Zen Headbutt. Turtwig leaps high and flips over the top of Rampardos, and Roark laughs that Ash has forgotten the tail... but Ash hasn't, and has Turtwig bite down on the tail and toss Rampardos bodily through the air and into a rocky outcropping!
Turtwig fires off a Razor Leaf but Rampardos comes back with Flamethrower, burning up the leaves as Ash realises they're too far off for it to work. Roark orders a Head Smash, and the Rampardos glows powerfully blue and charges towards Turtwig, which holds in place waiting for Ash's instruction. He waits and waits, then has Turtwig use Razor Leaf at close range... but it is ineffective, and Turtwig is sent smashing and crashing along the ground. Dawn is horrified, but Brock points out there may be an after-effect from Rampardos using Headsmash, so at this point, anyone could win it. As Rampardos crackles with blue electricity, Ash has Turtwig use Synthesis to heal up its body. Rampardos clears its head and uses Flamethrower, but Turtwig dodges aside in time, but is still exhausted. Ash realises that his only option is to use Razor Leaf to keep a distance from Rampardos, but Rampardos can just blast away the Razor Leaf with Flamethrower... but then he has another idea!
He orders Turtwig to run and use Razor Leaf, and Roark laughs he is too far away and has Rampardos use Flamethrower, but Ash tells Turtwig to keep using Razor Leaf. Roark grins that he won't win this way, but as Turtwig keeps charging at Rampardos, Roark realises that the ashes from the burnt leaves are falling in front of Rampardos and camouflaging Turtwig. He tells Rampardos to stop Flamethrower and use Zen Headbutt, and Ash calls out for Turtwig to use a revolving jump. Roark grins again, knowing that Ash's Pokémon can't get above Rampardos thanks to its amazing speed, and he has the big Pokémon leap high into the air.... and the debris of the burning leaves clears to reveal that Turtwig has done a revolving jump all right.... straight forward! Now it is spins underneath Rampardos which has kindly jumped clear and left itself completely exposed to a full burst blast of Razor Leaf. Rampardos is sent crashing high into the air and back down and... and... it's out!
ASH WINS! ASH WINS HIS GODDAMN FIRST SINNOH LEAGUE BADGE!
Dawn jumps up and down in celebration, so it's no wonder that Brock is grinning! He turns and looks down at the just returned Croagunk and tells it that they just got to see a great battle, completely unaware of the tit-groping heroics of his bizarre Pokémon.
Outside of the Gym, Ash is handed his Coal Badge by Roark, who has been incredibly impressed by the way Ash used different techniques and moves. Ash holds the Badge high in celebration, forgetting for the moment his humiliation in front of Paul, and perhaps more importantly..... the fact that he still has seven more to get!
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