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TEAM ROCKET
MORAL LEARNT
520: Bibarel Gnaws Best!       525: Bidaru wa Shitte Ita!       Ash Ketchum - Union Scab!                     Pokémon enters the exciting, dangerous and sexy world of the building consent process        All they want is a super-cool base!       All Union Strikes are for good and noble reasons!       


Today's episode begins with a bunch of monstrous looking Pokémon attacking a fat rodent with a scouser hairdo! Oh dear, why would that Bibarel have such terrible hair? Well the answer is, because it thinks that....



The twerps head up a winding mountain path alongside a river, Dawn spotting a bridge that would make a great shortcut, except it is still under construction. Ash notices that someone is up there, and Brock uses his "Zoom/Enhance" CSI eyes to realise it's a pretty lady, talking to two guys in construction hardhats. The bigger one takes a menacing step towards her and she takes a step back close to the edge of the bridge, and Brock freaks out, crying out for her not to move and charging to save her.

At the bridge itself, the heavy (and his Baleen Whale mouth) is demanding to know what the hell the lady means to do about an upcoming deadline. Brock comes charging towards her crying out his warning, then zooms right by her and off the edge of the bridge, falling to his doom in the river below.... or he would have, except Croagunk saves his ass, and seems to be getting just a little fed up with this whole Brock thing.

Brock thanks Croagunk, and the Baleen Heavy demands to know what is going on, Brock discovers they're not menacing heavies but the Mayor and the Head Engineer for the project. Brock apologises for the misunderstanding, and the Mayor explains that they're behind deadline on the grand opening of the bridge. The Head Engineer snaps that he means to have this thing done in three days even if she and the Pokémon working on the bridge collapse from exhaustion, because he has a reputation to protect, then he and the Mayor head away.

Ash mutters that the Head Engineer is only thinking of himself (yeah that jerk! Insisting that deadlines quoted for construction on a civic project with taxpayer funding be met!) and Dawn agrees, while the lady - Isis - is introduced to the twerps, and Brock offers any assistance he possibly can. Isis is delighted; she can always use more unpaid non-union labour!

Isis takes them to the construction yard and reveals that a Master Stonecutter once ran things here, ordering around Machokes and Machamps to cut and carry the stone needed for bridge construction. But he threw out his back and the Head Engineer took control of the operation, and put Isis in charge of Stone Cutting. But now the Machoke and Machamp are just lazing around doing nothing, just like at a real construction site! Isis attempts to explain just WHY this is all going on, and Brock interrupts to tell her to leave everything to him. He rushes to the Pokémon and gives them bowls of food that they happily scoff down, and Ash explains Brock wants to be a breeder.

(snicker)


A gag gets lost in translation as Piplup thrusts out its little chest proudly and Dawn tells it that Isis was complimenting Brock's food. Brock then discovers that the lazy Machoke and Machamp weren't actually the problem after all, it's actually down to the Pokémon that does the stone cutting itself, it won't do the work!

Brock insists that feeding it will solve the problem and has her go ahead of him towards the Stone Quarry, because he hates to see her go but he loves to watch her leave. As they all head away, however, Team Rocket pokes their heads out from the bushes in the distance, eyes on the currently lazing Pokémon. James insists that the bulk to build bridges will provide them with the brawn to build a base!

And then Meowth fantasises about Giovanni masturbating!


Kind of, at least, as in this patented crazy Meowth Giovanni Fantasy, Fantasy-Giovanni's left hand is certainly up to SOMETHING underneath those covers as Fantasy-Giovanni yawns, then opens the curtains and discovers a stone castle in his garden... HELLOOOO! But castles don't grow on trees, so where did it come from? Fantasy Giovanni steps out onto a parapet and discovers that the walls of the castle stretch as far as the eye can see, a veritable Great Wall of Giovanni! And he has Meowth.... oh yeah and Jesse and James too.... to thank for it!

Isis leads the twerps into the quarry where they discover a Bibarel with a sweatband as atrociously 80s as its hairstyle sleeping away up on a stone ledge. Brock insists he can solve the problem by preparing another meal that he lifts up on a basket to Bibarel. It sits up, sniffs the food, cries out in delight and eats everything.... then goes back to sleep!

Brock can't understand it, the thing looks as healthy as any Bibarel he has seen, so why is it slacking off? Ash asks Isis if she's sure it is really capable of stone cutting and she reveals that she is the one that actually trained it in the first place, and a horrified Brock realises that she is a Breeder herself.... a professional!

A "Pro"!?!


But she says it isn't something she is proud of (haha!) since she can't seem to motivate her own Pokémon. This wasn't a problem when they first started, though, it was more than capable of stonecutting.... but once they were out of the Training Centre the Bibarel was taken by the Master Stonecutter for further training and became a Master itself. But since the Master Stonecutter threw out his back and stopped coming to the site, Bibarel stopped working.

Brock again offers help, explaining he was once the Gym Leader for the Rock Gym at Pewter City in Kanto. Isis seems unsure, but Brock insists, and the twerps call out their Pokémon and use a variety of attacks to heat stone, cool it, then Razor Leaf to cut out stone blocks, impressing Isis.



And pissing off Bibarel!


But while Dawn is busy explaining to a proud Piplup that it hasn't actually done anything to help, Isis measures the stones and discovers they don't exactly fit the dimensions she needs for the bridge, and as a result, they CANNOT use them.

The twerps insist on trying again though, until Bibarel leaps onto the stone blocks and glares down at them. It's furious that they've come and tried to do the job that it is refusing to do, but before a rumble can break out, noise gets their attention and they turn to see Team Rocket floating over the trees in their Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloon, carrying the lazy Machokes and Machamps struggling in a cage beneath it.

"Listen up.... the movers and shakers are here!"
"Broadcasting live, loud and clear!"
"On the wind!"
"Past the stars!"
"IN YER EAR!"
"Building our dreambase at a breakneck pace!"
"Giving us hope, putting fear in YOUR face!"
"A rose by any other name's just as sweet."
"When everything's worse, our work is complete."
"Jesse!"
"And it's James!"
"Meowth's da name!"
"Putting the do-gooders in their place!"
"We're Team Rocket!"
"In yer face!"
"WOBB-UFFET!"
"Mime-mime mime mime!"


Meowth hits a button that sends a mechanical arm out to grab Bibarel for the final part of their "Base Building" Construction crew. The twerps decide to use the lessons learned this day to save them, and have their Pokémon repeat their previous stone-cutting techniques to break through the arm, and just like with the stones earlier, they fail! A delighted Team Rocket toss Bibarel into a cage made of the same iron as the mechanical arms, which means that even the stonecutting Bibarel can't get clea-

OH SNAP!


The Pokémon leap clear and Pikachu lets rip with a blast of Thunderbolt, sending Team Rocket blasting off again. Jesse is furious but James and Meowth are philosophical, which leads a suddenly pleased Jesse to declare that life with James is like being with an old pair of warm shoes.

Well.... okay!


Meanwhile everyone compliments a proud Bibarel, and Brock asks it to get to cutting some stones, but instantly it is stand-offish again. Matters are made worse when Head Engineer Baleen Whale shows up in some heavy equipment, declaring that they can't trust Isis and Bibarel, so he and his horrible melting hand are going to deal with this themselves!



Seriously, look at that fucking hand! He's a mutant!


He calls out a Rhydon to cut through the stone, despite Isis pointing out that without Bibarel to do the cutting, they'll never get the right dimensions. Rhydon starts drilling anyway, and a furious Bibarel attacks it, only to get smacked aside and then nearly stepped on.... until Bibarel bites its foot!

The Head Engineer calls out Aggron, Magmar and Metagross, going into real overkill to deal with the Bibarel and its awful hair. They surround it and charge, but Bibarel leaps clear of their attacks... and straight into Magmar's Flamethrower. The twerps are horrified, how dare this bastard try to remove the Pokémon holding up construction of a major project it was assigned to work on!

Well Ash has had enough of the Head Engineer's rampant professionalism and sends in Pikachu with an Iron Tail on Rhydon. Chimchar, Buizel, Turtwig, Sudowoodo and Piplup all join in too and blast the strike-breakers into submission. The furious Head Engineer jumps into the Heavy Machinery to smash into the stones anyway, but a tossed rock knocks it over. He leaps out demanding to know who threw the rock, and a new voice declares that he did.

It's the Master Stonecutter!


Yes the little old man sits on the shoulder of a Machamp, and they leap down to the quarry floor where he interrupts the Head Engineer by screaming,"AAHHHHHH!" at him. His logic is flawless, but he adds to the argument by revealing that actually his back was never thrown out; instead he was away investigating the blueprints that the Head Engineer drew up.

Why didn't he tell Isis?


He built a little model based on the blueprints and discovered that the bridge as currently planned would have shattered and broken under its own weight. The Head Engineer is adamant this isn't the case at all, his plans are always perfect, but the Master reveals the model and shows it breaking, then takes the blueprints in hand and.... tears them in two!

It's finally happened, Gentle Dodgers, Pokémon has finally entered the exciting, dangerous and sexy world of the building consent process!


Isis demands answers and the Engineer reveals that his reputation would have been in tatters if he hadn't made deadline - apparently a bridge collapsing wouldn't do much to sully his good name. The Master Stonecutter and Isis demand he leaves, and all of the Construction Pokémon menace over him, backing up Bibarel, joined by the twerps' Pokémon. He takes off, followed by his terrified Pokémon, screaming at them that they can build a Ferris Wheel for all he cares.

With the Head Engineer gone and the Master Stonecutter back, Bibarel is ready to get back to work (was it not working at the Master's orders or was it genuinely just lazy?). The Master reveals that he adjusted the plans (without registering them with the local council first!) and all the Pokémon and the twerps set to work, and construct the bridge on time!

So.... the Head Engineer will still get all the credit anyway?


The Master tells Isis she did a wonderful job, but she admits that it is embarrassing that she wasn't able to figure out how Bibarel was feeling. He tells her that the process will just take time, and hands them all sweatbands, because he might be a Master Stonecutter but he don't know dick about fashion.

Brock slaps his on and asks Isis if she will help him to build a bridge between their hearts.... and Croagunk builds a bridge between itself and Brock's ass to remind him that..... well, that it can stab him in the ass anytime it wants!



And so with Brock's anus violated and a bridge built without following proper regulatory processes, the twerps set off on their merry way once more!


BEST QUOTES

"I was wondering if you would build us a bridge of love? Connecting our hearts forever!"






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