ENGLISH NAME	JAPANESE NAME	POKEMOPOLIS NAME	DODGINESS RATING	ANIMATION	STORY	TEAM ROCKET	MORAL LEARNT
519: Keystone Pops!	524: Mikaruge no Kanameishi!	Scary Monsters and Scary Old Women!			The twerps unleash a captive spirit and must recapture it.	Smarter than an ancient unfathomable monster!	If there's an ancient monster locked away in a shrine near your village.... keep an eye on the goddamn shrine!

Today's episode begins with Dawn and Ash testing out their "new" Pokémon - Aipom and Buizel, whom they traded in the previous episode.

Brock sits with a cup of coffee (presumably) on the sidelines with Pikachu, watching the show and commenting that it seems like the trade has gone off successfully. One would hope so; it would be incredibly laboured if - after making the trade - they were goofs who kept screwing up, almost as laboured as my attempt to tie in the pre-credits sequence to the title card of....



Aipom tries Swift, but Buizel intercepts the massive star with Aqua-Jet which sends stars raining down around Brock and Pikachu. Buizel tries a Sonic Boom which Aipom smashes back with Focus Punch, sending the blast into an old rocky shrine which crumples to pieces. The twerps are horrified, that type of disrespectful thing just isn't done! They approach to check on the remains of the shrine which, oddly, start to glow bright. A wind seems to kick up, swirling clouds around the full moon. Dawn feels a chill (no wonder, look at that skirt!) and says she is getting goosebumps, and as stormclouds gather Ash says something weird is going on... and then lightning strikes in a massive burst into the collapsed shrine, and from this tomb emerges a spirit.... a SPIRITOMB! How ironic!



Oh God it's an eldritch horror!

Dawn checks the bizarre monstrosity with her Pokédex and learns that Spiritomb is the "Forbidden" Pokémon (much like the forbidden dance - the Lambada - but without the overt eroticism) and was locked away in a keystone 500 years earlier as punishment for "mischief"

Hmm, maybe the overt eroticism WAS there?

Still, before the twerps have time to ask why no one was guarding this apparently known location of a vengeful eldritch horror held captive, the monstrosity begins attacking them, blasting bursts of energy in their direction. Ash tries to fight back by having Buizel use Watergun, but it goes right through the Spiritomb, which zaps at Buizel with a strange purplish energy that smashes it into a tree before Spiritomb disappears into the forest.

Meanwhile, Team Rocket are (mostly) miserable! It's chow time, and only Jesse (who once lived on snow) is excited about a cold, tough cookie for dinner. But before they can grab a bite, Spiritomb appears through the forest, and she instantly warns James and Meowth not to share their food! It doesn't want to eat though, it wants to blast them AND their food. To add insult to injury, it then bops Jesse in the head with its balls (well, okay, the keystone it was trapped in) and continues on, leaving behind a furious Jesse. No one messes with HER food!

The next day the twerps arrive at a small village that has been shattered, the villagers trying to help their blasted Pokémon. One of the villagers, a young man, tells Ash that they were attacked by a creepy Pokémon for no reason, and the twerps suspect it might have been Spiri-

"IT WAS SPIRITOOOOMB!" screams an old lady, terrifying them all.



She insists the evil Spiritomb has been reborn, explaining that the keystone holding it prisoner has been broken. But Dawn and Ash - who smashed the shrine with the keystone in it that unleashed Spiritomb and then SAW Spiritomb and were attacked BY Spiritomb - insist they can't follow her logic.

Those lying little jerks!

She takes them off to a clearing in the forest and tells the legend of the Spiritomb of 500 years earlier that screwed up life for everyone. It was - according to her at least - a servant of chaos incarnate, an eldritch horror that served the Elder Gods, soulless denizen of the void that existed before time itself!

Or words to that effect.

But then a mysterious stranger, an "Aura Guardian" appeared on the scene with a Pikachu on his shoulder and sealed Spiritomb away in the keystone. The village was saved, the Aura Guardian was their hero, and then.... apparently, despite knowing this legend, the villagers never bothered to keep an eye on the shrine or protect it. And the twerps FINALLY click that they're responsible for the Spiritomb being released.... and so does the creepy old lady! They take her to the site of the Stone Tower, and she's horrified to find it nothing but rubble, having apparently not gone to check on it once Spiritomb arrived on the scene.

Ash insists it was an accident, but the creepy old lady could care less about whether it was meant or not. But as she's old and forgetful, soon her anger fades to bemusement as she notes that it was an Aura Guardian with a Pikachu who sealed Spiritomb away in the first place, and now a bunch of kids with a Pikachu who have let it loose..... and then things get weird.

A heavily made-up Jesse appears on the scene alongside a robed James with big nose, fake moustache and old sunglasses..... and a Sneasel? With remarkably Meowth like features! Jesse says she is a renowned mystic, psychic and hairdresser, and James is her Guy Friday! Using an amazingly fake Russian accent and telling Ash he's clueless, she discovers the identity of Ash's "Spirit Guide".... a Pokémon Researcher in a red shirt and labcoat who endlessly recites poetry! Why that's Professor Oak, but he's not exactly dead, so Jesse pushes on, telling Dawn that with her vacant stare it's obvious that in a past life, she was.... a Slowpoke!

And then she points towards Brock to tell him who his Spirit Guide is, only to be distracted and horrified by the old lady and her "Sharpedo teeth". The old lady snaps angrily that she isn't dead yet, but they ignore this as Jesse poses and James appears to be trying to sell her ass to Brock.

Oh like you wouldn't put in a bid.

She tells them that THEY will catch Spiritomb, and then the old lady's Grandson runs up saying that Spiritomb is attacking the village again. Jesse sends in "Sneasel" with its "telepathic powers" to talk to a confused Spiritomb, which stares in confusion at this Meowth dressed up like Sneasel and talking complete gibberish. Then "Sneasel" runs back and reports (via Moustache James) that Spiritomb wants to have a chat with Pikachu. Jesse grabs Pikachu up and they all rush over to Spiritomb - which, for an eldritch horror, seems remarkably willing to put up with all this - as Jesse waves around a wand and then.... explodes a net with charms slapped onto the sides around Spiritomb and Pikachu. The twerps are surprised, even more so when the Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloon appears on the scene!

"I don't have to be pzychic to know the truth!"
"Especially when dealing with twerpish youth!"
"On the wind!" cries Jesse, removing her make-up and giving up the accent.
"The stars!" adds James, pulling his moustache and fake nose away.
"Yeah! Forsooth!" agrees Meowth, pulling the Sneasel disguise off of his face.
"Bringing chaos at a breakneck pace."
"Dashing hope, putting fear in its place."
"A mystic psychic by any other name's just as smart!"
"We've turned fooling you dumb twerps into an art!"
"Jesse!" cries Jesse, cocking a hip.
"And James!"
"Meowth, dat's a name!"
"Putting the do-gooders in their place."
"We're Team Rocket!"
"In your face!" they proclaim together, at which point.... the world is revealed to be on the back of four Donphan on the back of a giant Torkoal surrounded by the Ouroboros of an Arbok!



Holy shit!

Team Rocket take off in their Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloon immediately, but their escape is ended almost as soon as the surprisingly patient Spiritomb lets rip with a blast of energy and punctures the balloon, sending them crashing to the ground. Pikachu gets clear and runs to the twerps as Spiritomb confronts Team Rocket, Jesse sending in Seviper which is sent back almost as fast, and Team Rocket come up with the far more intelligent of idea of cheesing it.

They run for a long time till they're exhausted, then turn and bow down to the still pursuing Spiritomb, begging it for mercy. In return, it growls and roars its blasphemous, immoral desires towards Jesse.

GETCHA MINDS OUTTA DA GUTTA!

It wants revenge, not rape, it wants to get it's..... hands? Arms? ....uhh ...self?.... on the Aura Guardian that trapped it. Meowth translates, and a less than impressed Jesse and James note that this was over 500 years ago so it's unlikely they'd be able to pull this off. So Jesse comes up with a plan, pitting her wits against the ancient, immortal, unfathomable alien intelligence of this being of pure chaos..... and points in the other direction, says,"Look!" and then runs for it when Spiritomb turns to look the other way.

Wow.

Meanwhile Staravia is looking for the Elder God without luck, when Dawn comes up with an idea. It was chasing Team Rocket, Team Rocket is always looking for THEM, so if they attract Team Rocket, Spiritomb won't be far behind!

So, as Team Rocket float overhead commenting that Spiritomb isn't overly intelligent, they suddenly spot Pikachu sleeping alone in the middle of a big field and immediately land to run over and grab it... promptly falling into a hole in the ground.

Outsmarted by Ash. Oh the humanity.

The silhouette of the twerps appear before the surprised Team Rocket, it's Team Twerp... and they're doing the Team Rocket motto!

"Listen is that bad guy talk I hear?" asks Ash, cupping a hand to his ear.
"It speaks to me, loud and clear!" grins Dawn, pointing to her chin.
"On the wind!"
"Past the stars!"
"In yer ear!" adds in Brock.... and Jesse has heard enough, unleashing the rage of a Bitch Goddess Queen on them to equal that of any eldritch horror.

They tell Jesse they could care less about her, they're only interested in getting at Spiritomb, which promptly arrives on the scene. Jesse is furious as being treated like garbage and comes up with yet another plan, and they jump out of the hole and point at Ash, telling Spiritomb that HE is the descendent of the Aura Guardian who trapped it in the Keystone.

Ash - proving that no one in today's episode is overly intelligent - is surprised to learn this genealogical "fact" about himself, while Spiritomb is delighted and takes a shot at the twerps, separating the rest from Ash. The old lady yells at Ash to get it to follow him to the broken shrine, and they cheese it, Pikachu using Quick Attack and Thunderbolt to little effect on the monstrosity. As the sun is setting, the twerps chase after the battlers, followed by a hiding Team Rocket who plan to grab "what is left" once Spiritomb is done.

Ash and Pikachu continue on towards the Shrine, Pikachu blasting Spiritomb with full on blasts of Thunderbolt that seem to be having some effect on the Keystone at least, but is it enough? They blast again but this time Spiritomb seems mostly unaffected, laughing like Jabba the Hutt before blasting multiple shadowballs at Ash and Pikachu who dive aside.... and Team Rocket suffer the consequences of getting too close and get sent blasting off again!

Spiritomb gathers in energy for Giga-Impact, charging directly into Ash and Pikachu and sending them flying. Spiritomb lowers down over them as stormclouds gather again, and Ash comes up with an idea. He calls out to Pikachu to get up for one last shot, one last Thunderbolt.... at the sky!

The Thunderbolt bursts into the clouds which crackle and then blast a massive burst straight back into Pikachu, which absorbs the impact and then... grins. It's fully powered up again! It charges at Spiritomb with Volt Tackle, bursting through Spiritomb's attacks and right into the Keystone, then blasts Thunderbolt as the old lady gasps at the similarity between this battle and the tale of the Aura Guardian. Spiritomb cannot take it any longer, it's no fun when they can fight back! It's body disappears, retreating/collapsing its form back into the Keystone. Brock hauls the surprisingly heavy thing up and they carry it to the shrine, rebuilding it around the Keystone, resealing the monstrosity into eternal captivity once more.



Or at least until the villagers forget about it and leave it unguarded in the forest where anything could tumble into it again.

Once more the old lady sees a comparison between the Aura Guardian and Ash, and when she says that the legend will now include the return of the Aura Guardian resealing the Spiritomb up 500 years later. Ash is confused, saying he isn't an Aura Guardian (despite what Lucario told him about his Aura in Lucario and the Mystery of Mew) but wants to be a Pokémon Master, and the old Lady cracks up laughing before suddenly realising she's old and bitter and Dawn's skirt is far too short for a young girl travelling in the company of two young men.



Dawn blushes and says her stomach was rumbling because she's hungry (that old lady wasn't looking at her belly!) and the old woman (who never told us her name) offers to make them up a meal, and they head back into the village to take her up on her offer (though Brock offers to do the actual cooking after having see the state of her teeth), leaving the Shrine unattended and unguarded.

AGAIN!

BEST QUOTES

"I can zee your pazt lives!" "I've got those!?!"

Previous Episode Next Episode Episode List