ENGLISH NAME	JAPANESE NAME	POKEMOPOLIS NAME	DODGINESS RATING	ANIMATION	STORY	TEAM ROCKET	MORAL LEARNT
698: Purrloin: Sweet or Sneaky?	703: Choroneko ni Goyojin! Nyasu to Mijumaru!	The Lying Game			: Meowth and Oshawott go pussy-mad	Getting good at being up to no good	If the person you're in lust with is always naked, there's no excuse for not knowing their gender

Today finds a forest setting (of course), and up in the trees a sneaky (but sweet!) looking purple cat is watching as a Tranquill brings its mate some berries. As they fly off together, leaving the berries behind, Purrloin climbs up and happily eats the berries. However one of the Tranquill returns and is not best pleased, though Purrloin's reaction is to rather arrogantly brandish its claws in a threatening way. Tranquill flies off and Purrloin seems pleased, but then the bird returns with a whole gang, and none of them seem very tranquil! Purrloin takes off, chased by the birds, and disappears deeper into the forest. Oh that cat! Is it....



The twerps AND MEOWTH continue on through the forest. Meowth is beaming happily as he struts along in front; turning to tell them that travelling with new people is also like a change of scenery. Cilan notes that Meowth can turn on the sweet talk but an exasperated Iris suggests this maybe wasn't exactly a compliment. Meowth insists he has turned over a new leaf and Pikachu has had e-fucking-nough of this bullshit and rants angrily from Ash's shoulder. Ash - for the first time perhaps - realises that Pikachu isn't buying any of this from Meowth but tells it that maybe they SHOULD give Meowth the benefit of the doubt. Meowth goes over all wobbly-eyed and bursts into tears at them giving him a chance despite all the mean shit he's pulled on them in the past. As he cries with joy, however, Purrloin comes slamming into him from behind as she runs from the Tranquill. Meowth is knocked down and moans about his back before opening his eyes to see..... HOT PUSSY!

Cilan freaks out at seeing a Purrloin and Ash completely mistakes his concern for excitement and checks it out with his Pokédex. Dexter warns them quite openly that Purrloin are Pokémon that trick people/Pokémon into letting their guard down so they can steal their things, and if threatened they will get aggressive with their claws. Ash seems to think that's cool, Iris just seems blankly happy and Cilan is still nervous as hell, a fact that Ash finally picks up on. Cilan explains he had a run-in with a Purrloin once before that didn't go well at all. Iris says it sounds horrible... then eagerly asks for more details, but Cilan doesn't want to get into it.

Meanwhile, Meowth has helped Purrloin to her feet and asked why she was in such a hurry. Spotting Meowth's obvious love-boner for her, she instantly goes into vamp mode and tells a sad bullshit story about how she needs their help. Cilan warns Meowth to be careful and take her sob story with a grain of salt, but Meowth isn't thinking with his brain right now, but with his throbbing, turgid, rock-hard love for her. He insists it is the Meowth code of honour to look out for sweetie-pies, and that's when the shit hits the fan. The flock of Tranquill finally arrives on the scene, still pissed as Purrloin and willing to take it out on the twerps if necessary. They kick off a huge group Gust attack, smacking Meowth in the eye with a lose piece of branch just as he is warning that they could take somebody's eye out!

Ash - being Ash - declares that they're mad about something... but who cares! He just wants an excuse to fight! He calls out Oshawott which happily.... finds itself alarmed to be caught up in a huge Gust! He gets lifted up into the air but Ash grabs him and holds him up, ordering a Water Gun attack and directing it to knock the Tranquill out of their attack, before following up with a Thunderbolt from Pikachu to zap them all and scare them off. With the Tranquill chased away, Purrloin tries to make a quiet retreat before they connect her with the attack. But Meowth gets in the way, a giant red bruise on his head as he declares that the important thing is that Purrloin is okay-doke..... and then his eyes go all loopy and down he goes, suffering a pretty severe fucking concussion!

Luckily Purrloin knows the way to wake him up, wriggling her hips and causing him to jump up happily after she thanks him for helping save her. But as he turns away to giggle in delight, behind Purrloin ANOTHER Pokémon is checking out Purrloin, and likes what he sees! Oshawott is in love with Purrloin too!

If this is going where I think it is going, this could be the best episode of Pokémon in a LOOOOONG time!

Meowth gets in-between the two to warn Oshawott that HE is the one who is going to protect Purrloin, not Oshawott! Oshawott looks ready to fight, but the twerps call a stop to it. They move on to a small creek and settle down on the stony ground around it, where Purrloin explains that the Tranquill attacked because they mistakenly thought she DELIBERATELY ate their berries when she really didn't know they belonged to them. Cilan instantly claims this is a lie, noting that Purrloins do not give a fuck about taking things that don't belong to them. Ash asks for clarification from Purrloin, did she steal the berries or was it really a mistake, but for an answer he and Cilan just get a blast of water in their face from a furious Oshawott. As they're knocked down, Ash's backpack falls open and a number of berries fall out, instantly getting Purrloin's attention.

Iris tells Cilan that she can totally see what Meowth and Oshawott see in Purrloin, as we get a disturbing glamour shot of Purrloin from behind as Iris gushes over her tail and her eyes - counterpointed by Cilan claiming the tail is a devil's pitchfork and the eyes are up to no good. Iris won't hear it though, she thinks Purrloin is cute as a button, and Cilan sighs that she can't say he didn't warn her. Ash REALLY wants to know what Cilan's last Purrloin encounter was all about but he still refuses to say, making Ash want to know all the more. Iris has a solution to their current Purrloin problem though, she'll simply catch it herself and then she can raise it to be sweet and nice. Cilan is horrified, but Iris tells him to trust her and then without even asking the clearly shocked Purrloin (as well the horrified Meowth and Oshawott) she throws her Pokéball at the purple cat... and gets the yellow one instead! Meowth leaps into the way angrily and gets sucked into the Pokéball as Iris squeaks in alarm and says sorry, and they all watch to see what will happen. The Pokéball shakes and beeps and finally settles.... has she accidentally caught Meowth now after failing to deliberately catch him? Has Meowth become an officially captured Pokémon?



NOT ON YOUR FUCKING NELLY!

Panting roughly at just how horribly close that was, he doesn't take too kindly to Iris getting angry at HIM for getting in HER way. He yells back that nobody is going to capture his pretty Purrloin, then pulls flowers outta nowhere and shyly, nervously asks Purrloin if she will please.... pretty please..... GOOUTWITHHIM!?! Before she can answer though, Oshawott slams him out of the way, catches the roses and makes his own bizarre little Otter request for a date with her. Meowth shoves him back out of the way, the roses knocked into Purrloin's hands as they fight over who gets to ask her on a date. But then they turn and notice her smiling at them, both convinced it is themselves who is the target of her affections, and a part of their body suddenly elongates and juts obscenely out from their body.... their hearts of course!

They collapse to their backs, passed out from the lack of blood running to their brains. Even Iris can see this is starting to become a problem, but Purrloin seems to be done with them all now. She walks casually away with the roses and settles behind the rock, listening to the twerps talking about how she left and wondering how Oshawott and Meowth will react to the news. She tosses the flowers aside indifferently, peeking around to get a good look at what she really wants - the berries in Ash's backpack.

Meanwhile in the city, James is actually worried about Meowth! He tries to strike a casual tone as he brings it up to Jesse while they peer through cameras/binoculars at their target. He assures her that he only thought of it because their surveillance duties are what Meowth used to do. She declares back that Meowth is gone so that's all there is to it, and they go back to checking out the trainyard, no doubt in anyone's mind that Jesse is the one in charge.

Back with the twerps, Meowth and Oshawott have recovered but they don't get to miss Purrloin who quickly returns. She gasps a sad story to Meowth, who translates that Purrloin has a friend who is trapped in a deep, dark and dank cave a little away. Cilan seems unconvinced, while Meowth and Oshawott fight over who gets to rescue her friend. Cilan refuses to go though, saying he can't bring himself to trust Purrloin and he's not going to fall for her trap. Ash is grumpy but resigned to Cilan's decision, and they all head off after Purrloin, Iris joining the others and leaving a worried Cilan behind.

They clamber up rocks, Ash helping Oshawott as it struggles with the steepness of the cliff they're climbing. Ash calls out to ask if it is much further, and Purrloin (through Meowth) tells them that they're almost there, but suggests that Ash leave his backpack behind since it'll be slowing him down. For some reason Meowth and Oshawott blush furiously over this statement, suggesting maybe something a little different was originally said, though it is explained away as both of them being impressed by how thoughtful she is. Ash thanks her but says he'll be fine, and they continue to climb up the rocks, Purrloin scowling that this part of the plan isn't going as she wished.

By himself, Cilan shivers nervously, hoping that Ash and Iris aren't getting into trouble without him there to save the day/prevent them doing something retarded. Suddenly a young woman appears from nowhere with her arm in a sling and disconcerting quaver in her voice - like she's sick or worn down or a junkie or something. She asks Cilan if he has seen a Purrloin and shows a picture, and Cilan is immediately able to pick that it is definitely the Purrloin they've been dealing with.

Purrloin has lead the twerps to an abandoned mine, and brings them through a narrow little hole in the wall. Ash struggles to get through with his backpack on, and a satisfied Purrloin tells Meowth that he should carry Ash's backpack for him since things get narrower as they go deeper. Ash sees no problem with this and they continue on, coming out in a large open cavern full of old scaffolding. Purrloin tells Meowth that her buddy is trapped behind a large rock down in the cavern, and tells him to leave the backpack as they go down. They jump down onto the scaffolding which feels old and unstable, and they realise that Purrloin isn't with them. Looking back up, they see her with the backpack, and she tells the "chumps" that she's done with them now that she's got what she wanted, their food. She pokes out her tongue and winks at Ash, then heads off and leaves them behind. Meowth tries to jump after her, but the scaffold breaks and they all go tumbling down to the bottom of the cavern. Purrloin hears the noise and surprisingly heads back to look, leaving the backpack behind. Seeming relieved to see they're still alive, before anything else can happen Cilan and the buzzed out junkie girl arrive on the scene.

Purrloin does not seem pleased at all to see Misha, and demands to know why she abandoned her. Misha moans in her buzzed out voice that she never meant to abandon Purrloin and she knows it, and we get a flashback of them living in a nice little house. Misha had to go somewhere and told her to wait, she'd be back soon, but some amount of time seemed to pass without Misha returning. Eventually, the flowers died and all the food ran out, and Purrloin became bitter and twisted at being abandoned. Misha explains that she had only set out to do some errands but got into an accident... and presumably got hooked on prescription meds which is why she sounds stoned out of her gourd right now. By the time she got out of the hospital Purrloin was gone, because apparently it was impossible to communicate with anyone and tell them she had a Pokémon in her house that needed feeding. She heard that there was a Purrloin in the area causing trouble and set out to find it, but Purrloin isn't buying this story, too angry and bitter and also used to running cons herself.

The twerps try to convince Purrloin that this stranger they've never met before obviously is telling the truth. She glares up at Misha, but then Meowth gets their attention, the ground they're standing on is turning into goop - it's quicksand, baby! Ash rushes over to help like an idiot and, of course, makes everything worse.



Ash and Iris fall over and get caught up, and Cilan rushes to save them, grabbing a rope and running down the surviving scaffolding. He tosses them the rope and they begin to pull up, Misha joining him with her one good arm. But as they pull on the rope, the scaffolding breaks down and they end up in the goop with the others, and they're ALL dead meat now. Purrloin is concerned, but Misha yells at it to keep back, it can't pull them out by itself.

What would be handy now is if the humans had small balls that contained semi-sentient animals with amazing powers, and they could be called out to use those powers to help save the day.

Purrloin remembers the good times with Misha before she got on the H-Train, like sleeping in the same bed (that's not hygienic!). She rushes away, leaving behind the backpack, as Ash finally remembers his Pokémon and calls out Snivy to use Vine Whip to grab the end of the rope and at least hold them in place. But Oshawott and Meowth still stink beneath the goop, and in a panic Iris and Cilan finally deign to call out their own Pokémon to do something - Excadrill and Pansage grabbing the rope to help Snivy haul them out... surely Excadrill's claws would slice right through the rope? They begin to haul them back out, but then the rope snaps and down go the twerps.... buried under the goop.... THEY DEAD!



"Oh fuck guys I think we're unemployed!"

But then Tranquil come out of nowhere (not Ash's Pokéball) to haul everyone to be rescued. How did they know? Purrloin came and got them and told them exactly the same sob story that she told the twerps... only this time it was real. A wobbly-eyed Meowth and Oshawott leer at her with love, she DOES care!

Outside, they all settle down and Meowth tells them how Purrloin went to find the Tranquill flock, they immediately attacked her but she kept on begging and crying till finally they believed her. Everyone is delighted, Purrloin and Misha are back together, and before they part ways Meowth has one last thing to ask. Hauling out roses from nowhere, he once again begs her to make him happy and go out on a date with him. Oshawott rushes up with his own roses and makes the same offer, and Purrloin eyes up both sets of roses until Misha puts them out of their misery by offering them a new take on this Purrloin situation. "You see," she says a little nervously,"Purrloin's a guy."



The GREATEST episode of Pokémon EVER!

Meowth and Oshawott just STARE as the twerps make some quips, then finally breathe a sigh of nervous exasperation. It's a thing of fucking beauty, and thank God they had the balls (much like Purrloin!) to go through with it in the episode.

So the episode ends... almost. We're not done with Team Rocket yet, as that night we see them at the train yard calling down a Team Rocket helicopter. It lands, and they're ready for the next stage of their plan - what is it? We won't find out just yet, but there's more here than meets the eyes. I'd bet Purrloin's balls on it!

BEST QUOTES

"They're mad about something, but who cares!"

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