ENGLISH NAME	JAPANESE NAME	POKEMOPOLIS NAME	DODGINESS RATING	ANIMATION	STORY	TEAM ROCKET	MORAL LEARNT
692: Movie Time! Zorua in "The Legend of the Pokémon Knight"!	697: Zoroa Za Mubi! Pokémon Naito no Densetsu!	Non-Union Scabs			The twerps ad-lib a movie without pay for a first-time Director	Unexpected stars	People will watch any old shit!

Today finds the twerps excited over learning that there is a new "Wonder Fighters" movie coming out soon. Well, Ash and Iris are excited - Cilan is over the fucking goddamn moon! "IT'S MOVIE TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME!!!!" he screams, babbling excitedly over the casting changes in the movie and lamenting that one of the last actors only got to make the one movie before moving on. Iris talks happily about the times they would play movies in the Village of the Dragons, and Ash just happily spouts out,"I like movies!" because he really doesn't have anything to add. But suddenly the movie comes to life! Behind him, the lead actress "Wonder Fighter" emerges with an oddly childish giggle, startling them all. Ash twists around to see her and.... she turns into Iris! Ash wildly swings his head back and forth between the two Iris', and then the second Iris becomes.... Zorua! Cilan's right, it IS....



Goddamn that is one mouthful of a title.

The twerps start in surprise at the Zorua, Ash checking it out with his Pokédex despite the fact he's met one before. Iris asks Cilan if Zorua is really rare and he agrees, saying he has never seen one before. Ash fails to tell everyone how he's chilled with one before, instead asking Zorua if it is wild, but it isn't, because here comes the trainer! It's a nerdy little kid with a camera, tripod and a rocky little midget Pokémon trundling along in tow. He cries out not to let Zorua get away, and it immediately transforms into Pikachu and jumps onto Ash's, twisting about so nobody will know which is which. The trainer leaps down and grabs up Pikachu, holding it high and proclaiming victory.... till Ash mumbles that this is HIS Pikachu. Is he sure? asks the trainer, and soon learns it is when he gets blasted with a Thundershock.

Cilan notes that Zorua can't copy moves, only appearance, but the trainer is confused as to WHERE his Zorua is. Suddenly his fat little rocky Pokémon - Golett - points up at Iris' hair. It isn't to note how ridiculous her hairstyle is though (although it is!), but to spot Axew - two Axews! Both of them are inside Iris' hair, and the trainer begins swiping angrily at it trying to get Zorua out as Iris cowers in fright, then leaps up angrily to tell him to cut it out.

If she wanted to be groped by a virgin, she'd have joined the show when Brock was still on it!

Having had enough, the nerdy little trainer pulls out a Pokéball and tries to recall Zorua, but it leaps clear and blasts Shadowball at them, disappearing in the confusion. The boy gets up and sighs that they'll have to call off shooting for the day, and then remembers to introduce himself. His name is Luke, and Zorua is his lead actress, with Golett acting as his Assistant, and he wants to be a Director. Ash checks out Golett and learns it ain't a rock, it's a robot! It was allegedly made to protect people and Pokémon by the ancient civilization that created it.

People in this world are so blasé about ancient civilization service robots that they let little kids have them!

The twerps introduce themselves and their goals, and Cilan proudly notes he is ALSO a film connoisseur. Luke is impressed, but Ash wants to know why Zorua ran away, and Luke admits he doesn't know. They were shooting a scene that required a pirate (apparently Luke has access to pirate ships for shooting!) and he made Zorua transform from a Princess to a pirate.... which she wasn't all that pleased about. So she transformed back into the Princess and seemed quite chuffed till he insisted she change back.

Pouting, she did as asked.... but then he asked her to change into a Knight as well for when they filmed that part of the duel scene. She did, but then changed back into the Princess and chuffed happily till he snapped at her to be the Knight, not the Princess. Irritated, she took off, and Luke can't understand why (because apparently he is retarded and hasn't picked up that Zorua wants to play Pretty Princess Dress-up). The twerps offer to help him look, and they rush off to find Zorua, Luke saying he has looked everywhere and Cilan declaring that they'll just look again. As they head off, Team Rocket are watching from the alley, pleased to have confirmation that there is a Zorua in town. They want it for Team Rocket, it's super-rare and sure to be an asset... and they're right! It is and it will be!

Luke takes the twerps to the oldest movie theatre in town, where he works as the Assistant Projectionist and thus gets to see movies for free. However, it was while working there that he noticed what appeared to be the lead actress for a movie sitting in the back row watching. At the next movie, the next lead actress was also there, and then at another movie so was another... only that last movie was in black and white and so was the woman sitting in the theatre! Determined to get to the bottom of the mystery, Luke headed down to see her, and discovered it was Zorua. She transformed again into the Pretty Princess, looking just like the lead actress from his favourite movie, and he gasped that he would like to make movies with her, much to her delight.

Thank goodness he wasn't 17 and horny when he found her!

So they started working on a movie together, but now for whatever reason she seems pissed off and doesn't want to make the movie. The Head Projectionist - Mr. Matthews - steps out and says hello, telling Luke that Zorua is inside. They head in and find her up on the stage in front of the screen, and grunting and growling at all of them. Cilan ponders what is happening and finally comes to the conclusion that we all did already because we're not idiotic uneducated children bumming around the countryside - Zorua doesn't want to play all the parts, she wants to play Pretty Princess Dress-Up, not smelly old Pirates or homosexually repressed Knights! Zorua barks in happy agreement, and Luke understands.... but how to make the movie with only one castmember? Cilan has the solution.... they'll play the extra parts!

Oh my God this is going to be a trainwreck!

Mr. Matthews offers them a space out back to work on script changes, prop creation and tailoring new costumes. They all set down to work, including Oshawott getting to proudly brandish a sword, and before you know it these four non-union scabs have completed the work of multiple departments at no charge! Luke storyboards and Ash and Iris get to work painting the props.... while Emolga and Snivy end up in a pitched battle with no explanation, splashing paint all over the twerps! Finally done, everybody settles down for a long sleep (or they're overwhelmed by paint fumes in the enclosed space) before filming begins the next day.



The next day Luke explains the basic plot of the movie. An evil Pirate called Cilan kidnaps Princess Yuria because she has the secret to the treasure of the Kingdom (pussy?), and Sir Ash the Knight goes in pursuit. He gets training from Dragon Master Iris, overcomes Pirate Cilan and the day is saved. Ash is delighted, he and Pikachu are the main characters! Iris smirks that he's such a kid, the true star is OBVIOUSLY Princess Yuria, but she is sad that Cilan has to play the villain. Cilan is delighted though, the villain is the major focus of the movie and is heroic in his own right since he brings out the best in the hero and heroine.

They head to the pirate ship, and we learn the truth of how he could afford such a great set... it's a playground! They prepare to film the first scene, in which Yuria is captured by Cilan, and the first goddamn shot is of Ash... trying to act. Oh my God.



Luke cuts the action and tells Ash to chill out, and Cilan grabs his shoulder and asks him if he has seen Yamask of the Opera - he must become ONE with his character, and then there will be no nervousness. Ash is impressed, telling Cilan that he sure sounds like a Film Connoisseur.... and he wishes he knew what the hell Cilan was talking about! Cilan collapses in shock, and Luke translates - he means give it his all! Ash is delighted to hear it put into words he understands, and they start film again. Cilan chews scenery like nobody's business, loving every goddamn second of his ACT-ing, while Ash is able to hold up his end (snicker). He demands the return of Princess Yuria and tries to have Pikachu Electro-Ball Cilan, but his Pansage blasts through it with Solar Beam and leaves Ash and Pikachu sprawling while Cilan throws down a smoke bomb and declares that the Princess is his!

The next scene is the training scene between Ash and Iris. Iris takes her acting seriously, even if the script is lousy. Her most powerful dragon, according to the script, is Axew, which is pretty amusing. Pikachu tries an Electro-Ball and Axew tries... and fails to dodge! They cut as Iris breaks character and rushes to check on Axew. Luke tells her that Axew needs to dodge faster, but she admits that it just isn't up to that, so Luke sighs that Pikachu will just have to go easy. Cilan warns that this won't look as exciting (has the man ever heard of Health and Safety Regulations?) and suggests that Axew go all out with Dragon Rage. They film again, and the two moves clash, Dragon Rage blasting through Electro-Ball. Iris tells Ash that this isn't enough, he needs to put his heart into the move and attack with all his might, prove he is worthy of that which he seeks (pussy?).

The two moves clash again, and as they clash together, Pikachu follows through with a Thunderbolt that blasts smoke all over the forest. When it clears, Dragon Master Iris is nowhere to be seen, but her voice echoes over the forest telling Ash that she seen what truly lies within his heart and he can now go and find Princess Yuria.... and we pull back past Luke filming with his camera to show the source of Iris' mysterious power is that she's sitting behind him reading from the script! Ahh the joys of movie magic!

Luke is delighted with their progress and says they should go and film the final scene in the Forest Cave. As they pack up and start heading out, Team Rocket are watching from the bushes, ready for their moment to strike. Soon we rejoin the twerps at the cave, which stands at the location of the final battle as well as a symbolic representation of that "treasure" that they're fighting over. Luke tells them he wants them to just keep going with the flow as they film even if they go off-script/something accidental like the Pikachu/Axew fight happens. Cilan explains to Ash that this is ad-libbing, and it can make for the most memorable and unplanned part of the movie.

They begin filming, and Cilan declares that the Princess' power has opened the door to the treasure cave. Before he can enter (rape her?) though, Ash arrives, startling Cilan who wants to know how Ash knew where to find them. Ash declares that the Princess' heart and mind are connected, which doesn't explain anything! Cilan tells him to stop talking rubbish and orders a Bullet Seed from Pansage, but Pikachu dodges with Quick Attack. Pansage tries a Solar Beam, but Ash has undertaken the Hero's Journey and is prepared, he has Pikachu blast it with Electro-Ball and then follow up with Thunderbolt, blasting at Pirate Cilan and his terrified Pansage. They fall, and Ash declares victory.... and then Woobat attacks! The Princess leaps clear and transforms into Zorua to escape the ropes that were holding her, but now finds herself trapped in a strange electro-energy cage slapped onto the back of Team Rocket's hover-car!

I want a hover car!

"What we want is beyond your comprehension indeed!"
"The answer will come as we feel the need!"
"Bringing the white light of evil into the future!"
"Thrusting the hammer of justice onto the black darkness of the universe!"
"And carving our names in da rock of Eeeeee-toinity!"
"The fiery destroyer, I am Jesse!"
"With thunderous emotion, James."
"Wisest of da wise, I'm Meowth!"
"And now gather... under the name of Team Rocket!" they all finish together.

Cilan explains who they are, while Team Rocket quite rightly note that now they have what they want... why stick around? They start heading off on their hover-car, but Luke has Golett blast them out of the sky, and they fall and land gracefully not far off. Cilan tells Luke to keep rolling, much to the young boy's confusion, until Cilan declares,"IT'S.... AD-LIB TIME!" and rips off his costume to reveal that he is... a superhero!



Oh Cilan!

He declares that the three evil villains who controlled him all along have finally revealed their true identity of Team Rocket! For their part, Team Rocket are utterly bewildered, what is he talking about!?! Cilan declares it is time to reveal his TRUE identity, he is Pokémon Sorcerer Cilan! "Legendary Dragon Master Iris" joins him, and Pansage breaks Zorua free of its cage before Axew covers its escape with Dragon Rage. Jesse won't let it go so easily though and has Woobat blow it back with Gust. Ash sends in Tranquil to grab Zorua out of the air before Team Rocket can catch her, and James has Yamask blast at them with Shadowball. Pikachu thunderbolts that but the wake of the explosion causes Tranquil to drop Zorua, and it lands safely on the ground only to find Meowth leering over her. He tells her to stop playing hard to get (oh my!) and she.... turns into a female Meowth and makes come-hither looks at him! Meowth is overwhelmed with lust, hearts in his eyes as his body wobbles out of control. Horrified, Jesse and James leap in and scream at him to "un-lovey dovey" himself. But it gave Zorua the chance she needed, she switches back and uses Night Daze to blast Team Rocket back, and they leap into their jetpacks and beat a strategic retreat

Zorua returns to the twerps and Ash asks if she is all right, and Luke whispers that they're still rolling. Realising that the show must go on, Cilan ad-libs and declares that the Princess was Zorua all along, and Iris asks who the REAL Princess was then? Luke points at her, catching her by surprise, and she asks,"It's me?" before Cilan expositions all over the place. He claims that she knew that villains were after the treasure so she disguised Zorua as the Princess. Finally catching on, Iris agrees that she is the Princess and it looks like she's going to give Cilan that treasure he wanted after all as she grabs her dress and tears it off!

But no, it's not underage sex after all, we cut to the theatre where her dress being pulled off allows for a cut to show her in a Pretty Princess outfit of her own. Ash mumbles,"Wow, Princess Iris!", perhaps because he hasn't got a clue what the hell is actually going on. They cut to a new scene of Ash and Cilan bowing before her and saying they will protect her always, while inside the full theatre the crowd is loving every minute of this poorly put together, short and plot-hole ridden, non-union mess.

They head outside after the film, everybody pleased as punch, though Mr. Matthews notes that the battle scenes needed a bit more punch. Luke agrees, and Matthews suggests that he enter the Nimbasa Battle Tournament. Ash hears that and his eyes light up, he wants part of that! Iris says she does too, and Cilan declares he will be entrant number four. All four of them will take part (so we haven't seen the last of Luke!), and Cilan happily warns that this means they will ALL be rivals. It seems the movie is over, but the drama and blockbuster excitement is only just about to begin!

BEST QUOTES

"You sure talk like a film connoisseur! Wish I knew what you meant!" "But what about the real Princess? ....huh..... she's me?"

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