ENGLISH NAME	JAPANESE NAME	POKEMOPOLIS NAME	DODGINESS RATING	ANIMATION	STORY	TEAM ROCKET	MORAL LEARNT
676: Battling For The Love of Bug-Types!	682: Hiun Jimu Sen! Junjo Hato no Mushi Pokémon Batoru!	Third Gym BattlTEAM ROCKET IS BACK!			Ash battles for his 3rd Gym BaTEAM ROCKET IS BACK!	Oh God what boring crOH MY GOD TEAM ROCKET ARE BACK!	TEAM. FUCKING. ROCKET. IS. FUCKING. BACK.

Today finds the twerps at the Desert Resort, ready to find out what is causing th.... hang on, wait, no they're not! They're at the Castelia Gym - Ash has not only managed to avoid distractions from his next Gym Battle, he's actually instigated a massive earthquake and tsunami in Japan in order to put two episodes worth of distractions forward into the future - all so he get around to....



Jesus Christ Ash, thousands of people died you know....

Inside the Gym is like a massive greenhouse full of bushes and trees transplanted from the Pinwheel Forest. Burgh believes it benefits his Bug-Type Pokémon, and with a snap of his fingers he causes the battlefield to rise up out of the ground - enough with the distractions, it’s time to battle!

A curly forelocked young man announced the rules of the battle, its three Pokémon per side and... that's it! Burgh calls out his first Pokémon, a Dwebble, and Iris notes that it has a different type of rock on its back to Cilan's. Ash's first Pokémon is Tepig, and Iris happily notes that it is a pretty smart move for Ash (meaning a no-brainer for everybody else). Tepig opens with Tackle but Dwebble dodges, then Digs to avoid a second attack before leaping up from behind and scoring a Tackle of its own, then a fast X-Scissor to follow up. Burgh explains that the rock on Dwebble's back is lighter than normal which allows it to move faster than is expect, so Ash decides to retort by setting Dwebble on fire and burning it alive inside of its shell like it was a nuclear facility in Japan.

Jesus Christ Ash, people got incredibly sick and will die horrible deaths!

Dwebble uses Protect though, then hits another X-Scissor on Tepig.... but this time Tepig is able score a hit back with Tackle and send Dwebble staggering back. Ash decides to end things with one hit (but Ash so far you've only managed to score one hit!) and has Tepig use Flame Charge.... but it can't penetrate Dwebble's Protect and is sent crashing back before Dwebble uses Rock Wrecker to toss a huge rock right into Tepig's face and knock it out - Ash is one down!

Cilan notes that Rock Wrecker was used in close proximity which is unusual, and Iris wonders if he purposefully lured Ash in to knock him out. Cilan says this is Burgh's style, and they wonder what Pokémon Ash will use next - it'll need to be effective against Dwebble, so it will either be Oshawott with its Water Attacks or Pikachu with its Iron Tail.

Ash chooses... Sewaddle.



Oh Ash.

Iris despairs, that's a rather "bold" choice (by which she means "stupid"), while Cilan notes it's the familiar scent of an Ash style choice (by which HE means "stupid"). Burgh recognises Sewaddle as the one that Ash caught in the Pinwheel Forest, and remembers that his own Pokémon made its new clothes - and while it will be a shame to destroy them, this IS a Gym Battle and he won't pull punches.

Iris is concerned that Burgh has an advantage since he has seen Sewaddle before, but Cilan notes that he never actually got to see it battle. Ash opens with Razor Leaf, Dwebble using Protect again and then coming in with X-Scissor... but Sewaddle avoids the attack with String Shot, swinging out of the way. Burgh is impressed, but when Sewaddle tries to use Bug Bite Dwebble once again uses Protect to escape damage. It tries Rock Wrecker but Sewaddle dodges with String Shot, but its follow up attack again hits the brick wall that is Protect. Dwebble tries another Rock Wrecker but Sewaddle uses String Shot to wrap it up and hoist it out of the way, then hits Dwebble with tackle as it tries to use X-Scissor, knocking it clear out of its rock-shell. Dwebble is fucked now, as it is hit with Razor Leaf, then tackle, then another Razor Leaf to knock Dwebble out - naked, unconscious and hurting like a drunken sorority girl.

Jesus Christ Ash, those women are scarred for life!

It's 1-1, and Ash has impressed Burgh, who calls out his next Pokémon, Whirlipede, and it... oh God it's like some kind of horrific undersea monstrosity exposed to the open air due to some kind of natural disaster like a tsunami or something.

For fuck's sake Ash, it's cost the country billions of dollars!

Ash checks it out with his Pokédex and learns it is the evolved form of Venipede and is a fucking spinning armoured death machine. Cilan and Iris try to figure out what Pokémon would be best for Ash to use - a Flying Type would be best but Ash already sent Tranquil to Professor Juniper's lab in return for Sewaddle. A Fire Type would be good, but Ash's Tepig is already knocked out - so what is Ash to do? Luckily for Ash, he's both a far better battler than either Iris or Cilan AND he's dumb as a back full of rocks so he's not concerned about the bad situation he is in. He tells Sewaddle to stay in and fight, and it uses Stringshot again to avoid the whirling Poison Sting laser blasts coming from Whirlipede. It uses Stringshot again to wrap Whirlipede up, but it spins to break free and then steamrolls through Sewaddle with a move called... Steamroller!

Burgh has Whirlipede use it again, blasting right through Razor Leaf and knocking Sewaddle down. It struggles to get back up as Burgh moans about Whirlipede's pure heart, and tries a Bug Bite - but Whirlipede uses Iron Defence to block the attack and give Sewaddle a headache... and Ash one as well as he sweats and tries to figure a way through Whirlipede's insurmountable defence.

Another Steamroller knocks Sewaddle down, and Burgh decides to finish things with a Solar Beam and Ash... just sits there and watches it take in energy for the attack and then blast Sewaddle right in the face and.... it evolves! It evolves from a cute caterpillar monkey into.... A NECKBEARD!



Oh Jesus God no look at that horrible fucking thing!

It has evolved into Swadloon, a fat chinned grumpy looking thing that should be wearing a fedora and jorts with a replica katana on its back. Ash is delighted to see his baby monkeypillar turn into a fat sack of shit though, and Burgh is ecstatic too, saying that finding a Swadloon in the forest is a sign of the quality of the trees - but this is STILL a Gym Battle!

Ash orders a Stringshot but Whirlipede again breaks free, and comes forward with Steamroller, leaping up to cut through Swadloon's Stringshot-attempted dodge. It zips forward, but Ash tells it to show off its new power with an Energy Ball, which crashes into the steamrolling Whirlipede and sends it crashing down, shocking Burgh. Iris is delighted to learn it knows Energy Ball (and Ash knew! He's been doing his homework!), and Cilan notes it's a new recipe. Ash sends in Swadloon with Tackle and hits Whirlipede square on and... knocks it out!

Burgh's Pokémon can protect from attacks pretty well, but they sure as hell have glass jaws!

Burgh calls out his last Pokémon, and it's a surprise to nobody but Cilan that he goes for Leavanny.

MEANWHILE! Team Rocket are irritated at the delay to their long-awaited double episode spectacular. Standing in a shed down on the docks, Jesse is on the line demanding to know where the hell Giovanni is, his PA telling them that he's in an important meeting. James complains that he was in a meeting YESTERDAY too, and she explains that he IS a very busy man. So what is their next mission supposed to be? She tells them Giovanni asked her to tell them it was up to THEM to decide on their next mission, and whatever it is, they need to do their best. Hanging up on them, Team Rocket are left standing nonplussed and confused... and also lit differently to normal. Their voices have changed too, less dramatic and more plaintive and confused, not knowing what to do until Meowth comes up with an idea, a brilliant idea... they'll catch Pikachu!

"Challenging questions indeed!" says Jesse as a spotlight falls onto them.
"The answer to come, as we feel the need!" adds James.... hang on, this is the motto! And then... their clothes are thrown clear! Roses shatter!
"Bringing the blinding white light of evil into the future!"
"Thrusting the hammer of justice onto the blackness of the universe!"
"And carving our names into da rock of eternity!"
"The fiery destroyer, I am Jesse!" cries Jesse and... and... SHE'S IN THE WHITE UNIFORM!?!?!
"And... with thunderous emotion, I am James!" yells James, gritting a blue rose in his teeth and HE'S IN HIS WHITE UNIFORM TOO!
"Wisest of the wise, I am Meowth!"
"And as always," they say together,"We gather under the name of Team Rocket!"

HOLY FUCK TEAM ROCKET..... ARE THEY.... ARE THEY BACK!?! ARE TEAM ROCKET BACK!?!?!

Jesse gasps that they'll finally capture Pikachu for the Boss and gift it to the Boss, and they all cheer and shout it's Team Rocket for the win in unison! As they giggle over their fantastical, nonsensical insanity.... a Yamask floats up to their case of gadgets and takes a peek. They decide capturing the lost soul of a dead human would be a good start and Jesse calls out her Woobat to fight it... till James realises it might just be hungry and happily offers it food instead of being overly dramatic and boring and typically villainish. It eats till its ghostly stomach is full and it is lying on its back happily, and James asks if it would like to join their team, then captures it in a Pokéball! Team Rocket ARE back, back to their crazy schemes and their white costumes and on the road to being interesting again! And they're off to a brilliant start by capturing the ghost of a dead human carrying around its death mask to be their new buddy!

I love you, Team Rocket, let's never fight again :)

Back at the battle (WHO CARES! MORE TEAM ROCKET! HAPPY DAYS ARE HERE AGAIN!), Ash is facing off against Leavanny with his Swadloon. Burgh once again uses Protect to prevent an easy KO of one of his Pokémon, and has Leavanny use Stringshot to wrap Swadloon up tight. Ash has it use Razor Leaf ON ITSELF to escape the Stringshot, shocking Iris who would never consider such an innovative move, but it works and Ash declares now it is time for THEM to take the offensive.

Burgh is impressed by Ash's courage and innovation, but it's no matter, because he brings out the big guns with a Leafstorm followed by a Hyper-beam, and Ash's Swadloon finally goes down - it's 2-2 and Ash has to choose his last Pokémon to face off against Burgh's Leavanny. Ash has to make his choice, and the choice is..... Oshawott!?! It jumps out of its Pokéball and smiles happily up at Ash before the Scalchop falls off of its belly and it hurriedly has to slap it back on. It peers proudly up at Ash... and Pikachu steps up beside it and looks happily up as well, and Ash chooses.... Pikachu!



Oshawott is horrified but Ash tells him he'll use him next time and recalls him to his Pokéball, then sends in Pikachu. Burgh notes that while Pikachu is a special Pokémon to see in Unova, as a Gym Leader he has made a point of knowing the strengths and weaknesses of all possible Pokémon he could face. Ash tells him that's great and all, but his Pikachu is special, and opens with a Thunderbolt and an Iron Tail.... Leavanny dodging the first and using Protect against the second. It lets rip with Leaf Storm but Pikachu blocks it with a Thunderbolt, impressing Burgh who lets out a low,"Woah".

He has Leavanny use Stringshot to wrap up Pikachu's tail and restrain one arm, affecting its balance and aim as it can't use Quick Attack to dodge or score direct shots with Thunderbolt. Ash tries to have Pikachu chew free of the Stringshot but it can't bite through with those tiny little teeth, and Burgh tells Ash he should just give up now. Ash refuses, and Burgh scowls as if upset that Ash didn't immediately capitulate. He tells Leavanny to use Leafstorm again, and Ash has Pikachu... leap up and spin INTO the attack! Nobody can understand why till Pikachu comes clear of the attack and.... Stringshot has been broken up severely. Pikachu rips clear and happily looks at its tail, and Burgh gasps that Ash's self-sacrificing attack style caught him off guard. Using Quick Attack it is able to avoid Burgh's attempts to wrap it up again with String Shot, and then intercepts the next attempt with Thunderbolt before chopping Leavanny right across the neck with Iron Tail before it can use Protect... and then just to add injury to injury, Ash has Pikachu use Electro-Ball to... well, see for yourself!



Yep, ain't nobody getting up from that!

The smoke clears and Leavanny is down and out, and the winner is Ash! Ash wins his third Gym Badge, the Insect Badge! Iris and Cilan congratulate him on his victory, and Burgh compliments him too - and Ash deserves the congratulations, that was his easiest victory so far despite Burgh's rather clever use of tactics - for once Ash wasn't hobbled by unbelievable handicapping by the writers to introduce new viewers to the concept of Gym Badges - he didn't make stupid mistakes and he innovated when necessary. That's a good sign, Ash is back on track and - more importantly than all of that - so is Team Rocket!

TEAM ROCKET IS BACK!

BEST QUOTES

"Wow, that's a pretty smart move for Ash!"

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