ENGLISH NAME	JAPANESE NAME	POKEMOPOLIS NAME	DODGINESS RATING	ANIMATION	STORY	TEAM ROCKET	MORAL LEARNT
668: The Battle According to Lenora!	674: Shippo Jimu Ikusa! Bui Esu Jimu Rida Aroe!	ASH WANTS HIS GODDAMN BATTLE!			Ash has his second Gym Battle in Unova	Did they trade in their personalities for that van?	Reading is for dumb stupid-head nerds what a bunch of dorks.

Today finds the twerps in Nacrene City, where last episode they met Lenora - the HUGE assed wife of Hawes of the Nacrene City Museum. She is also the Gym Leader for Nacrene City, and Ash has challenged her to a Gym Battle which is all he lives for and all he cares about. But Lenora is a take-charge woman, a Natural-Born Mama (this should still be her name, dammit!) and Ash is going to have to fight....



They move through what appears to be the study area/library inside the Museum seen last episode. Ash ponders where the Battlefield is, and Lenora and Hayes lead them into an area of the library generally closed off to the public. It's a part of the library reserved for rare books and study materials, Hawes bragging it's the biggest collection in the Unova Region. Cilan is delighted to see books on Pokémon Connoisseurs, and Lenora notes that Unova is where Connoisseurs got their start (because they were only invented this season!) and asks if Cilan is interested.

ASH WANTS HIS GODDAMN BATTLE!

Cilan is interested of course, telling them that he is a Connoisseur himself and is travelling with Ash (who wants his goddamn battle) to meet as many different trainers and Pokémon as possible for experience. Lenora heads up behind Ash and slaps him on the shoulder as he stares blankly about, telling Ash he'll want to study up on Unova before his battle. Ash is confused, he just wants his goddamn battle, but she insists that the only people with access to this part of the library are researchers and Gym Challengers so he better get reading, and taps one book in particular suggesting he start with that. Ash looks miserable, mumbling that he didn't come here to read but battle, and Iris whispers to him that she can think of worse things to do. Cilan slides up to tell Ash this could all be part of the Battle itself, confusing Ash further who is pretty sure that battling is when you yell and Pokémon hit stuff and blow stuff up and it's all REOOOOW AND BABOOOSH AND KABLAM AND WHAMMO!

ASH WANTS HIS GODDAMN BATTLE!

Ash, completely oblivious to subtlety, ignores that Cilan whispered all this and blurts out openly to Lenora asking her if this is a test. She just smirks, so he grimaces, sucks in his breath and then lets out a roar declaring that this is it, if he has to he will make this sacrifice, he will... HE WILL READ A BOOK!

Oh modern youth.

He heads up to the bookshelf and starts to pull the book Lenora indicated from the shelf, and suddenly everything shakes and shimmies and the bookshelf parts to reveal a stairwell leading down beneath the research room (how does anyone get any research done if a stream of 10 year old homeless children are constantly parading through screaming at books and then shaking the entire room?). Ash tremulously asks what is down there (oh God) and she tells him it is the Battle Field of course, and then reveals that Ash is actually a far more direct and successful challenger than most! She tells him that "Connoisseur Boy" was right, she HAS been testing him. It seems that 9 out of 10 of her challengers will go straight to the book on a subject that most interests them rather than noticing the book she is tapping with her finger which of course is the most direct route. They'll then "waste" their time furiously reading the books, foolishly attempting to better themselves in order to get to the Gym Battle, all while Lenora looks on with a wry grin, shaking her head at these foolish people who think that research and study are necessary for a Gym Battle just because she as Gym Leader told them that research and study were necessary for their Gym Battle.

Lenora, you.... you're a horrible person.

She also dislikes people who choose thin books they can finish quickly, so she dislikes people who listen and do as they're told, people who read too much and people who read too little, but LOVES people who don't read at all? In any case, she tells them that the way challengers respond to her demand to research tells her a lot about the individual trainer. From Ash's response, she and Hawes predict that Ash is a straight ahead, direct, what you see is what you get trainer. Iris notes that they have Ash's number, but Ash doesn't care, because ASH WANTS HIS GODDAMN BATTLE!

They head down the stairs and emerge on the Battle Field, an impressive underground chamber with a sand battle field. Ash rushes into the middle, eager to get things started, but Lenora - whose hips appear to be getting wider with each scene - tells him to calm down, he'll probably want to do some research first into what kind of Gym Leader she is and the kind of Pokémon she uses. She calls out Watchog, which still looks like a Beaver in an Edwardian Swimming Costume, and then..... a FLUFFY PUP WHO HIM SHOUT PUP-PUP!

It's a Lillipup, a fluffy faced puppy that straight up says,"Pup! Pup!", and Iris can't resist rushing over to hug it. Pikachu joins up with it as well, while Ash checks it out with his Pokédex. It rushes over to him and he picks it, giggling as it licks his face. Lenora tries to explain that she uses Normal Type because it means she can adjust to whatever her opponents bring and she doesn't have the locked in limitations of specific Types that other Gyms have. Ash isn't listening to a word though, he's too busy cuddling the pup-pup-fluffy-pup!

Iris growls at Ash to pay attention, while Cilan gushes over Lenora's confidence and willingness to show off the Pokémon she was planning to use. Lenora is pleased to hear that "Connoisseur Boy" approves, and asks Hawes to explain the rules of the battle. It'll be a 2 on 2 battle, and the battle ends when BOTH Pokémon on one side are unable to battle.... however substitutions can be made at any time during the battle.

Wait a second, what? So it's.... one on one? Apparently so, the whole 2 on 2 thing suggested that Ash would have to battle with two Pokémon at once, but instead he'll be facing off first against Lillipup, though substitutions can be made at any time. So it's exactly identical to any other Gym Battle, only the Gym Leader is able to substitute as well?

Hawes you're terrible at explaining rules!

Lenora will be starting with Lillipup, and Ash tells it happily that he hopes it is nice to him. He decides which Pokémon he will use, and asks Cilan and Iris to watch Pikachu for him, while Lenora recalls Watchog.

The battle begins (at last!), and Lenora sends Lillipup in. It's happily pupping it up as he stumbles onto the field... and then goes over all hardcore, growling and snapping furiously at Ash. Iris is surprised, Cilan noting that now it is in Battle Mode, and Ash sends out Tepig. He tries to open with Ember, but Lillipup immediately uses Roar and.... Tepig is forced back into its Pokéball which then forces out Ash's second choice, Oshawott!



The little Clown-Otter is even more surprised than Ash, whose entire strategy has now been completely opened up to Lenora and prevented him from a last second change of mind over which Pokémon to use second. Ash is left utterly perplexed, and Lenora explains to Ash what Roar does since it's obvious it has never been used against him.

Nah, he's just really, really stupid.

She recalls Lillipup and sends out Watchog, and Ash tries to recall Oshawott.... but Watchog uses Mean Look and Oshawott finds itself surrounded by A THOUSAND EYES and covered in purple energy. Ash - so stupid he not only doesn't know Unova region moves but has forgotten KANTO region moves - can't figure out why Oshawott won't return, and Lenora explains what has happened.

It's almost like Ash was some kind of proxy for new players of the Pokémon videogames!

Ash is furiously thinking how to react to all this, his strategy was to put HER off-balance and finish things quickly, but now he's in that position. Lenora tells him it is easy to see that he's off-balance and Cilan notes to Iris that she is really testing Ash. Lenora tells him to move on, Oshawott has no choice to battle, and Ash quickly gets over his concerns as the sweet panacea of BATTLE overtakes him. He tells Oshawott that its turn just came a little early, and it grumps its own name back at him, obviously not at all pleased about being forced into a fight that it can NOT back out of. He has it use Water Gun, and it rather lackadaisically blasts some water at Watchog which easily dodges and sweeps the leg, horrifying the other members of Cobra Kai.

Oshawott gets back up and it’s pissed off at being made to look foolish, and Lenora is delighted with it and Ash's fighting spirit. It deflects Thunder Bolt with its Scalchop, and poses bravely as an impressed Lenora notes that she is surprised to discover a Water Type was able to protect itself from an Electric Attack.

Oshawott.... Oshawott is one of the starting Pokémon for you region, Lenora, how do you NOT know that? Maybe you should READ A FUCKING BOOK!?!

Oshawott rushes in to attack, and Watchog tries a Low Kick, but Ash was waiting for that. It jumps up and over Watchog, then blasts Water Gun directly into Watchog and knocks it back. Ash has it keep up the attack with a Razor Shell, but Watchog is able to use breakdancing skills to spin around and block the attack with its tail. Oshawott falls back, its Scalchop falling to the ground behind it, and Lenora knows this is the time to let rip with Thunderbolt... and Oshawott is down and out! Ash is down to Tepig!

Iris is sad, she thought that things were going well with Water Gun but Cilan doesn't agree, saying that Ash did okay but Lenora was on top the entire time and never really lost the upper hand. Ash sends out Tepig, having it use Tackle... but Lillipup is fast and zips aside with a quick bark, then blasts Tepig with Shadowball. Tepig gets blasted, then tries to come back with Ember.... but it has zero effect on Lillipup which pushes through with Take Down, seemingly completely unaffected and crashes into Tepig and.... knocks it out! Ash loses! 2-0!



Bu... but Ash.... his damn.... battle......

He steps up beside a miserable Tepig and tells it that it did a great job, but it knows this is bullshit and is suitably miserable about it. He tells it not to be so sad and says it was his fault they lost, he's a weak trainer. It's hard to argue when he doesn't fucking know what Roar and Mean Look do. He stands up and thanks Lenora for letting him battle, and she tells him she likes his attitude and he can come challenge her anytime.

As the sun is setting, Ash sits inside the Pokémon Center with his Pokémon egg on his lap. Iris is concerned, Ash isn't acting like his normally boisterous self, he seems depressed and introspective. He tells her that it's hard not to be, he did such a bad job, and she and Cilan offer all kinds of useful advice like,"Be better!" and,"Don't lose!" while he sits there gritting his teeth and finally can't take anymore. Throwing a tantrum, he flails his limbs about and tells them he KNOWS that, he's not done by a long shot! Now he knows her battle style, so losing won't count for nothing, he has a baseline to work with now.

Nurse Joy brings Tepig and Oshawott in on a stretcher looking fired up and ready to rumble. Ash is pleased, and Joy suggests that if he is looking for some special training then maybe the Battle Club would be the place to go. Ash takes a second to remember what the fuck the Battle Club is, then agrees that this is a good idea, and Joy tells him that Don George would probably be happy to offer some tips on how to deal with Lenora.

That night a crappy van is parked outside of the Nacrene City Museum. In the front seat, James is patched into the Museum's security systems, having easily bypassed Hawes' useless system. Inside, Jesse and Meowth are waiting for the word, and James gives them twenty seconds with all the systems/laser tripwires etc down. They wheel the steel case given to them earlier forward, rushing ahead and leaping through the air, pulling the case off of the piece of meteorite, grabbing the meteorite, dropping the decoy piece in, replacing the case and landing on the other side of the room as the case comes to a rest beside them. They put the real piece of meteorite away, head outside and join James, and then drive away in the crappy van which isn't shaped like a Pokémon at all and has absolutely no charm, character or personality. Unfortunately, that means it's currently a perfect fit for them.

The next day, the twerps arrive at the Battle Club where Ash explains his humiliating asskicking at Lenora's hands. Don George is somewhat sympathetic, Lenora has been using these tactics for a long time and they're very effective, but he has just the training regime for Ash to surpass her. Ash is eager, and with fire in his eyes and drama in his voice, Don George warns him that this is not for the faint of heart. His Battle Club apparently has drama built into the walls, because when he opens the door to take them to their training, the whole place seems to shake. What is on the other side of the doors? What does Ash's training entail? How long till he gets his GODDAMN GYM BATTLE again? Tune in next week to find out the answer to some of these questions, because this is....

BEST QUOTES

"I can think of worse things to do than read...."

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