657: The Battle Club and Tepig's Choice!
Dodgy Synopsis
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663: Batoru Kurabu! Nazo no Pokémon Arawaru!
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Yes, Striaton is the next city over, and Iris smugly notes that he'd know that if he wasn't a kid (or come from an entirely different country!). He's depressed, he wanted a battle, and so she asks him why he doesn't just go to the Battle Club? He has no idea what that is, so Iris takes him to what is essentially Ash's idea of heaven - a huge center where you can enter your profile and Pokémon into a database that allows you to pick and choose from a gigantic range of opponents to battle against whenever the hell you want. Oh God, Ash will be stuck there forever, he'll never leave....
....you know these almost literal translations make it difficult to make "witty" segues....
Iris leads him in to where a battle is occurring between Servine and Dewott, the evolved forms of Snivy and Oshawott. Servine gets its ass kicked, and a huge, grizzled looking dude with an AMAZING walrus moustache declares the battle over and tells Servine's horrified trainer to go get it healed. He rushes off, leaving the grizzled man to introduce himself to Ash and Iris - his name is Don George (He's so grizzled he gets TWO names!) and he's the Battle Manager. Iris tries to introduce Ash who talks over her, making a happy proclamation of wanting to challenge at Striaton Gym, which Don George ignores to goggle over Pikachu instead.
Dewott's trainer comes over to goggle over Pikachu too, and asks Ash if he wants to battle. Ash couldn't be happier, and prepares to face off while Iris wonders if the boy will use another Water Pokémon like Dewott. Ash gets ready to go, but before he can, Oshawott leaps joyfully out of its Pokeball and drums its chest. Ash asks what it is doing and it happily insists that it wants to fight, and when Pikachu tries to push it aside it slaps it over onto its face. The other trainer calls out Dewott, and a suddenly startled Oshawott turns and helpfully turns Pikachu around so it is facing Dewott, then waits patiently to watch them fight. A bemused Ash recalls the Pokémon and prepares to actually get the fight going properly, watched from the seats by Iris and another unnamed girl.
Pikachu opens with Thunderbolt, dodged by Dewott which is fast... but not fast enough to block an Iron Tail. Pikachu zooms in with Volt Tackle but once again Dewott dodges, and Pikachu smashes straight into the wall, then takes a shot of Razor Shell from Dewott.
Meanwhile, Team Rocket are sneaking around the back of the Battle Center, looking to replenish their supplies. They move into a storage shed and are surprised to see no security systems about, but then a small, black shadowy form zips by them and triggers the alarm, a siren blaring while a security camera turns to focus on them. They cheese it, while inside the Center the battle is called off due to the alarm as Don George is informed by three of his assistants that something is in the storage room - probably the "mystery Pokémon".
Well that's all Ash needs to hear, a mystery!?! He and Iris follow Don George and they find that not much is missing, so they head into the security room to review the security camera footage. Don George explains a lot of food has been stolen recently from the Storage room and there have been sightings of a "mystery Pokémon", and Ash excitedly gasps that if it's a new one, he wants to catch it! Iris is exasperated by what a kid he is, but Don George admits that it is pretty exciting to know there are new Pokémon out there to catch. They review the footage, seeing the quick black shadow of the mystery Pokémon... and then Team Rocket. Ash recognises them (one of the few people he probably does!) and explains they're bad guys who steal people's Pokémon. Don George wants to see a replay of the footage though, pointing out the mysterious shadowy Pokémon. Ash uses his Pokedex to try and find a likely Pokémon it could be, and the closest he can find is Umbreon! Don George is surprised, Umbreon don't usually live in the Unova Region, so if they were to find one then it would be a real find. They head outside and begin searching (or rather, poking about in bushes in a lacklustre fashion), overheard by Team Rocket who are surprised to hear that the focus of the search isn't them, but an Umbreon. This means they can take the opportunity to restock, and Jesse suggests they provide a further distraction and pulls out a can of paint - telling Meowth that "Umbreon" is going to lead everyone even further away. Meowth thinks it's a great idea.... until he slowly realises exactly what she intends.
As Don George and his men search, a depressed Meowth disguised (horribly!) as an Umbreon knocks on the wall and gets their attention, then rushes away as they chase after it. Meanwhile, Ash and Iris are laying down plates of Pokémon food to attract the Umbreon and catch it. Iris suggests that they split up, belatedly telling Ash she intends to catch it if she finds it. Oshawott pops out of its Pokeball to have a look around, and happily tells Ash that it'll help out, so he leaves it and Pikachu to guard the storage room while he goes to get more Pokémon food. Oshawott happily stumbles inside and has a bite of the Pokémon food, and is delighted by the taste and begins shovelling it into its mouth ala Garfield with lasagne. Pikachu tries to restrain it and it slaps it away, Pikachu hitting a box that knocks a series of boxes down onto its head, and then a large pan.
Ahhh, Pikachu and painful physical comedy, how French!
Pikachu falls backwards unconscious, a large box landing on top of it and obscuring it from view. Oshawott looks around confused, can't see Pikachu, figures the hell with it and goes back to eating. We're then treated to a WHO'S THAT POKEMON!?!, with a black shadowy figure that can only possibly be... Umbreon! Why that's clever, that's the very Pokémon they're currently looking for an-WAIT A MINUTE! IT WAS ACTUALLY TEPIG!?! Man, what a missed opportunity to make it Umbreon, they sure are going to feel silly about THAT missed chance to tie in to the episode!
Ash hides in the bushes waiting for Umbreon to emerge, and then sees a shadowy figure approaching the food. He steps up with a Pokeball to catch it, and sees.... a sooty, skinny, ill and very depressed looking Tepig!
According to the Pokedex, Tepig's usually sneeze fire (him is sneezey Pokémon yay!) but when they are ill, they sneeze smoke. Seeing how sooty and skinny the normally fat little Pokémon is, Ash sees why they thought it was Umbreon. It goes back to eating, grumpily trying to push a rope off of its snout that is making it difficult for it to eat. Ash tries to approach it and it becomes alarmed, even more so when Iris comes walking around the corner obliviously braying out Ash's name asking him what is up. It rushes off, Ash running after and telling Iris that he figured out who the mystery Pokémon is. They chase the frantic little Tepig into a blind alley, Ash telling it not to be scared and picking it up as it flails about in a panic. He tells it not to be concerned, and it sneezes a blast of soot right into his face. He smiles, he's had far worse from Pokémon in the past, and settles it down into lap and begins working at the rope around its snout as Iris watches, a little taken aback by just how well Ash is handling things.
Soon they have the rope off and are feeding the hungry little Tepig, which gobbles down the food eagerly. Iris continues to be somewhat dazzled by Ash, maybe he isn't as much of a kid as she thought?
But you know who IS a kid? Big grizzled Don George and his tough Battle Club assistants! Having cornered Umbreowth in another of the blind alleys that apparently make up Acumula Town, they burst into tears at the sheer honour of being the first in Unova to catch a wild Umbreon. Meowth sighs, feeling like a real heel, and makes things much worse but walking up and chatting to them! He explains that he's not an Umbreon, and wipes away his charm to reveal he is "Just" a Meowth - just a talking Meowth is all! He walks past Don George and the others, who drops to his knees bemoaning that he thought he'd found an Umbreon but it only turned out to be a talking Meowth. One of the assistants points out that a talking Meowth really is quite rare itself (probably one of the rarest Pokémon in the world!) and Don George turns to see Meowth rushing away, and bursts into tears once more, quickly joined by his manly assistants.
Inside the storage shed, Oshawott is passed out with a full belly and Pikachu is hidden under a box. Jesse and James show up, having cut the alarm system wires, and discover a bunch of empty boxes and Pokémon food. It's useless, till James lifts one box and discovers... Pikachu! He stumbles back in surprise (and Oshawott wakes up), and can't understand how this happened, but Jesse doesn't care, the Boss will be delighted with them if they present him with Pikachu!
Ash and Iris walk back towards the Battle Club, a newly fattened Tepig sleeping contentedly wrapped over Ash's shoulder. They encounter Don George and his Assistants and learn that Umbreon was a hoax, and Ash explains the mystery Pokémon was actually a Tepig. He shows Don George the rope that was wrapped around its snout, and Don George provides an explanation - once some time ago a trainer came to the club with Tepig and fought a battle that Tepig lost. Complaining that he didn't have any time for a weak Pokémon, he tied Tepig up to a stump and walked away. Don George tried to free it, but it broke free and rushed off in a panic trying to get back to its beloved asshole of a trainer, the rope wrapping around its snout as it went.
Ash can't believe somebody would ever do something so horrible, and Iris angrily insists that if she ever finds that trainer she'll teach him a lesson he'll never forget. Tepig wakes up with a start, and they apologise for waking it up, then turn to see Team Rocket casually strolling past in the distance. Ash demands to know what they're up to and they grumpily dismiss him and his assumptions and continue walking off (and fair enough too, the twerps aren't aware of anything bad they've actually done!). But then Oshawott comes running up, frantically pointing after them, confusing Ash. As Jesse continues walking (and for some reason, today her skirt is cut in a V down over her crotch.... God bless her for it and all, but WHY!?!), a muffled,"Pi? PIKA-PI!" emerges from the sack. Ash is startled, who's that voice? Pikachu!?!
"We'll answer you when... we feel the need!"
"Bringing the white light of evil into the future," notes Jesse, apparently tugging on her skirt to keep her ass from showing.
"Thrusting the hammer of justice onto the black darkness of the universe," notes James, enjoying some... wine!?!
"CARVING OUR NAMES IN DA ROCK OF ETERNITY!" adds Meowth, leaping down from a building.
"The fiery destroyer, Jesse."
"And with thunderous emotion, I'm James."
"Wisest of the wise, I'm Meowth!"
"Now gather," they say together,"Under the name of Team Rocket!"
One of the assistants notes with surprise it's that talking Meowth from earlier, and Don George realises that it is one of the bad guys. Ash demands Pikachu back, and Team Rocket do a REALLY villainous thing by declaring that since they found Pikachu "abandoned" underneath a box, they're saving it from harm from a trainer who is the lowest of the low! Ash isn't biting on the bait though, he'll let his Pokémon beating them up do his talking for him! He has Oshawott use Water Gun, but Meowth grabs a device out of their Mission Starter Kit and.... wow! They create a disc beneath them and are surrounded by a dome forcefield that protects them from the attack, and begin to float away to safety. Ash chases after and trips on the puddle of water left behind by the Water Gun, crashing to the ground but managing to keep Tepig from taking any damage. It jumps clear and nods at Ash, who realises it wants to help, so he has it use Ember and.... holy fuck! A massive explosion blasts the protective dome apart and the sack holding Pikachu is thrown clear. Pikachu falls out of it and Ash rushes and skids to catch it, saving it from breaking its neck while Team Rocket are sent blasting off aga-WAIT! No, they go hand-gliding freely off into the distance instead, surviving the attack and making a getaway!
Ash thanks Tepig and Iris tells it that it really is quite a cute Pokémon, hunkering down and grabbing it by the cheeks, squeezing them happily and telling it that it’s so pudgy wudgy! Also, she wants to catch it! It shakes its head and turns about to look at Ash, wagging its little wiggly tail happily as Iris sighs (what did she expect, she has had NOTHING to do with it but sit back and watch Ash look after it! What a kid!) and Don George laughs uproariously at the little girl's heartbreak, probably to mask his own earlier depression.
Ash takes out his Pokeball and captures the willing little sneezey-pig, cheering along with Oshawott and Pikachu to have a new friend to help challenge at the Gym. But then he ponders what Team Rocket said about the box and asks Pikachu what it was doing there, and as it frantically tries to explain that Oshawott is a little goddamn jerk, Ash just stares completely confused as to what the fuck it is trying to say, while Oshawott just shrugs... and perhaps thanks its lucky stars.
But that's not where the episode ends, Gentle Dodgers, as Team Rocket reports in to Giovanni. He has a new mission for them in Striaton City, they will report as soon as they arrive.... there's an area that needs exploration.
What does he have in mind? Will it impact on Ash's Gym Battle? We'll have to wait to find out, because this story is....
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