438: Curbing The Crimson Tide!
Dodgy Synopsis
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442: Matenro no Akai Inazuma!
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Today's episode opens in a forbidding alleyway with high buildings overhead, and three kids stare at a weird robed figure who looks like a Scizor with a red lightning scar down its face and a dramatic looking cape.... but it speaks like a human! Two of the kids want to run, but their alpha male leader demands they stand and fight the mysterious "Red Lightning", and sends out his Poliwag to fight. Poliwag tries to blast Red Lightning with a water attack, but it zooms out of the way at astonishing speed and then blasts Hyperbeam from a claw and knocks Poliwag instantly out. Then it..... leaps on top of Poliwag and begins to... uhhh.... do "something" to it, something that looks decidedly illegal! But as the kids rush up, Red Lightning leaps away with a laugh, and the kids look down to see Poliwag lying unconscious with scribbles all over its face.
Well, that was interesting.... one can only assume Ash will be....
Get the tampon jokes out of the way now, Kids.
By a remarkable coincidence, that same city is the very one that the twerps are heading into right now! It's Commerce City, filled with tall buildings and freeways and crack and all sorts of other wonderful things, including a Pokémon Centre and a mall! May heads off to do some shopping, and the boys head into the Pokémon Centre where Brock....
Well yeah, after Max pulls him away, the kid from earlier runs in with Poliwag, telling Nurse Joy it was Red Lightning. Joy explains to the twerps that Red Lightning is a mysterious talking Pokémon that has been beating up on other Pokémon in the city. Ash wonders how they know the masked, caped figure is actually a Pokémon and they explain they have seen it using Hyperbeam before molesting its victims. Another victim brings in his Pokémon and Joy says that this sick rapist is just getting worse and worse, and someone needs to take this sick son of a bitch down but dammit Morgan Freeman is three days away from retirement and just bought a new boat!
Three janitors eavesdrop on this and figure getting hold of this mysterious molesting Pokémon might be just the best thing for them. Why would janitors be interested in a talking, molesting Pokémon? Well there aren't any ordinary janitors!
Meanwhile, May is sitting the park feeding her Pokémon, but Munchlax gets angry when it isn't fed straight away. To calm it down, May offers Munchlax her "pink surprise" since Brock isn't around to get suicidally jealous, then continues reading up on the shopping opportunities in the city. She's excited to read about Fifth Avenue, which you can shop at from one end to the other, that's her kind of street to walk, though she might need to walk the streets to pay for it! She returns her Pokémon to their balls... but where is Squirtle? Why chasing a Butterfree and looking at flowers, it seems, though the Butterfree is suddenly blown away by a rough wind, a rough wind sent by.... Red Lightning!
The mysterious molester wants to get its hands on May (nothing new there then) and demands a battle with her. She asks it where its Pokémon is (because no other human trainer ever shows up with their Pokémon hidden away in Pokeballs apparently) and it tells her that IT is the Pokémon, then leaps into the air and blasts Hyperbeam at Squirtle. The little Pokémon dodges and uses Water Gun, but Red Lightning dodges it easily. One of its differently coloured eyes appears t, then dodges again as May mutters that it may be a jerk, but it's fast as well. One of Red Lightning's eyes are a different colour than the other, and the reason for this appears to be because it has a targeting system installed! Is it a Pokémon or a human or a Terminator? Is it here to stop Brock getting laid (redundant mission, really)? Or just to molest historic booty? Seemingly the latter, as it blasts Squirtle, leaps onto it and molests it a little, then jumps away saying it likes to sign its work. May picks up Squirtle, horrified to see her violated Pokémon has been scribbled all over.
In the Pokémon Centre, everyone is looking at their victimised Pokémon, the twerps trying to figure out how to help. May rushes in with Squirtle, and Brock tells her she doesn't look so good (same time every month too!). She explains what happens and how she needs the attention of a licensed medical physician in order to wipe the marker lines off of her baby turtle's face. The twerps explain what is going on and give Squirtle to Nurse Joy before heading outside to try and find Red Lightning. They hear a scream and rush into an alleyway where they discover a molested Chansey, Red Lightning standing on a fence above it. Ash demands to know what it is doing, the molester mocking him by saying it does what it feels like. Ash is more than eager to accept the challenge though, and sends in Pikachu with Quick Attack, which Red Lightning dodges. Pikachu tries Thunderbolt, but Red Lightning dodges and uses Hyperbeam which Pikachu dodges in turn with Quick Attack, and then.... A NET!
"Prepare for trouble, you're coming with us!"
"So pack up that cape and don't make a fuss!"
"An evil as old as the galaxy!"
"Sent here to fulfil our destiny!"
"Meowth dat's me!"
"To denounce the evils of truth and love!"
"To extend our reach to the stars above!"
"Jesse!"
"And it's James!"
"Please, add Meowth to da names!"
"Whenever there’s peace in the universe!"
"Team Rocket!"
"Will be dere!"
"To make everything worse!" they finish together.
"WOBBBBBB-UFFET!"
Yes Team Rocket have arrived in their Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloon. Ash is furious with their interruption, but Team Rocket tell him he has to take a back seat while they concentrate on Red Lightning, James noting it's impossible to ignore a superhero with a red cape (and now you know his fetish, Gentle Dodgers!). Meowth fires another net which again misses as Red Lightning bounces off their balloon and into the rooftops, and before Team Rocket can follow... the twerps jump into the basket and suggest they work together!
Take orders from a twerp? James and Meowth hate the idea, but Jesse can see the mutual benefit and they set off after the mysterious molesting Pokémon. She soon regrets it though as Ash demands they go faster and James and Meowth have to remind her that it was HER who "buttered this rotten piece of bread in the first place!".
Red Lightning lands on a rooftop garden high above the city where a young girl is waiting for him, holding a laptop. She smiles when she sees the monster, then freaks as she spots the balloon and the twerps leaping out of it. She hits a button on her laptop and..... a tree rocket blasts out of the garden and hits the Balloon, sending Team Rocket blasting off again!
Ahh well, at least they showed us their good side
The twerps - not giving a damn that Team Rocket just got blasted out of the sky - spot Red Lightning standing with the girl and wonder who she is and why she looks so sad. She notices them and roars at them for trespassing on her property, and they're taken back enough to apologise before remembering the monstrous molester that lead them here. They ask if she knows it and when she laughs off its molestation spree through the city Ash gets upset. A dignified gent steps into frame and quite properly asks "Miss Luna" if they have guests? She says they were uninvited but Max tattles that she and Red Lightning have been causing lots of trouble, and the Butler says that Mother and Father will be most upset.... and Miss Luna laughs it off and says she doesn't care! This shocks May, of course, who loves her Daddy..... loves him ALOT!)
Luna changes tack immediately by asking Ash if he wants to fight, and Ash forgets everything else immediately, eagerly agreeing to a fight. He sends in Pikachu which dodges an immediate Hyperbeam with Quick Attack, then uses Thunderbolt. Red Lightning uses Swift to stop the Thunderbolt, which blasts Pikachu back but also knocks off Red Lightning's costume, revealing it to be a Scizor (well.... yeah) with a mini-camera and speakers attached... Red Lightning's voice was actually Miss Luna's!
Scizor leaps off of the high-rise building and Pikachu has to scrabble to a stop as, impossibly, Scizor floats in the air as if it was flying. Luna laughs that Scizor is one of a kind, but Ash is prepared to deal with an unorthodox Pokémon, and calls in Pikachu and sends out Sceptile, which quickly skittles along the side of the building after the flying Scizor.
Sceptile dodges Hyperbeam but gets caught in a crosswind and hit by a Hyperbeam, and Brock realises Scizor is using the crosswinds to "fly". Scizor moves in close and tries Hyperbeam, but Ash has already adapted to the odd technique and tells Sceptile to ride the wind. It leaps into the air and gets caught in the crosswind, and we have a "flying" Sceptile! It flies after Scizor and uses Leaf Blade, smacking Scizor which falls towards the ground. Luna is shocked that her Pokémon was beaten AND is about to die, but luckily for her Sceptile is around to - as always - save the day!
But Luna is apparently pissed off at Ash for saving Scizor's life, saying he had no right. The Butler steps in to admonish her for such bad social grace, telling her that this mischief has to stop. May takes note of the mention of Luna being lonely and asks what that means, and the Butler explains that Luna's parents are inventors and she has the knack too, and their work has them constantly away from home, leaving Luna to her own devices. She has raised a Scyther into a Scizor, but due to her boredom has used that Scizor to hurt other people.
May approaches Luna and Brock holds back Max when he tries to stop his sister, May explaining that they're on a journey in which she herself takes part in contests, but even she feels lonely sometimes too and understands how Luna feels. Then, in typical Pokémon fashion, she decides to answer to all of their problems is to have their semi-sentient animals batter the shit out of each other for their amusement. She offers Luna a chance to take part in a proper Pokémon battle, which the little girl accepts.
Brock officiates as Squirtle once more faces off against the Scizor that violated it. It uses Withdrawal to protect itself from Swift, then uses Water Gun which Scizor dodges. Scizor lands in the puddle of water left over from the Water Gun, and May takes the opportunity by having Squirtle use Ice Beam. Scizor dodges, but when it lands the pool of water has become ice, and Scizor slips and crashes into the ground. Squirtle uses Rapid Spin along the ice, speeding up before leaping into the air as Scizor tries to dodge and smacking it right in the face, gaining revenge for its earlier violation and winning the fight!
Surprisingly, Luna apparently enjoyed taking a beating (it almost made her forget about the hole in her soul left by negligent parents!) and says she is so happy to have battled and now she won't cause trouble anymore and she has learnt her lesson ma'am and she won't cause no troubles no more.
Uhhhh.. but she was already battling! All throughout town, beating up on other Pokémon. What happens when she gets bored again?
The Butler, quite properly, is only interested in protecting his Master's good name and plays along with Luna's "redemption", changing the subject by telling May there is a Pokémon Contest coming up in Gardenia Town, just past the city. May is very interested to hear that, and the Butler says he and Luna can't wait to hear about her success.
So the twerps leave, presumably leaving the cityfolk and their abused Pokémon none the wiser and Luna unpunished for her hideous crimes. But hey, she's rich, and she has a great view of the city to boot! Who the hell cares about the people on the streets below, they look like ants... hell, THEY ARE ANTS!
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 "It's impossible to ignore a superhero sporting a red cape!" |
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