436: Ka Boom With A View!
Dodgy Synopsis
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440: Gekito! Batoru Paresu de Janguru Batoru!
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Today finds Ash ready to go for his fifth Frontier Symbol at the Battle Palace against... Buddha himself! Well, okay not Buddha himself, but a very Buddha-like Palace Maven/Frontier Brain named Spencer. It will be a battle where both trainers will have three Pokémon to choose from, but only Ash will be allowed to exchange Pokémon. But this is going to be no normal battle for Ash, today he is going to find an explosive battle across a huge area, it's going to be a....
Spencer and Scott greet Ash and, being a hippy, Spencer suggests they don't waste the lovely day on an inside battle but rather go outside. The twerps are confused, go out for a battle? Scott explains that the Battle Palace incorporates an arena that takes up a large amount of space. How much space?
THIS MUCH!
Yes the field includes forest, mountains, jungle and ocean and is the same size as a city. May, Max and Brock are shown it all from a hot air balloon by Scott, and Brock wants to know how the hell anyone can keep track of a match in such a large area. This is where Jamiro comes in, as Scott introduces them to a Pokeball shaped hovering robot that acts as a scout/camera/judge. Jamiro will track Spencer and Ash throughout the battle and call the results as they come, and the twerps and Scott can keep track by floating overhead AND watching a television that Jamiro is broadcasting to. Of course in such a large battlefield, anything can happen, and that's just what Team Rocket is counting on as they decide to head out and lay down a series of traps.
Down on a flattened peak at the centre of the wide battlefield, Ash and Spencer are ready to begin. Buddha's first Pokémon is..... Shiftry! Yep, ol' Rapeface himself growls menacingly as Ash goes for Sceptile, and the two immediately clash, just like Clint Eastwood and Lee Van Cleef naturally do in the wild.
The two seem evenly matched, and leap down from the marked arena and pace each other through the forest as Ash and Spencer follow. Shiftry leaps up and uses Double Team to surround Sceptile, then blasts it with Shadow Ball and sends the tough Pokémon crashing over the side of a cliff and into the water at the base of the waterfall. Shiftry instantly slams a hand into the ground and sends a rockslide down, apparently burying Sceptile beneath the water, unable to escape the suffocating embrace of the deep. Spencer displays very unBuddha like tendencies by being amused at the apparent drowning of Sceptile, and it seems that in this case The Bad has beaten the Good and....
CLINT. FUCKING. EASTWOOD!
Spencer is shocked, Shiftry is absolutely gobsmacked and Ash is vindicated as Shiftry is smashed in the face and goes down for the count, Sceptile wins! That's what you get, that's what you get Spencer and Ol' Man Rape-face when you try to drown Clint Eastwood! The next time you drown and bury a man, make sure you FINISH THE JOB!
Meanwhile.... Team Rocket have gotten caught in their own net as they head around trying to lay down traps for the twerps. Oh.... oh Team Rocket.
Back at the battle, Spencer has quickly gotten over the shock of Ol' Man Rapeface and sent out his big badass Venusaur. But Ash was expecting this, and recalls Sceptile and sends out.... HERACROSS!
Yes Ash has called in his creepy, perverted Pokémon from back in Kanto and it goes straight back to form as it leaps on to Venusaur and begins suckling on that fat, rounded bulb! Venusaur is horrified and slaps Heracross away, but Spencer laughs and says he would probably try to do it as well.
Venusaur turns a surprised, blushing gaze of disbelief at its trainer, but with the attempted oral rape out of the way, it is down to business as Heracross and Venusaur clash. Venusaur would appear to have the advantage based on sheer size alone, but the twerps note that as a Bug Type Heracross is actually at an advantage, and we of course all remember that back in the day when Heracross was a regular on Ash's team it displayed remarkable displays of strength, and this time is no different. Venusaur is slapped about while Heracross uses speed to avoid most of the larger Pokémon’s attacks, sending the huge Pokémon crashing back into a tree and knocking some of the fruit down into Spencer's hand. He takes an inscrutable Buddha-ish pleasure from this and calmly suggests that Venusaur try the great equaliser that is Solar Beam.
Meanwhile Team Rocket are continuing to "test" their traps, and Meowth's manhood is put in danger when a more deadly trap than usual almost removes the chance of any little Meowth's populating the world.
Knowing that Solar Beam takes some time to build, Ash has Heracross continue to slap about Venusaur.... but it's a bigass Pokémon and it can take a licking (just not a sucking, apparently) and keep on ticking. It takes all the hits and finally lets loose with Solar Beam.... and that's all she wrote for Heracross!
Ash calls out Swellow next, but as the angry drunken Scotsman swoops down it gets a mouthful of odd little banana-like fruit. The fruit was knocked down during the Heracross/Venusaur fight, and Spencer suggests they take a break and have a meal, which Scott and the others emulate by eating apples up in the balloon. It is all very civilized, of course, but ignores the fact that Spencer is giving his tired and hurting Venusaur a break and time to recover!
Team Rocket meanwhile have hit another of the traps they laid for the twerps, but this one doesn't seem to go off. They can't remember exactly what it was.... but it soon gives them a reminder.
The battle is back on, and Ash and Swellow run through the forest chased by Venusaur and Spencer, who seem to have an inkling of what Ash's plan is. Venusaur tries to hit Swellow but misses every time, and Ash and Swellow burst out onto the shore by the ocean. Ash's plan was to get out into the open and give Swellow an advantage, and it quickly takes it. Once more Venusaur gets slapped around and once more it tries to use Solar Beam.... but the random forces of chaos put paid to Buddha's concept of life's natural balance as clouds move in and cover the sun, negating the attack, and Swellow takes advantage by putting the big Pokémon down. But if Spencer is worried to be two Pokémon down, he doesn't show it. For the Buddha is wise and inscrutable, and the latter could definitely be used to describe his next choice of Pokémon.... Claydol!
Yes the bizarre, alien-esque Pokémon appears and nature itself blanches while Lovecraft's soul churns about in the gut of Cthulhu. Claydol lets out an odd "moo" like sound, then proceeds to beat the living shit out of Swellow, teleporting away from attacks, trapping it in a sandstorm and then using Hyperbeam to smash Swellow down. Ash is left with only one option, but luckily for him it is a good'un, it's The Pokémon With No Name, Sceptile!
Claydol declares,"Moo!" (it does!) and then blasts at Sceptile with a Psybeam which misses, bypasses Ash and..... hits Team Rocket from their hiding place on the beach (unseen by the twerps and Scott in their balloon, apparently) and sends them blasting off again!
Not even noticing the possible death it has caused - and its alien mind wouldn't understand such human considerations anyway - Claydol avoids Sceptile's attack and proceeds to put a horrific beating on the only recently emotional rejuvenated Pokémon. As they fight, random chaos strikes again - this time in Spencer's favour - as a squall rolls in, a sudden storm which seems to echo nature's horror at the sight of Claydol. The squall blocks out the sun, and Sceptile's balls - GETCHA MINDS OUTTA DA GUTTA! - stop glowing before Claydol proceeds to smack Sceptile around some more, leaving it hunched over on the ground gritting its twig stogie between clenched teeth and refusing to go down. Spencer congratulates Ash on Sceptile's resilience, especially considering its recent emotional state, but says he is going to end things now.
But as Sceptile grimaces stubbornly at Claydol.... natures cruel thoughtlessness bites Spencer on the ass the squall clears as quickly as it came and Sceptile's balls begin to glow again, and Ash finally realises what is means. Sceptile isn't Grovyle anymore.... it's Sceptile.... and it knows Solar Beam!
Spencer realises what is going on and calls for Claydol to end it, but when the alien monstrosity blasts at Sceptile with Hyperbeam, Sceptile leaps high in the air and then lets rip with a massive blast of nature's own energy straight into the abomination before it.
CLAYDOL'S DOWN! CLAYDOL'S DOWN! CLAYDOL'S DOWN!
Scott is very impressed with Ash's victory, noting that at his young age he's already beaten five Frontier Brains (including Buddha!). Now Ash only needs to beat one more, and he will be told the location of the final - and greatest - Frontier Brain. But that is for another day, for now Ash is happy to be presented with his fifth Frontier Symbol!
| BEST QUOTES |
 "Push harder, Heracross!"  "We're in re-runs already!?!" |
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