435: Cutting The Ties That Bind |
Dodgy Synopsis
Today finds the twerps on Metallica Island, where the Sandman has not Entered, and Ash is hoping for his fifth Battle Frontier match at the Battle Palace. Getting in some training, May has Eevee practise its Shadow Ball ahead of her next contest (Eevee knows Shadowball now?) while Ash works his Pokémon. Both of their training regimes impress Brock and Max who sit on the sidelines, Brock bottlefeeding Bonsly and Max just sitting there doing nothing and contributing nothing. Ash has all of his Pokémon work together to beat up on a rock in order to build on their teamwork (also because maybe the rock offended him?), but Sceptile once again fails to pull off a move, much to its frustration. It is starting to get pissed off, still tied up in heartbreak from its rejection by Meganium. Oh Sceptile, remember that you're Clint Eastwood. It is time for.... Ash suggests that all Sceptile needs is a good rest at a Pokémon Centre, but it growls in frustration at its perceived failure, shocking the other Pokémon as it rushes past them, Ash giving chase and leaving his other Pokémon, May, Max and Brock behind. Sceptile rushes on and reaches a tree, and begins slamming its head angrily against the trunk as it tries to work out these... these... emotions! How the hell does Clint Eastwood work out something as alien to him as emotions? Sceptile doesn't know, and can't deal with this crap, it just wants to kick ass and chew twig-stogies again. Ash arrives and tries to assure Sceptile that it will be fine, but as he talks the bushes shake and up flies a swarm of pissed off Beedrill. Ash declares there are millions of them (a slight exaggeration) and they cheese it out of there, but come to a cliff overlooking a rapidly running river, leaving them trapped. Sceptile steps in front of Ash to protect him, getting smashed with Poison Sting attacks. Ash grabs out Sceptile's Pokeball to call it back, but Sceptile is knocked back into him and he drops the Pokeball to the ground while he, Sceptile and Pikachu plunge into the river. Ash grabs a rock and stops himself from flowing further down the river, and gets hold of Sceptile as it comes by. But he can't get hold of Pikachu, which is swept by washed away far into the distance. Wow, hell of a way for Nintendo's merchandising machine to be done away with, that's the last we'll ever see of Pikachu, you can guarantee that! Overhearing the cries of Ash and Pikachu are Team Rocket, who poke their heads out of a metal box they're hiding from the Beedrill in. It is a far superior version of the ridiculously hilarious cardboard box they used way back when the show first started.... but proves just as useless when the Beedrill swarm in on them again and begin piercing the box. At the Pokémon Centre, the other twerps are concerned that Ash isn't back, and are joined by John Candy. Cameoing as Scott once more, the big man was hoping to see them, but is concerned when he hears that Ash is out in the forest alone. He explains that at this time of year, the Kakuna evolve, and the Beedrill protect them by attacking everyone on their turf. That means Ash is in great danger, and he suggests they head out and find him, while at the same time Ash is helping support Sceptile as they move along the side of the river, saying they have to find Pikachu and then get both of them to a Pokémon Centre. Apparently John Candy plays the Pokémon games in his spare time, as Scott leads the twerps into Beedrill territory and gives them Repel to help keep the Beedrill away. They ask him if it really works and he assures them that it does, though maybe he tested it out on ladies in a nightclub while wearing that Hawaiian Shirt. Bonsly spots the missing Pokeball by the swiftly running river, and they decide to follow it downstream, worried that Ash might have fallen in. With the sun set, Ash and Sceptile sit down to a fruit meal before Ash suggests they get some sleep to build up their strength for finding Pikachu. He apologises to Sceptile for losing its Pokeball, noting that it would be a lot more comfortable to be reduced to light particles and crammed into the tight, constricting confines of para-oblivion. But as they get some uncomfortable sleep, where is Pikachu? Why wandering ashore from the river tired and sparking with energy before it collapses to the ground, and then apparently suffers a religious vision brought about by exhaustion, as Buddha himself appears! As Scott and the twerps continue along into the night, they spot smoke rising in the distance. They head towards it and discover not Ash (whose dimness is often mistaken for zenlike qualities) but Buddha, feeding Pikachu a meal. But it seems Buddha is not Buddha at all, and neither is he Dhalsim. No this is Spencer, whom Scott introduces as the Battle Palace Frontier Brain. Having found Pikachu, the twerps are eager to move on to find Ash, but Max's belly rumbles and Venusaur offers him fruit on the end of its tentacle (RUN, IT'S A TRAP MAY!). Spencer suggests they eat and wait for the Beedrill to fall asleep, and then they can all safely look for Ash. The boy in question is falling into a troubled sleep beside Sceptile, who smiles as it hears Ash telling it to just keep going. Back with the others, Spencer has been filled in on Sceptile's problems and suggested that time will heal the wounds and give it confidence back. But Team Rocket have overheard that both Pikachu and Sceptile are far from their best, and see this as the perfect opportunity to finally make a successful capture. Spencer explains his philosophy on life to the twerps, which is essentially that he is a no-good jobless hippy who does what he wants when he wants, though apparently this doesn't include shaving his beard. Pikachu awakens and seems to be feeling much better, and they decide to head off and find Ash. As dawn breaks, Ash and Sceptile continue on, bonded closer together by their night in the forest together..... REALLY BONDED! Well damn, you haven't been lost in the forest together THAT long! He's tripped over a rock (hence his rage at them earlier, they're his natural enemies!) and hurt his knee, and now the two of them need to support each other onwards. Ash is convinced they're almost at the Pokémon Centre.... and as usual is completely and totally wrong. They reach a section of the forest where the trees are dripping with Kakuna, and Ash says they should hurry before any more of the Beedrill show up. Wow, he's spectacularly retarded. The two make a pathetic pair as they stumble along at a quick shamble, trying to rush as Beedrill inevitably show up on the creepy, eerie scene. Ash sees sunlight through the trees ahead and obviously decides for some reason that Beedrill are vampires and will be stopped by the sun. They rush forward, but it is a dead end, they're royally fucked! Sceptile is essentially defenceless and offenseless, so Ash picks up a stick and holds it symbolically up in front of his crotch, getting ready to fight off the angry insects, which must be the greatest humiliation of all so far for the Eastwood-esque Pokémon. Ash of course gets knocked on his ass by the Beedrill, and Sceptile leaps forward to protect him. But again Bullet Seed fails, and the Beedrill move in for the kill.... only to be blasted by Thunderbolt as Pikachu and the twerps arrive on the scene. The Beedrill have been only momentarily stopped though, and zoom forward before suddenly stopping, caught up in a released scent from Venusaur that immediately calms them. Spencer tells the Beedrill to move along.... and they do! It seems that everything is in order once more, but then out of nowhere mechanical claws grab Pikachu and Sceptile and haul them into the air.... it's Team Rocket! Spencer demands that they let the Pokémon go, but these aren't some forest animals, and are only amused by his demand that they let them go "or else". "You may be a Frontier Brain but you look like a nut!" "An evil as old as the galaxy!" "Sent here to fulfil our destiny!" "Meowth, dat's me!" "To denounce the evils of truth and love!" "To extend our reach to the stars above!" "Jesse!" "And it's James!" "Meowth's da name!" "Whenever there’s peace in the universe!" "Team Rocket!" "Will be dere!" "To make everything worse!" they finish together. "WOBBBBBB-UFFET!" "Mime Mime!" Pikachu thunderbolts but it does nothing to Team Rocket, as Pikachu is apparently still tuckered out from its earlier river ride. Ash runs up along a tree branch after Team Rocket mocks Pikachu and Sceptile's weakness, and then despite his hurt knee leaps like 50 fucking feet through the air or something and catches onto one of the cables holding Sceptile. Team Rocket try to shake him loose but Ash won't let go, so Jesse sends out Dustox. It blasts him with Poison Sting, but he remains too stupidly stubborn to let go. The others look on in horror, Team Rocket's Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloon too high for them to get to. Ash insists he won't let Pikachu or Sceptile down, and Sceptile stares in horror at its trainer as it realises that it - Clint Eastwood personified - is being outclassed by Action Hero Ash. Dustox swoops in and tackles Ash, finally knocking him off of the cable and sending him falling, falling to his inevitable dea...... Yes motherfucking Sceptile remembers what Meganium made it forget, it has a pair! It's leafblades clear off the claws and - along with Pikachu - zooms through the sky and grabs Ash, using Bullet Seed to buffet their landing and spare their lives. But Sceptile was hurt and weak before all of this, and has now used up the last of its remaining energy. Spencer is Buddha though, and Buddha knows when to reward an awesome display of kickassery, so he calls out Chansey which uses Heal Bell, and Sceptile.... picks up a fucking twig-stogie and cowboys it up! Team Rocket are furious, they did all the "work" and now Sceptile is getting the credit? They mean to teach the Eastwood-esque Pokémon a lesson, but Spencer warns them that in this forest setting, a fully reenergised Sceptile can truly shine. "The only thing that is shining around here is your head!" snaps Jesse angrily, and sends in Dustox as James sends in Cacnea.... and Sceptile smashes them with Leafblade and then uses Bullet Seed to send a horrified Team Rocket blasting off again! They head back for the Pokémon Centre, all once again right in the world. Team Rocket have been vanquished, Buddha has restored order to the Beedrill of the forest, Ash was reunited with Pikachu and Sceptile is once more The Pokémon With No Name ready to fight for a Fistful of Dollars and leave its enemies Unforgiven. Scott suggests that they all get a good night's sleep in preparation for tomorrow, when Ash will face his toughest challenge yet on the Battle Frontier. Because tomorrow.... Ash fights Buddha.
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