428: From Cradle To Save
Dodgy Synopsis
|
432: Usohachi to Ninja Sukuru!
|
As May polishes her egg and Brock and Max take the placement as an excuse to stare at her tits, Ash is in training. He wants Pikachu's Volt Tackle to be up to snuff when they reach the Battle Pike, and so his newly evolved Donphan is providing a buttress to Pikachu's attempts to get the moves right. It takes the Volt Tackles head on, absorbing and then tossing Pikachu backwards. Ash congratulates them both on great jobs.... and then realises that Donphan is enjoying this just a bit too much as it suddenly charges and tries to hit him with Roll-Out, and instead smashes through a rock and sends flying a flying Pokémon called Ninjask and.... a ninja!
Yes indeed, a young boy called Evian introduces himself, explaining that he feared the twerps were a group of thieves that have been bothering his Ninja School recently (what kind of thieves would prove a worry to ninjas?). The twerps are delighted to hear there is a Ninja School in the area (like you wouldn't be!) and he tells them that they can come and study there for the day course if they'd like, and find out a taste of what it is to be a ninja.... minus the subterfuge, murder and silent assassination of course.
At the school, the twerps and a group of other students are instructed by Angela, a young woman with the perfect drill sergeant/enforcer - a pissed of looking Shiftry that would probably rape you as soon as look at you.
Brock isn't concerned at the prospect of the furious bearded Pokémon having its way with him, as his eyes are only for Angela. After a couple of the students tell about having things like berries stolen from them recently, followed by hearing a piercing cry, Brock takes the opportunity to lunges at her. With hearts in his eyes, he wraps his arms around her, but finds to his shock that he is hugging a log of wood instead, though that wouldn't be the first time (pay attention Gentle Dodgers, that'll be important later on). Yes Angela leapt up to the limb of a nearby tree, leaving behind a decoy log in her place, and everyone laughs at Brock, the eternal virgin.
Meanwhile Team Rocket..... well..... Team Rocket be crazy.
Jesse eagerly roars at a horrified and confused James and Meowth that they're going to steal all of the Ninja Pokémon. Less enthusiastic about trying to storm a ninja fortress than their Bitch Goddess Queen, James and Meowth try to talk her down from her crazy... but it's impossible. Her body twitches and spasms as her face contorts wildly, thrusting words past her lips, a strange smile crossing her face. James and Meowth can't comprehend what she's saying at all, and she insists that she used to be a ninja herself! James makes an oblique reference to her bizarre continuity (his own is pretty convoluted) and Jesse replies by completing her transformation, terrifying James and Meowth as.... as..... as......
BALEEN WHALE!
She eagerly regales the long suffering James and Meowth with the made up tales of her imaginary childhood, explaining that she was a child ninja (with a cape and a Starmie!) who fought hundreds of ninjas in the forest and flew and jumped off of stuff and it was awesome.
James and Meowth try desperately to get through to Jesse that she is talking about taking on A SCHOOL OF TRAINED NINJAS AND THIER POKEMON but she just doesn't seem to understand the implications, and as she roars at them they do a little "ninja"ing of their own and disappear on her, causing her to convulse and spit and roll her eyes with more insanity than we have ever, ever seen from her before.... and it is glorious.
Meanwhile the twerps and the other students are taking part in their training, from hiding under camouflaged sheets in the ground or in tree logs and trying to capture Pidgeys, or treading water beneath a pond surface and breathing through reeds.
Ash can't handle the heat or the breathing but Angela has other things to keep them interested, like trying to find a camouflaged Kecleon running about the forest. Evian has Ninjask use a "Ninja Arts Sand Attack" (which looks and is identical to a Sand Attack!) to kick up some sand that reveals the hidden Pokémon, but it gets away before he can grab it. Ash uses a slightly more violent deviation of the same tactic, having Pikachu use Thunderbolt, but the move is unsuccessful, as Kecleon steals his hat and he and Pikachu run headfirst into a tree along with Pikachu.
We knew the boy wasn't too bright, but jeez Pikachu.
The other students meanwhile have discovered the little crying Pokémon heard at the start of the episode. It is a Bonsly, the pre-evolved form of Sudowoodo (one of which Brock once had a very odd relationship with.... told you that log hugging earlier would be important!). The students, who have suffered sleepless nights from its crying and suspect it of a series of recent thefts (including some berries), begin to take out their aggressions on the little Pokémon, only for Brock to come to its rescue.
Picking the crying Pokémon up and cradling it, it stops crying (thank fuck) while Ash checks it out with his Pokedex. The girl who had her berries stolen (she looks like a young Delia Ketchum!) demands them back (wait about 8 hours!) but Brock wants to know what proof they have that it is the one who stole their stuff. The other students claim it MUST be Kecleon because they heard the same crying shortly after their stuff was stolen, but Brock defeats them with logic.
He really is quite intelligent when all the blood isn't rushing to his pants!
Offering Bonsly a berry, it eagerly opens its mouth to eat, closes, opens... closes.... opens... then angrily slaps the berries away. Brock prepares a bottle of milk (luckily he just HAPPENED to have one.... hmmmm) and it eagerly suckles down. The other students realises that Bonsly is just a baby and not capable of eating solids, even something like a berry... which means the thief is still out there. Finishing the bottle, Bonsly seems satisfied for a second, then bursts out crying again. He tries to figure out what is wrong, and the little Pokémon proves why it is well known for crying false tears.
As Brock gets smacked around and May and Max laugh about it, Angela suddenly senses something (as does Bonsly, though a second after the trained Ninja) and they look up in time to see a shuriken slap into the ground, which opens to reveal.... a rose!
Who is it? Why who else, Gentle Dodgers, who else!
"Prepare for trouble from the nastiest ninja nightmare you'll ever see!"
"That goes double from little ol' me!"
"An evil as old as the galaxy!"
"Sent here to fulfil our destiny!"
"Meowth dat's me!"
"To denounce the evils of truth and love!"
"To extend our reach to the stars above!"
"Ninja Jesse see!"
"With Ninja James you... bee...." ??? I don't know, he's talking through a ninja mask, I can't understand him at all!
"And don't forget Ninja Meowth dat's me!"
"Whenever there’s peace in the universe!"
"Team Rocket!"
"Will be dere!"
"To make everything worse!" they finish together.
"WOBBBBBB-UFFET!"
"Mime Mime!"
Team Rocket are dressed as ninjas and attached to a robotic kite with mechanical arms (nothing says Ninja like a giant kite with mechanical arms!), which fires out a web that catches all of the available Pokémon and hauls them up. But the furious rape-hungry Shiftry leaps through the air and tears through the kite, sending Team Rocket crashing to the ground before they can make even the start of a getaway. Grovyle, Combusken and Marshtomp are called out to join Shiftry as the Kite falls into the trees, and the Pokémon cut the Pokémon free and bash, batter, burn and attempt to drown the captive Team Rocket.... all while impressionable little Bonsly watches on.
Ash tells Team Rocket that that'll do for them, as their ninja costumes have been burnt away to reveal their regular uniforms. Jesse isn't ready to give up the fight just yet though, leaping up and bravely thrusting her tits into the camera (bless her) to declare that she shall face Angela one on one.... in a test of ninja skills!
She assures a horrified James and Meowth - who think she has finally gone completely over the edge and lost what remaining sanity she had left - that by a one on one battle she means a one on three battle, and sends in Seviper to send up a haze around the battlefield. Then she "flies" over the top of the battlefield as the twerps watch in shock, flying down (on a rope held by James and Meowth) and swooping a net over Angela, defeating her!
Or not.
Hmmm, if that didn't work, then Jesse will use.... DOUBLE TEAM!
Well, Gentle Dodgers, we'll let the pictures speak for themselves
Yes, that's Meowth and James dressed up as Jesse (bet you didn't think you'd see James in a mini-skirt again!), Shiftry showing Jesse its rapeface, and Team Rocket getting Double-Teamed by Shiftry in preparation for it to..... well, best not go any further, but suffice it to say they end up completely covered and wrapped up in a stringy white substance.
Oh Japan.
The twerps have simply stood and watched this with growing disbelief and horror, witnessing the madness of King Jesse unfold before their eyes. As James, Jesse and Meowth rush around in circles desperately trying to keep up the pretence that they're in any way talented ninjas, Angela simply sent in her Old Man of the Forest to rape the resistance out of them. Their clothes were ripped clear as Shiftry jumped into their midst, though it seems they somehow got them back on in-between being stripped and covered in goo. Brock approaches and asks if they stole any berries recently and they happily admit that yeah they did come to think of it... and then realise that they've just admitted to a crime. They try to escape by bouncing away, tipping over the side of a cliff and bouncing off of a tree... and even now they haven't lost sight of Jesse's utter lunacy as they declare their victory.... and then realise that they're blasting off again.
Brock meanwhile finds himself facing a crying (again!) Bonsly, and he asks what is the matter. The students angrily accuse the basically newborn Pokémon of being a coward for not throwing down with fully grown humans. Angela angrily points out that cowards are bullies like they're being, and then as Brock tries to comfort the little Pokémon and suggest that it won't be lonely if it comes with them, it seems delighted at the idea before angrily launching itself into his chest and crying angrily as it tries to headbutt him.... but why? Apart from giving us a gratuitous shot of its asshole?
Since no one else gets it, Ash can be forgiven for, as usual, not getting it eit-
"I get it!" cries Ash, making fools of us all.
He has figured out that Bonsly wants to fight, and Brock agrees to the battle, sending out Forretress. But instantly Bonsly starts crying, and Forretress is taken aback, only for Bonsly to grin and headbutt it backwards. It seems that was Fake Tears, but Forretress isn't so easily knocked down, and it smashes Bonsly backwards and then surrounds it with Spikes to keep it from moving. Brock sends out a Pokeball which sucks Bonsly in.... but it leaps back out and dances victoriously.... before slamming its ass into one of the spikes and leaping high in pain. Brock sends in another Pokeball, and this time the little Pokémon stays caught..... Brock caught a Bonsly!
With the adventure over and done with, the twerps return to the school and say their goodbyes to everyone. Angela shows surprisingly direct flirtation with Brock, telling him that she is attracted to a paternal man who shows dedication (she's a "Daddy's Girl"). Brock is surprised at the idea of being a father (usually he acts as a Mother-Hen) but then shows what kept his massive family in line all those years while Flint was selling crack, roaring at Bonsly to be quiet when it finishes one bottle and then uses Fake Tears in an effort to get more.
And with this display of paternal abuse out of the way, we bid adieu to one fine, perplexing, bizarre and hilarious episode.
| BEST QUOTES |
|
