416: Pasta La Vista
Dodgy Synopsis
|
418: Kakuto Dojo! Satoshi VS Haruka!
|
Well, not quite.
It's the Final Episode of Pokémon to be dubbed by 4Kids - the often belittled and bemoaned company that, for all its other faults, generally did a tremendous job on translating Pokémon into something that kept the flavour of the original show without falling into the pathetic nonsensical pacing issues of other translated Japanese cartoons. The Pokémon Company International (now known as Pokémon USA) took over the production and distribution of the show outside of Japan from the next episode - Fear Factor Phony - and there was a tremendous level of controversy over the whole thing. Some said it was the end of Pokémon, especially when Pokémon USA decided not to use the voice actors who had worked on Pokémon for 8 years, choosing to go with all new actors instead. This kicked off a shitstorm, especially when their first special - The Mastermind of Mirage Pokémon - featured what were quite frankly TERRIBLE voices. It all came to naught, however, Pokémon USA for the most part did as well if not better than 4Kids when it came to the translations, and the voice actors settled in after a rocky start and quickly grew familiar to the viewers. Nowadays you can listen to episodes from the first 8 seasons and those that followed and will struggle to really notice any difference in the voices. Plus, some of the old voice actors eventually returned in different roles as well, and the show has continued on as strong as it ever was, well over a decade after this "fad" first came about.
But nobody knew that at the time, and there was a lot of sadness regarding this (very fun) episode. Because the time had come to say to 4Kids, to say to the voice actors, and - some people even thought - to say to Pokémon itself....
Today's episode begins with May admiring the ribbon she gained for winning the Saffron City Contest. Ash is just as excited because with May's victory comes something else... a chance to head on to the next Battle Frontier Gym! He's eager to get going but May holds him up, pointing out in the Saffron City Guide a Chinese Noodle shop that apparently does the best noodles in town - the best Noodles in Saffron City!
Yes, May is desperate and eager for noodle (you heard it here first, Gentle Dodgers!) and, somewhat surprisingly, so is Brock! Maybe he's finally given up and is going to see if the grass is greener on the other side (it's certainly better groomed!).
Max is more interested in an ad for a Strongman Gym where Fighting Pokémon can be seen. Ash agrees this is far more interesting and so they strike a compromise, he and Max will go to the gym to see strong, muscular, vaguely humanoid creatures grunting and sweating and posing, while May and Brock will go get their mouths around some noodle! So, for now at least, they pair off and head away!
May and Brock stand in a long line waiting for noodles, May assuring a bored Brock that he'll get what he wants soon enough (GETCHA MINDS OUTTA DA GUTTA!). But then suddenly the door to the restaurant bursts open and a pretty young girl with really cool hair and a short skirt (bless'em, bless all those lovely ladies who wear short skirts) pulls out the cook. Her name is Terri, an oddly masculine name for a pretty young lady, and she is demanding that the noodle chef - Kyle - come with her at once and stop focusing on noodles over his family, it's time he made a choice! Angrily, Kyle tells her he HAS made a choice, and chooses noodle!
....so many families were devastated in the early 80s by just this very choice....
She shouts back that he doesn't mean that (well she is a woman, technically they know what men ACTUALLY mean) and drags him away as he complains that she is crushing his wrist. As she's pulled away, customers angrily complain about the store being closed AGAIN, including some who have actually already paid for their meals. Brock watches Terri go with love in his heart and lust in his pants as May's eyes explode with flames as she watches the man who can give her all the noodle she wants being dragged away.
Just a note, Gentle Dodgers, the position is NOT open for application.
She demands they chase after the duo, and a lust-hungry Brock is more than happy to agree, so off she goes at full bore, powered by the fury of a young girl's natural, burning desire for noodle.
Meanwhile, we find Team Rocket grinning at their latest creation.... a mobile noodle wagon! Yes, a little food-stall with lucky golden Meowths on the side, Team Rocket are sure to make a killing in this apparently noodle-crazy town (James' kind of place!) but there is just one problem.... who's going to be the chef? Well Jesse obviously thought James' penchant for noodles would mean he was the cook, but he was sure Meowth could do the job, and Meowth shouts out that he don't know nuffin about linguistics!
Jesse roars in fury, taking out her frustration over her own ignorance on James and Meowth as they cringe before their Bitch-Goddess-Queen.... and then spot the twerp (Ash) and the little twerp (Max) as James cringes in the position he's most comfortable in.
Forgetting all about the noodles, Jesse and James take off after Ash and Max, yelling back at Meowth that he's in charge, infuriating the overworked Scratch-Cat who demands to know why he has to do all the work.
Because the sad truth is a small, insane talking cat is the most qualified to get anything done out of all of them.
Max and Ash have reached the gym, but there doesn't seem to be anyone there. Moving through the fence, they call out through the open doorway to see if anyone is there... and feel a rumbling noise and hear a steadily growing roar and then......
Yes apparently Hulk Hogan runs this gym, and he leaps in to demand to know what they want. When they tell him they came to see the Gym and Strong Pokémon and that Ash made it to the Top 8 of the Ever Grand League, he is delighted, mistakenly believing they've come to train with him. They try to correct him, but you don't interrupt Hulk Hogan in the middle of a promo, brother, and before you know it Ash and Max are "earning their dues" as for one of the first times in a long time, Ash is forced to work!
Team Rocket watch from tree branches, Meowth having apparently abandoned the noodle-stand they left him in charge of to join them. They're excited at what they see, a chance to capture Pikachu AND any of Master Hamm's (Hulk Hog-hamm?) Pokémon.
Inside, as Ash and Max clean up, Terri and Kyle arrive still arguing, followed by May and Brock who are surprised to see the other two. The Hulkster tells them that Ash and Max are new students, brother! but finally the two twerps get to set the story straight, they're here to watch strong Pokémon do cool shit like pull trucks and carry medicine balls.
Master Hamm isn't bothered though, forgetting both of them like nothing but a couple of jobbers as he quickly gets into an argument with Kyle - who turns out to be his rebellious son - about taking over the Gym so he can follow his own dreams.... though he refuses to say what they are. But Kyle doesn't care..... all he wants to do is just cook noodles, Meanwhile Terri is getting on with the twerps, having recognised May as the winner of the Saffron City Contest. She explains that she is the only student of the once thriving Gym, and everyone ignores poor pathetic Brock's offer to marry Terri and run the Gym to solve all the problems. As they continue to argue and Brock's self-esteem takes another hit, Master Hamm comes up with a solution - one the Hulkster would be proud of! Let's settle things with a match, Brother!
Terri is horrified, that's no way to solve such a serious problem, but they ignore her and insist she judge their match. Master Hamm calls out Hitmonlee much to Ash's delight, and then Kyle calls out Hitmonchan... to May's delight.
The battle begins with Hitmonchan using Mach Punch (a giant phantom boxing glove) to smash Hitmonlee, but the kicking Pokémon zooms straight back up (typical Hulk Hogan no-selling crap!) and Master Hamm laughs with delight, jumps up and..... throws out his back.
Master Hamm can't continue, he's too hurt.... but out of nowhere Ash offers to take over! Master Hamm is delighted in the spirit of his student (Max sighing as he points out Ash ISN'T a student), so much so that he jumps up with his back apparently fine. Kyle is furious though, there is no point to a battle now since it was supposed to be over who had to run the Gym. But then.... May offers to take over for Kyle! Terri is horrified, Kyle would hate that!
All May wants is to get some of Kyle's noodle, and he promises to give it directly into her mouth if she wins the match for him. Both head outside to get in some quick training with their temporary new Pokémon, while Team Rocket watches and eagerly decide whether or not to try to steal Hitmonchan or Hitmonlee. They make a move for Hitmonlee first, but after it kicks Hariyama into the bushes they're hiding in and crushes them, they decide to go for Hitmonchan. Meanwhile a delighted Master Hamm is pleased with Ash's progress, if he beats Kyle then he can safely leave his Training School in the hands of a belligerent son who got his ass kicked by a 10 year old amateur.
Over where May is training with Kyle, Team Rocket get a full blast of Stun Spore from Breloom and decide to try a slightly less painful strategy.
As May practises, Terri asks Kyle once again if he can't just.... you know.... take over the fucking Gym like his Dad wants? Kyle snaps he wants nothing to do with the dump and Terri looks horrified, then tells him that she had always kind of hoped that they could... you know... run it together.... and stuff.....
May is astonished, and shouts out to Brock (Kyle and Terri are standing DIRECTLY between them) that she thinks Terri might have feelings for Kyle!
HEY TRAINERS!?! WHICH OF THESE POKEMON DOES NOT EVOLVE!?! WYNAUT, ABSOL OR SNORUNT!?! THE ANSWER IS ABSOL BECAUSE WHY MESS WITH YOUR LOOK WHEN YOU'RE THAT BADASS!?!
The battle resumes with Master Hamm demanding that Ash win so he can pursue his selfish dreams at his son's expense, while Brock yells at May to win so Terri can't get Kyle and might lose enough self esteem to date him!
The two Pokémon begin fighting, with Ash and May basically acting by proxy for Master Hamm and Kyle, who appear to be growing increasingly enthusiastic about the battle, chatting animatedly with each other regarding the various techniques both incorporate. The battle is quick and VERY violent....
But both Pokémon keep on getting back up, assuring their temporary trainers that they're able to keep fighting. Max and Brock are impressed with May's fiery battle style, and Brock confidently proclaims that this isn't just about noodles anymore.
"I want to eat those battle noodles and NOBODY is going to stop me from getting them!" thinks May furiously as she is surrounded in the flames of determination, the fires of noodle desire burning in her eye sockets!
Ash is a little taken aback by her fury, telling her to calm down before they go back to fighting, Hitmonchan trying to use Agility/Mach Punch as a combo but getting smashed square in the face for its trouble. But still neither Pokémon will stay down, and Master Hamm and Kyle both say it won't be over until both Pokémon use their most "powerful" move, until they use THAT move it won't be over! As Kyle and Master Hamm talk about the mys-Terrrrrrrrrrrrr-ious dreaded secret move, Max and Brock are desperate to know what it is.
Hitmonlee and Hitmonchan rush at each other in an effort to finally resolve who would win in a fight between Bruce Lee and Jackie Chan, but then Team Rocket burst through the roof in a giant.... a giant...... it's a giant bloody noodle bowl!
"Prepare for trouble if that's what you're feeling!"
"Make it double cause we're Hitmon-Stealing!"
"An evil as old as the galaxy!"
"Sent here to fulfil our destiny!"
"I GUARANTEE!" screeches Meowth happily.
"To denounce the evils of truth and love!"
"To extend our reach to the stars above!"
"Jesse!"
"And James!"
"And.... Meowth are da names! Ha!"
"Anywhere there’s peace in the universe!" proclaims Jesse.
"Team Rocket," adds James.
"Will be dere!" cries Meowth.
"To make everything worse!" they finish together.
"Wobbbbbbuffet!"
"CHIIIIIIME!"
Yes apparently they somehow turned their small wooden stand into a giant robotic noodle bowl! With Hitmonlee and Hitmonchan netted up, Team Rocket are prepared to clear out, laughing at May's horror at missing out on getting a noodle between her underage lips, James claiming to be a wet noodle.
See! Not straight AND not a pedo either!
But then Terri gets involved, sending in Hitmontop which tears apart the bowl and frees Hitmonchan and Hitmonlee, before Pikachu sends Team Rocket blasting off again!
Wow, that was quick!
But the Gym is destroyed and the battle can't continue, so how can any resolution be had? But then Terri has a brilliant idea..... why not actually TALK to his father and explain what his fascination with noodles is. He explains that years ago his Dad made him the best noodles he ever tasted and he's been trying to emulate that forever, a fact that shocks Master Hamm but also leaves him touched.... and he agrees to let his son go on and run his noodle business!
But what about the Gym? Someone has to run it, and Master Hamm isn't getting any younger. But Terri has a solution, why don't they bog off and leave her to run this once successful Gym that they've almost driven into the ground while she's struggled to hold it all together.
Well, like Hulk Hogan abandoning WCW..... Master Hamm is keen to do it! He roars with insane delight and tells her she can call it her Dojo A-Gogo! While Max stares in horror and everyone else just looks sick before Ash asks exactly what Master Hamm wants to do with his life anyway, and he explains he wants to travel the world..... with a mobile noodle cart!
Oh Jesus fuck....
But at the end of the day, everyone is happy. Master Hamm got to follow his dream, Kyle got to run his noodle shop, Terri gets the rewards of taking their Gym away from them while still enjoying the benefit of their history and reputation, Ash got to beat shit up and May got noodle!
Oh yeah, except Brock, he didn't get anything (or anyone) he wanted, but then.... but what else is new?
And with the status quo firmly in place, Gentle Dodgers, we say our goodbyes to 4Kids and to the voice actors we've come to know and love. Join us next time for Pokémon USA and the new voice actors.... but the same dumb old Ash, horny Brock and overdeveloped May!
Oh, and Max too.
| BEST QUOTES |
 "Noodles? But I don't know nuffin bout linguistics!"
 "Don't yell at me, I worked very hard decorating that cart!"
 "What are you two doing?" "I'm wondering that myself..."
 "Obviously this has become about more than just noodles, heh!""I want to eat those battle noodles and NOBODY is going to stop me from getting them!"
 "That was a bad plan!""So what made us think it would work?""I guess we weren't using our noodles!"
|
|
