414: The Saffron Con
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416: Pokemon Kontesuto, Yamabuki Taikai! Zenpen
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Haha, she wants him to bone her so much!
But this isn't Hoenn, and this is an all new series of Contests. May had best be careful that nobody pulls....
They notice that despite the contest being the next day, people are already filing into the hall. Another coordinator explains that the hall is open to allow coordinators to get a good look at the stage. They enter and spot a familiar looking face in unfamiliar clothes.... Vivian? Unlike Vivian she's wearing hot pants and a mid-riff exposing top with a popped collar. Onstage the stage-lights focus on Not-Vivian as she calls out an Espeon as the Conference Director checks that everything is working as it should. May's little baby Squirtle notices Espeon and appears to fall instantly, deeply in lust with it. It leaps out of May's hands and runs onto stage, posing excitedly as it does a Bubble Attack to match Espeon's just completed Swift. Not-Vivian and her revealing clothing look on in confusion, picking up Squirtle and asking where it came from. May runs up and takes Squirtle back, and refuses to accept Not-Vivian's statement that she's Not-Vivian, claiming that they've met lots of times before in Hoenn and she even gave May ribbons!
The lady realises she has confused her with her sister Vivian, and explains her name is Lillian. She explains it happens all the time, though you would think the way they dress would stop people making the mistake.
Yeah, only one of them looks like a slapper.
The twerps head to the Pokémon Centre and grab some food, May revealing her concerns over whether or not to use Squirtle, saying she wants to try a different Pokémon this time for the contest, as she doesn't want to be too reliant on Beautifly and Skitty. The other twerps - who moments ago were arguing the benefits of sticking with a reliable, experienced Pokémon - suddenly all agree that May is absolutely right, that is definitely the best strategy.
Every strategy is a good one to young boys when the strategiser has nice tits.
A call over the Centre speakers tell May that Combusken, Squirtle and Munchlax have finished their check-up, and May rushes to collect them, only to stop as to her horror she finds herself face to face with.....
Harley!
But as May finds herself facing off again with her meddling rival (and absolutely FABULOUS dresser) Harley - over at the Pokémon hall a DIVA has arrived!
Yes, Jesse (in a lovely, revealing red dress and ridiculous Dame Edna glasses) has arrived, declaring the contest lucky to have her, the wonderful.... Empress Coordinator Jessibella! The registration lady looks at Jesse's pass happily enough, but then informs her it isn't valid. Jesse stumbles flat on her chest (she hasn't had a flat chest since she was 13!) and then quickly jumps back up, declaring herself a true superstar as confetti rains down upon her, lit up by a spotlight managed by Meowth.
James introduces himself as her lackey Jameson, and Meowth is her Pokémon Wrangler Meowtheson!
But this isn't the typical "No this is fake get out of here" situation Team Rocket are used to. The Registration Lady explains that the pass she was given is for the Hoenn League, and she needs a Kanto Pass which the Registration Lady happily hands over to her as Jesse quickly covers up her confusion and pretends this is what she was saying all along.
Out in the forest, Jesse declares that she "just" needs to win the contest and the money will start rolling in. James is happy (or fearful enough) to go along with the plan, but Meowth can't keep his big mouth shut as he points out she never actually won any ribbons in Hoenn... and Jesse shuts his mouth up for him by kicking him in the face.
She "explains" that she didn't win because she didn't have the right Pokémon for the job in Hoenn, and then promptly demands the use of James' Cacnea, though James is understandably less than eager to share a bulbous prick with her.
Oh God, that may be the worst joke I ever made.
Meowth says that a good Coordinator bonds with her Pokémon though, and Cacnea may be the best choice for that given its predilection for hugging. James calls it out, but before he even has a chance to explain what he wants, it leaps up and happily hugs his face as he squeals out about the needles and tries to haul it off his face... while Jesse watches and gets to look forward to her turn.
Back in the Pokémon Centre, Harley is struggling to convince the twerps that he is a changed man (judging by his outfits, he is going through SOME changes!), telling them he is volunteering as a temporary orderly for Nurse Joy during the Contest. He came to the Pokémon Centre when his Cacturne was running a fever, and he was so impressed with Nurse Joy's commitment that he decided to volunteer to help repay her. He still means to take part in the Contest though, and then "dishes the goss" on the Contest - you can substitute Pokémon between the 1st and 2nd Rounds of this Contest. Max becomes enraged at this, declaring angrily to May that Harley is just trying to trick her so she'll be disqualified, and Harley responds to this suspicion in a way we would all love to, given half the chance.
Harley admits he was "an eensey bit bad before" but begs them to trust him, but May and Max seem less than reassured. Nurse Joy arrives (to Brock's delight) and a campily weeping Harley whines that they don't believe the switch out rules. Joy agrees that a switch between Rounds is allowed (but not mandatory), shocking the twerps who can't believe Harley told the truth.... and shocking them even more when she tells them all about how wonderful a volunteer Harley has been. She tells May her Pokémon all passed their tests with flying colours (even if Munchlax looks bored and hungry and exhausted and hungry) and May tells Combusken and Squirtle they'll be the Pokémon she uses in the contest tomorrow. Harley is delighted to see them, telling her Combusken looks great and he "can't get enough of your little Squirtle"
Oh come on Harley, you haven't changed THAT much!
Max still doesn't believe he's a changed man, though Ash is happy to take anything at face value if Nurse Joy likes him. Joy gives him a break to spend time with his friends, and after (AFTER) Joy leaves, he asks if May has registered yet. She hasn't, but he assures her not to worry about it, her Hoenn League Pass is valid for Kanto too and she can just take it in with her tomorrow!
Ohhhhhhh snap, the bitch is back!
HEY TRAINERS, WHICH OF THESE IS TALLER!?! REGIROCK, REGISTEEL OR REGICE? IF YOU CHOSE REGISTEEL THEN.... JESUS CHRIST THESE THINGS ARE TERRIFYING ALIEN ROBOT INTELLIGENCES OF UNFATHOMABLE AGE WHO CARES WHICH IS TALLER THEY'RE ALL PANTS-SHITTINGLY TERRIFYING!
In the forest, Jesse calls out a nervous Cacnea and James begs it to hug her as her face twitches in fright. Cacnea wants no part of her soft squishy boobs though (stupid ass Cactus!) and leaps into James's arms instead. He struggles to pull it off, he and Meowth demand it give Jesse a hug she really doesn't want herself, and finally it reluctantly leaps towards her as we pull out to a view of the forest, and hear her scream.
In the Pokémon Centre, May is being a total fag-hag as she and Harley gossip together, Harley telling her all about how he saw Drew recently and she tells about her encounter. Max watches grumpily, telling the others he still doesn't quite believe in Harley's change of nature. Just then a scream gets their attention, and they join other trainers who are watching as Empress Coordinator Jessebella stumbles through the door, crawling in and collapsing with her hair wrapped around Cacnea, which appear to be trapped against her face and boobs.
Lucky prick.
Joy has Chansey pop her onto a stretcher and rush her in for an "operation", a word that terrifies Jesse, asking Harley to assist. "Jameson" and "Meowtheson" are left standing staring at the twerps (who don't recognise them) and all the other Coordinators and realise that Jesse doesn't stand a chance.... until they come to a sudden realisation.... if they steal all of those Pokémon, Jesse will have no competition and will automatically win!
Because surely the Contest wouldn't be called off!
Outside, plenty of Coordinators are training and Ash offers to let May train with her Squirtle against him. But as soon as Squirtle is called out, it is grabbed up along with Pikachu by mechanical arms dangling from a Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloon
"Make it double.... that's all," adds James, obviously far from his best without Jesse there.
"Evil as old as da galaxy!"
"Sent here to fulfil our destiny!"
"JUST LOOK AT ME!" cries Meowth, obviously enjoying the extended part (GETCHA MINDA OUTTA DA GUTTA!)
"To denounce the evils of truth and love and extend our reach to the stars above," says James, conflating Jesse's line into his,"I'm James."
"AND I'M MEOWTH!"
"Wherever there’s peace in the universe!" proclaims James,"Team Rocket-"
"Will be dere!"
"To make everything worse!" they finish together.
"Uhhhhhh," mumble the twerps.
"Aren't they missing someone?" asks Max.
"Yeah," notes Brock, who can be relied on to remember the hot redhead with big tits,"Maybe Jesse got fired or something....?"
James yells it is none of their business and Meowth admits it is too embarrassing anyway. Ash yells to Pikachu to use Thunder but then remembers that Squirtle is there and it could get hurt in the attack, so he has to hold back.
Inside the Centre, Joy tells Jesse that she has no choice but to cut her hair, horrifying Jesse who faints from outrage and terror when Joy chooses as the best tool for this a goddamn lecherous looking Scizor!
Joy tells Harley to go get "Jessebella's" friends to lend moral support, but outside he discovers Team Rocket grabbing Pokémon and dropping them into the cage. He has Ariados put up a web to block in Team Rocket (exactly what the web is connected to is never made clear), and May has Combusken use Sky Upper-Cut to smash the bottom of the cage and free the Pokémon, which fall (conveniently) into their owners arms.
Lillian shows up in time to see Team Rocket trying to escape, but before they can Squirtle uses... Ice Beam!!?! James and Meowth are frozen and sent blasting off again frozen in solid blocks of ice, as May gasps in delight that her little baby Pokémon has learnt a new move - and even the other twerps note it is rather convenient it learnt this right on the eve of a Contest.
Even the characters in the show can tell bad writing!
The twerps thank May for saving their (and the other Coordinators' too!) Pokémon while Squirtle - evidently tuckered out - nuzzles into her breasts and falls asleep (Oh like you wouldn't), and May tells them that Harley deserves credit too. He says he was just happy to help, and he and May shake hands as Ash gets a little too excited at the notion of a friendly rivalry. Lillian watches from a distance, impressed at May's willingness to help save the Pokémon of her rivals.... and all of them unaware of Harley's duplicitous nature (at least Lillian and Nurse Joy have excuses!).
That night, Jesse is heartened to hear of an injured James and Meowth's attempts to help her, even if it failed. She declares that she and Cacnea WILL win despite the handicap of actually having to compete, and James makes the mistake of trying to compliment her and accidentally slipping out the name "baldy"! Yes, Jesse has shockingly short hair now, looking like James with tits (it's a testament to this "kid's show" that we already know what "James with tits" would look like! Remembering her unwanted haircut, she squeals at them not to look at her!
The next day May arrives at the Registration Desk to hand in her Hoenn League Pass..... and learns that it isn't valid! And the 10am deadline has passed! May is horrified, she was told it was an 11am deadline and her pass was valid! The Registration desk lady keeps her smile on as she destroys a young girl's spirit.
Brock guesses that Harley was really helping out at the clinic.... but only to trick May and lull her into a false sense of security!
Or.... maybe Harley just doesn't like May and is allowed to be nice to other people!
Harley is watching from behind a corner practically blowing his load as he giggles over her cruel and callous revenge. But then Lillian arrives and shares a nod and a wink with the Registration Lady, and they issue May a Kanto Pass as well as a case for her ribbons based on her heroism the day before - the Registration Lady pretending that May showed up on time. May is ecstatic (as is Brock, who has to be dragged away by Max as the older boy tries to hide the physical expression of his "love"), and promises that despite Harley's attempts to screw with her yet again, she is going to get in there and win a ribbon! But a furious, hidden Harley vows to keep that Contest Ribbon empty!
Who will triumph? Tune in next episode, Gentle Dodgers, to find out!
| BEST QUOTES |
 "When it comes to simple, we're your guys!" "It was compassion for May, not passion for you!" |
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