407: The Symbol Life
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409: Uijin! Batoru Fakutori! (Kouhen)
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As the sun rises, Ash flies on the back of his MOTHERFUCKING CHARIZARD, practising steep dives into steep climbs, skimming water and enjoying the utter fucking awesomeness that is Charizard. It lets loose a humongous burst of Flamethrower, seen from a distance up on the balcony of the Battle Factory by the other twerps who are amazed by the fiery display. Brock explains to May and Max that Charizard remained at the Charicific Valley to become even stronger, powerful and speedy than it already was when it defeated a Magmar IN THE VERY HEART OF THE VOLCANO ITSELF!
Team Rocket are ALSO impressed, delighted to see Charizard again because they're probably dumb enough to think they can capture it. Meowth suggests they settle in to watch it train as he pulls out a picnic basket and sings happily,"JAMES MAAAAAADE EGG SALAD!" which is slightly disturbing and extremely amusing. Jesse thrusts an angry finger at them though, telling them that they reason they always fail is because they are less dedicated to evil than they are to eating. Meowth and James wail that even evil has to eat and James worked hard on the meal, but Jesse insists that they keep focused on her plan - which is to wait until Charizard beats Articuno and then capture the Legendary Bird. Meowth points out that Articuno might win, and Jesse replies that then they'll just capture Charizard, and both agree this is a genius plan with absolutely no possible flaws.... Meowth is so pleased that he humps the air!
Oh like you wouldn't.
Scott and Noland's Assistant take Ash and the twerps into the main Battlefield for the Battle Factory, where Noland greets them and reminds Ash that he won't be holding back in this battle - it's awhile since he had top notch competition. Ash wouldn't have it any other way, of course, and Noland calls in Articuno which sweeps in with wings spread majestically why. Ash calls out Charizard which roars with antici-
Noland is impressed by Charizard as a physical specimen, but tells Ash that he hopes he didn't pick it based purely on Type. Ash assures him that he knows this will come down to the abilities of their Pokémon and their own abilities as trainers, and Scott leads the twerps up into the stands to watch. Also watching, up on the roof of the Battle Factory, is Team Rocket. Jesse complains to Meowth that if they fall, she intends for him to provide a landing spot for her, and James just wants to know why they're up there. Meowth's plan, of course, is a simple, childish one involving cutting a hole in the roof and waiting for Articuno or Charizard to come within shot of dropping a net on them and then flying away victorious.
Yeeah... well... that's sure to happen.
Inside the Battle Factory, Max is freaking out because HOLY FUCK ARTICUNO VS MOTHERFUCKING CHARIZARD, and then things turn up to another level as the roof of the Factory opens in wedges to allow the Flying Pokémon to make the best use of their environment.... and Team Rocket come plummeting down into the Battlefield!
"Prepare for trouble we just dropped in!"
"Make it double, Jess, take a spin!"
"An evil as old as the galaxy!"
"Sent here to fulfil our destinies!"
"PLUS DERE'S ME!"
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"Jesse."
"James."
"Don't feggit MEEEE!"
"Anywhere there's peace in the universe!" proclaims Jesse.
"Team Rocket!" adds James.
"Will be dere!" throws in Meowth.
"To make everything worse!" they all finish together.
"WOBBUFFET!"
"CHIIIIME!"
Jesse has had a change of plan, they'll just run at it and try to take it by force.
Guess how that works out for them, Gentle Dodgers. I'll give a hint, it rhymes with Ream Bocket's Tlasting Aof Ogain!
And now the battle can begin!
Flamethrower and Ice Beam clash and.... CHARIZARD BURNS RIGHT THROUGH THE LEGENDARY POKEMON'S ATTACK AND SENDS IT CRASHING TO THE GROUND!
FUCK YES!
Noland tells Ash not to count on a victory just yet and sends Articuno back in, and Charizard tries another Flamethrower which Articuno dodges (Yes Ash, Pokémon CAN do that) and flies up behind Charizard. Articuno makes a slow and graceful dive towards Charizard which charges right at it, but then Articuno uses Mist to obscure Charizard and scores a shot with its wing, knocking it into the ground... and Charizard blasts the fuck back out of it with Dragon Breath!
DO!
NOT!
FUCK!
WITH!
CHARIZARD!
Charizard flies after it as Articuno falls to try and grab it, but Articuno recovers surprisingly fast and pulls clear. It hits Charizard with Ice Beam, which is totally ineffective against a smug Charizard which comes back with Flamethrower, but Articuno swings clear and scores a direct shot of Steel Wing and sends Charizard crashing into the ground far below.
HEY TRAINERS, WHICH OF THESE POKEMON IS SO SHIT USELESS THAT IT ONLY HAS ONE EVOLUTION!?! WHISMUR, BELDUM OR SPOINK!?! IF YOU CHOSE THE POTBELLIED PIG WITH A BALL ON ITS HEAD AND ROUGE ON ITS CHEEKS... THE FUCK KIND OF CRUEL ASS JOKE DID GOD PLAY ON THAT PIG!?!
Ash and Pikachu freak out, and Ash asks if Charizard can get up and OF COURSE IT CAN FOR GOD'S SAKE IT'S MOTHERFUCKING CHARIZARD! but then Articuno slams it back against the wall with Water Pulse. The other twerps are worried as well, and Scott grins and says that he thinks that Noland has Ash's number, he seems to have figured out how to dodge all of Ash's moves and score direct shots with his own.
Against the wall, Charizard struggles to get up but seems to be having a problem, and Ash thinks maybe he might have to go with his secret weapon, remembering the red glow surrounding Charizard when they last flew up above the clouds - a new attack that Charizard learned by itself..... but Ash doesn't want to use it just yet.
Charizard dodges aside as Articuno tries to freeze it in place with Ice Beam, flying through the air till it gets clipped on one wing and falls to the ground. The rest of the Ice Beam creates a clump of ice which Articuno then shatters with Water Pulse, sending shards of ice flying at Charizard which has to throw up a wing as a shield. Charizard takes to the air, followed by Articuno, and May notices that Charizard is flying slow... and Brock spots the frozen corner of one of Charizard's wings. Scott explains, Ice Beam might not hurt Charizard, but eventually it was able to freeze part of the wing and slow it down.
Once again Articuno uses a combination of Water Pulse and Ice Beam to send chunks and shards after Charizard, which smashes most but not all of them and then gets smacked upside the head by the ones that aren't melted.
Ash is looking frustrated as Noland decides to end this and quickly, and Ash decides the time has come to go for the Big Gun.... OVERHEAT!
The ice melts off of Charizard's wing as it glows bright red and flies up above Articuno, but Scott points out to the twerps that each attack powered by Overheat will lose effectiveness each time it is used - if Ash is going to end it, he has to end it soon.
Both Pokémon try to climb higher than the other to get the advantage of higher ground, and Charizard blasts Overheat at Articuno as it succeeds in getting higher... but Articuno lets out a huge ball of Water Pulse to intercept the attack and then flies through the smoke to score a Steel Wing. Charizard is looking hurt and battered and Noland says that Ash has fought well, but it's time to end this as he sends in Articuno with Steel Wing.
And hey, after all, this IS a Legendary Pokémon we're talking about here - Ash was foolish to try and take it on especially since it ISN'T officially Noland's Pokémon, and now he is paying the price for his overenthusiasm as a battered and bruised Charizard sees a Legendary Bird swoop in at speed towards it to end the battle once and fo-
OUR BITCH AIN'T GOING OUT LIKE THAT!
THIS IS MOTHERFUCKING CHARIZARD YOU SONS OF BITCHES! YOU THINK IT GOES DOWN!?! YOU THINK IT ENDS LIKE THIS! NO! THIS IS MOTHERFUCKING CHARIZARD AND LEGENDARY BIRD OR NOT, THAT ARTICUNO IS GOING DOWN!
At Ash's instruction, Charizard spins Articuno around and divebombs them both through the sky and crashing into the ground in a death-spin suicide bomb of a Seismic Toss, leaving the ground to shatter and the smoke to rise and eventually clear to reveal.... Charizard is on its stomach and Articuno is struggling back to its feet!
Oh fuck..... Charizard loses!?!
"Charizard is unable to bat-" starts Noland's Assistant, but then Noland cuts him off, as he begins to understand, as one simple, single unassailable universal truth sinks in for him.
Is not.
Going out.
Like that.
Articuno crashes to the ground as Charizard shakily gets back to its feet and then roars in superiority, flexing its arms as it declares it's pure, undistilled badass self to the world!
ASH WINS! ASH BEAT A FRONTIER BRAIN! ASH BEATS A MOTHERFUCKING LEGENDARY!
As the twerps celebrate, as Charizard flies up into the air and blasts fire in triumph.... Scott thinks to himself that maybe Ash DOES have what it takes to win the whole damn thing.
With the battle over, Noland's Assistant Sergio brings in the reward, and Noland awards to Ash the Knowledge Symbol!
Ash with a Knowledge Symbol.... (snicker)
Ash is also given a Frontier Folio, a Portfolio to hold the Frontier Symbols he wins in the Battle Frontier.
Later as the sun sets, Articuno fucks off because goddamn it doesn't want anything to do with getting its ass kicked by Badass Fury Dragons anymore. Noland waves goodbye, and Ash and Charizard say their traditional farewell as Charizard fries the flesh from his face and then departs with a happy roar to return to the Valley to kick the living shit out of other Charizards. Scott suggests that Ash make his next destination the Battle Arena, and he and the other twerps set off on their ongoing adventure, safe in the knowledge of certain undeniable facts.
Team Rocket will always interfere. Ash will always have a trick up his sleeve. Brock will never get laid.
And Charizard will always be an incredible Badass.
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 "When it comes to simple minds, no one beats ours!" |
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