398: From Brags To Riches
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400: Kaimaku! Saiyu Taikai!
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Ash runs through the morning fog with Pikachu on the day of the Opening Round. At the Pokémon Centre, Max is checking up on the stats with his PokeNav, while Brock is writing his stalker's journal of pretty girls that will be used as evidence against him when the police come after him.
Nurse Joy announces that the 256 qualified entrants have been paired off for their.... qualifying matches!?! Wait, so yesterday's preliminaries that whittled out hundreds of 8-badge winning trainers has only narrowed it down to 256 possibles who now have to QUALIFY!?!
Lots of heartbreak and crushed dreams in the Hoenn League!
Joy explains that there will only be 32 winners who make it through to the Victory Round. Trainers must win three battles to get through and if they lose one match... they're out! And all battles are double battles!
So the Hoenn League Championships is pretty much a highly efficient Mass Soul-Crushing Machine?
The pairings are up and Morrison's first battle is in the morning in Stadium E, while Ash's isn't till the afternoon in Stadium C. The two boys continue to brag and try to one-up each other, and make a deal that they'll be sure not to lose their first matches.
In Stadium E, Tyson and May are eating cheeseburgers that look suspiciously like large round loaves of bread. Morrison is up against a trainer called Gavin.... who has bleached horned hair, huge muscles and wears a purple tanktop and black bikeshorts!
Morrison sends out Growlithe and Gligar, and Gavin sends in Marowak and Machamp as he obviously runs on a theme. The battle kicks off, Morrison flexing one fat bicep back at Gavin before Growlithe uses Takedown on Marowak. It comes back by jumping onto Growlithe's back, putting its bone under Growlithe's neck and headbutting it while Gligar and Machamp exchange blows.
Marowak holds off a Flamethrower with Bone club, Machamp Dynamic Punches Gligar right in the armpit then Cross-Chops its face, leaving Machamp to pose proudly. While it does this though, Gligar comes back down with a Steel Wing that knocks it off of its feet. Marowak Bonemarang's Growlithe but it isn't down, blasting Flamethrower at Marowak.... which runs into the flames and headbutts Growlithe! Knocking it back, it Ice-Beams Growlithe and freezes its foot to the ground.... then bashes it around the face with Bone Club!
Jesus Christ!
Meanwhile, Team Rocket is exhausted by their snack stealing and Meowth is absolutely fed up with their current legitimate enterprise. Jesse agrees that it is time to go back to dreaming their big dreams (like stealing a fat rat from a 10 year old moron), but James warns that if they don't get back to work they're likely to catch the wrong kind of break... at which point their boss comes smashing through the wall in a fury!
Holy crap, this dude's blood pressure must be through the roof!
He roars at Team Rocket who misunderstands him and think he is offering to pay them to do nothing, and after the threat of gross physical violence they're back of to work at selling snacks!
Back at the battle, Machamp grabs Gligar and flings it into the air... genius work considering it can use height and speed to its advantage! It comes back at Machamp while Growlithe Flamethrowers Marowak even as it gets a Bonemarang in the face. Gligar is letting loose with a series of Steel Wings on Machamp which can't connect with Dynamic Punch (perhaps due to the shitty animation) and then Gligar scores a Guillotine and knocks out Machamp.... it's now a 2 on 1 battle!
Gavin isn't done yet though, and has Marowak use Bone Club on Growlithe, leaping over Flamethrower to connect and knocking Growlithe out to take it back down to a one on one battle.
The "clock" beneath the pictures of both trainers has moved from 00:06 to 00:08 but there is absolutely no indication what any of this means!
Marowak and Gligar smash into each other with Guillotine and Headbutt, and as they fall through the air Marowak scores a hit with Ice Beam. With one wing frozen, Gligar crashes into the ground helpless, and Marowak scores a Bonemarang shot. Marowak rushes in with Bone Club and Morrison's decision is to have Gligar charge in and.... take Bone Club directly to the head!
Ouch!
And then Morrison orders an Iron Tail that smashes directly into Marowak and drives it across the stadium floor and smash headfirst into the wall, knocking itself out! Morrison wins by complete stupidity and headfirst stubborn luck!
Maybe Ash CAN win the whole thing after all!
HEY TRAINERS! WHICH OF THESE POKEMON WOULD BE CONSIDERED LEGENDARY!?! THE RELATIVELY POWERFUL SALAMENCE, THE PRETTY BUT NOT OVERLY UNIQUE MILOTIC OR THE LEGENDARY HANDLE-BAR MOUSTACHED DOG SPIRIT ENTEI!?! TAKE YOUR TIME AND THINK IT THROUGH!
I guess an hour or so later, Ash, excited at having registered the Pokémon he will be using, is running towards presumably his stadium when he crashes through the ground courtesy of a hole dug by.... three snack sellers!?!
"Prepare for more trouble than an aching head!"
"Make it double from the team you dread!"
"To protect the world from devastation."
"To unite all peoples within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"Jesse."
"James."
"Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light."
"Surrender now or prepare to fight, fight, fight!"
"Meowth! Dat's right!"
"WOBBUFFET!"
"CHIIIIME!"
OH! It was Team Rocket!
Ash is screwed now, they've got him along with only his super-powered electric rat of death (plus all his other Pokémon too!) and Team Rocket are ecstatic.... until in a wonderfully John Kricfalusi-style moment their furious employer comes bursting through yet another wall!
He's a busy man, no time for doors!
He demands to know why they're loafing and not working, and Meowth insists that they've sold everything so they're just getting revived. He roars at them to revive on their own time and they rush away to sell more food, while a confused Ash pops out of the hole without a clue what is going on and continues to his battle.
On Stadium C, he's fighting against a kid called Dominic. Ash has decided to go with the emotional Torkoal and the wide-eyed jerk Corphish for his two Pokémon, while Dominic uses Tropius and Swalot because apparently he likes ugly ass monstrosities for his Pokémon.
Ash announces his strategy (he wants to win!) and then the battle begins, Tropius launching into the air and blasting Razor Leaf at them. Both Torkoal and Corphish protect themselves using Harden and Iron Defence. Tropius uses Bullet Seed on Torkoal and Swalot uses Sludge Bomb on Corphish, which is driven back despite its higher defence. Tropius uses Gust and pushes back Torkoal, which digs in and scores a direct shot on Tropius with Flamethrower. Torkoal Overheats to end things fast, but Tropius manages to dodge, while Swalot leaps through the air against Corphish which dodges and then ineffectively blasts Bubblebeam at Swalot which fails to do anything.
Ash decides to combine moves to try and put down at least Tropius, trying a combination Flamethrower/Bubblebeam on the flying dinosaur fruit plant thing. It takes the shot full on but holds on long enough to draw in energy from the sun and let loose with a Solar Beam. As it builds up its energy though, it is left open to first a Crabhammer and then a Flamethrower (Swalot could really have helped out while all this was happening). Solar Beam lets loose and Torkoal comes back with Overheat to block... but as it is the second Overheat it is weaker than the first. Both Torkoal and Tropius pour on the power and create an explosion, knocking both back and out... it's down to Swalot and Corphish.
Oh dear, Swalot isn't exactly hurting at the moment either!
Swalot instantly comes at Corphish with Shockwave, crashing Corphish through the air and then hitting it with another in midair before leaping up and crashing down onto Corphish with a BodySlam. Corphish Crabhammers free and knocks Swalot away.... but again the move does little damage to the blobby and bouncey Swalot. It hits a Shadowball on Corphish and Ash comes up with his strategy.... charge and hit the fuck out of that motherfucker!
The twerps can't believe it, the announcer can't believe it, the crowd can't believe it.... even Morrison can't believe it! Dominic is delighted and calls for a Shockwave, but Corphish charges right through it using one crabclaw to block the attack as it gets in close, grabs Swalot by the whiskers and pitches it through the air and into the ground!
Swalot doesn't absorb THAT attack, and then Corphish... SLAMS ITS CLAW DIRECTLY INSIDE OF SWALOT'S MOUTH AND UNLOADS BUBBLEBEAM DIRECTLY INTO ITS GUTS!
An explosion kicks up dust and smoke, and when it clears.... Corphish is standing tall and Swalot is knocked the fuck out! Ash has won it, Corphish is a jerk and Swalot has had its internal organs blown to shreds!
YAAAAAY!
As the twerps celebrate and Morrison acts smug, Team Rocket are exhausted and crashed out in a shed moaning about their lives when their Boss smashes through the door (the door!) with a roar. Team Rocket bow in a panic and insist that they weren't lying down on the job, but their Boss isn't there to kill them, he's happy with their hard day's work and has brought them a reward.... food!
Tearful and delighted, they scoff it down in delight as their Boss tells them that if they work as hard tomorrow he'll throw in desert, and no matter what losers they might have been BEFORE, now they work for him and he'll make something of them yet! He heads away as Team Rocket greedily eat, chuckling to themselves that they'll just see what's what before the end of the Championship.
With their first victories behind them, Ash and Morrison are once again competing as they argue over whose victory was more clear. Ash insists that Morrison only "barely" won while Morrison insists that Ash only just scraped through. Ash is actually right for once, but as they argue more and more, Brock points out that letting off steam is one thing but they might be going too far. Max's PokeNav has told him that Tyson also won his first battle (presumably his match was at the same time as Ash's, or else one or both of them are terrible friends), and so all three will be moving on to the next round of qualifiers.
May the best idiot win!
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