390: Less Is Morrison
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392: Ribaru toujou! Masamune to Dumbel!
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Oh my God, it looks like Misty! A fat, possibly male Misty! And it's coming right for Ash! Oh Misty please don't tell me you sought refuge in food, we all know that....
The Misty that ate Tracey charges right past ash and face first into a tree, tears himself away and demands his sandwich back. Ash prepares to do just that... but it's gone, taken by Munchlax which swallows it whole. May and the others show up and May apologises to Fat Misty, who lets loose a giant scream and then... becomes calm and happy, saying that he needed that.
Fat Misty's a man!
But just like Misty before him, Fat Misty (whose name is Morrison) knows just how to push all of Ash's buttons. He declares he means to win the Ever Grand Competition (presumably the Hoenn League?) and Ash says the same, so he explains he wants to be the Greatest Pokémon Master ever, which Ash also wants. They begin scaling higher and higher as they declare they will be the greatest in the Universe, the Universe's Universe, the Universe's Universe's Universe and onwards and upwards across time, space, eternity and the vast unscaleable reaches of imagination, getting angrier and angrier at each other as they go.
It all ends as it must, with a Pokémon Battle between Ash and Mist.... Morrison!
Morrison sends out Beldum, the dildo-shaped Pokémon, and Ash uses Pikachu. Beldum uses Takedown but Pikachu dodges and scores a shot of Quick Attack. Beldum goes for.... Takedown! Again? Max explains that Takedown is the only offensive move that Beldum has, but Morrison seems confident. Pikachu dodges again and hits a Thunderbolt, Beldum goes for Takedown again, Pikachu dodges.... but Beldum comes out of the dust and hits a direct shot and comes straight for Pikachu again, once again coming out of the dust unexpectedly quickly and hitting Pikachu again. It goes for another Takedown but Pikachu counters with Iron Tail, and the two moves clash and explode.... knocking both Pokémon out!
Boooo!
Morrison recalls Beldum as Ash tends to Pikachu, and Morrison declares that the battle may have been a draw but he bets he has more badges than Ash.... because he has seven!
Brock mentions that the Hoenn League is only a couple of months away and Morrison freaks out, moreso when he sees that Ash has eight, and he charges away with surprising speed for such a fatass. As they watch the bizarre red-headed blob zoom away, Max notices that Munchlax has once again disappeared.
Meanwhile, Team Rocket are miserably assembled around the last bit of food they have.... a single cracker. James suggests dividing it up equally but Jesse is infuriated by this commie-line of thinking, declaring that she'd need a microscope to see it.
Well I feel emasculated!
She insists on the much more democratic (and easily corrupted!) rock, paper, scissors to decide who gets the measly cracker. Unfortunately all of them keep coming up with the same choice, and then they notice that the cracker is gone! Meowth is sure that Wobbuffet did it, it's written all over its face! Wobbuffet clutches at its face in denial, perhaps thinking Meowth is being literal, and they all begin accusing each other again and break into a fight as a little way off behind the bushes is Munchlax eating a cracker. May shows up and demands to know where it got that food and it tries to run away again, so she recalls it to its Pokeball. Brock suggests they make some more of May's Purple Surprise, but she's starting to realise just how much of an investment it is going to be to keep Munchlax fed.
They head for the nearest Pokémon Centre, and find it as the sun is setting. Coming out of the forest at the same time is Morrison, who admits sheepishly that there aren't any gyms on the island but then confidently insists that he doesn't need to rush things and he wants to give Beldum a chance to rest anyway. Ash agrees this is a good idea and starts to walk towards the Pokémon Centre.... and then Morrison moves past him going just a little bit faster. Ash responds by going slightly faster, then both start power walking their way down the hill before breaking into an outright sprint.
Yeah, if that dude isn't Misty in disguise then he's a long lost relative or something!
They smash facefirst into the door, barrel through it and trip headlong into Nurse Joy's desk and then thrust Pikachu and Beldum directly at Nurse Joy's face in an effort to get there first.
After the twerps arrive, they settle down with Ash to eat some food. Even that ends up as a competition though, as he and Morrison compete to see who can eat the most food. After that they head into the hot spring (hey hey!) where May is absent, of course, and Morrison proves he isn't Misty as he sits shirtless in the hot water. After awhile, Brock and Max have had enough and get out, and Ash is going to join them till he discovers Morrison is sticking around. So he settles back in too, both of them insisting that they could take hotter water. Morrison turns the heat RIGHT up and everyone else in the pool gets out complaining that they're insane, while Ash and Morrison continue insisting they can take it till they pass out from heat stroke and have to be hauled back inside the centre to be fanned down by a thoroughly unimpressed Brock, May and Max.
Nurse joy returns Pikachu and Beldum, and they both hand over the rest of their Pokémon to Joy. Ash says he is ready for bed and Morrison agrees before preparing to head outside. The twerps are confused, and Morrison smugly tells them that HE sleeps outside.
Oh yeah, this is going to end well.
HEY TRAINERS WHICH OF THESE POKEMON GOES FROM LAND TO SKY IN ONE EVOLUTION!?! NOCTOWL, TRAPINCH OR LOUDRED!?! IF YOU ANSWERED NOCTOWL YOU'RE A FUCKING MORON!
Morrison takes them out to a tree where his hammock is set up high in the branches. Brock points out the Pokémon Centre is RIGHT there, and May says it is dangerous, but Morrison notes he has Beldum which keeps an eye on him as he sleeps and catches him if he rolls out of the hammock. Ash agrees to sleep up in the tree as well because he's a moron, and ends up trying to sleep ON A TREE BRANCH insisting that Pikachu will look out for him.
I don't even know where to start pointing out how stupid that is!
He barely even closes his eyes before he falls right out of the tree, through several branch ends and ends up JUST being saved by Beldum. Even Morrison can see how close that was and offers (belatedly) an extra hammock, and not long after he and Ash are sleeping in two hammocks side by side. Ash has to admit that the tree top hammock is a pretty cool place to sleep, and Morrison talks about how all the Pokémon in the trees and the sky are his friends - old and new - and how nice it is to sleep surrounded by friends.
Ahahaha that fat loser has no friends!
The next day, May is working on a recipe of Professor Oak's for a Pokeblock that may actually solve her Munchlax problems. Max brings Munchlax in and May feeds him her "pink surprise" (do NOT Google search for that, you will be arrested!) and the single block.... expands rapidly and does the unthinkable, it makes Munchlax full!
Max shows his Pokeblock Dispenser to Munchlax and tells it that whenever it is hungry, it only needs to tell him and he'll make sure it is kept full.... only it has already fallen asleep standing up and hasn't heard a word he said.
Meanwhile, Ash has left early to get in some training, only he finds the spot he chose to train in is the same as the one chosen by Morrison. Neither will back off, and Ash out of nowhere demands they arm-wrestle!
Ash wins using his right hand but Morrison wins with his left, so Ash demands a race and both take off for the mountain with Pikachu and Beldum following them, watched by a confused Team Rocket. Thankfully, the confusion and puzzlement create the perfect conditions for a patented Crazy Meowth Giovanni fantasy!
He happily imagines Giovanni in a bathrobe lying on his stomach on a couch as Beldum hovers over him using magnetic fields to loosen up his muscles, the prodding him with its claws as Giovanni's face grimaces with a skull-like visage.
These are getting progressively more disturbing!
Jesse and James are completely fooled of course, while Wobbuffet happily agrees with whatever is said.
Ash and Morrison continue to haul ass towards the mountain till Ash loses his footing and falls down the hill. Morrison stops to laugh and then falls himself, and then both spot an apple in a tree and charge at it, leaping up and grabbing the apple simultaneously before crashing face first into the tree trunk. They grin at each other and start eating, and then Pikachu and Beldum get grabbed up by metallic claws and a convenient cage gets dropped over Ash and Morrison!
Team Rocket forgo the motto to say a quick farewell and sail away, while Ash and Morrison - now Pokémon-less - continue their high energy/unthinking adrenalin push and ram against the bars till they burst through and zoom after the balloon. They have to leap over a crevasse but Morrison's fat ass means he falls, saved when Ash grabs his wrist and hauls him up to safety.... quite a feat, really, considering Morrison's girth! They zoom on after Team Rocket, making the trio wonder if the hopped up little morons ever quit.
Ash and Morrison's stubborn competitive fighting spirit has turned almost bestial however as they leap through the air from a cliff and land on the balloon, actually BITING the ears of the balloon and sending it crashing into the ground. Team Rocket are still confident though, as neither of the twerps have Pokémon, but.... they're going to fight the Pokémon barehanded!
Jesus Christ!
Seviper and Cacnea both make short work of the two overly worked up freaks, but they refuse to give up and keep coming, using a dual "Takedown" Attack on Seviper and Cacnea!
This has to be a new low for Team Rocket!
Pikachu and Beldum are knocked free and reunited with Ash and Morrison, and Team Rocket stupidly decide to keep fighting against the two guys who beat them up WITHOUT Pokémon and now have them!
Pikachu surfs on Beldum and they smack Cacnea and Seviper back into Team Rocket, Pikachu Thunderbolts the fuck out of them and Beldum uses Takedown to send them blasting off again!
At the port, Ash and the other twerps say their goodbyes to Morrison who is off to get his eighth badge. They tell him they're going to Slateport City where May will compete in the Grand Festival, and after that to the Hoenn League where Ash intends to meet Morrison again. Morrison's boat pulls away, and Ash waves goodbye to this strange fat man who he felt such a strange, unexplained immediate affinity (and competitive rage!) for.
And dare I say we felt the same? Because even if Morrison was actually just some weird fat dude without any friends, it still feels like, for one day at least, one last episode..... Misty was back!
| BEST QUOTES |
 "Oh please! I'd need a microscope to find it!"
 "Oh no, it's twerps gone wild!" |
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