385: Date Expectations
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387: Korogare! Koisuru Donfwan!
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They really can't afford to be late for this very important date, we're all expecting May to get her fifth ribbon and go on to the Grand Festival, so she can't miss the date! We have....
Just as the boat comes within sight of the island, the motor shudders and dies, the boat slowing right down. The pilot - Carlos - has to steer them into the cove of a small island just off the shore of Pacifidlog. He looks at the motor and tells them that it'll take 4-5 hours to fix it, and suggests that they cross the island to the opposite side and catch the ferry to Pacifidlog. They set off, not able to wait around since Dawn has to register for the contest.
So off they go, and soon find a Donphan blocking their path. Ash checks it out with Dextina (stop calling it Dextette you bastards!) and learns it is the evolved form, and belatedly remembers his own Phanpy and hopes it is doing okay sitting abandoned out at Oak's laboratory with Bayleef which is still determined that Ash is gonna call, he's gonna callllllll!!!!
Donphan suddenly rolls at them and they have to leap out of the way. They can't understand why it came at them, as they weren't being threatening, but Brock quickly figures it out, able to see a kindred spirit.
It's horny!
Yes a bunch of Donphan's are rolling around, it's breeding season
Brock suggests they clear out and leave the Donphan alone, but as they run May worryingly tells them that the port isn't that way. They stop in a grassy field overlooking a remarkable sea view, and find a happy looking Donphan that doesn't seem to want to kill or rape them. But just then a whole herd of them come stampeding in and the twerps have to rush out of there in a panic. May is horrified, she'll never make the final contest now, but Ash has an idea. He calls out Corphish, and Brock calls out Mudkip, and they'll use both these Water Types as a shield against the Ground Types as they make their way to the port.
Meanwhile, Team Rocket are also on the island for no clear reason, and have found the Donphans. Meowth is adamant that they capture one or some and give them to the Boss, struggling through several patented Crazy Meowth Giovanni Fantasies that James shoots down one by one, as he's had it up to here with the insane cat. First Meowth suggests that Giovanni would go bowling with Donphan, till James notes this would destroy the bowling alley. Next is the idea that Giovanni would use Donphan for transport by balancing in place atop one as it rolled along, allowing him a moment of PUN-ishment by explaining Giovanni would keep his luggage in the "trunk". Finally he tries to insist that Giovanni would get a massage from the Donphan, which is just an excuse to imagine the Boss close to naked and glistening.
Oh Meowth.
James shoots this one down too, saying it would leave the Boss flattened like a pancake, and Jesse roars at them that it doesn't matter what he would think of the Donphan, with their miserable track record they have to capture SOMETHING for him!
And THAT is an attitude they can get behind!
The Donphans keep rollin' rollin' rollin' as Team Rocket prepare their terribly flimsy fishnets to try and capture the high velocity elephants. Just then a smaller Donphan comes rolling by in a panic, followed by three larger ones which barrel over Team Rocket as they chase the smaller one.
I really hope that wasn't a rape gang.
The squashed Team Rocket manage to weakly push out some dreadful puns about being depressed, needing pumping up, and their jokes falling flat, then finally pull themselves to their feet. Meowth weakly suggests that they get Chimecho to use Heal Bell on them, and James calls it out. Jesse sweetly and kindly begs for some soothing healing, and Chimecho happily.... makes her and Meowth shit their pants!
James is proud of its little "Astonish" attack but Jesse and Meowth are furious, claiming that it is untrained or - worse - deliberately trained by James to attack him. Furious at this baseless accusation, they leap on James and start beating the crap out of him.
Meanwhile the twerps are moving through the forest and have spotted some of the Donphan that have succeeded in macking on the ladies. Just then a large one comes barrelling towards them, and Corphish and Mudkip go a little overboard and blast it backwards into a rock with Water Gun. Panicking that they've just killed a horny elephant, Brock gets a giant band aid that he just so happened to have in his backpack and slaps it onto the Donphan's nose (how convenient, now we can tell it from the others!), and they all apologise to it but note that when they're horny, Donphans tend to get a little boisterous. Just then a brown Donphan moves past them, and Band-Aid Donphan (let's call it Donny from now) has its eyes filled with love or a close physical approximation, and it almost barrels the twerps as it zips after the brown Donphan to declare its jungle fever.
Team Rocket have successfully been healed (or they're just that robust) and now have assembled the troops. Their Pokémon are being informed in no uncertain terms that they are to sacrifice their own bodies to prevent the Donphan from rolling over Jesse, James or Meowth. Cacnea would do this anyway, Wobbuffet has Counter and Mirror Coat, Dustox and Chimecho can fly, so the only one in any real danger here is Seviper.... and it's the only one looking even slightly nervous at its new job.
James whispers to Chimecho just to run away in cases of danger, and Jesse yells at him angrily that they will ALL do as she says. Just then some Donphan come rolling in, and Jesse sends in Wobbuffet as their first defender.... but it doesn't work out all that well.
Flattened again, Jesse moans for another Heal Bell and once again they're treated to a roar of Astonish, and Jesse continues to blame James and accuse him of teaching it to do that deliberately.
Meanwhile May is narrating another episode of "May's expeditions" through the lens of her hands, explaining that they're on Donto Island in the middle of a bunch of horny elephants. They spot Donny and see it rolling at the brown Donphan, and hilarious Ash tells it to,"GO FOR IT!"
Before it can roll in though, a bunch of other Donphan appear and all put on displays, knocking Donny onto his back. The twerps tell it not to give up though, and so it rolls crashing into two other Donphan and knocks them out of the way, then rolls about in front of Brownphan and seems to be impressing it. Unfortunately just then Snorunt lets itself out of its Pokeball to show off Icebeam, which it has just learned. Ash forgets to be angry at it for letting itself out and asks for another display, but it struggles to let off a second blast and overcompensates with the third, creating an icy surface that causes Donny and another rival to lose their footing and wipe out, causing Brownphan to turn up her trunk at them and walk away.
Ash decides Snorunt has done enough damage and tries to recall it, but it dodges the beam from its Pokeball and rushes away, the other twerps chasing it as May is left to lament whether she will ever make it to Pacifidlog Island.
Team Rocket have finished digging a hole, their "Ol' Reliable" when Snorunt comes running up to them and freezes them happily with Ice Beam. The twerps arrive and find Snorunt, then turn to apologise to Team Rocket for any trouble caused.... till they realise that it is Team Rocket!
It was still a jerky thing to do!
A group of Donphan come rolling in and they scatter, the frozen Team Rocket getting blasted off again. As the Donphan crash and roll against each other in an effort to impress any ladies hanging around watching, the twerps rush in different directions. Ash and May finally stop and realise that Brock and Max are nowhere about, and decide to continue on to the ferry in the hopes that they find them there. When they arrive, however, there is no sign of Max or Brock and the announcement is coming over that this is the final ferry for the night to Pacifidlog Island. Ash tells May to go on without him and get herself registered for the Contest, while he finds Max and Brock and catches up with her the next day. She's surprised by this suggestion, but he insists, saying that this is her last chance this year to achieve her big dream. She knows he is right, but says that she can't go, because some things are more important.
Cue the flashback!
She remembers back before she and Max left on her journey with Ash and Brock, Caroline coming in to see her in her room as she packed and making her promise to look after Max who was going with them despite being so young. So May has to honour that promise, and she'll just have to try for the Grand Festival next year.
They look over and see the ferry departing, and May's eyes fill with tears which she quickly wipes away, telling a confused Ash that they need to go and find Max and Brock.
The two in question have found Donny but not Ash or May, and are sorry to hear it hasn't gotten its freak on with Brown Beauty yet. Brock is heartbroken, as he was hoping that if one loser in love could find a lady, maybe he could too. They set off with Donny to try and find Brownphan, and discover it with Ash and May who encountered it and started feeding it Pokémon food while telling it about how much Donny wants to bone it.
Great dinner conversation.
May hugs Max, and he blushes quite appropriately considering what a dirty little bastard he is. Meanwhile, Donny wants to get laid REAL bad and puts on a ridiculous display for Brownphan, smashing through a tree and rolling about like an idiot in front of her. A bunch of other horny elephants roll in to try and get it on as well, but Donny has had enough and shoulders them all out of the way and beats on them until Brownphan suddenly decides she wants to give it up to this ultra-violent and unstable monster.
Ain't love grand!
But as they celebrate their dance together... a net falls over them both, Team Rocket has returned!
"Prepare for trouble it's a Donphan snare!""Make it double we're taking the pair!"
"To protect the world from devastation."
"Hmmmm, to unite all peoples within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"Jesse."
"James."
"Team Rocket roll on at the speed of light."
"Surrender now or prepare to fight!"
"Daaaat's right!"
"WOBBUHHH!"
"Chiiiime!"
Ash and Brock are angry at Team Rocket and demand they release the Donphan, but as Team Rocket mock them, May becomes genuinely angry, she would be on Pacifidlog Island by now if it wasn't for them! They're quite taken aback by her angry, and then shocked as she calls out all of her Pokémon and snaps open their "brand new net!" and releases the Donphans before Skitty Double-Slaps them across the face, Combusken sets fire to them and then Donny and Brownphan finish them off.
Jesse demands to know why they're always attacked in a group as they blast off, and James snaps angrily that it was because they tried to capture them during Breeding Season!
The twerps wish Donny and Brownphan the best in their hardcore fucking and head off to the port, but there will be no further ferries and Max can't believe she decided not to go on without them. Brock suggests there is always next year (it's how he gets through each year as a virgin!) but just then.... Carlos saves the day!
Having fixed his boat, he came by the port to see if they'd made the ferry and thus is able to offer them a ride to Pacifidlog, saying he felt terrible for letting them down earlier.
So it should come as no surprise that everything has worked out for the best, and now as they leave behind Donny and Brownphan to screw their brains out for days on end till one of them collapses from exhaustion, May is able to look forward to her last chance to win her last ribbon.
| BEST QUOTES |
 "Let those Donphan go!" "Now why would we do that when he just now caught them?" |
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