381: Do I Hear A Ralts?
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383: Rarutosu wo Sukue! Isoge Masato!
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He's so fired up that he is actually on fire! As the flames burn and May and Max comment on how excited he is, Snorunt pops out of its Pokeball and blasts Ash with Icy Wind, ending his flaming and leaving him frozen. But as Ash's excitement is chilled, a strange sound catches Max's attention, leaving him to ask himself....
Max runs deeper into the forest leaving the twerps confused because they didn't hear anything, and bursts through the bushes and discovers a sick looking Ralts. He brings it back to the campsite, telling the others it is freezing cold and suspecting that it fell into the lake. Brock brings it some soup and Pikachu convinces it to accept the spoonful from Max. May checks it out with her Pokedex and they learn that Ralts uses the pink "horns" on its head to read people's emotions (humans use their eyes and basic empathy), and Max tells the sickly Ralts that if it can read emotions, it should know that he is happy to be helping it. It smiles weakly and then Snorunt horns in and makes a terrifying toothy grin at Ralts, freaking it out. Max drags it away and tells it that it not to do that, and Ash accuses it of being mean. Snorunt, irritated at being misunderstood, grabs Max's glasses and Ash's hat and freezes them with Icy Wind, then slaps it onto their heads, showing them what being mean is all about.
Ralts starts laughing however, and Ash and Max realise that Snorunt's trick worked. Brock says that it is still running a fever though and they should take it to the Pokémon Centre, so Max turns around and offers his back to it. It climbs onboard and he declares that he will be its transportation and take it to the Pokémon Centre, dismissing the idea that one of the older boys with broader shoulders and actual muscles in their back might be a better idea.
Watching from their perch up in a tree, Team Rocket are also impressed by the Ralts, Jesse thinking it is quite a cute Pokémon despite the horrible bowl haircut. James says it can't compare to Chimecho, which it happily agrees with, and Meowth has himself a fresh idea about what they should do with Ralts if they capture it.
You get 75 guesses, Gentle Dodgers, the first 74 don't count, the answer rhymes with "Tive it to The Boss," starts with a G and is "Give it to The Boss."
James foolishly asks why they should do that, and Meowth contentedly drifts off into another patented Crazy Meowth Giovanni Fantasy! It starts, of course, with Giovanni in bed, awakening to find Ralts sitting on the bed with him when SUDDENLY a bunch of thugs break in to steal his money and jewels! But Ralts uses Safeguard to prevent the biker-looking toughs from getting at him, then sends them flying away screaming,"HUMMINA HUMMINA!" by using Psychic, before using Hypnosis to calm the now Baleen Whale looking Giovanni into taking another nap, mumbling to himself that Meowth and friends will get a big reward.
Yeah sure okay why not!
Jesse and James fall for it, of course, and squirm about in a happy dance on the branch.
Shortly after, the running twerps are stopped by a distinguished looking elderly gentleman in a suit with a walking stick and large grey moustache that doesn't match his familiar blue hair. He declares that Ralts is his and he and its two sisters have been searching everywhere for it.
Two sisters? Oh no... oh God no please don't tell me.....
Oh God. I don't know if it is due to Jesse's Gardevoir outfit, Meowth's Kirlia outfit.... or James as an old man in a suit, but somewhere, someone, somehow is masturbating FURIOUSLY right now.
Ralts doesn't seem too excited to see the man however, even after he leaps about spinning his case impressively and reveals his name is Lord James Jameson. Brock explains that they're taking Kirlia to the Pokémon Centre to treat it for its fever, but he insists (quite rightly) that he be the one to take it, telling Max that Ralts isn't scared of him as the little boy seems to think. Jesse and Meowth try to put on happy faces and show how happy they are with Lord Jameson, but Meowth is REALLY struggling to keep on his toes to continue the facade, and Ash somehow starts to suspect that something isn't right and lifts up his Pokedex to get a reading on "Kirlia", and learns something surprising as it gives him the description of Meowth, the Scratch-Cat Pokémon.
Meowth further gives the game away when he insists that the Pokedex Entry is incorrect and he does NOT spend all day sleeping, while Jesse is furious - not for breaking character but because he hasn't been out nights scavenging for coins!
James is horrified, clutching at his head knowing that the pain train is coming, while May has belatedly figured out what is going on, and Jesse realises the jig is up so might as well return to the basics.
"Then prepare for trouble little miss smarty pants."
"Make it double your Ralts has no chance!"
"To protect the world from devastation."
"To unite all peoples within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"HA! Jesse!"
"Ahaaaaa, And James!"
"Team Rocket is blasting off at the speed of light."
"So surrender now or prepare for a fight."
"Daaat's right!"
"WOBBBBUFFET!"
"CHIIIME!"
Dustox kicks up a wind and Cacnea fires Pin Missiles at the twerps (after James ducks its initial attempt to hug him), Max getting under cover and assuring Ralts he will protect it. Pikachu Thunderbolts Team Rocket instantly but James has Chimecho use Heal Bell to save them, and Dustox blocks a Fire Spin from Combusken. Seviper swings Poison Tail at Pikachu who counters with a direct shot of Iron Tail, and Ludicolo's Razor Leaf stops Pin Missile.
All the blasting and quaking seems to be getting to Ralts though, and Max runs to tell Brock who figures that it is worse off than just having a cold. The distraction allows Team Rocket to kick off some serious attacks at the twerps whose Pokémon block it, and Ash and the others tell Max to head off for the Pokémon Centre. He's taken aback at being told to head off into the forest all on his own (and rightly so!) but they tell him he can do it, and they'll finish off fighting Team Rocket. He rushes into the bushes as Ludicolo is knocked over, and Ash has Snorunt use Icy Wind to freeze them. It then rushes off after Max and Ralts as the icy wind clears to reveal.... Team Rocket are absolutely fine, Wobbuffet saved them!
Good 'ol Wobbuffet!
But as they celebrate how "cool" they are, Jesse and Meowth realise that Ralts and "da littlest twerp" is gone, and May and Ash mocks Jesse's bad eyesight despite her being so "cool", an observation that Jesse does NOT react kindly to.
DAMN! That's some Dragonball Z shit right there.
HEY TRAINERS WHICH OF THESE POKEMON IS NOT A DUAL TYPE!?! MEDICHAM, LINOONE OR LUNATONE!?! IF YOU CHOSE LINOONE THEN CONGRATULATIONS YOU NERD, YOU KNOW SOMETHING COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT AND POINTLESS!
Max continues on through the forest with Ralts, Snorunt running after trying to find them and Team Rocket also in pursuit blaming each other for losing sight of the little Pokémon.
Max believes they're almost out of the forest but Ralts is getting worse, and he pauses to find some little red poo-shaped berries on the ground and tries to get Ralts to eat them. While it sits making annoying squeaking noises, it won't eat and Max bursts into tears because he's just a little jerk in shorts and has no goddamn business being responsible for a sick Pokémon. Snorunt shows up moments later though with a solution, the same solution it has for everything.
Freeze it!
It has frozen some of the berries into little chunks of ice, and Max puts them into a cloth and places that on Ralts' head to cool it down. Finally it agrees to eat some of the berries which Max remembers his mother feeding him when he was sick.
Meanwhile the twerps are meandering along elsewhere in the forest seemingly unconcerned, Ash telling May that Max is probably already in the Pokémon Centre having a soda. None of them seem at all worried that there might be a connection between Team Rocket wanting Ralts, Max running away with Ralts and Team Rocket breaking off their attack on the now Ralts-less twerps and disappearing into the forest in the same general direction as Max and the Ralts went.
Max and Snorunt are running along a cliff's edge towards the Pokémon Centre when Team Rocket steps out from in front of them, wanting revenge on Snorunt and to get their hands on Ralts.
Team Rocket (and Meowth in particular) are feeling pretty tough since they're menacing a tiny little boy, but as Jesse leans in to mock him, she finds herself in a very familiar position.
It's just like her original Team Rocket job application!
Team Rocket find themselves being blasted off completely out of the blue, as confused as Max. They disappear with a twinkle into the sky and Kirlia and Gardevoir appear in a shimmer out of thin air, Ralts "real" sisters. They step forward to take Ralts back but Max won't let them, explaining that he has to get it to a Pokémon Centre to cure its fever. They either don't understand or think they know their own way to cure it, and Snorunt leaps into their way to try and keep them back, causing even more tension as Max tries to calm them down. They attack, blasting at Max and Snorunt who brace for impact.... which never comes..... because Ralts has crucified itself like Jesus!
It falls out of the sky, exhausted, and Max catches it. Gardevoir stops Kirlia from a further attack and Max promises he won't let them down, rushing on with Snorunt and skidding on his ass down a grassy hill and running past the setting sun out of the forest till he reaches the Pokémon Centre at night as some soft rock love ballad plays in the background and he and Snorunt stand at the operating theatre window watching Nurse Joy work. The other twerps arrive at last, and Max bursts into tears and jumps headfirst into May's breasts.
Sneaky bastard!
The next day finds them still outside the operating theatre when Nurse Joy finally exits and tells them that Ralts will be just fine. He runs in and hugs Ralts as Snorunt twirls about and Brock asks how bad things got for Ralts. She tells him that it had developed full-blown pneumonia and they were lucky it got there when it did. Max pulls out of his hug though to sadly tell Ralts that it must return to Kirlia and Gardevoir. He steps outside of the Pokémon Centre and calls to Gardevoir and Kirlia and they appear.... walking out of some bushes looking very suspicious and familiar.
The twerps can't believe that Team Rocket would try this again, as James hides in the bushes quietly begging Meowth to stay on his toes. Max looks them up and down and his reaction after a long ass night of thinking that Ralts might die is not a forgiving one.
Ralts uses Psychic to blast them off again, leaving James behind momentarily till he bumps into the REAL Kirlia and Gardevoir who send him skyrocketing after them.
Now the time has come for Max to fulfil his promise, however, and he releases Ralts hand as it stands confused, not wanting to go. He tells it that he is too young to look after it fulltime, but asks that maybe when he is older he can return and they will travel together? They hug as leaves come flowing in on the wind, and then along with Gardevoir and Kirlia, they shimmer and disappear, with only a laughably shrill,"Prrrrooooomissssse meeee Maaaaxxxxxxxx," voice echoing in his head.
Can't wait till he comes back in a couple of years as a fat loser and finds out she is already training with some good looking older dude who treats her like shit but looks good shirtless.
| BEST QUOTES |
  "No fair why isn't James blasting off!" "Don't worry guys, right behind youuuuuu!"
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