377: Once In A Mawile
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379: Koi suru Kuchito! Hasuburero no Hanamichi!
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Lombre starts off by.... staring gaping mouthed at Torkoal. Torkoal leaps up and blasts Flamethrower at Lombre who.... dodges. By.... tipping its spine backwards and staring with lidded eyes stupidly at Torkoal. It hits a direct Water Gun, dodges a Flamethrower and spins Razor Leaf at Torkoal which blocks with Iron Defence, then Overheats to blast the fuck out of Lombre and pitch it deep into the forest, much to Ash and Brock's horror.
It lands in the forest where it lays confused and stupid, finally snapped out of it when..... something tries to eat it!
The twerps arrive in time for Brock to fall in love (again) as he discovers a green-haired girl standing with her Mawile (a kind of yellow rabbit type thing with a GIANT FUCKING VENUS-FLYTRAP STYLE BLACK HEAD APPENDAGE) next to Lombre. She introduces herself as Samantha and a lovestruck Brock attempts to spell out each letter of her name for a particular Pokémon before Max hauls him away by the ear.
It seems Brock isn't the only one lovestruck though, the horrific Mawile sidles blushingly up to Lombre, much to Brock's delight who declares to Samantha that THEY should set a good example for the two Pokémon. Unfortunately for him, Lombre appears disinterested, enough so that it lumbers away from Mawile, causing Samantha to declare that it wasn't meant to be. Brock, hitching all his pathetic hopes and dreams on his retarded Mexican stereotype, insists this isn't so and rushes after Lombre to try and convince it to do what guys all over the world have learned to do - pretend to be in love to get something they really want!
Max does not approve!
And.... uhh.... Lombre doesn't really understand.
Brock actually grabs it by the lilypad sombrero and hauls it up into the air, carrying it back to Mawile to try and make it pretend to love her. Ash doesn't get it (of course) and Lombre ain't giving it up, turning its back on Mawile which reacts by chomping on its head with its horrible attached jaw. It runs away again, and then May spots a backpack with a long pink ribbon in it, and Samantha reveals it is part of "Mawile's Ribbon Show", a travelling show she and Mawile put on. She shows it off to the twerps, her and Mawile dancing to generic Pokémon music as they twist the ribbon about for the watching twerps, Samantha recklessly suggesting to Mawile that a good dance might make Lombre love it.
And Team Rocket are watching too!
Meowth is enthralled, because a dancing Mawile with a ribbon is OBVIOUSLY the perfect gift for the Boss!
"Alriiiight," sighs James,"Let's hear it then...."
And thus... another patented Crazy Meowth Giovanni Fantasy!
Meowth explains that watching Mawile "cut a rug with dat ribbon dance" he'll be super happy......
"WHAT!?! IS THAT'S IT!?!" demands James.
"DON'T RUSH ME, I'M GETTING DERE!" growls Meowth, and explains all about how Mawile will fan Giovanni dry after a bath and...
Yeah, he's pretty much fucking insane.
James asks why he wouldn't just use a fan (or, you know, a towel) and Meowth angrily retorts that a fan doesn't have an extra jaw that can double as a cushion.
"BUY A CUSHION!" roars James.
But Meowth smugly insists that he listen to what fantasy Giovanni has to say next, and apparently what he has to say is he is going to give them a reward for making "ordinary things fun".
James still isn't convinced by this wild rambling, but Jesse is and where Jesse is convinced, James and Meowth have no choice but to follow suit.
As the twerps continue on down the road with Samantha, she explains she is booked for a performance in the next town (wow, what a rocking town). Up ahead on the road, Brock spots a bouquet of flowers and without thinking hauls Lombre with him to them to try and convince it to give them to Mawile. The others step up to question why a bouquet of flowers is just lying there, and that's when the ground crashes out from under them, leaving them lying at the bottom of a hole questioning what happened.
"Prepare for trouble, what happened is us!"
"Make it double, no muss, no fuss!"
"LET'S CUT TO DA CHASE!" laughs Meowth, hits a button and drops a net to grab up Mawile.
As they try to sail away, Ash calls out Corphish while Brock calls on Lombre to save his greatest admirer.... and Lombre could give two fucks.
"WORK WITH ME!" moans Brock.
Seviper and Corphish fight and James calls out Cacnea to.... hug him lovingly before blasting Poison Needle at Corphish which hardens to block. Seviper wraps around it but Lombre hits Razor Leaf to free it, only to be smacked about by Seviper before Cacnea uppercuts Corphish away.
Oh my God, Team Rocket are winning!
And then Ash sends out Torkoal to uneven the odds the batter the fuck out of everyone and send Team Rocket blasting off again!
Awwwww.
As Samantha thanks them for saving Mawile, Brock warns Lombre that if it doesn't play its cards right, Mawile might fall in love with Torkoal or Corphish..... and then things get weird!
Ahahaha, oh no!
It drags her over the bouquet of flowers while Ash continues to just not get it. Corphish gets overexcited and leaps up and down faster and faster until Mawile chomps down on him with her extra jaw and pitches it off into the distance.... and Corphish scampers back all excited still clutching the bouquet... till it spots Mawile clutching lovingly to the arm of the totally indifferent Lombre.
Oh dear oh no!
Samantha is amused that Mawile likes the hard to get type, and Brock empathizes with Corphish for being a romantic reject and bursts into tears, followed by Corphish... followed by Torkoal for some reason!
As the sun sets, the episode doesn't end but rather finds the twerps in town in a large crowd before a HUGE outdoor stadium because apparently the town really IS such a rocking place that some chick and her monstrous Pokémon hopping about spinning ribbons IS a big deal.
The spotlight shines on the MC as he prepares to announce Samantha, while in the crowd Max is delighted by Corphish's furious jealousy towards Lombre. As the MC announces Samantha and the spotlight appears on her and Mawile, however, the lights go off and the spotlight reappears above.... Team Rocket!
In tights!
"Prepare for trouble the lights on us!"
"Finding the light switch was a big plus!"
"To protect the world from devastation."
"To unite all peoples within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"Jesse!"
"James!"
"Team Rocket puts on quite a show at the speed of light!"
"Surrender now, or prepare to fight, fight and then fight."
"Meowth, dat's right!"
With the light shining bright on them from the Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloon floating above the crowd, Jesse and James declare that THEY are the show now. Jesse tries to show off her ribbon dance herself and ends up tying herself up, while James tries to juggle pins which end up bouncing off of his head while the twerps angrily complain and the rest of the crowd just kind of sits and watch because this is the most excitement their podunk town has seen in years.... especially when the lithe young man and woman on stage shout angrily at the kids and tear their own clothes off!
Awww... they were wearing clothes underneath their clothes... and skin apparently.
Jesse sends out Seviper with Haze attack, blocking everyone’s vision. Brock shouts to Lombre to go and protect Mawile, but the balloon is already taking off as the Haze clears to reveal.... Mawile is still there!
The twerps look around and realise to their shock that Lombre is gone, and Mawile rushes off to try and save it followed by Samantha, followed by May, Ash and Max while Brock is horrified to be left behind to "entertain" the crowd while HIS Lombre has been kidnapped. Corphish tries to chase after Mawile, but Brock calls him back, appealing to him as "one loser in love to another".
Meanwhile Team Rocket have landed.... and James is not pleased with what came out of his sack
"I've always wanted a green Mawile with a pan on its head!" he complains grumpily as Meowth looks bemusedly at the indifferent Lombre and Jesse moans miserably that she doesn't want to talk about it.
But Meowth is happy, because finally he has another patented Crazy Meowth Giovanni Fantasy, they'll give Lombre to the Boss!
"With similar results!?!" ask a hopeful Jesse and James.
But even Meowth's frazzled, love-addled mind can't twist things around enough to make this work, as he imagines Giovanni waking up to find Lombre staring him in the face.... or happily strolling to the pool and having a Lombre.... leering at him.... or maybe at night they could have staring contests....? OH GOD THEY'RE FUCKED!
Meowth stumbles backwards and forwards, pacing in circles as he tries to figure out what they're going to do. James has the rather innovative idea of just.... not giving it to the Boss.... and then Wobbuffet appears out of its Pokeball and.... and things get weird.
Real weird!
Wobbuffet spots Lombre and the two stare at each other in delight, then begin waving their arms about wildly and declaring their own names till Lombre actually becomes animated and begins leaping about excitedly until a patiently pleased Wobbuffet slaps it on the head and knocks it to the ground where it wriggles around screeching its own name as it flails its limbs and then finally leaps back to its feet where it and Wobbuffet declare their own names in unison with a bow.
".....what.... was that, Meowth?" Jesse asks hesitantly in the aftermath of this bizarre state of affairs.
"Dat... was just a really bad comedy routine," replies Meowth.
Jesse complains they don't need any more bad jokes and Meowth insists they have enough of their own. The twerps and Samantha arrive and demand "their" Lombre back, and Jesse insists they are going to keep it... purely because the twerps asked for it back.
A fight kicks off as a fight must, and with the twerps easily winning, Lombre runs in to.... defend them?
Wha?
Lombre dodges an attack by Cacnea and Poison Stings from Dustox, and together he and Mawile knock them both back as Mawile falls even DEEPER in love, especially when Lombre then protects Mawile from an attack.
Lombre uses Razor Leaf on both Cacnea and Dustox, and then Mawile uses Solar Beam by taking in sunlight.... at night.... and sends Team Rocket blasting off again, Jesse complaining that she didn't want Lombre anyway and James complaining that maybe then she should have given it back!
With them blasted off, Mawile is still full of love for Lombre, while back at the stadium, it's no surprise to see how Brock has been attempting to keep the crowd enthralled.
"This is the only song I know...." he moans miserably.
Samantha returns and finally he and Corphish can end their (and the crowd's) misery, as Samantha and Mawile return to their bizarre and boring ribbon dance. Lombre ignores the stupid dance and stumbles over to Samantha's backpack and pulls out... a Water Stone!
And evolves!
Into a Gay Pineapple Duck!
It leaps into the dance routine and jumps about happily, apparently equally in love with Mawile which now itself doesn't seem quite so enamoured.
After the show, they meet by the fountain where Brock apologises for Lombre going through her backpack, and Mawile reveals that it doesn't feel that quiver in its inner thighs when it looks at Ludicolo.... then rushes lovingly over to a confused looking Psyduck as Samantha explains that Mawile is a little slut that falls in love every other day.
Ludicolo seems to quick get over its heartbreak though, and Brock sobbingly declares that he too will get over a love that never was, and together he and the gay pineapple duck dance arm in arm.
And that, Gentle Dodgers, is as close as he'll ever get.
| BEST QUOTES |
 "Does a fan have an extra jaw that makes a comfy cushion too!?" "THEN BUY A CUSHION!" "We don't need any more bad jokes""Yeah dis team's got enough of dose!"
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