376: Claydol Big And Tall
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378: Kyodai Nendoru wo Fuuinse yo!
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Wow, that is SUCH a cool title for an old dude with a girl's name.
But as the twerps ask for the story, he whips his cloak aside to reveal.... no no, don't call the police, he reveals souveniers! Apparently island sage doesn't pay diddly! BUUUUUUT, only he has a copy of an ancient text handed down since the time of.... THE GREAT DESTRUCTION!
Yes, Gentle Dodgers, it is time to hear the tale of....
Sigourney explains that a great power was sealed long age in the time of destruction inside the stone Pokeball. But it was released years ago by a mysterious stranger.
"What'd it do?" asks Ash.
"What do you think it did, ordered pizza!?!" demands Sigourney grumpily, and explains how it went on an orgy-
Oh!
-of destruction!
Oh....
But as the bizarre, barely able to be seen monster rampaged through fire, a white shining Sage appeared from nowhere and summoned a new stone Pokeball to recapture it, where it remains to this day inside Lake Izabe.
Sigourney tells them he can show them the lake if they are worthy, and Max declares that they ARE worthy, though May correctly asks him just how he can be so sure. Sigourney asks them to put their hands up if they want to prove their worth, and they all do. He then offers to take them all to the lake, and Brock reminds him they're meant to prove their worth. Indeed they must.... by buying one of his souveniers!
But listening from above without having souveniers foisted on them is Team Rocket, and they're VERY interested in having access to that power. They fly to Lake Izabe in their Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloon where they spot the stone Pokeball in the middle of the lake. Jesse cannot wait to start destroying things, and they lower down over the Pokeball as Sigourney leads the twerps out of the forest to show it to them. They spot the balloon and Ash warns Sigourney that these are NOT the kind of people who would buy souveniers, rather they're crooks AND they never have any money.
Well suffice to say, this angers Jesse and James!
James insists that their gadgets cost a lot of money! And Jesse says that they're not crooks, the twerps just don't understand their motivations! Sigourney asks what those motivations are, and they reply in the form of motto, as seems only appropriate.
"And their goal should be to make it double."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love!"
"To dream... ahem yes, to dream of extending our destructive reach to the stars above."
"Jesse!"
"James!"
"Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light!"
"Surrender now or prepare for a dramatic fight!"
"DAAAAT'S RIGHT!"
"WOBBBBUFFET!"
"CHIIIIIME!"
And out came a Claydol.... a big'un!
Parting the water on either side, the monstrous, bizarre many-faced thing bellows its own name as Sigourney tells the twerps that the revelation that the monster was a giant Claydol explains one of the great mysteries of the book that has confused Sages for so long..... why was there a picture of a giant Claydol in the book about the monster that unleashed all that destruction?
Oy vey.
Meanwhile, Team Rocket aren't taking the revelation of the monster they DELIBERATELY freed too well.
Jesse pulls out of it though and tells Meowth to catch it! So he hits a button that lowers a giant grabber claw out of the basket and attempts to lift the giant Claydol up from where it is floating above the water.... but nothing happens.
"LISTEN TO THIS YOU FAT BALL OF CLAY!" demands Jesse,"DO YOU THINK JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE BIG AND UGLY YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO WHAT I SAY!?!"
Oh Jesse, that might not have been the best idea.
Claydol rolls one giant eye up to face them, then blasts them with a burst of ice, then fires a blast of energy that sends them blasting off again.... and then falls back out of the sky and landing on top of Claydol!
Oh dear!
The Claydol begins to move across the lake in the direction of the nearby village, blasting energy in its path and creating a path of destruction before it. Ash stupidly, stupidly, stupidly tries to catch the giant Claydol with a Pokeball and surprise surprise, it doesn't work. Sigourney tells them that they have no choice but to use the giant Pokeball atop the mountain, but it's too big to move. Therefore, if Mohammed can't come to the mountain, bring the mountain to Mohammed.
Although in this case.... the mountain can't come to Mohammed so.... uhh.... Mohammed is going to.... be bought.... to the mountain?
That analogy really didn't work at all.
As Claydol continues along, James and Meowth whimpering in terror and Jesse roaring furiously at it to stop moving - Sigourney reads the ancient text and explains that the Claydol was formed by a Water Maiden from the Lake, and thus water attacks can be used to direct it. The twerps somehow get way ahead of the giant Claydol and up high on a cliff, from which Brock's Lombre and Mudkip blast it with Water Gun.
Claydol is given pause, twists its giant head around (causing Team Rocket's faces to distort wonderfully) and sends the blast of water back at the twerps who duck to avoid it as it blasts through the rock. Moments later, Team Rocket crash into the ground behind them having been sent flying, and James suggests that they pretend to work with the twerps and then grab Claydol when they get the chance.
The twerps, being stupid, agree!
Sigourney checks out the ancient text again and discovers that what it ACTUALLY said was to under no circumstances whatsoever should they use water attacks on Claydol.
Oy vey.
He reads on (has he never read the fucking thing before?) and discovers that the Claydol was revealed in the past to have been seeking sustenance. On its destructive path to the village in the past, they discovered its favorite food and lured it away using that.
So soon James and Ash are dangling a big basket of eggplant before Claydol as it makes its strangely slow way towards the village. However it ignores the offered treat, and when they check again with Sigourney he notes that the eggplant shown in the text is much larger than that the twerps were apparently able to find, gather, place in a basket and get ahead of the Claydol with.
Luckily, Brock has an idea!
Bit of luck that he had those two eggplant costumes lying about, eh?
"Here it comes, dance like an eggplant!" cries James as Claydol approaches. Apparently eggplants dance by hopping wildly from foot to foot. Ash assures Claydol that they ARE eggplants, and James insists that they're not at all two guys in costumes, in case it had any doubt.
It pays attention, especialy when james suggests that they're low-fat which it should probably look into (haha, what a bitch!). Claydol follows them as they lead it towards the mountain, while Sigourney continues to read his text and discovers that the Claydol didn't LOVE eggplant.... it hated it!
Oh God, he's the worst Sage ever!
Luckily though it has been shown that the twerps can move faster than Claydol.... until that is James and Ash run into a dead-end... and they don't take it well.
Claydol looms up behind them and they try to figure out why it seems so angry, and the other twerps arrive in time to warn them from above that it HATES eggplant so get their kit off!
Oh I see, it's all an excuse to get them naked!
They leap out of the eggplant costumes and cheese it as Claydol smashes down on the eggplant costumes again and again. Once done, it turns to face the dead end and then smashes its way through, the village not far on the other side.
Wait a second.... so James and Ash were luring it AWAY from the village by running.... in the same direction as the village?
As the villagepeople FINALLY become aware of the threat approaching them and start running, Meowth moans that "our plan" is ruined. When Max asks what he means, Meowth hurriedly insists that he said POWER PLAN, and Max seems to accept this nonsensical statement at face value. Meanwhile, Sigourney is once again checking the ancient text one line at a time looking for a little factoid he can spit out without actually reading on to see what it says next.
Jesse ponders why Claydol is going for the village anyway, and reading on Sigourney discovers that it was believed Claydol was looking for the maiden that originally trapped it. So the Sage of the time transformed into a beautiful maiden and played a flute to lure Claydol away.
Well Jesse is abso-fucking-lutely delighted, because SHE is a beautiful maiden! Now it's her time to shine!
But as Claydol hears music being played and turns to investigate, we discover that the others didn't QUITE see things her way.
Jesse is furious that the others are there, especially at May (though you'd think a blue blob and a small furry cat being considered as "maiden-y" as her would be worst) who tells her that maidens are supposed to be young, sweet and innocent, not criminals.
At least she didn't OUTRIGHT call her an old bag.
Ash and James yell at them to stop arguing while Brock asks if they REALLY need the four of them down there. Sigourney explains that the ancient maiden could have been a great beauty or "ugly as a stump" so they have to cover all their bases. Thankfully he doesn't say who fits in where on the spectrum.
And then..... things get weird.
God I love Pokemon.
Claydol can't resist this bizarre sight and their song of "Claydol Claydol we love you!" and Jesse giggles happily that it is obviously coming for her because of her beauty. It stares at her with its many eyes, one of which narrows before it blasts her into the sky! Meowth then insists that it must love "her", and it freezes him away as he moans at how cold Claydol can be. May notes that this leaves her, but it lifts her psychically and tosses her away in a blow to her ego. As she falls, Ash, Brock and Max rush to catch her, leaving Jesse and Meowth to slam face first into the ground. May is sure that Sigourney has misread the ancient text again, but he points out that the text called for the most beautiful maiden in the world so using ANY of them was a bit of a stretch.
"That's just mean," they say together sadly.
But wait, it's not over.... Claydol is gagging for it.... from Wobbuffett!
The patiently panicked blub blob in the maid outfit rushes away still playing the flute as Claydol lunges after "her". Ash notices and points this out, and James asks if it thinks Wobbuffet is an eggplant!
Sigourney notes that the maiden in the text DOES look kind of like a Wobbuffett and he thought it was just a printing error. Jesse, May and Meowth are NOT impressed, Jesse saying she has her doubts and May asking if she means in the text or the guy reading it.
They move on to the mountain and place a tree trunk as a lever beneath the stone pokeball, ready to drop it down the moment Claydol is in range. But as Wobbuffett gets closer, the now heart-eyed Claydol is getting too close and soon it must surely catch Wobbuffett.
And.... rape it?
Ash knows what needs to be done, and sends down Swellow to scoop up Wobbuffett and haul it to safely. Bravely it flies down in front of Claydol and scoops it up as Ash celebrates... until Brock points out that it didn't QUITE get all of Wobbufffett.
Oh no!
Wobbuffett panicks as it realises its wig is gone and now it looks ugly! Claydol is no longer lovestruck either but furious. The terrified Wobbuffet puts on a burst of speed and they drop the Pokeball down the side of the mountain.... but it gets stuck on a rock!
There is absolutely no time for them to get down there and knock it free, so their only alternative is to.... call out their Pokemon and give them detailed instructions on what moves to do to knock the Pokeball loose. They do, and amazingly Claydol is STILL beneath it as it falls and slams into it, sucking Claydol inside with a burst of blue energy and slamming down into the rocky mountainside.
But as the twerps celebrate, Max realises that Team Rocket have disappeared, and they spot the Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloon with the metal grabber claw trying to haul the Pokeball free. It rolls loose from its new spot on the mountainside and.... drags the balloon with it as it spirals around the mountain road, Team Rocket screaming/singing that they'll be coming round the mountain and they'll crash. Luckily for them, though, the rope connecting them snaps and they're sent blasting off again, while the Pokeball rolls around the mountain road, through the forest and crashes through to the centre of the lake once more, returning to where it started from.
Sigourney declares that the ancient text stated just this very thing, and they all groan at him.
As the sun sets, the twerps and Sigourney look over the lake and ponder whether the giant Claydol was REALLY a Pokemon or not. They worry that it might be released once more at some point in the future, but since there is absolutely NOTHING they can do about it (like, you know, get the Government to come haul it away and put it in a vault some where) they figure they just leave it there with nothing but a crazy old man as a warning and continue on their way.
After all, it's not THEIR problem anymore!
| BEST QUOTES |
 "Here it comes, dance like an eggplant!" "We're eggplants!""Not two guys in costumes at all!""Look, the giant Claydol's going after Wobbuffet!""Does it think it's an eggplant?"
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