375: A Cacturne For The Worse
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377: Izabe Shima Pokémon Kontesuto! Ribaru Nikio Tsukero!
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On the island itself, Team Rocket are moving a big cart uphill, filled to overflowing with berries. Jesse intends to turn the berries into Pokeblock, sell at a huge profit at the Pokémon Contest, buy an island and start their OWN corrupt corporation and make the boss work for them!
Until Meowth belatedly points out that the Berry Salesman conned them and you can't make Pokeblock from these berries. Jesse is horrified, more so when James and Meowth step away from the cart and leave her to be yanked off her feet and sent flying back down the hill cursing being the rip off that ripped off other rip offs.... and preserving her dignity as best she can as her legs spread wide right before the camera.
.....lousy decency.....
And speaking of decency, as they sail along... something appears. Something.... wrong and strange and..... what is this thing?
May checks out the Cacturne with her Pokedex, but THAT isn't the oddity we're talking about, but rather its trainer.... Harley! Tall with long purple hair and a slim, slender figure, Harley is... well, we're not entirely sure.
The voice is deep enough for a man but the inflection is female. The outfit is designed to emulate Cacturne but is cut open to show-off the belly, the pants are definitely female but the short jacket is male, and only a woman would wear a hat like that.
What is Harley? Male? Female? Both? The answer is.... Harley is Harley!
Harley compliments May on her practise with Bulbasaur, and is rather alarmed and taken aback when May doesn't have a clue what Cacturne is. After she looks it up and calls it scary, a rather offended Harley offers her some cookies which a happy May calls "not half bad", offending Harley yet again. Bulbasaur wants some cookies too but when she asks for another (or rather, just up and says she WILL have one more) Harley is gone! As she looks around (and refers to Harley as "he", kind of solving the mystery maybe) Harley is around the corner furiously pasting May's photo into a scrapbook and hilariously stamping a frowny face above her!
Offended and aggrieved, Harley can't believe May thought the cookies were "not half bad" and that she didn't know anything about Cacturne and thought it was scary. Furious over the cookies, Harley declares with camp fury that he will teach May a lesson!
That night, Team Rocket are sitting in the forest struggling and working hard with a Wobbuffet-shaped crank to make pathetically small amounts of terrible looking Pokeblock out of the berries, despite the fact it is impossible. Meowth and James make the awful mistake of trying to reason with their Bitch Goddess Queen, and she roars them down, meaning to force through sheer stubborn determination the creation of Pokeblock.
The next day in Purika City, Vivian is kicking off the start of the Pokémon Contest. Backstage, the twerps are waiting in the corridor, waiting for Max who hasn't shown up yet. Just as round 1 is about to begin, Max and.... HARLEY!?! come running around the corner and arrive. May is furious at Max for being late, but Harley explains that he bumped into Max, insisted he come with him and bought him an ice cream sundae.
Oh dear... that's.... that's not good.
May goes out for the first round, sending out Bulbasaur to whip Razor Leaf with Vine Tail, impressing the judge with the display of finesse, speed and accuracy. Following up is a series of also-rans and nobodies, making up the numbers and not even having real names or mothers, until finally out comes.... Harley!
Well no shit!
Cacturne poses like Harley in a demonstration of "Dark Pokémon Characteristics" and May can't understand why the audience seems so mesmerised by it just standing there. Cacturne blasts Bullet Seed as it runs around wildly and for some reason the judges are enthralled, and then it etches a skull and crossbones into the arena floor.
How.... lame.
However the judges are impressed by the effort that went into making it effortless, and May is concerned that she might not make it into the second round based on how well a bunch of nameless characters with no backstory did. But shock of shocks, when the top four are named.... she made it in! So did Harley! And two dudes to make up the numbers!
May is relieved, the twerps are pleased, and Brock grumps that May will be up against stiff competition in the second round. Harley looks confident, May might not be that bad a coordinator, but they'll see if "not bad" is good enough.
Haha, what a jerk.
Harley starts off against Nameless Numbers-Making Up Man and his Azurill. Azurill bounces cutely across Bubbles towards Cacturne, but Harley says he is the only adorable thing around and pops the bubbles with Poison Sting, then knocks out Azurill with Bullet Seed.
Oh no, the nameless dude making up the numbers somehow got defeated, impossible!
Backstage, Harley "accidentally" bumps into May. she congratulates him on making it to the final round, he offers her good luck and then offers her some advice on facing off against her opponent's Surskit - it's super slow so she should move in as close as possible before an attack. May is thankful for the advice and rushes out as Harley giggles to himself.
Out in the battle, Bulbasaur is waiting and watching as Surskit uses Double Team. May tells it to let Surskit get in close and it does... and gets the shit kicked out of it and loses big points as May tries to understand how this could be happening when the tall stranger in weird clothes her took her little brother out for ice cream and who has a personal investment in winning the contest could possibly have given her bad advice!
Vivian mentions that the Coordinator and his Surskit is well known for their speed, and May realises for the first time she got played.
HEY TRAINERS WHICH OF THESE POKEMON IS THE FINAL EVOLUTION OF LARVITAR!?! IS IT ARMALDO, TYRANITAR OR DRAGONITE!?! THE ANSWER IS.... WELL COME ON, TRAINERS, YOU'RE NOT RETARDS ARE YOU!?!
Surskit uses Water Pulse and Quick Attack AGAIN to finish things off for May, but then Bulbasaur slaps its feet out from under it with Vine Whip and blasts the Surskit with a pretty Petal Dance that impressed the judges. Surskit gets back up as the time runs out and they go to the points.
WHAT!?! She got her ass kicked the entire 5 minutes and then hit TWO moves and she wins on points!?!
Regardless, the final Contest Battle will be between Harley and May. Standing side by side, May demands to know why Harley lied to her and he campily, bitchily tells her that he lied to her because he knew she would fall for it!
Haha! Psyke!
He then rather bitchily but accurately tells her that if she had done some research into her opponents like she is SUPPOSED to she never would have fallen for the trick. May is horrified, and Harley presses on, his claws verbally sharpened as he tells May that she is obviously not into contests as a serious business and is just playing around. Even up in the stands, the twerps can tell that they're not getting on, while May tells Harley that she'll show him who is playing around.
For the final battle, it's May vs Harley, Cacturne vs Bulbasaur. Bulbasaur knocks Poison Sting out of the air with Vine Whip and blasts Razor Leaf at Cacturne who blocks with Bullet Seed. Both lose points at the same time, but then Bulbasaur scores a slap with Vine Whip and Tackles Cacturne to the ground, and May mocks Harley by asking who is playing around now. Like most camp androgynous bullies, Harley doesn't like having the verbal claws turned on him, and he goes to his Plan B in an absolutely hilarious bitch move. Reaching into his pocket, he pulls out a tape recorder with ONE HELL of a speaker and hits play, broadcasting Max's words from when Harley took him for an ice cream Sundae earlier.
To May's horror, suddenly Max's voice is broadcast around the arena, telling all about how May used to be scared of Pokémon and then tells a story about how she went swimming as a little girl, got surrounded by a bunch of Tentacool and just happened to be wearing a swimsuit with a matching blue swimcap when the Tentacool popped up beside her.
At first lil' May was delighted, until she realised she was surrounded by Tentacools and squealed for her mummy. Unfortunately, when Caroline turned around on shore and saw May, she thought that SHE was a Tentacool and tries to catch her!
The audience bursts into laughter, as an absolutely horrified May stares around in abject misery, her humiliation complete. She buries her head in her hands and then roars with flames around her at Max who cries back from the crowd that he told the story to help because Harley had told him that when he was a little boy he was scared of Pokémon too. Furious, May turns on Harley, who laughs and says he should call her Tentacool... or Tent for short. The crowd roars with laughter again, and Harley laughs that if she doesn't calm down she'll evolve into an Octillery. But as she growls at him that he has had enough fun at her expense, the battle is STILL going and Cacturne takes advantage of the lull to get in behind Bulbasaur and score a hard kick on it. May loses points and has to get back into it with a Razor Leaf, but Cacturne dodges and hits Poison Sting. It manages to dodge Vine Whip and Petal Dance, and May's points drop more as she fails to score a hit... and time is running out!
Up in the stands, Brock notes that May is letting her temper get the better of her, and Ash has an idea! BE DUMB! He yells down at May that she is thinking too much and needs to concentrate on the battle only, something that comes naturally to him.
Meanwhile, Harley is throwing up the horns.
He orders a Feint Attack, and Cacturne moves in with another kick but gets its foot caught in Vine Whip and tossed into the air, leaving it exposed to a dual blast of Razor Leaf and Petal Dance, creating a very pretty looking move that ALSO batters the shit out of Cacturne..... which crashes to the ground and is knocked out with 30 seconds left and the points even!
So May wins!
Ahahaha, so much for being a bitch to get ahead!
Harley recalls Cacturne, "HMMMMMMPHS" haughtily and walks away. Not long after, May is presented with her fourth Contest Ribbon!
But as she celebrates, Harley stares at his page on May with its frowny face and declares that she won by pure luck, but her luck will be up the NEXT time they meet.
Oh Goody, a new rival! A really fucking weird one!
Outside the arena, Max asks for May's forgiveness and she growls at him that she does NOT forgive him and she IS still mad.... then laughs it off and says she is just joking.
Success makes it easy to forgive!
They set off for the next town across the other side of the island, and then we see Team Rocket loaded with boxes of Pokeblock with a huge crowd desperate to buy. It's like some wonderful dream.... and it is! Team Rocket are passed out on the forest floor as Jesse laughs happily and James asks if they have bought an island yet, and Meowth whispers gleefully that he can't find one big enough.
And so it is a happy - if false! - ending for Team Rocket in this one, and a happy ending for May, and a happy ending for Max.
As for Harley? Well at least we know the answer to the earlier question on whether he was male, female, or both. The answer is....
He's a bitch!
| BEST QUOTES |
 "Hey May! You're thinking way too much!" |
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