372: Solid As A Solrock
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374: Tokusane Jimu! Sorurokku to Runaton!
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Ash doesn't care though, his love and trust for his Pokémon, coupled with his incredible levels of stupidity, means that his confidence remains....
To make things worse, Mossdeep's Gym includes floating planets inside the Gym itself which are included as part of the arena. Liza and Tate's Mum seems to be judging the event, explaining that there will be no substitutions and no time-limits. So Ash has to battle two people at the same time on a 180 degree battlefield with only two Pokémon that he has to command both at the same time.
GODDAMN!
Ash considers Liza and Tate's Lunatone and Solrock, and then picks his team. It will be Pikachu and Swellow, the two Pokémon he can probably most count on to be able to deal with attacks coming from multiple angles AND deliver those same attacks back.
But as they prepare to battle, outside Team Rocket are approaching the Gym, Meowth delightfully standing on Jesse and James' shoulders before he launches into an incredibly ridiculous patented Crazy Meowth Giovanni Fantasy. It seems that little baby Giovanni is hiding out hunched up in an alleyway upset and overcome by the incompetence of his employees. But then the Solrock and Lunatone that Jesse, James and Meowth intend to steal show up and shine a light on him, and he goes out and puts on the ritz!
Jesse and James, their poor braincells battered and bruised beyond belief, happily go along with this madness.
But as Jesse and Meowth start stomping happily forward, James calls them back, pointing out that going up against Psychic Types without a plan will get them smashed to pieces (again!). Meowth has an idea though; he won something on an online auction with his no-money!
At the battle itself, Solrock zips in towards a startled Pikachu with Tackle, knocking it backwards with Lunatone coming in after and hitting Swellow on the rebound as it tries to dodge. Pikachu tries a Quick Attack on Solrock and Swellow goes for Wing Attack on Lunatone, but both end up crashing face first into "planets" as Solrock and Lunatone dodge, Swellow landing on top of Pikachu as Liza and Tate order a Solar Beam and Icebeam respectively and the two attacks... hit each other and cancel each other out!
Ash was moments away from being utterly thrashed, but Liza and Tate were out of synch and begin to argue between themselves over whose fault it was while Ash's Pokémon recuperate and jump back into the fray. Swellow uses Aerial Ace and bashes directly into Lunatone, and Pikachu slams Solrock with Iron Tail. Liza condescendingly offers to help Tate who angrily tells her to help herself, and both Pokémon zoom towards Pikachu who looks about for an escape route... provided by Swellow which swoops in and pulls Pikachu clear as Solrock and Lunatone bash face-first into each other!
Haha! So it seems that Ash might have one advantage over Liza and Tate - he's of one-mind (well, half a mind) while they are out of synch and getting in each other's way.
Liza and Tate once again blame each other over timing and angles while May and Max comment that maybe they don't have it so bad themselves. Ash is ready to take advantage and finish things off for a surprisingly easy 7th badge.... at which point Team Rocket interrupt!
WITH A SONG!
"And sunshine makes it double coz we're here to wreck the plaaaace!" sings James.
"A moon of smelly cheese to cause the world's devastaaaation!"
"A sunny and awful day for all the peoples within our nation!"
"To denounce by the light of the silvery moon, the evils of truth and loooove!"
"To extend our reach to the BOWELS of flaming gas from up above!"
"JESSE, THE MOON MAID!" warbles Jesse.
"JAMES, THE SUN DUDE!" adds James.
"Team Rocket blasts off into the infinite galaxy, at the speed of liiiiight!"
"Earthlings everywhere surrender your pitiful planet to us now or prepare, prepare for a FIIIIIIIGHT!"
"MEOWTH DAT'S RIIIIIGHT!"
Oh.
My.
God.
This amazing... incredible.... BIZARRE situation just gets weirder as the hole in the roof is made larger as Meowth - piloting a giant football-esque robot that was presumably the subject of his online auction - smashes through it, destroying several of the gym "planets" to peer through. Jesse and James - back in uniform - have somehow got into the cockpit with Meowth, where he reveals to the twerps, Liza and Tate that this robot was designed specifically to catch Solrock and Lunatone, and is called the Globo-Robo-Extendo-Arm-Green-Meanie-Cage-Claw!
Jesse and James look less than impressed with the name.
Liza and Tate are more annoyed that there is a hole in their Gym Roof as their Dad will be pissed, and tell Lunatone and Solrock to... attack the robot they've just been told was specifically designed to capture Lunatone and Solrock.
Team Rocket themselves thank them for being so stupid.
Both Pokémon try to blast out of the cages they are promptly caught up in out of the robot's palm, the extendo arms retracting and closing the fist over the cages before the robot turns and cheeses it out of there.
Smart!
They rush the robot to where the balloon was "parked" (hanging in midair beside the edge of a cliff) and are scooped up by an extendable arm from the basket and float away, just out of reach of Pikachu's Thunderbolt. Team Rocket weep with joy to have finally gotten away with lying, cheating and stealing.... until Ash reminds them that he has more than one Pokémon and has Swellow fly Pikachu within range and blast the fuck out of the Robot... which promptly falls apart!
A nervous Meowth reluctantly tells Jesse and James that all the extras that came with the robot were deluxe - but the actual body of the robot itself is strictly economy class. The hand holding Solrock and Lunatone cages breaks open and leaves the two Pokémon free to fight.
Liza and Tate agree to work together like a team and in synch (oh that's how you do it... you just say you're going to do it!) and then in a horrific act of murder they CRUSH THE ROBOT TO NOTHING WHILE TEAM ROCKET ARE STILL INSIDE!
That's... horrible!
"Luckily" for Team Rocket, the robot explodes and sends them blasting off again, saving their lives by just doing gross physical injury to them instead.
Ash apologises to Liza and Tate for Team Rocket interrupting their match and they tell him it isn't his fault (well of course it isn't!) but they can't continue the match as the Gym has been wrecked. But Mrs. Commander Jim tells them not to be silly, the match can take place RIGHT there and still count as an official Gym Battle, and so the fight is still on!
HEY TRAINERS! WHICH OF THESE IS NOT A PURE FIGHTING TYPE? MAKUHITA, BLAZIKEN OR MACHAMP!?! IF YOU SAID BLAZIKEN... NO SHIT, MOTHERFUCKER IS ON FIRE!
So the battle is back on, Pikachu and Swellow vs Lunatone and Solrock at the edge of a cliff overlooking the sea. Lunatone protects Solrock and reflects Thunderbolt with Light Screen, and Swellow zooms in Aerial Ace, but Solrock fucks things up with Sandstorm to protect Lunatone, blowing Swellow back into the rock, and Brock warns that Liza and Tate are back in synch now.
Ash realises that independent attacks aren't going to do it and replays his tactics against Team Rocket by having Pikachu ride on Swellow's back. They saw the same thing themselves though and just have Lunatone use Light Screen once again... with devastating results!
Swellow and Pikachu are blasted with Pikachu's Thunderbolt and..... for some reason seem absolutely fine based purely on Ash saying,"Come on guys just be okay for no reason!"
Liza and Tate can't understand why it didn't work since Swellow is a flying type, not knowing that it is also a drunken Scotsman type who gets angrier the more it gets hit!
Swellow uses Double-Team to create a ring of illusory Swellows and Pikachus, so Lunatone and Solrock use Icebeam and Solar Beam to clear out the fakes..... ALL OF THEM!?!
Swellow and Pikachu had flown above and divebomb to strike.... but Lunatone and Solrock counter with a combination of Solar Beam and Ice Beam that hits Swellow and Pikachu directly and sends them plummeting to the ground obviously dead and.... MOTHERFUCKING DRUNKEN SCOTSMAN DON'T STOP FIGHTING TILL THEY'RE DEAD!
Swellow recovers again at the last second and pulls out of the plummet, and Ash spots his strategy, ordering a Thunder from Pikachu, telling a surprised Liza that he HOPES she uses Light Screen again. Pikachu uses Thunder not on the opponents but on the clouds overhead, and a massive blast of lightning shoots out and crashes down into Pikachu and Swellow, powering up Pikachu while Swellow's tough drunken fighting rough attitude keeps it from being knocked out. Finally the electricity clears and.... motherfuckers have THUNDER ARMOUR!
THUNDER ARMOUR! THAT'S LIKE.... THAT'S NOT EVEN A THING!
Swellow charges in with Quick Attack and Solrock uses Solar Beam which... does nothing because MOTHERFUCKING THUNDER ARMOUR so Lunatone uses Light Screen which MOTHERFUCKING THUNDER ARMOUR so they just burst through and Pikachu uses THUNDER IRON TAIL on Solrock and Swellow uses THUNDER AERIAL ACE on Lunatone and that's it they're THUNDER KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT!
ASH WINS!
Ho.... how is that even..... Ash just made shit up!
Ash hugs Swellow in delight and eats static discharge from the last of the Thunder Armour!
Swellow: Ahaha, a taste of ye own medicine, laddy!
Liza and Tate return to the Gym with the twerps to present him with the Mine Badge, telling him they were impressed by his reckless disregard for Swellow's life. They agree they'll have to work harder on their combinations to HANG ON A FUCKING SECOND HE BEAT YOU WITH BULLSHIT! HE JUST UP AND MADE UP THUNDER ARMOUR AND 9 TIMES OUT OF 10 IT WOULD HAVE JUST KILLED HIS POKEMON YOU GUYS DID NOTHING WRONG ARGGHHHHH and the twerps assure them that they're pretty good, they just didn't take into account Ash's absolute ignorance of the laws of physics bending things to his favour.
And so that is that, there is only one badge left to go. And after that? The Hoenn League!
| BEST QUOTES |
 "It's called da Globo-Robo-Extendo-Arm-Green-Meanie-Cage-Claw!" "That's got to be the worst name ever!" "Can we just call it Robot for short?"
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