369: The Scuffle of Legends
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372: Guradon Vs. Kaioga! (Kouhen)
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Shelley reports to Archie Archie takes off in his helicopter and mocks Maxie
They're horrified (why? Are they FUCKING STUPID!?!) while Lance screams out that Archie has to stop using the red orb or else it will take control of him, and gives Maxie a history lesson about how the orbs were abused by evil people in the past and made the Pokemon evil and caused an imbalance in nature and.... OH JESUS CHRIST NOBODY CARES!
As Lance argues with Maxie, Ash is worrying about Pikachu which was possessed by the blue orb in the previous episode. A shake knocks them over and Pikachu whips out the tribal tats and tears a hole in the side of the craft Lance left them in and rushes away. Lance reunites with the other twerps and Ash tells them that Pikachu just escaped, while the Magma and Aqua Grunts try and get everyone into the ruins where they will be..... less underwater.....?
Dragonite tears Ash out of the sub while Team Rocket find a submarine washed up in front of them, and Maxie spots the twerps running into the forest and sends his grunts after him. Lance flies Dragonite after Archie who HAS A GIANT FUCKING SEA MONSTER AT HIS COMMAND so it blasts at them, but fails to take into account the dramatic escape powers of a dude in a cape riding a dragon.
The Red Gyarados emerges from the water and blasts Hyper-Beam at Kyogre, which fires its own back and blasts back Gyarados' easily, while Archie roars with laughter that soon the world will be his.... and gets some bitching Tribal Tats to prove it!
Meowth asks Jesse and James to wake him up when it’s over, and James asks Jesse if they can leave now until Jesse reminds them there's still a Groudon left for them to kidnap. Inside the submarine (which apparently Team Magma and Team Aqua BOTH forgot about.... ugh they're so terrible.....) and James worries that it might piss off Kyogre but Meowth has a plan! A crazy plan!
The best KIND of plan! Team Magma/Aqua could learn a thing or two from Team Rocket!
Yes Meowth's crazy, crayon scrawled plan is for them to piss off Kyogre and cause it to make a tidal wave, which they will then SURF away from the island on inside the abandoned submarine with Groudon inside!
Oh Meowth, even in his happy fantasy he's scowling!
James thinks it's.... possible, but Jesse thinks its BRILLIANT! And then Tribal Tats Pikachu blasts the fuck out of them!
It leaps onto the submarine as Maxie and his buddy show up, and even Archie spots it from up in the sky. James tries to blast it with a bazooka net but calls out first, causing them to be blasted with electricity, and when Jesse complains to James, he shouts back,"It just didn't seem right to take it from behind!"
Wow, never thought we'd hear him say that!
And they're blasting off again!
Pikachu calls down the lightning and Ash calls for it to stop, but it brings down a HUGE bolt of power that rips through the submarine and wakes up Groudon, and that can only mean one thing.... time to find out what Totodile evolves into!
HEY TRAINERS WHAT IS THE FINAL EVOLUTION OF TOTODILE!?! IS IT SCYTHER, FERALIGATOR OR GYARADOS!?! THE ANSWER IS ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME THIS ISN'T EVEN A REAL QUESTION!
The submarine explodes open as the volcano belches smoke and explodes with lava (put a Charizard inside there and it'll FIGHT!) and then Kyogre emerges!
A blast of pure white POWER bursts out of the legendary Pokemon into the sky, parting the clouds and letting the sun shine down on the island as the lava runs down the side of the mountain and steams into the ocean. Pikachu stands atop of Kyogre's head as it roars at Groudon, which responds with a tidal wave. Max tells them they'll have to get to high ground but Brock points out this is stupid the tidal wave is too big, so Groudon Solar Beams right into the Tidal Wave and knocks it back.
Wait... what?
While Maxie finally figures out that he was mad to think he could control such power (that Archie seems to be handling quite easily), Lance tries to figure out why Groudon used Solar Beam and finally figures it out.... it wanted to save the island! It used the orb to get Pikachu to help it get out, apparently it's the good guy in this bizarre fucked up plan involving boring teams, stupid plots and lousy animation. Ash refuses to leave, telling Lance to take the others but he's staying behind for Pikachu, and Brock and Max both offer to stay as well and use their Pokemon to help..... and Max offers to stay behind too even though he has absolutely nothing to offer that is in any way helpful.
Lance has Ash ride with him while the others ride on Gyarados's back, moving to intercept the giant fuck off power fight between two legendary behemoths...... so Brock and May decide to send in Beautifly and Mudkip.
Yeah, this is going to end well.
Gyarados cheeses it and Groudon blasts a Solar Beam directly into Kyogre's face....... DIRECT SHOT!
It crashes back into the wave and - rather horrifically - the orb tears out of Archie's flesh and floats through the air, leaving him to drop and fall through the air only to be caught by Dragonite. The orb falls out of Pikachu's chest and Pikachu falls into the ocean, Ash leaping after it and grabbing it under the water only to look up and see Kyogre bearing down on them from under the water.
Archie wakes up to find himself in Shelley's arms and - thinking fast! - he moans that he "doesn't remember anything"..... hahaha, okay, maybe he's got a level of intelligence after all!
Meanwhile, Kyogre breaches the water - with Ash and Pikachu on its back!
It looks across at Groudon as Gyarados pulls up alongside Kyogre and Ash calls down that they're all right and Pikachu wakes up (so Ash was a little presumptuous when he said they were fine!) and Lance flies in to pick up Ash. They all spot the blue and red orb floating around each other, absorbing into one and then breaking up into dust that is lost in the wind. Groudon turns and disappears into the smoke of the volcano, and Kyogre heads down into the dark trenches deep beneath the ocean, leaving behind the twerps, Lance.... and Team Aqua and Team Magma!
A short time later, Max realises that the lava has cooled and created "more land", and Lance says this is the key to the old prophecy that Groudon and Kyogre would "make a new world", and reminds them that nature will not tolerate any attempts to control it. And so they look out over the setting sun and the ocean, enjoying the serenity and WHAT THE FUCK!?!?! WHAT ABOUT TEAM MAGMA AND TEAM AQUA THEY JUST FUCKING DISAPPEARED WAY TO GO LANCE, G-MAN? MORE LIKE DUMB MAN! JESUS FUCK ALL THAT BUILD AND BULLSHIT FOR ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING!?!
Oh well, at least that's behind us now, with any luck this is the last we have seen, or will ever see, of either of these stupid, pointless, boring, masturbatory teams from now until the ending of the world.
Amen.
| BEST QUOTES |
 "It just didn't seem right to take it from behind!" |
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