354: Unfair Weather Friends
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357: O-Tenki Kenkyuujo no Powarun!
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Eeek, oh weather Gods, you're no friends of the twerps! Who needs such....
They run through the rain, straight towards a tree because that's exactly where you should do in a thunderstorm, because lightning hates hitting tall high objects. It is Ash who suggests it, of course, but surprisingly Brock agrees, and it is only by a stroke of luck that the lightning strikes BEFORE they get there, sparing them a screaming electrocution (except for Ash, who is used to getting blasted by Thunder by now thanks to Pikachu and a childhood spent poking power sockets with forks). Suddenly the rain changes to snow, confusing the twerps even further, until they hear a noise and look up to see an odd purplish/pink orb floating towards them, black eyes and a small mouth, it's orb-like body surrounded in a fluffy cloud-like "coat" with a halo-like top. It's Castform, a Pokemon that changes shape and appearance based on the weather in order to protect its tiny body. It looks at the twerps and speaks its own name, and Ash figures that it wants them to follow. May isn't so sure, not really wanting to take her thin top into such cold weather, knowing that WB won't be too pleased with having to throw a black bar over her chest. But Brock decides it is a good idea (well, he would) and they start following the Castform... when suddenly the weather turns nice again. Castform immediately shifts back into a sunny-form, its skin turning white, the cloudy "coat" disappearing to reveal a shape under its little orb-like head that could either be feet or a very disturbing set of boobs.
Two Scientists - a man and a woman - show up, Castform landing on the man's shoulder, a small Jinx sitting on the woman's. The man apologises, explaining that the sudden shifts in weather are a result of their experiments, which shocks all of the twerps except for Brock, who isn't so much interested in the potential catastrophic effects of their meddling into God's cruel and indifferent design, nor the deadly blackmail potential such a doomsday device could have in the hands of someone like Giovanni.
No, he's interested in the chick!
He rushes up to her and May sighs that this is Max's cue, but when he approaches to grab Brock's ear, he is taken aback to see Brock has stopped himself, staring in confusion at the female scientist and muttering that something has knocked his charisma off.
Oh shit, she's got a cock!
The male introduces himself as Bart, Chief Scientist of the local Weather Institute, and the woman as Milly. The twerps all introduce themselves, and then Bart invites them to the Institute for rest.
Meanwhile, elsewhere in the forest, Team Rocket have been buried in a thick blanket of snow. They burst their heads out, complaining of being caught in Three Seasons In One Day (and thus narrowly avoiding a lawsuit by Crowded House). Meowth moans that the snow isn't so bad, getting a look on his face like he's just let his bladder go and is LOVING IT. He begins to fall unconscious, and Jesse grabs him, shaking him angrily and telling him not to fall asleep, James telling him that one snore in this snowstorm will be "all ya get!", which promptly sees Wobbuffet pop out of its Pokeball, happily shouting its own name as James yells, "NO! ALL YA GET!", while the camera moves up to reveal one little snowcloud amongst a summer's day snowing down on them.
The twerps arrive at the Weather Institute, passing over a small bridge over a river to the Institute, outside of which sits a large satellite dish that they use to control the weather.... AND SOON HOLD THE WORLD TO HOSTAGE! MWAHAHAHAHA!
Milly takes the twerps for a tour, leaving behind Bart who stares dreamily after her, saying to another scientist that she hasn't been here long, but she's already a great asset to the team. The other scientist agrees, sure she might not have the tightest grasp of calculus, but she sure has a nice ass!
Team Rocket sneak up on the Institute, wearing hot compresses on their head to stave off the cold from the snow. Even they can see the immediate appeal in a weather controlling device for the Boss, and we're not treated to the usual Patented Crazy Meowth Giovanni Fantasy since this is an entirely reasonable concept.
Less reasonable, however, is exactly HOW they intend to get the satellite dish from here to there.... but James figures they'll just improvise, and Jesse adds to the plan by noting that this time they should succeed instead of fail! They're suddenly distracted by something flying overhead towards the institute.
The twerps spot the same thing from inside the Institute on their cameras, but what is it? A helicopter? And who is... oh.... oh crap.
It's Team fucking Aqua, well so much for this being an exciting episode.
Onboard, the stupid boring leader of the stupid boring team with the stupid boring plan that is stupid and boring calls for her team to leap out of the helicopter on ropes and rappel down amongst the scientists, and you just know they're going to make their oh so cool and mysterious, "We have a secret plan we're not going to go into any detail about ooooh isn't it cool and mysterious? Don't you want to know more we won't say but we will be all, "WE MEET AGAIN MY OLD RIVAL!" to any Team Magma members we meet to make it look like we have some big complex Machiavellian story beneath the entire series when really we just FUCKING SUCK!" speeches.
The scientists are grabbed in tight restraining collars, and two Crawdaunt called out to guard the scientists. Up above the institute, Team Rocket watch on, recognising the team and correctly figuring the best reaction to this lame-ass Giovanni-wannabes is to just leg it. They turn to leave, and find themselves confronted by several Aqua Grunts, who demand to know who they are.
"Prepare for trouble you're in for a treat!" grins Jesse.
"Make it double, it's high time we meet!" smirks James.
"DERE'S A TIME FOR SELF PROMOTION BUT DIS AIN'T IT!" screams Meowth angrily.
"Oh come on Meowth, where's your sense of drama?" asks James, who, after all, is an Rrrr-teeeest!
"To protect the world from devastation," continues Jesse.
"To unite all peoples within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"Jesse."
"James."
"Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of..... light."
"Surrender now or prepare to fight, fight, and fight!"
"Meowth! Dat's right!"
"WOBBUFFET!" agrees Wobbuffet.
And then Team Rocket is captured.
They're taken to the boring Captain of boring Team Aqua, Jesse angrily snapping that they have rights and will make them pay.... once they get out. Meowth asks if she actually has a plan, and she tells Meowth and James to let all the air out of their bodies. James tries, and much to the horror of the scientists and in violation of all the laws of physics and biology.... it works!
The ring falls away, and a delighted Jesse and Meowth follow suit in disturbing fashion, Jesse turning into something that looks like it would be bought in a particular type of shop in a back alley in Japan.
They dance about in delight, and Jesse tells Team Aqua that NOW they can start regretting, demanding the machine be given to them. The boring Captain of boring Team Boring Aqua smirks because OH GOD SHE'S SO COOL AND COLLECTED AND COMPETENT WOW SHE SURE IS A GREAT RECURRING VILLAIN I HOPE WE GET TO SEE MORE OF HER EVIL (BUT COOL) ADVENTURES! and tells one of her lackeys to power up the machine. He does so, causing thick stormclouds to form, and the scientists hit the deck in a panic, while a flummoxed Team Rocket just stands around looking confused.
Lightning strikes Team Rocket and puts them out for the count, while inside the institute that the SO-CALLED AWESOME FUCKING TEAM AQUA WHO ARE SO FUCKING AMAZINGLY GREAT AT BEING EVIL FORGOT TO FUCKING CHECK TO LOOK FOR STRAY FUCKING SCIENTISTS OR VISITORS the twerps are watching everything on security cameras. They figure that Team Aqua is probably here to steal the Weather Machine, and Milly doesn't seem best pleased with the idea.
The Captain snaps at one of her underlings to find information in the computer database for the Weather Station on ancient Pokemon, and Bart is confused, why they don't have any information in their database on Ancient Pokemon at all. Nope, not a bit, not even a tiny bit of information on any ancient Pokemon at all, none, nada, zip, zero.
Oh, hang on a second, unless they mean all the information about the legendary ancient Pokemon Kyogre and Groudon which they have a ton of information on.
Wow, Bart really used his science to deduce that one.
Captain Shelley tells him he's being too nosy, until she learns that they need an access card. They demand Bart hand it over, but he gives it to Castform and tells it to cheese it and find Milly, who is a low level female scientist underling and thus the best person to give a high level security clearance card to. The two Crawdaunts blast at it, but the sun comes out from behind the cloud and fire it back up, and it slaps the two surly Pokemon in the face with fireballs and then hauls ass out of there and into the Weather Institute's air duct.
Watching from inside, Milly and the twerps decide to do something about it! Ash declares it's time to do something and starts running... until May asks where he's actually intending to go and he screeches to a stop, legs slipping out from under him and leaving him to crash into the floor with a squawk.
Milly tells him the air ducts all connect to this room, so Castform will probably come straight to them. Just then, two Aqua Grunts enter the room and look around with a cursory glance and then decide the small Pokemon obviously isn't in any of the many hidey-holes in the rooms and prepare to leave... until it pops out of a nearby air duct. Milly calls it up to her on the second level and grabs the access card, declaring it is now "safe and sound" despite the two Aqua grunts beneath them and their pissed off Crawdaunt.
Ash tells the others to go while he and Pikachu hold off the Aquas. Pikachu blasts them with Thunderbolt and puts them all down, despite the fact that the last Aqua Crawdaunt they faced was able to throw down with pretty much every Pokemon in the world and win.
[b][i]HEY TRAINERS! WHICH OF THESE POKEMON EVOLVES INTO WEEZING? CASCOON, MUK OR KOFFING? THE ANSWER IS FUCK YOU DON'T RUB IT IN OUR FACES KOFFING SHOULDN'T EVER HAVE EVOLVED OH GOD YOU DIDN'T EVEN GET ITS VOICE RIGHT DAMN YOU ALL I'LL HAVE MY REVENGE![/b][/i]
Inside the air ducts, the twerps watch the Aqua Grunts running about, and Milly says they'll head to the main computer room and use the access card to remove the information from the computers. They leave the ducts and head up the corridor, Max spotting two Aqua Grunts and warning the others. They listen in as the grunts report back to Captain Shelley, who informs them that their scans indicate that Castform is in there somewhere.
Hang on... what? What kind of sensor tells you that something is in a building but not where? What fucking use is that?
Brock notes that Shelley didn't seem to know Castform was with them, so whatever Ash did worked. Milly then comes up with a plan, having her Ditto transform into Castform and lead the Grunts away, straight into Ash who has no idea what is going on and grabs it up, running away. Back in the Computer Room, Milly downloads the data to a floppy disc, because apparently this society filled with teleporters, massively compressed storage orbs for transporting animals, lasers, robots and weather machines.... they still use technology from the 1980s. May asks what the info is about and Milly explains it is on Kyogre and Groudon, which shocks Max but leaves May confused.... who the hell are Kyogre and Groudon.
Fucking monsters is what they are!
They're mythical Pokemon (in other words, they might just be made up), Groudon the lava monster that lifted the sky while Kyogre was a watery monster that expanded the sea. May doesn't know why information about such Godlike power would be of interest to an evil criminal organisation, but Milly doesn't answer that, because she's downloaded the data and deleted the originals. They leave the Computer Room and run straight into Ash, knocking both Castforms over, and revealing one to be Ditto... the one with the access card..... which means Milly was able to access the Computer Room and the files without the access card, huh?
May snaps at Ash for ruining their distraction and bringing the Aqua Grunts right back to them, but it wasn't like he actually knew what was going on (he wouldn't have known at the best of times, but in this case he actually has an argument! The Aqua Grunts show up and Ash calls out Torkoal to keep them at bay, blasting smoke out of its nose to cover their escape.
They leave the Weather Centre and find themselves face to face with Team Aqua and the Captive Scientists (and Team Rocket). Captain Shelley demands the handover of the Access Card but Ash refuses (even though they don't need it anymore) so she has one of her grunts fire up the machine and hit Team Rocket with lightning, sending them blasting off again..... and Ash is confused, when did Team Rocket get there?
Shelley's breasts warn the twerps that this is only the beginning, she could use a blizzard to freeze them, or bring in a few hundred torpedoes. The Scientists tell Milly to hold onto the access card and Milly growls in frustration, saying she can't just leave. Shelley says she assumes that Milly isn't going to hand over the card and tells her grunt to prepare to punish the scientists using the weather machine, but Milly shouts out that she will give them the access card, which shocks and horrifies the twerps even thought THEY'VE USED THE CARD ALREADY AND DON'T NEED IT ANYMORE AND IT'S USELESS ANYWAY BECAUSE SHE DELETED ALL THE FUCKING DATA ON THE COMPUTER!
She passes over the card and Bart drops to his knees, saying he can't believe she'd do that for them. The Aqua Grunt looks through the computer files, then gasps in shock, the folder is still there but the files are gone! And apparently he can't check the Recycle Bin! Shelley is furious, do they think this is a game? Ash apparently does, saying they've now won (he hasn't considered the implications of what a pissed off DIFFERENT evil organisation might do to him once he's fucked with them), and then Milly claims that, actually, SHE won! Suddenly she rushes away, leaping up the weather control tower with surprising agility, reaching the top and declaring she plans to keep the data for herself, the Ditto on her shoulder gaining a malevolent look as she grabs at her clothes and tears them off to reveal......
DUDE LOOKS LIKE A LADY!
Woah, she really did have a cock!
Everyone is pretty much completely fucking gobsmacked, apparently this is a Team Magma (yes, sigh, them) operative known as the Man of 1000 Faces, and also by the name Brody...... and also he has a stupid orange streak in his hair.... and how the hell did he change his body structure and muscle tone and COCK AND BALLS!?!?
Max turns to Brock and says he guesses this is why he wasn't drooling all over Milly earlier, what with the hairy schlong and lack of uterus and all. Meanwhile, Brody and Shelley continue their boring ass shitty OH HO HO WE'RE SO INTERESTING AND INVOLVED IN SUCH A BIG CONSPIRACY AND BLAH BLAH BLAH crap.
The Crawdaunts try to grab the disc, but Ditto transforms into Crawdaunt itself and fights back with its own Bubblebeam before Crabhammering the shit out May's Combusken when she tries to help out... someone or anyone or something. Brody bursts into laughter and fires off his jetpack to blast off, while Shelley proclaims she let him win and orders her Grunts to take off..... leaving behind a very confused Bart.
No not confused over how stupid and shitty and boring and uninteresting Team Magma and Aqua and their dumb ass conspiracy shit is, but over the fact he thought Milly was a Scientist AND a good friend.... not to mention a chick! But then a stranger approaches.... Milly! Bart is surprised when she says she has come to work at the Weather Institute, and Ash shouts angrily at her, demanding "Brody" tell them what he's doing there, shaking his fist as if he plans to deck her. But Brock's senses are working overtime, something deep inside of him telling him this is the real Milly (by deep inside, we mean his pants, and by something, we mean penis). Max grabs him by the coat and drags him away and May explains to Ash this is a real girl, and Milly asks Bart what she wants him to do. Apparently they STILL have data on the ancient Pokemon to be transferred to the computer, there was a ton more waiting to still be transferred to the computers..... yep, a ton of information ancient Pokemon, like the ones that Shelley mentioned that confused Bart because they didn't have any information on ancient Pokemon except for the big room stuffed full of boxes and papers and books. All this information has to be transferred to the computers, and Milly says she'll be happy to get started, and Bart says he'll be eager to help out. May grins that she has a good feeling about those two, and Brock says he'll need an umbrella for the rain of tears he's about to cry from not being able to get it on with a chick he only just met but thought he'd met before only it turned out to be a guy. Ash declares it's time to go out there and get himself another badge, and all of them happily head off on their way, apparently deciding to just put the entire confusing mess of a day behind them..... because no one knows what the fuck was going on with Team Magma and Team Aqua.
More importantly.... nobody cares.
But we do care about Team Rocket, and the episode ends with them trudging through snow, Jesse protecting her chilled nipples from view with her arms as Meowth moans they're going to freeze to death.... which is where the episode ends, with Team Rocket stranded in a blizzard and facing imminent death.
Now THAT is cold.
| BEST QUOTES |
 "One snore in this snowstorm and that'll be all ya get!" "WOBBUFFET!""No, all ya get!""WOBBUFFET!""ALL YA GET!" "DERE'S A TIME FOR SELF PROMOTION BUT DIS AIN'T IT!""Oh come on Meowth, where's your sense of drama?"
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