350: Pearls Are A Spoinks Best Friend
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353: Pokemon Kontesuto! Ruibosu daikai!
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Oh, we appear to have walked into the middle of a fanfic.
But no, GETCHA MINDS OUTTA DA GUTTA, Gentle Dodgers, Team Rocket are in fact squeezed into a phone booth trying to put through a call to Giovanni. He appears on the screen and demands to know what progress they have to report.... and they tell him none, but they didn't want to tell him that late. He's outraged and demands to know what happened to the base they were going to build him, and they explain they did make a base, and a great one... but it kind of.... got destroyed.
By the way Gentle Dodgers, perhaps more important than anything else to note is that neither Jesse, James nor Meowth called Giovanni or dialled his number... he just.... KNEW they were calling.
Creepy.
Giovanni growls that he's been bankrolling them all this time (So that explains where there money has been coming from) without results, perhaps it is time to bring in the "A Team"?
Holy shit, B.A Baracus!?!?!
No, he means Butch and Cassidy, and Team Rocket insist in horror that they can do it. He growls at them to make sure they do, and then Persian appears in the monitor shaking its tongue at a horrified Meowth, who actually BITES the monitor after the call has been disconnected. Well it is clear that Team Rocket are on the edge now, and they all insist bravely that it is time to turn over a new leaf and become an all new Team Rocket and show Giovanni that they ARE the A-Team! Wobbuffet pops out of the Pokeball to agree bravely, causing the stretched booth to pop open under the stress.
To be honest though, it's Giovanni's own fault for bankrolling Jesse, James and Meowth, tantamount to casting pearls before swine. But you know what they say....
The next day, the twerps are preparing for a breakfast at a lakeside stony shore, Brock preparing a meal while May, Max and Ash brush their teeth by the riverside. Sudden rustling in the bushes causes Skitty to rush in to investigate, then rush out in panic to leap into May's arms, followed shortly after by a balloon-pig like Spoink, a grey no-legged springy-tailed Pokemon that normally has a pearl on the top of its head... but this time doesn't, it's lost it!
Torkoal bursts into tears to hear that the pearl is missing, and the twerps insist that they'll help find the missing pearl. They follow the Spoink into the bushes, and it leads them to a cliffside and mimes to them that it was sleeping, woke up and dropped its pearl over the side of the cliff. They make their way down and Brock calls out Mudkip to help find it, and then they all seperate to search. Max, Torkoal and Spoink quickly discover something round and pink in the bushes, and Spoink uses Psychic to lift it up onto its head and grin with relief.... only for the other twerps to arrive and note that the "pearl" looks a little bigger than they expected. Spoink turns around and they discover a very confused looking Igglybuff sitting on its head, and then a young girl leaps out of the bushes delighted to have found her Igglybuff.... and Spoink promptly bounces away on its tail, causing her to burst into tears.
Knowing he has to stop it immediately, Brock uses the one thing he knows will halt anyone - man or woman - from coming closer, and throws his crotch into the way of Spoink's path, causing it to stop as Max grabs the Igglybuff off of it's head.
Later on, the sad Spoink bounces along with the bemused twerps, and then a Voltorb rolls into its path. Immediately it glows with psychic once more and pops the irritated looking Pokemon onto its head as its trainer rushes up confused, and the twerps charge in horror, fearing the explosive consequences if they don't act soon.
They are.... too late.
They continue on again pointing out that whenever it sees something round it wants to put it onto its head (May should keep her chest covered up) and then spot an Electrode, and immediately Spoink pops it onto its head and the enraged Pokemon explodes as the twerps again rush too late to the rescue. They're sent flying by the explosion, and a short time later all sit dejected in a huddle wondering what to do when Mudkip finally spots the pearl sitting in the grass. Spoink grabs it and settles it onto its head and it immediately relieved, and then starts bouncing happily away, causing Torkoal to burst into tears. May tries to give it solace by telling it to imagine if Spoink hadn't found the pearl, and it bursts into even more tears.... and then everyone falls down a hole!
"Prepare for trouble, that's the name of our game!" laughs Jesse in response to Ash's anger at being in yet ANOTHER of these holes.
"Make it double it's our claim to fame!"
"To protect the world from devastation."
"To unite all peoples within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"Jesse."
"James."
"Team Rocket blasting off at the super speed of light."
"Surrender now or prepare to fight, fight, fight!"
"Meowth! Dat's right!"
"WOBBBBBBBBUFFET!"
Team Rocket insist they're a brand new Team Rocket, fresh faced and bold, and then Jesse snips a rope holding a rock that drops as a weight and lifts the twerps up in a net... and Ash calls out Corphish which cuts them all down. As they fall, the pearl drops off of Spoink's head and into Meowth's surprised arms, and Jesse calls out Seviper while Cacnea grinds itself into James' neck lovingly and painfully, and he moans that they're doing things differently now!
Corphish makes short work of both Pokemon, however, dodging a Wrap from Seviper and blasting it and Cacnea back into Team Rocket with the aid of Mudkip. Team Rocket are sent flying, and Jesse almost lets loose with inappropriate language.
"FRESH START MY..... EYE!" she roars angrily.
"You're right, it's just the same old song and dance," moans James, and then Meowth offers them another golden oldie and they all cry out that they're blasting off again.
But as the twerps celebrate (Corphish at the centrepiece enjoying being the centre of attention), Max notices that Spoink has lost its pearl again, and they realise it had blasted off with Team Rocket.
Speaking of which, they crash into the ground and stagger to their feet, Jesse and James ignoring their unconscious and possibly crippled Seviper and Cacnea as they notice the pearl and Jesse declares she must have it. James identifies it as a Spoink's pearl but she insists that it will look better around her neck, and when he points out that it isn't hers, she laughs finders/keepers.
But Meowth has a better idea (or at least a more insane one), they'll give it to The Boss! He'll look great showing off that pearl on a ring on his finger! But this time, James is having none of the patented Crazy Meowth Giovanni Fantasy, noting that he wouldn't have the arm strength to lift a ring with a pearl that size. Meowth considers for a moment and acquieses, but bounces back with lunatic conviction, declaring that Giovanni would wear it in a crown on his head, along with a cape as he made the royal proclamation that Meowth "and friends" truly understand how to please him!
"AHHHH OOOOOH EEEEEHEHEHEHEHE," giggles Meowth, completely ignoring James and Jesse's continued conversation as he closes his eyes tights and imagines more fantasy Giovanni doing things that could never be shown in a "kid's show". James still isn't convinced, but Jesse has decided this is a good concept, because if Giovanni decides he doesn't want the pearl, surely he'll let her have it!
But all their fantasies are broken up by the sudden arrival of the twerps, who (unfairly and without basis) accuse them of stealing the pearl from Spoink. Jesse however begs to differ.
"How about a pearl of wisdom!" snaps Jesse angrily, and then instead of offering one, screams, "RUN!"
They take off, chased by the twerps as they call their Pokemon back into their Pokeballs. They charge into a random carnival that just happened to be nearby and lose themselves in the crowd, the twerps following and wondering how the hell they're going to find them amongst all of the people.
HEY TRAINERS, WHICH OF THESE IS BEST TO FIGHT ELECTABUZZ? STEELIX, CACNEA OR SHIFTRY? YOU MIGHT HAVE THOUGHT IT WAS SHIFTRY, BUT NO, IT'S STEELIX, BECAUSE WE'RE LOOKING TO FIGHT ELECTABUZZ, NOT RAPE IT!
The twerps look about for Team Rocket amongst all of the crowds and entertainers, and Spoink spots a juggler and instantly psychics his balls (oh dear) onto its head, which isn't something done in public, even amongst carnies!
Next a psychic is the victim of psychic (ha! guess she didn't see that one coming!) as her crystal ball is lifted away, and as Brock grabs it back, May tells it that they'll find its pearl, but first it has to calm down.
Meanwhile, Team Rocket are also taking in the sights of the carnival, James making an odd, "OOooooh" noise when he spots a muscular, brawny bearded man shattering bonds he has placed himself into.
Well okay, so now we know how James' tastes run!
Meowth notes that they have plenty of "Rrrrteests!" here (it takes an RRteest to know one!) while Jesse declares that she wants to live the actor's life once more.... and then the totally unexpected happens.
The return of the Mexican Magikarp Salesman!
Yes, Mexican Magikarp Salesman is back hawking his shitty wares, tossing a "Feebas" into James' arms and asking if he wants to buy one. James is horrified, recognising him instantly and charging in to accuse him of being a thief, a jerk, an all around con-man! But Mexican Magikarp Salesman insists that he has the wrong person, and even Jesse seems only amused when James points out he is the man who sold him the Magikarp that almost got them killed several times all the way back in season one.
Mexican Magikarp Salesman asks if Jesse would be interested in buying a Feebas, and Jesse instantly remembers the Feebas that kept trying to eat her hair only a few episodes ago, and growls they're not worth any price. But he insists that she was a fool to toss a Feebas back, why if he'd been around he would have paid HER top dollar for one! They seem unconvinced, so he uses his "PokeDex" to explain things, pulling out a shitty two dollar electronics "gamesman" machine with terribly drawn graphics looping into the small window as a calm, seductive, electronic voice explains that Feebas are often overlooked, but that they evolve into Milotic, one of the most sought after Pokemon.
Jesse is enthralled by the idea, but James has absolutely had it and Meowth doesn't seem too keen either, James convinced that this time he isn't going to get scammed.
But Mexican Magikarp Salesman insists that he got his information from none other than Professor Oak! As Jesse floats around happily in the background, Mexican Magikarp Salesman insists to James and Meowth that maybe once in the past he was a bad businessman, but that has all changed and now as a father of six children all under the age of six, he wants to set a good example. We're immediately shown a shot of these so-called "children", who you can guarantee really would be "his" kids if they actually existed!
He bites back tears, insisting this is why he stopped selling Magikarp and started selling Feebas, but Jesse points out they don't really have any money... and he points out that they do have that "old" Spoink pearl. She seems unsure but he takes the decision out of her hands by quickly swapping Feebas for pearl and proclaiming they have a deal, then peering down with greedy awe at the pearl while Meowth points out that the "Feebas" seems to be a little rough around the edges. Mexican Magikarp Salesman, however, insists that this just means it is going to be the prettiest Milotic of all!
They take it to a nearby river and settle "Feebas" into the water, watching eagerly as it swims about and a yellow trail starts to linger after it (hahaha no, not that type of yellow trail) and they gasp that maybe it is about to evolve.... and then they realise all it is doing is showing its true colours, as the paint fades from the "Feebas'" body to reveal... Magikarp!
James grabs Magikarp up stares with resignation at it while Jesse flies into a rage, gouting huge bursts of flame from her mouth as she roars in fury and James signs that things could have been worse.
And that's when the twerps show up.
They demand the pearl back and James snaps that the pearl turned into a Magikarp, confusing everyone until Meowth screams the plot of the episode in 2.5 seconds, and the twerps cautiously approach, asking why they'd trade a pearl for a Feebas.... especially one that turned out to be a Magikarp? Max starts laughing that they're not very smart, aggravating Meowth who replies they would have done the same thing if they were there, and Max laughs that if he'd been there, he would have done the same thing. Team Rocket yell that they have a slimy salesman to find and rush off, while the twerps set off to find him as well.
As they all look, the twerps find Mexican Magikarp Salesman first and Ash and Brock decide to deal with him, Brock heading off to the side and getting Mudkip to use a light Watergun on the Feebas to wash away its paint, revealing the Magikarp underneath. Realising the jig is up, Mexican Magikarp Salesman shoves the Magikarp into a sack and tries to run away, only to be stopped short once more by the magnificent repelling power of Brock's crotch.
They demand the pearl back and he insists that he doesn't know anything about it, and then a smokebomb drops down and throws up a cloud before Team Rocket appear. James tosses the Magikarp back into Mexican Magikarp Salesman's arms and Spoink seems enraptured, using Psychic to lift Magikarp up and... put it onto its head.
Okay, things are just getting weird now.
"Now you're taking things a little too far," sighs Ash.
Spoink suddenly collapses on its side and May and Max are concerned it is getting sick, and Ash grabs Mexican Magikarp Salesman's sack...
!
...and insists that he "give it up".
!!
The sack tears....
!!!
.... and the pearl bounces out to Team Rocket, who refuse to give it back, Jesse insisting that all is fair in love and pearls. Team Rocket and the twerps' Pokemon battle it out back and forth, Mexican Magikarp Salesman grabbing his stuff and sneaking off in the chaos, while Torkoal goes apeshit with Overheat and blasts Team Rocket backwards, dropping the pearl which bounces over to Max. Max grabs it and puts it onto Spoink's head and it instantly leaps up well again, glowing blue with Psychic and then blasting Cacnea and Dustox with Confusion, then lifting up all of Team Rocket and sending them blasting off.... in blue!
The twerps congratulate Spoink, then notice that Mexican Magikarp Salesman managed to cheese it in the confusion, and figure he's used to having to make quick getaways. As the sun sets, they decide that the Pokemon they spent all this time helping and that turned out to be extremely powerful should go its seperate way to them, and they all head off.
Ahhh well, it would have probably ended up wearing them all on its head anyway.
| BEST QUOTES |
 "FRESH START MY..... EYE!" "AHHHH OOOOOH EEEEEHEHEHEHEHE!"
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