343: The Bicker The Better
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346: Taggu Batoru! Satoshi versus Haruka!?
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Ash rushes to her room where she is happily packing her bag and snaps at her they have to get going, and begins shoving her down the corridor when she spots a mirror and stops to check herself out. Ash stumbles to the floor and then leaps up to yell at her, and she replies that when you see a mirror, you HAVE to stop and check yourself out. But Ash doesn't, and May is shocked, looking closely at him as she asks how he can't stop to check out his clothes or his hair, and he roars that he's not a girl, he's a boy!
Clearly miffed, May retorts that he is SOOOOO yesterday, nowadays men want to look good too, and as Ash's face grows redder and redder he roars angrily that he'll think about checking himself out in the mirror at some point in the future, but for now, they HAVE TO GO!
She angrily agrees, and together they head off....
May storms on grumbling about the nerve of someone yelling at a girl just because she's looking at herself in a mirror, while Ash grumbles about the nerve of holding up everyone just to look at yourself in a mirror. May overhears him and demands to know what his problem is, and he retorts that it's pretty obvious what his problem is, and as the two stand roaring at each other, Brock and Max exchange sighs, wishing they'd just get over it all ready.
Suddenly two voices call out to the two "lovebirds", and everyone turns to see a couple dressed up like a Prince and Princess, but no it's not Team Rocket! A man with terrible shaggy green hair and a woman in a pretty dress that gets Brock's heart pumping introduce themselves as Oscar and Andy and proclaim that since Ash and May are so clearly in love, they have a (non-sexual) proposition for them.
The woman grunts and strains as she gives birth to the brand new child, her husband gasping in delight as the Doctor lifts the child up and cuts away the umbilical cord, and says to them, "Congratulations, it's a brand new AAML!"
"Us.... in love?" grunt Ash and May together.
"HA! That's a laugh!" snaps Ash, turning his back on May.
"Har-de-har har," snaps May, turning her back on Ash.
"Oh," says the Doctor, looking closer, "I'm terribly sorry, it appears this baby is stillborn."
But Oscar and Andy aren't hearing any of it, proclaiming that young love often shows itself in the form of silly arguments. When Ash and May respond that it simply isn't so, they do so together, and the clearly love-stupid Oscar and Andy clasp hands together and giggle that they even answered together, this proves it!
Ash and May peer at each other uncertainly, they know they definitely DON'T love each other, so what the hell are these two talking about? Max, meanwhile, is more interested in watching Brock as he floats about with love in his eyes, proving that love really is blind, as he ignores Oscar and Andy's clear infatuation with each other and focuses purely on Andy herself. And then Ash becomes blind to all else as well, when Oscar and Andy say that as a pair of lovebirds themselves, they want to challenge the two of them to a Pokemon Battle, and suddenly Ash is all for it!
They cry out that this isn't just ANY Pokemon Battle, but one that will test the limits of a couples love, a Pokemon Tag Battle! All Ash hears, however, is, "blah blah blah test the limits blad blah blah, a Pokemon Tag Battle!"
"May, wanna do it!?!" cries Ash.
"I... guess so," replies May, which is about the best way any girl could ever answer to that question from a guy.
Andy and Oscar explain the rules, and then Brock slides in before Andy, telling her with delight, "I'm a young heartthrob and humble breeder!" before offering himself as a Judge to the clearly startled Andy, and then Max drags him away before they continue on to a clearing to battle.
Oscar calls out a Nidoking, and of course Andy calls out a Nidoqueen, meaning their Pokemon are as much of a couple as their Trainers. Ash calls out Corphish to counter the Ground Types, and May starts pondering, going over all of the various choices she has as a desperate to fight Ash gets more and more enraged, demanding she make a decision TODAY!
She shouts back she'd like to make the right choice, then thrusts her boobs out and calls out Skitty. Ash uses Bubblebeam and Skitty uses Assist right to start off, and it turns into Ember! Corphish's Bubblebeam is evaporated before it can hit Nidoking by Ember, and a wide-eyed Corphish turns on Skitty which turns innocently to look at him and blasts it right in the face with Ember!
Ash yells at May and she snaps back that it is Corphish that is getting in the way, and then Oscar and Andy have Nidoking and Nidoqueen hit a double Dynamic Punch right onto their opponents. Ash tells Corphish to try another Bubblebeam and May calls for Blizzard.... and Skitty blasts Corphish right in the back with the icy blast!
May tells Skitty to use Assist and it wraps up the ice-blocked Corphish with Stringshot! Max warns her that even Skitty doesn't know what Assist will cause, and then Skitty tries again and uses Silver Wing and cuts down the block of ice into a Corphish-shaped Ice Sculpture.... and Oscar and Andy gasp in delight, Andy proclaiming that they're so sure they're going to win they're presenting them with an ice sculpture.... much to Ash's horror!
May calls AGAIN for Assist, and this time Ember comes out and melts the ice around Corphish.... and then burns up Corphish as well... and it's had enough!
It chases Skitty angrily about, and May roars at Ash to do something, and he roars back that Skitty attacked Corphish, and she snaps back that Corphish got in his way. As they roar back at each other, Oscar and Andy form a heart with their hands, laughing that it is so clear how much more powerful their love for each other is than Ash and May's, so it is time to end this, and they have Nidoking and Nidoqueen use a double-Submission roll to knock out Corphish and Skitty before they and their trainers all run off giggling hand in hand.
For two heterosexual (human and Pokemon respectively) couples..... that sure was gay!
Ash and May roar back that they're neither a couple nor a happy as their opponents run away.
Meanwhile, deeper in the forest, Team Rocket are sitting together bemoaning their complete lack of progress in any field of endeavour whatsoever. As they moan that their dreams of becoming stinking rich are going to just leave them stinking, Andy and Oscar show up and proclaim that since they're clearly a couple in love...
The Corpse of Rocketshipping lies still and forgotten, and does not move. It knows now, finally, that no matter how brazen the setup, it will never have what it wants. It rests in a fitful, despairing peace.
...they'd like to challenge them.
"Who are you calling a couple!" cries James, leaping crotch first up into the camera.
"And which one of da tree of us did you ignore!?!" demands Meowth.
In a happy field of flowers, Blueshippers dance happily amongst the flowers and giggle happily and do handstands and cartwheels and laugh and love and so happy ^__^
But Jesse whispers that these losers could be a goldmine, pointing out the Nidoking and Nidoqueen... maybe they WILL be rich after all!
They move to a nearby field,where Cacnea uses Needlearma dn Seviper uses Wrap. Andy and Oscar call for a double Dynamic Punch, and Team Rocket's Pokemon are sent flying, Seviper wrapping up Cacnea as Jesse angrily blames James and he reciprocates back to her, and Meowth just stares at what may be the surprised sexual union of Cacnea and Seviper.
Meowth snaps at them to get back to battling, but then the Nidoking and Nidoqueen use love to defy physics and create a heart symbol with a double Hyperbeam that sends Team Rocket blasting off again!
HEY TRAINERS, WHICH OF THESE IS THE BEST POKEMON TO FIGHT ARIADOS? RAICHU, ONYX OR BLAZIKEN? WELL YOU SHOULD CHOOSE ONYX, BECAUSE IT'S BIG AND IT GOES GA-ROOOOAR!
The twerps continue along a bank overlooking a river, Ash growling that it was a terrible battle, and May snapping that he was pretty awful. A furious Ash snaps that it was her fault and she retorts it was his, and as they argue back and forth with angry faces inside of speech bubbles, Max tells Brock he is feeling dŽ jŒ vu, and Brock grins and tells him that this type of thing has been going on between men and women for thousands of years.
Meanwhile, Jesse is furiously berating James for their terrible performance as he stomps bowlegged ahead of her blaming her and Seviper. She growls that it is HIS SIDE OF FAMILY that causes them to blast off again, and he demands she take it back.
"I'm just getting warmed up, incompetent blue haired big mouth!"
"Oh yeah, well at least I'm not ugly!" he roars back.
She growls angrily at him as he giggles that he knew that would get a reaction, and then starts singing a song to her!
"UGLY UGLY UGLY! JESSE IS SO UGLY!" he sings happily, as she slaps her hands over her ears and sings back with, "LALALALA!" trying to drown him out.
All of them continue along, not realising how close they are to each other as they shout and spit and snarl and insult each other, Ash insulting May, May insulting Ash, Jesse insulting James, James insulting Jesse, and Meowth, Max and Brock bringing up the respectively rearguards and suffering through it all.
"I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MUCH I HATE MEN!" roars Jesse.
"I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MUCH I HATE WOMEN!" roars James, at exactly the same time.
"ME TOO!" cry Ash and May together.
"What? You too?" ask Jesse and James.
"TEAM ROCKET!?!" gasp Ash and May.
Jesse rushes over to May and grabs her by the arm, telling her to come with her so they can beat the boys' pants off!
Oh my!
James rushes to Ash's side, grabbing him around the shoulders and telling him he has a proposition for him!
Oh my!
A boy on girl Pokemon Tag Battle!
They move down onto the rocks by the river and prepare to battle, Jesse telling May with their combined feminine prowess they're sure to win, and May agrees that she would like to take Ash down a peg or two. Meanwhile, James tells Ash he wants to blow those whiney women back to the dark ages where they belong, and Ash agrees!
Jesse orders a Poison Tail on Corphish and May calls for a Blizzard on Cacnea, while James tells Cacnea to use Pin Missile on Skitty while Ash warns Corphish to use Harden. Seviper strikes Corphish's shell to no avail, while Skitty and Cacnea are pushed back by each others attacks. Jesse tells Seviper to use Wrap on Cacnea, and May tells Skitty to use Assist on Corphish. James retorts by calling for a Needlearm on Seviper, while Ash tells Corphish to use Bubblebeam. Seviper is smashed in the face by Needlearm while a furious Jesse cries no no no! Skitty fires Ember against Bubblebeam, but it gets blown away and Ash mocks May. Jesse tells Seviper to Bite Corphish, but Ash tells it to dodge and use Crabhammer, and it smacks Seviper in the head.
"Oooooh, I hate men!" screams Jesse.
Cacnea blasts Skitty with Pin Missile, and Jesse has had enough! With flames in her eyes, she calls out Dustox and screams for a Whirlwind, while May calls out to her to stop and James accuses her of cheating. Ash joins in on the condemnation, and Jesse folds her arms over her chest, turns to a sweatdropping May and mutters, "Leave it to a man to care about rules!"
Brock slaps his forehead, moaning that it isn't a Tag Battle, so what is it? And Wobbuffet pops up behind him to happily agree, shocking Brock who gasps at it not to do that!
Dustox uses Pin Missile on Cacnea while Seviper uses Poison Tail on Corphish. James calls for Cacnea to use Pin Missile itself, but Dustox's Whirlwind sends the Pin Missiles raining down on Ash, James, Corphish and Cacnea, who run in terror from the attack. Corphish - caught up in Seviper's Wrap - blasts Bubblebeam wildly and almost hits Jesse, who runs to escape and steps on Skitty's Tail, causing it to use Assist wildly, which creates a blizzard! Jesse rushes behind James who gets frozen in a block of ice, and Jesse laughs that he has finally chilled out, only for Skitty to use Assist again and blast them both with Ember.
Not knowing WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON, Dustox panics and uses Psychic, while all the other Pokemon go nuts and blast their own attacks wildly, causing a true shitstorm.
Ash cries at them to knock it off and May moans this isn't what she wanted, and Brock declares enough is enough, the rules clearly state that a trainer cannot use more than one Pokemon, so Jesse and May are disqualified! Wobbuffet is pleased as punch to agree, mimicking Brock's every move as a furious Jesse growls at Brock to disqualify this! She has Dustox use Whirlwind on Brock and HER OWN POKEMON, Wobbuffet! They're sent flying backwards, while Max and Pikachu hide with Meowth behind a rock, getting a brief glimpse into Meowth's everyday life living under the insane whims of his Bitch Queen Goddess, Jesse!
But suddenly Meowth notes that Pikachu is right next to him, and realises that if he could catch it, they'll achieve all their dreams! He leaps up onto the rock and desperately tries to get Jesse and James' attention, possibly through interpretative dance as he wiggles his ass about and flings around his arms. But it's all in vain, Jesse and James are embroiled in an angry argument about the quality of James' arse!
"How many times have I saved your backside!?!" growls Jesse.
"My backside is peachy-keen, thank you!" snaps James, "But since you felt like you had to bring it up..."
Before he can make any quips about Jesse's arse, she grabs him around the neck and snaps at him to go ahead and say it if he dares, and he grits his teeth and hisses that the truth would be hazardous to his health. Meanwhile, Meowth is losing it, desperate to get their attention!
Finally they look up and somehow, unbelievably they understand his wild gyrations, and suddenly they're a team again, ordering a combination of Sandstorm and Haze to block the twerps view and grab Pikachu, then cheese it, only to be foiled by their own flair for the dramatic when Ash cries out that they're asking for trouble!
"Prepare for trouble, we're reunited!"
"Make it double, we're through with fighting!"
"To protect the world from devastation."
"To unite all peoples within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"Jesse."
"With James."
"Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light."
"Surrender now or prepare to fight, fight, fight!"
"Meowth! Dat's right!"
"WOBBUFFET!"
"DUSTOX!"
"Vbbbbbb!"
"CACNEA!"
And then they turn and cheese it again!
Pikachu tries a Thunder but the net is, of course, electricity proof! May calls for an Assist and it creates Stringshot, tripping Team Rocket! Ash turns and thanks May and she grins anytime, and then a furious Jesse orders Seviper to attack Skitty. But as it leaps ahead, Ash tells Corphish to jump in with a Bubblebeam, knocking down Seviper. May thanks Ash and he tells her no worries, while Jesse tells James it is him and her again, and he orders a Pin Missile from Cacnea. Corphish uses Harden to protect Skitty, and Skitty uses Doubleslap on Cacnea, Seviper and Dustox, then the rest of Team Rocket, allowing Pikachu to get free and a chasing Team Rocket to be hit by Blizzard from Skitty. Ash and May end things with a Tackle from Skitty and a Crabhammer from Corphish, and Team Rocket are sent blasting off again!
Pikachu rushes up to Ash he hugs it, and May walks up and asks if it is okay. He tells her it is thanks to her, and then they both apologise for screwing up earlier in the tag battle, both admitting they were showing off. Max is delighted, they're friends again!
And that's just it, Gentle Dodgers, no matter what a collection of people on the internet desperate to pair off any couple regardless of characterisation and history may think; regardless of what the bizarre Oscar and Andy proclaim; that's all they are.
Just friends.
| BEST QUOTES |
  "Us.... in love?""HA! That's a laugh!""May, wanna do it!?!""I... guess so." "Who are you calling a couple!" "And which one of da tree of us did you ignore!?!" "I'm just getting warmed up, incompetent blue haired big mouth!""Oh yeah, well at least I'm not ugly!""UGLY UGLY UGLY! JESSE IS SO UGLY!""I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MUCH I HATE WOMEN!""Oooooh, I hate men!""How many times have I saved your backside!?!""My backside is peachy-keen, thank you!"
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